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Discussion Starter #1
Hi there! I am an ENFP and I find myself most attracted to INFJ men.
The INFJ men I know are all very nice people, polite and softspoken.

My question is-what would be the difference between an INFJ behavior and attitude between just thinking I am a nice person and liking me, but not neccesarily looking at me as dating material, as opposed to if they actually would look at me as a potential marriage partner and romantic relationship?
How would they act in each situation?

The INFJs I know arent the type to pursue a girl, or ask her out if interested (some are a afraid of rejection, etc.)
Thanks in advance!
 

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Hi and feel welcome.

I have a secret "little" crush, which is ENFP. I love their energy and fun... the love of books (and she is (for me) beautiful)... I tried to get her, but another man was faster, better, cooler, more aggressive. He is a buddy of mine, so... she writes often with me, talks often...
my try to get her was the INF-way, means: little talk, much "indirect" questioning etc. your question is hard to answer for me -.-' sorry -.-' I tend to say, there are slight different behaviors from him in your direction. If he likes you more, then he asks more then normal. "We" Infj are romantics and see ourselfs like "secret knights in shining armour"^^
 
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question are interesting

I m myself is asking it :)


I would said ,if there is not an romantic (or potential romantic ) relationship . Then I would consider girl depending on their personnality. Especially how and what she talk about. How she relate herself to world and how she see it . In fact I will digg into her mental environment . And explore it. It highly depend on her own world (for exemple I have female friends who like to take the critic point of view of social system , and I like it , other are like to care about people psychology etc .. ).
How will I behave ?? freely like talking to anyone else , with regard to good listening what she is pointing . And learning what s behind theses interesting creature .

But it s seems when there is enfp , it will involve some crush in some time or another , it s like a trend :kitteh:

"secret knights in shining armour"
I 'd rather said big mysterious shield protect his shining heart :)
 

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Hmm... definitely have me pegged a bit. If I like you, I will keep the conversation going indefinitely and not want to leave a situation... It means you aren't wearing me out. If I don't keep the conversation going, you are probably just friends... I am not sure about other INFJ's but I can always find something else to talk about if I want to.
You should also bring up grey area topics... I am not one to usually bring these up, but if they are brought up, then I will either say something to bring them to light, or become avoidant. I will definitely flirt back, but don't often flirt first... but if I don't like somebody I could give them the cold shoulder if they are obviously flirting.
 

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Once we know that a woman likes us and we see ourselves committing to them for the rest of our lives, it's on. We will do everything we can in showing our affection and try to make her feel she's the greatest thing that has ever happened to us (because well, it's true).
Indeed.

10char
 

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Once we know that a woman likes us and we see ourselves committing to them for the rest of our lives, it's on. We will do everything we can in showing our affection and try to make her feel she's the greatest thing that has ever happened to us (because well, it's true).
This.
When I happen to like somebody I can carry on conversations, especially over text, for hours even if it's absolutely random. I have seriously texted people until 3 in the morning and the conversations only ended because they finally fell asleep. With me I also noticed that I tend to be a little bit more ridiculous and entertaining, but I also keep things more to myself, especially when it comes to feelings, unless I know the other person feels the same way. If I do try to show my feelings, it's in the sense of a subtle poem, a small gift or two that I saw and I thought of the person, or I just compliment the person a lot (and I mean a lot). I usually don't just go out and tell somebody I like them because that left me just as hurt and alone as when I am subtle and stick to being quiet and mysterious. Hopefully you can pull something helpful out of my self-analysis.
 

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Hmm. I tend to talk to people I'm interested in more than others, act nicer than usual, and look away a lot during conversations. I may act flirty if I know someone likes me back, but never make the first move. Hope that helps :)
 
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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you all for taking the time to reply. It is interesting hearing the different opinions from INFJs in this regard.
So, I am still trying to get clarity, although thus far I do have more than when I started with...
How can I tell when an INFJ male is interested in a romantic relationship, datimg (especially if he is not the pursuing type..I am more
likely to be the one!) as opposed to liking me, and thinking I am a nice person, but thats about it.

Are there differences in the way he will behave? Or in general? I am admittedly curious...
 

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skunky, sometimes I am so aloof in terms of what "social" behavior when it comes to dating should be that I act completely random or try different things, so no telling really. I definitely don't take the same approach every time b/c I find being authentic is often trivial itself at least as perceived by the other.
 

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Hi there! I am an ENFP and I find myself most attracted to INFJ men.
The INFJ men I know are all very nice people, polite and softspoken.

My question is-what would be the difference between an INFJ behavior and attitude between just thinking I am a nice person and liking me, but not neccesarily looking at me as dating material, as opposed to if they actually would look at me as a potential marriage partner and romantic relationship?
How would they act in each situation?

The INFJs I know arent the type to pursue a girl, or ask her out if interested (some are a afraid of rejection, etc.)
Thanks in advance!
Hello there ^_^. I like ENFP's alot too, actually one of my friends I believe is an ENFP and I have quite the crush on her.

The difference between an INFJ who likes you and just thinks you are a nice person is judged by a few things

1) Eye contact - INFJ's will watch you alot if they like you, we study people
2) Time - if you are friends with them we will spend alot of time with you, but not alot more because we are conscious of sending strong signals
3) Quality - an INFJ that really likes you may be willing to give you little nibbles of their deeper side to test out if you are someone who can appeciate and reciprocate their depth.

If you want to get close to one just try to get them involved into something that you like that is intellectual. Show interest in seeing their deeper side and compliment it when you do see it. If you do that you are almost guaranteed to capture and INFJ's heart ^_^. Also try to get to know them, let them study you, and after you feel comforatable taht you know them well enough and vice versa then start to show that you like them and then go for them, we do like it when they take the initiative so that suits us well ^^'.
 

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Signs I new my INFJ bloke liked me (which also resonate with what other posters have said):

- lengthy text/email conversations. To begin with, he was much more able to communicate via the written word, we'd talk (mainly text) back and forth for hours - topics were endless, ranging from deep and meaningful to light-hearted (and HILARIOUS) witty banter.
- I'd catch him looking at me a LOT - particularly in the beginning, in the group scenario we were in.
- He was happy to spend time alone with me, moreso than anyone else in the group.

I should say, all of these were quite subtle to begin with but became more intense as time went on - texting began to take on very flirty, sexual undertones, when he started at me and I caught his eye - he'd purposefully hold my gaze as opposed to having an 'Oh shit, she's caught me looking AGAIN' look on his face) and obviously, time spent alone, together became more frequent and he was a lot more talkative and happy to give things away about himself - offering them as opposed to being asked for them...

Hope that helps.
 

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I find myself connecting very much to the 3 points both @Vaan and @ENTPickle posted.

I know, for me, if I like someone I will look at them a lot and study. Sometimes I am simply captivated and end up staring. I never never mean to be creepy, I never mean any harm though I always worry it comes off like that.

Written word, long winded written word, is also another sign I use.

If I don't know if the person is interested in me back, then I am in as much torment as I am bliss. I am glad others are able to just walk up and create a relationship out of thin air but I am not. The ways I "make my intentions known" are... foreign in this day and age (unfortunately). So I come off as weird, which usually is a major turn off first thing. I don't know how to be any other way, hell I don't want to be any other way. However if I don't know for sure, then I torment myself. The things I tell myself are quiet despicable, but it is part of the struggle.

I don't know what I would do if I learned that the one I fancied actually fancied me back. Uncharted territory for me, but I often think about it. Would I become bold? IDK, it is kinda exciting to think about. Without this knowledge, however... it is as harrowing as it is beautiful experience for me.
 

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If you want to get close to one just try to get them involved into something that you like that is intellectual. Show interest in seeing their deeper side and compliment it when you do see it.
Just don't say that "it is boring" after you do that. They found out I did some writing and wanted to see some of it, so I wrote something on the fly in about 20-30 minutes and sent it back to them, probably 4-5 page short story...that was the end of that though.

criticism or mocking of an INFJ's deepest thoughts or inner world is EXTREMELY BAD NEWS for the other person...

I've had that before after opening up too soon to a non INFJ, probably an S type... Doorslammed them. My intuition kicked in to what type of person they were, and my next response could have been quite painful to them, in a cold dark cave on a distant planet kind of way. Hopefully they know how much of a jerk they were. I imagine afterwards they are thinking, wow that guy was actually kind of cool, and I was an ass...
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Thank you all for the informative answers and perspectives! I have a greater idea as to the answer I was searching for. You have been
most helpful :)
 

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i don't like to compare myself to most INFJ men cause i just don't relate in this category as i used to. Once i figured out that being passive doesn't get you the girl, i started getting more phone numbers and dates. That doesn't mean i liked any of the women. In fact, i don't speak to about 95% of them past the first outing/date. I've only continued and made moves on the ones i've liked, and the answer to that little riddle is two. i dated both of them. Don't know where i was going with this, but, if the INFJ spends time around you, it's because he/she likes you. We know what we like and what we love. We see members of the opposite sex, or at least i do, in one fashion. A love interest, or just another acquaintance. Hope this answers your question.
 

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It depends on the INFJ in question....a lot...actually I strongly believe these types of things are not type related. Just depends a lot on his dating experience.
 
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