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sometimes i wonder what it would be like to meet another male infp...

... i say, "another," because i have a twin brother who also happens to be an infp.
 

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I wonder if there is an evolutionary reason for the low percentage of INFPs....perhaps you need 10x as many doers as dreamers.
I have thought about this often. I consider how humans were in small packs and tribes as we started off. To me, it is obvious that all types are necessary in our society, even ESTJs. Having different types of people allows us to see things from all different sides and flourish as a race.

I see us, INFPs, as the tribe shaman. There to handle the spiritual, be there for all the other tribe people and help them with their issues, be a healer or "medicine man," etc.

As far as I can tell, you probably only need 1 of those for a tribe.

I think as we evolved, that the human race naturally has kept the right balance for our tribe to keep going, even as it became global in size and we advanced. The world doesn't need 90 psychologists and 10 construction or office workers for every 100 people. They need 1 psychologist and 90+ construction/office/etc. workers :)
 

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Discussion Starter #26
I have thought about this often. I consider how humans were in small packs and tribes as we started off. To me, it is obvious that all types are necessary in our society, even ESTJs. Having different types of people allows us to see things from all different sides and flourish as a race.

I see us, INFPs, as the tribe shaman. There to handle the spiritual, be there for all the other tribe people and help them with their issues, be a healer or "medicine man," etc.

As far as I can tell, you probably only need 1 of those for a tribe.

I think as we evolved, that the human race naturally has kept the right balance for our tribe to keep going, even as it became global in size and we advanced. The world doesn't need 90 psychologists and 10 construction or office workers for every 100 people. They need 1 psychologist and 90+ construction/office/etc. workers :)
Hmmm...makes sense...
 

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I just have to say I kind of find all of you really fascinating. I have a really hard time accepting that you all exist in real life because I've never run across one. My only major relationship has been with an ISTP and I honestly thought... until i started studying mbti recently...that our ST NF differences were some horrible, frustrating male/female thing. So, I can easily accept the female INFPS... but you male ones are still like some shocking novelty to me. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Just wanted to let you all know what the deal was is in case you all find me stalking your profiles... ;)
I think I'm kind of reverse on the spectrum, I've always been curious about the female INFPs, particularly romantically. It seems like conversational depth is one of the hardest things to find in a relationship, and the potential once 2 INFPs open up to one another could be some extreme countless hours of talking, smiles, laughs... and perhaps bitter rivalries!
 

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It seems like conversational depth is one of the hardest things to find in a relationship, and the potential once 2 INFPs open up to one another could be some extreme countless hours of talking, smiles, laughs... and perhaps bitter rivalries!
*Sigh* God, that sounds so amazing... in theory anyways.

I'm prob being too idealistic(lol) about it though...sometimes I seriously annoy the crap out of myself...
 

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I think I'm kind of reverse on the spectrum, I've always been curious about the female INFPs, particularly romantically. It seems like conversational depth is one of the hardest things to find in a relationship, and the potential once 2 INFPs open up to one another could be some extreme countless hours of talking, smiles, laughs... and perhaps bitter rivalries!
Highly variable. I have plenty of INFP friends, male and female, and though they are very different from each other, they all share this INFP essence of searching for meaning, heightened self-awareness, and being sensitive. (And the flexibility thing: not caring much where we eat or what we do, as long as time is spent with each other in a place with little noise/distraction.)

These INFPs make up most of my closest relationships. At times, these relationships were more fun than anything I had ever experienced. But they also feel boring just as often because there is a lot of agreeing and continuous silence. In other words, long periods of no stimulation.

INFPs, as a group, make me feel more comfortable than any other type. Sometimes too comfortable, I have to admit. I only have two complaints about INFPs as an INFP myself: I wish I felt inspired by them and get frustrated when I can't get it from my specific INFP friends, and I wish they would talk a little more.
 

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I wish I knew more male INFPs in real life. Before spending time on here, I didn't know they existed XD. I find it hard to be interested in most guys because I just don't see myself with them or I feel like they wouldn't ''get'' me. INFP males just get me.. which is nice because nobody ever does ^_^ (especially not guys)
 

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*Sigh* God, that sounds so amazing... in theory anyways.

I'm prob being too idealistic(lol) about it though...sometimes I seriously annoy the crap out of myself...
Lol I'm sure we all annoy ourselves almost all the time, but that's just one of our general faults of being too hard on ourselves.


Highly variable. I have plenty of INFP friends, male and female, and though they are very different from each other, they all share this INFP essence of searching for meaning, heightened self-awareness, and being sensitive. (And the flexibility thing: not caring much where we eat or what we do, as long as time is spent with each other in a place with little noise/distraction.)

These INFPs make up most of my closest relationships. At times, these relationships were more fun than anything I had ever experienced. But they also feel boring just as often because there is a lot of agreeing and continuous silence. In other words, long periods of no stimulation.

INFPs, as a group, make me feel more comfortable than any other type. Sometimes too comfortable, I have to admit. I only have two complaints about INFPs as an INFP myself: I wish I felt inspired by them and get frustrated when I can't get it from my specific INFP friends, and I wish they would talk a little more.

Good call,

I'm not really the kind of person to "type" people in real life like a lot of people do on here so the only definitive response I can give is in relation to INFPs online. With that in mind, it seems like there's various stages to being an INFP and when I read posts I often see people in places I -used- to be.

I know a lot of us rarely talked early on in our lives, but around the +20 range we never seem to shut up. I'm sure if we had an INFP chatroom we'd have what you mentioned with people agreeing with one another, but you'd also get people that are over the top philosophical / scientific and would just beat every topic to death.

Even on the boards I see people go over the top on a few things (myself included). I'd be really curious how many INFPs press the backspace key more than any other key.
 

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I know a lot of us rarely talked early on in our lives, but around the +20 range we never seem to shut up. I'm sure if we had an INFP chatroom we'd have what you mentioned with people agreeing with one another, but you'd also get people that are over the top philosophical / scientific and would just beat every topic to death.

Even on the boards I see people go over the top on a few things (myself included). I'd be really curious how many INFPs press the backspace key more than any other key.
Some become more talkative, others less so.

I used to be much, much more talkative, willing to talk about anything others were interested in, and I asked lots of questions. These days, I find myself withholding more thoughts, feeling no need to share what I think or feel. Unlike many other INFPs, I never felt shy -- ever. But I am very reserved.

Thinking back on my relationships with other INFPs (irl), I felt fascinated by the novelty of such an easy relationship, and the sharing of deep thoughts right away with such comfort. But that very novelty usually wore away fast.
 

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Some become more talkative, others less so.

I used to be much, much more talkative, willing to talk about anything others were interested in, and I asked lots of questions. These days, I find myself withholding more thoughts, feeling no need to share what I think or feel. Unlike many other INFPs, I never felt shy -- ever. But I am very reserved.

Thinking back on my relationships with other INFPs (irl), I felt fascinated by the novelty of such an easy relationship, and the sharing of deep thoughts right away with such comfort. But that very novelty usually wore away fast.
What do you mean exactly by that? (I'm always curious about INFP + INFP).

I know the general meaning, but care to elaborate on some challenges?
 

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Discussion Starter #38
What do you mean exactly by that? (I'm always curious about INFP + INFP).

I know the general meaning, but care to elaborate on some challenges?
I'd really be interested in hearing the challenges you had as well.
 

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What do you mean exactly by that? (I'm always curious about INFP + INFP).

I know the general meaning, but care to elaborate on some challenges?
I'd really be interested in hearing the challenges you had as well.

For sake of clarity, I will describe each of my INFP friendships, but I won't use any real names.

John, INFP, male
I met John in my freshman year of high school. He was skinny, had big brown doe-like eyes, and smiled like a shy baby. He was deeply religious, but not an extremist or pushy in any way. He was two years older than me and we got to know each other first through a school club, and then through late night online conversations. If I joked about becoming an academic rap superstar, he would carry on the joke, and we played this child-like make-believe, which was more fun than talking about just our days and complaining about homework.

But that didn't mean we never shared things about reality. When I got sad, he cheered me up by sending me very bad drawings of me created in microsoft paint. Or he'd send me songs. Or we'd get on webcam and he'd make funny faces. Sometimes we talked about religion; why he's religious; why I wasn't religious. Sometimes we talked about computer games. Sometimes we talked about our families. But there was always something to talk about.

Then he moved a ways away to college. It wasn't far, but neither of us had a car. I missed him. It took a full two years to develop a crush on him, but I never told him. In fact, he told me first. He said that he had a crush on me for three years, but never said anything. And he admitted that we could never date because he was looking for someone who was Christian.

I got angry. I got depressed. How could he hold my beliefs against me? We talked less and less, but reconnected two years later. From that point forward, we saw each other once a year and always talked for a few hours about our lives. It's always a pleasant experience, but no more make-believe, and much more silence. For us the silence is comfortable, but on my side, it feels boring.

I now have a clear understanding that it was for the best we never dated. Neither of us would have been happy knowing how strongly we feel about our respective beliefs about religion that connect with all this other knowledge we think we have about life.

Still, he accepts me just as I am. And I adore him just as he is. It's not as fun as it used to be -- we grew apart and talk only once or twice a year. But he is one of my dearest friends.


Dave, INFP, male
I also met Dave in my freshman year of high school, but he was my age. He was short and a bit stocky, and he wore glasses. He developed a crush on me the very first time he saw me in a hallway. Our friendship didn't really develop until sophomore year in a history class. We met at the library a few times a week because he wanted to help me study. But we always spent those few hours talking about everything else. I vented about my ex-boyfriend, he would say I deserved better, and we would both speculate about everyone's behavior and come up with theories. We'd talk about the future, what we imagined the perfect life to be, and what mattered the most in the end.

He got frustrated that I never returned his affections. I was never attracted to him, but saw him as one of the best friends I'll ever meet in life. Over the years, when we both started college, we also talked to each other less. But every conversation was filled with raw feelings about joys of being in new relationships, depressions of breaking up, anxieties about which career to choose.

Dave offered something that John didn't -- he provided a stream of encouragement that things would get better and remind me that the worst parts of our experiences were temporary. We always seemed to be on opposite moods, which helped. When his life was going well, mine wasn't, and vice versa. So I could do the same for him.

Yet, he got depressed that he still saw us as a perfect match, even through college and grad school, but I have never been able to be explicit that I never will. He openly admits that he is slowly accepting that fact and that he hopes to find someone like me, although he sometimes talks aloud and says he wants someone who is nothing like me because he wants someone more "stable" -- which hurts my feelings.

By society's standards, Dave is not particularly attractive, but he has always managed to date very pretty girls. Sometimes, though, he gets anxious that no one will like him and he'll end up alone. But he has a charming personality and knows how to treat his girlfriends well. Yet his bouts of low self-esteem -- which is normal and temporary -- will make him nag about all the little things that don't matter. And then he'll beat himself over for doing that.

Once, I got angry at him for cheating on a girlfriend. He got mad at me for not being more understanding and being so judgmental. It took me a few months to understand why he cheated, but sometimes I wish I had understood it right away.

Sometimes we do hurt each other feelings by talking over the other since we've grown to be predictable. We can be very mean over the phone, and I have hung up on him a few times because he'd tell me what I was doing wrong -again- and 'what were you thinking' sorts of statements. And I'd blow up at him if he was repeating, for the 10th consecutive night, that he was making himself miserable by staying in a bad relationship.

In person, when we hang out, sometimes we sit around and do nothing, and indeed I feel bored. Other times, we sit on a couch or in a cafe, and talk for hours. He is still one of my very best friends. And I hope he finds someone who finds him attractive and can offer as much as he would.


Mary, INFP, female
I met Mary in my 2nd year of college. We were standing outside an afternoon class. She held a folder close to her chest. The first two things I noticed about her was that she was very pretty and very timid. I asked her if she knew what time it was, and after she told me the hour in a very small voice, I made fun of the late professor in a very loud voice, and we both laughed.

I drove to school everyday, and she took the bus. After a few weeks of talking, I began driving her back to her apartment on the way home because that was our last class for those two days a week. We only shared one other class that summer, but we had sleepovers and went out to eat once in awhile. She was very careful with her money and I never was.

We mostly talked about relationships and religion, but about very little else. She would tell me about the guys who had crushes on her, how she didn't feel the same way, how she felt guilty about continuing these relationships. Sometimes she talked about traveling the world and having mixed feelings about starting a family and remaining independent. For years, she couldn't make up her mind about staying with her ex-boyfriend that she'd been with for years, but she didn't know exactly why since he was very in love with her. Probably, there was just something missing.

And she was always very studious about her studies. I was less serious about school and found ways 'around the system' and still did well. Yet she daydreamed and got sidetracked a lot, but she developed a good habit of self-discipline. Whenever we were together, we talked about how good it was to see each other and give as many updates as we could. When we shared stories about people we didn't understand, we'd offer a "maybe it's because...", but end at just one statement. A lot of conversations were deep, but not extremely deep. We almost assumed that we didn't need to talk more, yet I always craved to go deeper. I sensed that I could talk to her about anything, but conversations always went back to romantic relationships, which bored me.

So when we meet or talk every year or so, we still give updates and encouragement, but it feels repetitive. We play phone tag a lot. Sometimes it takes weeks for me to call back because I can only imagine a mundane conversation in my mind. Many times she takes a month or two to respond to my emails. Yet, we feel a certain loyalty to each other, where we want to be there for the most important parts of each other lives, through the mundane and extraordinary.


Eric, INFP, male
Eric is my older brother. When we were younger, I thought he was so cool. In kindergarten, he and his best friend picked me up from school and we got fast food. I thought that was cool. I looked up to him. We watched cartoons and went to the grocery store together, which were always adventures for me. When he was in high school, he often missed school and was found lying in his bed, in the dark. He woke at night and played computer games, and he got into a lot of trouble with my parents. He spent almost 7 years in college and that upset my dad.

In his early years of college, he got into his first relationship, and when that ended, he came to me for advice. I felt so honored that he opened up to me, especially since I was younger than him. Together, we designed a website with her favorite animals and pictures of them together, and sentimental thoughts. We had to make sure the colors were perfect, and that images and words were well-spaced out. She didn't take him back, which devastated him.

We often served as each others' rational soundboard, when we were swept up by our emotions. When I dealt with my first two breakups, he took me out and drove me faraway to restaurants I'd never been to. I would sit in a sullen state, and he would look at me with eyes that said he cared, and then he'd order something, even if he knew I wasn't going to eat it. He wouldn't talk, and might ask the occasional question about how I felt about my situation, but it was never intrusive.

Over the years, we grew apart. He resented how 'academic' I had become. Despite his ditching school, he was extremely bright. He learned things fast, and people usually confided in him after knowing him for a short period of time. But his thoughts into the academic world made him cynical of the whole system of knowledge. And it broke my heart...I was deeply hurt whenever he said just the meanest thing to dismantle my views. And he was hurt by my misapplication of theory on his life. We didn't like each other anymore. We almost never talk these days, even at family get-togethers. He'd rather spend time with his friends and seems to have no interest in redeveloping a friendship.

A few more years later, I began to despise academic knowledge, after really thinking about it and being immersed in it. I began to understand his cynicism towards me and my seeming imposition of theories upon his life and behavior, but I couldn't take any of it back. We have grown so far apart that we've become strangers. I miss that closeness we used to have, but I think it will never be the same again. He has his close group of friends, and I have mine.
 

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John, INFP, male
Dave, INFP, male
Once, I got angry at him for cheating on a girlfriend. He got mad at me for not being more understanding and being so judgmental. It took me a few months to understand why he cheated, but sometimes I wish I had understood it right away.
Mary, INFP, female
Eric, INFP, male
Thanks for the response, I'll probably reflect on it later while it takes some time to digest a bit.

For "John," I'm not sure I'll ever grasp how some people choose religion over a potential soulmate (this'll open a can of worms <--). I'd like to think most people, religious or not, can at least respect someones faith even if they don't practice in it themselves, but to say someone -needs- that certain quality is like choosing one over the other (religion > soulmate). I wonder if you immediately lost tremendous amounts of respect in a person like that (I know I would).

"Dave" interests me with regards to cheating. I'm sure most INFPs can't possibly fathom cheating -- what was his excuse?

"Mary" seems pretty simple, but reliable. I wonder what she may have been hiding.

"Eric" came off as the overall most interesting, but it's hard to praise someone that can be both cruel and discarding.
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Thanks again for sharing. I think in each of them I related in some way (good and bad) and it should help me be a bit more mindful about how I may act. I'm sure your story helped a lot of other people as well that may not respond :D -- so thanks on their behalf too.
 
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