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Discussion Starter #1
Ok...so there are all the societal standards and stereotypes of masculinity and femininity. In truth I think both genders are both...with some having more of those traits than others.

I've met some male INFP's and I think I "get" them. I have met only one male INFJ recently, actually the only other INFJ I've ever met at all, and he's a rarity so looking for a bigger sampling. Also he's really shy and quiet. Yeah I know...I wouldn't know anything about that being an INFJ.

Do you feel you fit in with the world of men? Why or why not? What is different about you from most men?
Are you ambitious? What sort of job do you have? Do you care about money? Are you macho? Would you or have you joined the military? Do you ever cry? Do you have kids? If yes would you rather be a stay-at-home Dad or work? What's your purpose and passion in life?
Do you like to pursue your love interest or be pursued?

Uhh...I'm not sure I'm framing this accurately...darn words won't translate from my head to the page. Anyway, throw some feedback out there and I have lots more questions.
 

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What could be more manly than intelligence, sensitivity, being a good friend or partner by default, showing compassion and true empathy... the rest of 'what a man is' relates back to biology and physical needs for closeness, with the strong silent type now being expected to be emotionally vulnerable, caring and emotionally present over aloof + cold.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
What could be more manly than intelligence, sensitivity, being a good friend or partner by default, showing compassion and true empathy... the rest of 'what a man is' relates back to biology and physical needs for closeness, with the strong silent type now being expected to be emotionally vulnerable, caring and emotionally present over aloof + cold.
Yes. For myself, I relate fairly wholly to most all all feminine traits and thus desire a partner who will bring home the bacon, fight the bad guys, be physically strong and capable, and still hold me tenderly while discussing feelings with empathy at night. Being an INFJ, I'm trying to wrap my head around what that means and translates to for a male. In today's society.
Also because I seem to be attracted to introverted types, but find that the above description doesn't seem to fit and I'm wondering if what I want is realistic or an impossible fantasy.
 

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Yes. For myself, I relate fairly wholly to most all all feminine traits and thus desire a partner who will bring home the bacon, fight the bad guys, be physically strong and capable, and still hold me tenderly while discussing feelings with empathy at night. Being an INFJ, I'm trying to wrap my head around what that means and translates to for a male. In today's society.
Also because I seem to be attracted to introverted types, but find that the above description doesn't seem to fit and I'm wondering if what I want is realistic or an impossible fantasy.
Something I realised growing up is how emotional intelligence redefines how men should act *notes how the male compensatory model is becoming outdated as socioeconomic class and education standards are increasing* when the protector needs you seek are changing: with EQ one makes better decisions to minimise the need for physical protector roles, talks about a situation more calmly and actually becomes more accountable for their own issues versus another's, thereby considering how others may feel too.

Well for some males, they may reveal the traits you seek but take longer showing them, requiring more maturity, self acceptance, security in themselves when challenged, extended trust to show the 'soft underbelly' society sets conditions upon revealing and greater emotional awareness (ideally empathy or compassion for others over time). For example I utterly abhor violence or aggression for its own sake, feeling that alcohol or [insert abuse or causal input] serves as a poor excuse for someones actions when a well placed word coupled with situational awareness is often the best preventative measure (then again I am glad I would be bad in a fight or sharing toe-to-toe abuse with another because they to me do not solve anything compared to assertiveness and de-escalation).
 

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Do you feel you fit in with the world of men? Why or why not? What is different about you from most men?
Are you ambitious? What sort of job do you have? Do you care about money? Are you macho? Would you or have you joined the military? Do you ever cry? Do you have kids? If yes would you rather be a stay-at-home Dad or work? What's your purpose and passion in life?
Do you like to pursue your love interest or be pursued?
I feel softer than the average man on the surface. The core is a raging fire.. but the surface, where my senses meet reality is softer because I can't express myself.

I am only ambitious about things that spark a genuine interest. I failed at school because I could not possibly care about random subjects people were trying to teach me.. I just learn the things I want to. Health & human body, music, personality types.. these are some of the things I like.

I really don't care about money at all. I work construction. Every time I get paid, I spend my extra money almost instantly. I am starting to think about how I will need to change my ways in order to survive, but I always just let rough unplanned events kick me in the ass before I change anything. Just go with the flow.. I might end up on the street.

Yes, I cry sometimes. When my emotions build strong and need to be released as a feeling of despair.

No kids. yet

I would rather work and then come home to see the kids.

My purpose is to keep it real, plain and simple. I want to live a natural rambling life. I just want to be loved, I think that's my real goal. I don't really care what happens other than that.

I think they only way I will ever 'get' a love partner would be to pursue her, women don't seem to pursue men. Or at least not me.
 

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Non-existent? I'm not entirely sure, all of my friends (literally all of them) are girls, I get along better with girls, I don't play sports, Don't like fighting, and I'm in a mostly female personality type. I guess the only really "manly" thing about me is that my romantic preference is for females.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Something I realised growing up is how emotional intelligence redefines how men should act *notes how the male compensatory model is becoming outdated as socioeconomic class and education standards are increasing* when the protector needs you seek are changing: with EQ one makes better decisions to minimise the need for physical protector roles, talks about a situation more calmly and actually becomes more accountable for their own issues versus another's, thereby considering how others may feel too.

Well for some males, they may reveal the traits you seek but take longer showing them, requiring more maturity, self acceptance, security in themselves when challenged, extended trust to show the 'soft underbelly' society sets conditions upon revealing and greater emotional awareness (ideally empathy or compassion for others over time). For example I utterly abhor violence or aggression for its own sake, feeling that alcohol or [insert abuse or causal input] serves as a poor excuse for someones actions when a well placed word coupled with situational awareness is often the best preventative measure (then again I am glad I would be bad in a fight or sharing toe-to-toe abuse with another because they to me do not solve anything compared to assertiveness and de-escalation).
That all makes sense. I would agree on the issue of violence. I am starting to take self defense courses in martial arts. Purely for defense. I don't think I'd be interested in a man who initiated physical violence or couldn't talk out of it or walk away. But..in the case that they didn't, I guess it'd be nice if I didn't have to do the fighting lol! Of course I'm aware that there's probably less than 1% chance this will happen but I guess I see it as more of a character or personality trait than situational reactions. (Someone who desires to be strong and capable to handle any situation)

Most of the men who seem that way seem also to have underdeveloped emotional intelligence. Which brings me to think again that you have to choose one or the other.
 

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Most of the men who seem that way seem also to have underdeveloped emotional intelligence. Which brings me to think again that you have to choose one or the other.
Not at all, modern life needs are changing; now martial arts is fitness orientated not a status symbol (personally I have done light contact kickboxing, karate and boxing bag work at home...yet I can honestly say I have not had anything resembling a fight in 16 years by choice...well in my mind I cannot tell if boyish play fights count as actual fights... if not then no I have never been in a real fight by choice). Honestly I feel violence or aggression is a reactionary behaviour when being proactive takes more courage than responding to the mess of others, so in short yes [emotionally] strong and 'strong' can exist in one partner but all too often people fear 'not being up to standard' playing the masculine figure over the paternal elder with sensitivity some might suggest.
 

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Well I do intend tojoin the army and I can get along well with alot of guys. Luckily here there is a good amount of individualism so I have a whole plethora of friends and we are happy to be playful and do the "fake gay" stuff like we would see each other and one of us will be like "hey babe" and the other will be like " hey sexy whats up". I think its really cool when you have a group of people that are fluid and do.t have boundaries like the homophobic macho tin men. But in situations where I have to deal with the more macho dudes I use my facade and humor to quickly be accepted (its almost like an art form now.

I still get along better with females, I feel more open to talk deeply with them, whereas with the guys its more the fun lighthearted stuff.

Personally I hope to be in a group of guys who have a brain and have a heart once I get in.
 

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Do you feel you fit in with the world of men? Why or why not?
In terms of stereotypes, no not really. I'm not that athletic or superficial. I tend to be that guy that studies things and is somewhat removed from the world. Course there are groups like the Remarkable Man Project that are trying to shift things and there are some groups I've had in the past that were all men that were great. However, these are more the anomaly than the standard.

What is different about you from most men?
I tend to hide quite well and can be rather emotionally sensitive that tend to be the differences I've seen again and again.

Are you ambitious?
Not particularly. While I do have goals, they aren't ones where I take an "The ends justify the means" approach.

What sort of job do you have?
Web application developer currently. Previously I've been a benevolent mad scientist, application developer and a few other techie roles at times.

Do you care about money?
Money is a tool to my mind. Thus, while I do care about it to the extent that I can pay my bills, I'm not caught up in a super greed cycle of just making as much money as possible.

Are you macho?
No, I tend to be rather humble and quiet in real life unless you get deep into my comfort zones then I can be quite chatty.

Would you or have you joined the military?
No, not my thing.

Do you ever cry?
Yes, quite frequently.

Do you have kids? If yes would you rather be a stay-at-home Dad or work?
No I don't have kids and it is an open question whether I will or not. Currently, I'm 38 years old.

What's your purpose and passion in life?
I'm still working on figuring out my sacred contracts. I have had some interesting conversations and my life is taking some odd turns at times. I like discovering things about myself and exploring the world. I'm still trying to see where this will take me in the end as I do enjoy solving problems and helping people as my passions.

Do you like to pursue your love interest or be pursued?
I like being pursued though I admit I grew up in an odd house. My mom made twice as much money as my dad and ran the house mostly. Thus, I take after my mom a great deal and thus have a well developed feminine side. I'm trying to get my masculine side to catch up.
 

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@Cotillion, your avatar looks so freaking awesome--don't know what it's a reference to.

Anyway:

Do you feel you fit in with the world of men?
I'm not really sure how to answer this particular question, because I don't know what it means to fit in with the world of men. I am able to fit in where I need to fit in; with that said, I don't necessarily exhibit most of the traits that a typical male would.

Yet, I don't view that as a negative or a positive. Is it so negative to be a "strapping, strong male" just because it fits the male archetype? I'd be lying if I said I laughed at the muscular men, or the men who have the will to wage war and protect their country. These are all very admirable traits that I simply don't harbor.

We [men who don't exactly fit the mold] like to downgrade other men for their stereotypical role of the meat-head with no intelligence, because this makes us feel comfortable with whom we are. We need all shapes and colors, because there will be a puzzle that requires a very certain shape and color.


What is different about you from most men?

You ask me if I feel different from most men, I would say yes--you ask me what are the aspects that make me different, and I can't quite come up with any. If I had to pick one, it would come down to a core of sensitivity. Men have an ability to blind themselves from social consequences in order to get the job done--I, however, am blinded by social consequence. I'm someone who would protect one over 100, merely because I can feel that one's pain.


Are you ambitious?
Kind of a tricky question. I am ambitious with my passions; I am not ambitious on a day to day basis. You get males together to play a game, and most of them will trying their hardest to make sure they are on top, no matter what--I wouldn't care as much: I'm just having fun. However, if it comes to writing or teaching, then I will equally make sure I come out on top.

What sort of job do you have?
I am still in college, but I'm double majoring in Elementary Education and English (Language Arts type stuff), and possibly a minor in Advertisement. So I plan on getting a job as an elementary school teacher and write on the side. :)

Do you care about money?
I'm going to be a teacher--enough said.
:tongue:

Are you macho?
Not really. There are only a few situations where my "macho-ness" would come out, one of which is when I'm protecting someone. For instance, in high school, I beat up a senior who wouldn't stop messing with a freshman. So in those situations, I can be--but on a day-to-day basis, I wouldn't say so. I'm just neutral.

Would you or have you joined the military?
While one of the most honorable jobs, it's not one I could implore myself to join. Taking someone's life--have it be under a good name--is not something I could bring myself to do.

Do you ever cry?
Not that much. I might have an honest cry once every two years--I have cried in three movies though :O one of which was more of a happy tear.
:crying:

Do you have kids?
Nope, but I very much want one. Beyond cliche, but nothing would make me happier than living within a white-picket fence with a beautiful wife and some adorable kids. As someone who wants to teach kids, I've always had a deep need to protect any child in harms way, and help them to become the best--more so for my own future kids.

If yes would you rather be a stay-at-home Dad or work?
I wouldn't "rather" do either. I would do what needed to be done. There will, however, be a parent present during our child's younger years, regardless of who that might me. That's one of the reasons why I'm minoring in advertisement. If my wife happened to have a better paying job, and she wanted to work, then I'd be able to stay home with the kids and work from home. Or if she would rather let me keep teaching and she would stay home. It all doesn't really matter.

To me, it just figuring out what's best for each other and for our kids.


Do you like to pursue your love interest or be pursued?
I'd rather pursue. This is more because I've been pursued by a good amount of people, and I didn't like anyone (it's rare finding that spark), so I always feel so horrible letting them down.

But, ideally, I'd what us both to pursue each other.
 

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lol my INFJ boyfriend calls it "man card" and he says he doesn´t have one. I find that hilarious lol
I applied for a man card once awhile back. The list of dick headed prerequisites made me cry though, and the tear stains disqualified me. Apparently, I care too much about others to have a man card.

...

Which is ironic, considering I couldn't care less about having one. :tongue:

Anyhoo, I'm my own kind of man, as any man should be. Right? That's enough for me.
 
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