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Male suitors.. what is the appeal?

2K views 17 replies 12 participants last post by  IncaHomey 
#1 ·
So i have recently found myself in the dating pool once again... What exactly is the appeal of an ISTP woman? Something tells me it is not the stubbornness or matter of fact way I go through the motions of meaningless conversations, what is the allure to the illusive ISTP if you don't mind me asking?
 
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#2 ·
So i have recently found myself in the dating pool once again... What exactly is the appeal of an ISTP woman? Something tells me it is not the stubbornness or matter of fact way I go through the motions of meaningless conversations, what is the allure to the illusive ISTP if you don't mind me asking?
The reasoning behind the part in bold is what you're looking for.

It wouldn't be the stubbornness, it would be why you are stubborn for certain things. Perhaps you have tried something, and you know it's the correct way to do things. Maybe you made experiments that gave you such knowledge to be firm in your stance, that could possibly be attractive.

It's not the matter of fact way you go through the motions of meaningless conversations, it's the disdain for having to go through it. That even though you know it's dumb and should be done away with, you still put forth enough effort to interact with other humans, because somewhere, you value them and their thoughts.

Now if you're having a hard time figuring out what your good points are, or have a hard time writing it down, it may be a good idea to reflect on the most proud moments of your life. Why were you proud of yourself? In the same way, there is likely someone else out there that would also be appreciative of what you saw in yourself, and if you don't have enough (I'm not sure, I don't know you very well) perhaps it is the time to work on yourself?
 
#3 ·
1. Useful counter-balance to your own neuroticism.
2. Better at casually breaking the rules and an ally if you have to explain that to an ESTJ.
 
#4 ·
What’s not to like?

ISTP women might not be as feminine as any other type but has a different appeal. The laid-back confidence, playful banters, earthy charm, (sometimes awkwardly) sensual, the fun surprises of being unpredictable, and the stubborness.

But mostly the problem solving attitude, when things go bad we deal with it and fix it. Also realistic enough to know if a relationship is possible or not. Everything is simple with us unless we’re in the mood to mess something up for fun lol

I mean... I’m not male but I know what we got so just be yourself to get the most suitable suitor.

Goodluck.
 
#6 ·
Well, since this an ISTP sub - an ISTP male and female will probably respect eachother's need to persue their own interests. As for males of other types, they might think we're mysterious when in fact we're just possessive of our time. As in "Why is she at the gym when she could be with me...." Other times, they might think we're playing hard to get and have iron self control because they're so irresitible :rolleyes:
 
#7 ·
Personally I just love tomboys! Not to state that all ISTPs are, but they seem to be most likely to be. I love hard outer shells and gooey insides. I appreciate logical approaches/views in comparison to my feely weely's. I have Extraverted Sensing in my stack too so we can have fun :D
 
#8 ·
How many cats should I let out of the bag, here?

It takes a healthy, mature guy I think. It can't be someone who gets his ego stroked by saving the damsel in distress by changing her tire or resetting a breaker. And this is predicated on the ISTP female being mature and healthy too.

She marches to the beat of her own drummer. When you're dealing with her, you're dealing with her, not 1000 other people who aren't in the room. Huge deal for me. Major plus.

When the zombies attack, you'll have a vital teammate.

She doesn't shut down when things don't feel perfect. In fact, "I don't feel like it" is never a reason not to do what has to be done. Therefore she's easy to respect.

She makes sense. When she talks, it's not word salad.

She has her own interests and obsessions. You can learn from her and she from you, and both are better off.

She likes you because she likes you, not because you can fix the toilet.

She might like toys and adventures, but she doesn't want you for your money. She doesn't care much about money except as a means to do something.

She is real.

She doesn't kiss your ass to get you to fix the sink then put you down behind your back to her girlfriends.

She's laid back, non judgmental, yet brings out some of your best.

She's a partner not a parasite.

If she tells you she loves you, it means something.
 
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#9 ·
Also...

Girly girls and people who can't do anything without checking in with the sisterhood or the bros, are not attractive.

In person I may seem like I take nothing very seriously. But some things, I do.
 
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#10 ·
BTW I'm not sure that an ISTP male really seems like a "suitor." We MIGHT initiate getting to know you. People can be interesting to us. Attraction beyond the initial interest requires a bit of knowledge about the person. We find ourselves falling for someone we have gotten to know. We don't just pick her from a lineup and decide that she's the one.

Our perception of beauty is filtered through Ti. Where the ESTP might go for "conventionally attractive", the ISTP is intrigued by an individual for reasons only he might know, or not even that. She might be the quiet one in the corner that nobody else even notices, or the one out climbing a tree or taking photographs. To the ISTP she might seem like the most beautiful person in the world.

ISTPs are weird. We just do some things that society has accepted as cool, or sees as badass, and we tend to care about our health and fitness unless we're on a bad binge (triggered by injury, breakup, etc). So we don't seem like the outsiders we actually are.

But we probably grew up muttering stuff like Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye.

Our romantic attractions are driven by this often unseen or misunderstood internal reality. And an ISTP female can fit perfectly.

Is there enough 'polarity?' What happens when both people feel like running away when feelings develop? I don't know. 🙂
 
#11 ·
These are all very insightful replies.

I have not been ignoring this post, I had a bit of an accident at work that makes it hard to type.

I do see myself as the independent adventurous type, what I have discovered from my female ISTP perspective is the men that pursue or date me think it is awesome, for a minute. I am pretty good at the domesticated shit, I cook and clean, but I'm not gonna sit at home baking when there is fun to be had.

So far my assessment has been, we are cool in theory, but long term in real life is a different story it seems.

As far as my attitude is concerned, I am in a good place, confident about what I bring to the table. This thread is about my curiosity, wondering others points of view.
 
#13 ·
Ah, but what sort of men are these? Were they self-aware enough to understand why they found you attractive in the first place?

It seems that, earlier in life, we tend to be attracted to what we lack, often instead of becoming more complete people who don't lack it.

Then, we proceed to try to destroy those very things in the other person.

Pygmalion.

Humans are pretty fucked up.

If we are smart and learn, we can let go of this. Our attractions may change. We may change ourselves. Probably, both will happen, but only for people who want to learn.

But it definitely can be a factor in whom we attract and this cycle. A strong person won't change much and the other person might not like it. Ideally, he'd learn from this, but if humans were all that self-aware, it would be easier to find a shrink.

Where I live, they're mostly booked. I have a friend who is a counselor and she's busy all the time doing Zoom calls now.
 
#15 ·
I became 'accidentally' obssessive over one female ISTP once. She was coolest girl i had met up until that point... enough to compete with men. I loved her dispassion for the world. She harboured a quiet, real, drama free care for people which was the sweetest and cleanest expressions of nurture. She had her own autonomy which did me big favours and could hold her ground in situations with intelligence. She was younger with well disguised anxieties, and other factors that caused her to lead a chaotic life. She would tend to drink before i came to visit, which were far and few times since she held 2 jobs in fast moving city. She would attempt to drown and numb those feels as she hated and loved our intimacy. She wasn't ready, we acknowledged and moved on. Sometimes i check her on social media and smile when see her doing well. ISTP women are amazing.

What is a a ISTP's females allure in general? Stoic view of the world + inherent feminine instinct to nurture
 
#16 ·
I mean, are you asking why I like myself? 😆

"Stubborn" is just another way of saying for once someone has own ideas in their head instead of second-hand ones, and if everyone dispensed with needless bullshit, the world would be a much more efficient place.

I wouldn't mind trying to live with my alter ego. It'd be a very loose definition of "living with", I suppose, and if it worked out, it'd be for fantastic reasons such as "you don't annoy me and also you're paying half the rent", but then that's the entire point, no? What appeals to me isn't what appeals to everyone else, and if you already have someone with similar ideas of what is sensible, you might as well enjoy it.
 
#17 ·
You wanna know the appeal of the ISTP woman? Let me enlighten you.
I can't speak for other men but I for one love how tomboyish and "unladylike" you guys are. You're not afraid to get your hands dirty. Unfortunately, many guys feel intimidated by this because of some social norms and toxic masculinity, which are a disease.
If anything, I appreciate these qualitiea even more since you're great at all the things I suck at - fixing stuff around the house and other DIY, playing sports, and just generally being competitive.. not to mention that physical coordination you're known for is pretty mind blowing. Your Se is the main cause of that wild, rebellious streak which is really really attractive. At the same time, leading with Ti means you're not a complete show off, unlike insert blank, which is refreshing. The badassery of ISTP females is also in a league of its own - not even the ESTP women can compare. Bonus points for ignoring traditions / conventions.
 
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