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Discussion Starter #1
Hello all,

Thanks in advance for any responses. I have a friendship with a male ESTJ. I am a female INTJ.

He's invited me to events one-on-one, invited me to coffee a couple of times (I didn't go), and has tried to initiate in-person and over-the-phone conversations when we're texting. He has also given me a couple gifts.

However, he also calls me "my friend" when we're texting sometimes.
In your experience, would an ESTJ use this phrase intentionally, or could there be romantic feelings?
 

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In my experience, ESTJs don't do subtle, they usually say what they think and they mean it. The best way to find out what's on his mind is asking him directly. From what you're saying it seems that his actions and words are contradictory, I'd say that gift-giving, frequent texting etc. can be a sign of romantic interest. Calling you "friend" could be somehow passive-aggresive provocation to make you show interest. If you like him, try giving him some clear signs of interest - or, if you're not interested in him romantically, being you I'd clear that up as well.
Just keep in mind that some ESTJs can get really butthurt, I've had ESTJ hate me for 3 years because a guy she liked started dating me (when I met him I had no idea there was some other woman in the picture as well, I only found out months later) - in this situation she should have hated him, not me since I had no idea she even existed, let alone she was interested in him. So if you're not into your ESTJ guy and he's into you, be careful about your refusal.
 

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could be either I suppose. but if we're really good friends with someone we can do that too. Sounds more like a friendship, but I'd still just ask him to be safe. If he's ESTJ and it's a No, he wouldn't mind answering you.
 
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Discussion Starter #4
Thank you. This is helpful. About a year ago, he was acting more interested, more particularly focused on me. I freaked out and backed away. Then he started liking someone else and was recently rejected by them.
Now I like him and want to tell him, but I'm not sure if now is the time, considering that he was just rejected by someone.
Thoughts?
 

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Thank you. This is helpful. About a year ago, he was acting more interested, more particularly focused on me. I freaked out and backed away. Then he started liking someone else and was recently rejected by them.
Now I like him and want to tell him, but I'm not sure if now is the time, considering that he was just rejected by someone.
Thoughts?
Maybe? I think the worse answer you may get is no, I still don't like you. It's hard for me because I am asexual, but I don't usually dwell on stuff if it is a no answer.
 

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Not an ESTJ so take my words with a grain of salt but I feel like it's most likely too early to make a move. Being rejected doesn't kill romantic feelings immediately, as you know. I'd wait at least a few weeks. Maybe start trying to flirt/make him laugh in the meantime. It'll help him move past the rejection better and give you have a better chance when you DO make your move.
 
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