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INFJ men: If you have to let go of someone you are fond of, because the relationship can't happen for some particular reason, how easily do you let go/forget/move on? Do you lament for a while, or apply a common sense approach that it can't drag you down for long? Do you search for rebound love?

Please share your valuable insights.
 

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It's quite hard. I just went through this and it takes a couple of months to get used to the different life style (not seeing somebody). Life moves on though.
 

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I lament for a while. I ponder what could've happened better and if there was any other choice.

I usually don't rebound because of A) its not fair for the next girl if I'm still preoccupied with one of my past relationships and B) During that lamenting period, i just dont have the energy to give off love and care while I still reflect back on the relationship. Usually this last 6 months or so and im back on my feet.

this cycle of happiness/ sadness always brings me some good insights so i guess its beneficial.
 

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As for the person: emotional door slam. No more access to my thoughts and feelings.

It'd hurt me a lot though, and I think I would be quite depressed for a couple days, then mildly depressed after that. I wouldn't search for rebound love in the sense that I'd just get into any relationship, but I would be actively searching for something real. But I don't think I'd get into any relationship just because I wanted to take the pain away. INFJs in general are quite picky and serious about relationships, so I don't think that would happen all too often. As long as the INFJ takes a while to think it over after the relationship ends, rebounding probably wouldn't happen.
 
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Well, it can be difficult at some points. There's always an emotional and/or mental link when involved with someone. To some extent I think this is true of everyone, though INFJ's tend to form somewhat deeper bonds. This may affect me more because I'm a type 9. It seems like no matter how hard I try to avoid it, I end up absorbing a part of them - and this can be pretty dangerous if severed abruptly (especially if for very shallow reasons). What has made it easier over the years for me is developing a very strong sense of personal identity.

But letting go can be very beneficial at points. I've had several relationships with manic depressives over the years. In typical protector fashion, I was their rock and guide. It was rewarding, but very stressful. I used to get very vivid dreams of me drowning in water, being pulled into the depths - chains around my ankles, with these women pulling the chains, with a look of terror as they sank. Letting these relationships go was very difficult - until I felt that they could face the world on their own. Once let go, there was always a sense of achievement and relief.

In short, I'd say it depends on the type of love, and how it's broken, as to how hard it is.
 

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I use to search for rebound love in my teenage years. I was very reliant on other people for my happiness back then which was incredibly damaging to myself and unhealthy.

A lot of it depends on the circumstances. If I really enjoyed and liked the person and the reason for the separation was out of my control then it would be VERY hard for the first week or two. Depressed bummed feeling like crap maybe some crying for the first couple days then just melancholy and emptiness for a week or two but it wouldn't show. After that I would get sick of my situation and "pull myself up by my bootstraps". I am very acquainted with the exercise of getting over things and tire of being sad quickly. =S
 

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I'm not normally sentimental, but when it comes to people I have loved, and still love, despite not seeing them anymore, the memories can be painful. I will let go—I don't believe in clinging on to something that is not going to work out, and would rather get the actual separation over with as quickly as possible—but there will always be emotional bonds, and within me the relationship is never terminated, as in being cut off and done over with, but simply lingers and very slowly fades as the memories are stowed away in the windings of the mind.
 
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INFJ men: If you have to let go of someone you are fond of, because the relationship can't happen for some particular reason, how easily do you let go/forget/move on? Do you lament for a while, or apply a common sense approach that it can't drag you down for long? Do you search for rebound love?

Please share your valuable insights.
If I have fallen in love... I do not ever forget them. I hope I do not ever forget any of the women I'd fallen in love with.

I will recall them sometimes when I am alone... and just reminisce on how I fell in love and the highs... and the lows.

It's not a depressing feeling. It's kind of like... a warm nostalgia. But at the same time... I do know that it's over. :blushed: Were you wondering if an INFJ ex is thinking about you?
 
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