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If you have to let go of someone you are fond of, because the relationship can't happen for some particular reason, how easily do you let go/forget/move on? Do you lament for a while, or apply a common sense approach that it can't drag you down for long? Do you search for rebound love?

Just curious how INFP males handle this; looking to see how the gender difference works.
 

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All my life I have dreamed of finding that incredible girl for me, to have a bond that transcends what most people would define as "love."

I'm no stranger to relationships, but I give myself entirely to every relationship I commit to. With that in mind, I push things quite quickly in hopes of having them give themselves to me as well. I honestly believe people are meant to grow together and it's mostly a question of as to how far. Similar to two vines intertwining and growing next to each other so they can reach higher into the sky, relationships should be of mutual benefit to both people. In time, one or both of those vines may branch out and become less dependent on the other, but that doesn't stop the fact that the reason they are where they are today is because of that experience.

With that in mind, while I am forever thankful of what we shared together, but I realize that every moment I spend with someone that isn't my soulmate, is a missed opportunity to find her. So if I am in a relationship and determine that this girl isn't "the one" I will end it quickly, but as peacefully as possible. Unfortunately for some girls, this has been a complete shocker as I've ended things when we were near perfect in terms of our relationship. I can't settle, and the fact that they're shocked indicates they weren't receptive towards me anyways.

So to answer your questions bluntly,
I "let go" very easily, but will forever have a bond with that person. I am -good- friends with virtually every girl I've dated, but the romantic aspect will remain in the past. Usually they need time to do that, but I'm a-ok immediately after.

Move on? I need zero re-coup time, I'll be out searching again virtually immediately after, but I don't do flings or rebounds. I wish I could afford the luxury of wallowing, but I'm too determined to find her. I also have some of the highest standards so the chances are I won't be dating too closely afterwards anyways.

Lament? No matter what it will cross my mind from time to time simply because I'm an INFP, we reflect on things, but I don't play the "what if" game or linger about romantic feelings.

 

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If you have to let go of someone you are fond of, because the relationship can't happen for some particular reason, how easily do you let go/forget/move on? Do you lament for a while, or apply a common sense approach that it can't drag you down for long? Do you search for rebound love?

Just curious how INFP males handle this; looking to see how the gender difference works.
I know that I've yearned for a strong emotional bond much like Lad, and I'll answer your questions from two different stand points: an ex-girlfriend and a friend that's going down the tubes.

ex:
I lament over it for a little while, but I don't let it get to me for too long. As for getting over it, I can tell myself comfortably that I'm over it in about two weeks, but I wouldn't even consider dating anyone (or introducing myself to someone I'm interested in) until there is some sort of attraction past the physical boundaries.

For short, I distance myself emotionally until I am comfortable with my vulnerabilities again. And I do not search for rebound love; I will not emotionally manipulate an individual for personal gain.

friend:

Honestly, this bothers me more than breaking up with a girlfriend. If someone has been honest enough with me to let me in and let me know about their problems, I would hope they are trying to help themselves. So I start to care more about them,and believe in them. and if they fall, I feel like shit because I couldn't help them prevent that from happening, for whatever reason, in our out of my control.
 

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I really did want to type out a lot in this topic, I felt I had a lot to say and do. You seem far more well rounded and experienced though, Lad, with the good and bad things tagging along. I don't see there's much for me to say that you haven't nailed to the wall already.

I don't feel this way too often outside of games. It's strange.
 

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Well, if it's a girl I like who is already with someone or not interested in me it can take a long time for me to get over. I keep imagining a perfect relationship with them and all kinds of romantic love and understanding, and the less I see them the more intense my daydreams become. But eventually I see their real personailty and lose attraction or find someone new to crush on.

If it's a girl I was with and we break up, I am able to move on with my attraction but not with my feelings. I am usually the one to break it off. Like Lad, I surprise them by saying I'm just not feeling it and they confront me asking why I want to give up on them so easily, especially when we are so close and have few conflicts. But if I can't consider marrying them I don't really want to be dating them. I am looking for a soul-mate, not a roommate.

After it's over, I stay close friends with them until they get a new guy, and sometimes even then I talk with them about their relationship troubles. I always feel close to them and have much compassion for them after having broken their heart. I say they, but I have only had 5 girlfriends so I'm not doing this all of the time. But I sincerely feel horrible and hate myself for having hurt them and done the same thing to them that happened to me with so many girls. I am very honest about why it's not working out and I try to let them know that I still love them, just don't think it's gonna work.

I guess I am okay about letting go of romantic love, but the other stuff I hold onto and cherish. I always wish I could do more to help and love my exes, I wish I could still snuggle with them without keeping them hanging on. Instead of letting go, I think I have a hard time hanging on, because I am always searching for that ideal relationship, having high standards of my girlfriends, and wanting to find the girl I am going to marry.
 

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in the past, once whatever happens which results in the "it's over" moment, i usually feel like i've been doused with a bucket of cold water. i still love the lass, but as a friend, and simply cant think of her as anything besides.
 

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I don't think I can ever let go. Moving on for me just doesn't work. Morning the loss of a lover till another one is gained. I feel as if the most meaningful relationships I have ever had (years ago) are still replayed in my inner garden of dreamy thoughts to this day. Even tonight I cried about a lost love. The emotions overwhelm me. I don't think we will ever forget lovers in the past because they will always have had a significant impact on the INFP's persona.
 

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I think I find it difficult to let go at first. I don't open up in that way easily, but when I feel something for someone I often feel like I've jumped off a cliff. When it becomes obvious the relationship isn't going to happen, be it through rejection/whatever, I think I grow to accept the reality of the situation rather quickly. I tend to self-reflect on the whole situation for a few days, see if there is anything I can learn from it all, but then rapidly come to accept things as they are. I never lose those feelings for the person though, it just becomes a case of not acting upon them. That part is easier said than done though! I've always tended to remain friends with people after dating in this sense, but I tend to remain a little distant than I would of otherwise have been before, at least at first anyway.
 
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