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I'm so sorry this is long but please read through it--I really need some advice.

I just found out this weekend that my father is going to have to have emergency surgery to remove his wisdom teeth because they are extremely infected. His dentist scheduled the surgery for this Friday which was the only day they could get him in for the next few months. My mother can't get off because she's the only supervisor working at her job that day and they can't replace her. There was no one else in my family who could help so I volunteered. My father gets sick very easily b/c the sphincter that opens into his stomach doesn't work correctly. He's had a surgery before so I know how his body reacts to anesthesia. I know he's going to be sick all day and will need someone to help him eat, change his gauze, and keep medicine/fluids in him.

So yesterday (Monday) I told my manager that I needed this Friday off and apologized for having to tell her on such short notice. I then told her exactly what I said above. She said no. Because Friday was our busiest day she needed me working. She then proceeded to ask my why my mother couldn't do it. I explained why my mom couldn't help. She then implied that if my mother was as high up in the business as she said that she should be able to take whatever time off she wanted. She also implied that my mother wasn't being a good wife to my dad. She then told me I had taken two days off earlier this year to watch my sister (who is a minor)(one of which one day was when that blizzard came through and no one could babysit her). She said that it shouldn't be my job to look after my little sister (what?) and that it's a shame my mother is putting my job at jeopardy like this. I didn't say anything and told her I understood and that I would see what I could do.

After making some calls to family members I still couldn't find anyone to help. I went back to my manager and told her this. She said that she would not approve my PTO b/c she needed me working. Note that even if I was gone we'd be FULLY staffed that day. Today she came back and said that she had talked to her boss about it. She proceeded to ask me if I could get my dad to move his surgery to another day. I told her that it was the only day they had available and that he wouldn't be able to change it. She then stated that was too bad as her boss wouldn't approve the PTO either.

Guys, I can't not go to the surgery. My dad has no ride home and he needs me to help him. I don't understand why she can't just approve it. I can tell just how business has been these last two days that it's not going to be as busy as she thinks (beginning of the week always tells how the end is going to be). I never ask for time off (last year I had two days remaining that I never used). I work hard, do my referrals, go above and beyond helping customers and team members, and I'm ALWAYS helping my manager. I pick up her lunch sometimes, I've bought her things just to be nice, I'm constantly checking to see if she needs anything (such as supplies, things to do, etc.). The fact is I'm LOYAL to her and, secondly, the company. She's not a bad person or manager but I really think she's in the wrong here. And I definitely don't appreciate her talking about my family the way she did. I always speak to her respectfully, I always show up on time, and I willingly stay late to help if my co-workers/she needs it. I almost have no life outside of work because of this.

Should I go to HR? I've already talked to her plenty of times and she's not budging-the only thing I can think of is to go higher up. I feel like I'm being harassed by all of these questions and rude assumptions. I don't think it's right for her to say these things about my family. Also she doesn't do this with my co-workers--just me. They can say, "Oh my baby has a tummy-ache" and they can leave immediately. Recently my manager has had family in the hospital and has had to take half days to spend time with them. If everyone else can take care of their families then why can't I? My family comes FIRST.

I have to go to the surgery--I'm just worried they're going to fire me or my manager's going to make things difficult for me after all of this. What rights do I have in this? I live on the southern east coast if that helps with laws/codes.
 

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I work in France which very much protects the worker, and even here it's completely within the employer's rights to deny time off. We even have "vacation blocks" as in, you are ALL blocked during certain periods in my company. Though, my employers aren't such a-holes as your boss.

The approach that your mother's job is more important that your employers' staffing is not a good approach. Your mother has her responsibilities. Your employer will just go "good for her. so do I, and I need my staff." That's probably what set them off.

Reschedule the operation, or get a friend to assist. Going to HR is career suicide as for many incompany promotions you'll need your manager's approval. HR having words with your manager will not endear your manager to you.
 

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This is a bit late:

So yesterday (Monday) I told my manager that I needed this Friday off and apologized for having to tell her on such short notice. I then told her exactly what I said above. She said no. Because Friday was our busiest day she needed me working. She then proceeded to ask my why my mother couldn't do it. I explained why my mom couldn't help. She then implied that if my mother was as high up in the business as she said that she should be able to take whatever time off she wanted. She also implied that my mother wasn't being a good wife to my dad. She then told me I had taken two days off earlier this year to watch my sister (who is a minor)(one of which one day was when that blizzard came through and no one could babysit her). She said that it shouldn't be my job to look after my little sister (what?) and that it's a shame my mother is putting my job at jeopardy like this. I didn't say anything and told her I understood and that I would see what I could do.
She's wrapping it up, no serious arguments.

I just found out this weekend that my father is going to have to have emergency surgery to remove his wisdom teeth because they are extremely infected. His dentist scheduled the surgery for this Friday which was the only day they could get him in for the next few months. My mother can't get off because she's the only supervisor working at her job that day and they can't replace her. There was no one else in my family who could help so I volunteered. My father gets sick very easily b/c the sphincter that opens into his stomach doesn't work correctly. He's had a surgery before so I know how his body reacts to anesthesia. I know he's going to be sick all day and will need someone to help him eat, change his gauze, and keep medicine/fluids in him.
Write a note for doctor and staff. They should be there for him. (TBH noone gives a fuck really if you die or not as a result of their negligence - My personal experience)

Today she came back and said that she had talked to her boss about it.
Go check on boss if she really did that

I don't understand why she can't just approve it
Shitty people that's why

The fact is I'm LOYAL to her and, secondly, the company.
Why would you be loyal to people that f* you over ? o.0

My rule: You are loyal to yourself and no one else.
 
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