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For "John," I'm not sure I'll ever grasp how some people choose religion over a potential soulmate (this'll open a can of worms <--). I'd like to think most people, religious or not, can at least respect someones faith even if they don't practice in it themselves, but to say someone -needs- that certain quality is like choosing one over the other (religion > soulmate). I wonder if you immediately lost tremendous amounts of respect in a person like that (I know I would).

"Dave" interests me with regards to cheating. I'm sure most INFPs can't possibly fathom cheating -- what was his excuse?

"Mary" seems pretty simple, but reliable. I wonder what she may have been hiding.

"Eric" came off as the overall most interesting, but it's hard to praise someone that can be both cruel and discarding.

At first, I didn't understand John's explanation about needing to date a Christian, but after a couple of years, it hit me that that's simply a major part of his very being, how he was raised, how his mind worked, how his heart wanted to connect to the soulmate he was looking for. I think I was justified in feeling angry and hurt, but I cannot justify in seeing anything wrong with that. Some religious men and women are happy to marry anyone of any religion, and that is fine by me. And some religious men and women want to marry someone who is just as devoutly religious, and that, too, is fine by me.

I have to point out that John didn't hold my non-religiousness against me, but that was enough to know within himself with certainty that he could not date me. He still respects and loves me nonetheless. And I couldn't ask for more honesty than that.

Mary is more interesting than I made her out to be in just that one post. She is a ball of opposing emotions, but I feel so similar to her at times that I get frustrated and end up going to someone who is less like me.

I don't automatically assume that INFPs are mostly a non-cheating group. I see lots of variety. Dave is an example of that variety. He was in a very unhappy relationship. His ex-girlfriend was a true bitch from hell. He did lots of sweet things for her, but she treated him like a servant. He bought her flowers for no reason at all, planned elaborate and romantic dates, surprised her with jewelry because that's what made her happy. He did things that, in my opinion, most guys don't even think to do.

Once, he was working at his computer and she went to the kitchen to get a bowl of ice cream. He asked her if she could get him some, too. She told him, with a blank but serious face, "No. Go get it yourself." But of course, he had to do those favors for her if she asked.

Anyway, she was being pretty mean at one point and withheld sex for a long time. He met this girl at a party -- who, years later, we found out was an INFJ -- and he told her all of his problems. She tried to be a good friend and offered a sympathetic ear. The twist in the story is that she sometimes had very low self-esteem because she was overweight and unattractive. Simply being a deep and caring person didn't cut it. Since they grew close emotionally, they also ended up having sex. He felt terrible of course, but at the time, I could only buy into these vague notions that cheating was wrong, rather than feeling compassion towards him and really understanding his ongoing pain. At the time, I should have stood up for him -- taken his side and said, "I understand why you cheated, and although others will judge you for it, you can't be blamed for everything. But I'm on your side and I would like to help you get out of this relationship that brings out the worst in you."

By clinging so strongly to that ideal, I missed all the details about his situation and how his girlfriend treated him like an animal. But I've long ago let go of these ideals and that has helped me really listen to people and judge them much, much less. Sometimes, there really aren't rights and wrongs because some parts of life are more complex and nuanced than we'd like to admit.

And Eric reminds me that everyone is human after all. I display my best side and am generally good at hiding the nasty stuff -- but it's there, make no mistake. There are no angels and demons -- just human beings.
 

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Discussion Starter #42
Thanks for sharing this...like Lad said... I related to each of them in some way.


So, it starts out great.... and then we bore each other to death. :wink:

I guess it's better then wanting to kill each other... like I've experienced with other unmentioned personalities...but I guess feeling like you want to kill someone is still more stimulating. :wink:
 

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Still have trouble fathoming how to justify cheating. If he was treated poorly then he should have manned up and left. Regardless, I'll feign ignorance since I may not understand the full circumstances, but I imagine it's a hard sell to just about anyone. -- Thank you for sharing.

As for INFPs not cheating, quite a few of us are under a spell of romance, love, and soulmates that cheating is almost completely off the radar, but I could be wrong. I just -imagine- it would be a small small few that would cheat (could be an idea for a forum topic).

Nonetheless, I have to praise you for your acceptance of people under the circumstances. I'm certainly a stubborn idealist for life with a few bends, but not many. I'm probably more of a changer than an accepter (within certain limits), but maybe that'll lead me to living a more chaotic life.
 

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Thanks for sharing this...like Lad said... I think related in each of them I related in some way.


So, it starts out great.... and then we bore each other to death. :wink:

I guess it's better then wanting to kill each other... like I've experienced with other unmentioned personalities...but I guess feeling like you want to kill someone is still more stimulating. :wink:
The desire to kill can lead to great make up sex. :D
 

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So, it starts out great.... and then we bore each other to death.

I guess it's better then wanting to kill each other... like I've experienced with other unmentioned personalities...but I guess feeling like you want to kill someone is still more stimulating. :wink:
Something like that, yes. :)

However, I have to say that sex from frustration (due to silence) is amazing as well. Let the frustration accumulate!


Still have trouble fathoming how to justify cheating. If he was treated poorly then he should have manned up and left. Regardless, I'll feign ignorance since I may not understand the full circumstances, but I imagine it's a hard sell to just about anyone.
It's easy to say that one would leave if treated poorly. But we've all been young, and we are all foolish from time to time. Some happen to be young and foolish at the same time.

They were together for a long time. He was young, he wanted it to work, he thought he could make her nicer by example -- fail. When you have invested that much, and you have fallen that hard, it's really hard -- in those very circumstances with all of those conflicting emotions -- to up and leave.
 

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I have thought about this often. I consider how humans were in small packs and tribes as we started off. To me, it is obvious that all types are necessary in our society, even ESTJs. Having different types of people allows us to see things from all different sides and flourish as a race.

I see us, INFPs, as the tribe shaman. There to handle the spiritual, be there for all the other tribe people and help them with their issues, be a healer or "medicine man," etc.

As far as I can tell, you probably only need 1 of those for a tribe.

I think as we evolved, that the human race naturally has kept the right balance for our tribe to keep going, even as it became global in size and we advanced. The world doesn't need 90 psychologists and 10 construction or office workers for every 100 people. They need 1 psychologist and 90+ construction/office/etc. workers :)

"even ESTJs"

haaaha
they are the society
 

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I wish I knew more male INFPs in real life. Before spending time on here, I didn't know they existed XD. I find it hard to be interested in most guys because I just don't see myself with them or I feel like they wouldn't ''get'' me. INFP males just get me.. which is nice because nobody ever does ^_^ (especially not guys)
Its funny, I feel the exact same way (but reversed). I wish I knew an INFP female so maybe I would feel like someone understood me. Most of the time I dont bother explaining my self because I feel like it would take too long and nobody would care enough to stay and listen to it all anyways. Itd be much easier if I knew someone who could just "feel" how I am instead of staring at me like im stupid...if that makes sense.
 

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I just have to say I kind of find all of you really fascinating. I have a really hard time accepting that you all exist in real life because I've never run across one. My only major relationship has been with an ISTP and I honestly thought... until i started studying mbti recently...that our ST NF differences were some horrible, frustrating male/female thing. So, I can easily accept the female INFPS... but you male ones are still like some shocking novelty to me. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Just wanted to let you all know what the deal was is in case you all find me stalking your profiles... ;)

We should date ;)
 

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I'm an INFP male and I know I'm hard to really get to know. It takes time for me to get comfortable with someone (and that's probably why only once ive kissed a girl I just met in a club, the other girls Ive kissed ive known for at least a couple of months). We're also pretty good at adapting to people and situations - like a chameleon - so that's another reason it's hard to find us; we blend in.
I do think, though, that you can distinguish us from others. We're (sometimes just slightly) more reserved , we care a lot about people and we think differenly, that's why we may sometimes come up with a very spontaneous idea and nobody understands.
You just have to look carefully;)
 

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I tend to notice how girls love to talk about how caring and sensitive a man is "supposed" to be (because Notebook was sooo good!) but in many cases, they fall for a type that is so far away from an INFP (for example because INFPs is the "idealists") that it becomes ironic. In my experience, NT guys had the most luck with girls in school and such.

I truly think that INFP male is the least desired type, not that there aren't girls that would love "us"(at the end of the day, we are individuals as well so I'm generalising). Just like INTPs is the least desired girl type. People might not want to admit this but I think it's true.

But then there are other parameters. Good looks and confidence makes a big difference wether you're an ESTJ or an INFP.
 
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