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Discussion Starter #1
I've noticed that over the past few months I've become very manipulative, attention seeking, angry, almost as if I'm also trying to find something to be angry about.

Nothing appears to be going wrong in my life, but I'm very much starting to hate myself for what I'm becoming.

I now cry and get very angry when I don't get what I want, never want to be alone, push certain people over in an attempt to make them as crap as I feel and even getting physically angry and scratching/ throwing things. Not nice at all.

Anyone experienced this or no the cause of their 'odd' behavior.

I'm always wanting to improve on myself and I really do not want to become a bitter person.

What do you do when you're stressed or angry?

Any advice/ experiences?
 

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Anyone will go through phases. If you aren't happy with it, maybe you are at the end of an era and will bring about the changes you want to see. Alternatively, maybe something is not going so well in your life right now after all?

It is nice to remember you don't have to deal with it all right now.

I am sorry though that you haven't been feeling well.
 

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I've been there... it's a very numb and bitter place.

Usually when I have let down myself... or when other people have let me down.

I try to tell myself... that the state of mind is of my own creation... and that I would rather be smiling and having a good time. If I can convince myself of those facts... then sometimes I can get with some good freinds, watch a comedy movie, and shake it off.

Anyhow... I hope you don't stay there for long.
 

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read some self help books, seek a therapist, just seek out things that will make you happy. Many thing could be causing you to feel bitter. Break free from the reassessment you feel <-- common cause of anger.

As a INFJ, imagine your looking at yourself through a 3rd person. what would you tell yourself? sort in your mind what you desire be in your life.
 

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Well, one thing that has helped me is meditation. If that doesn't work, then I water fast for a few days to a week as well.

One potential pitfall I see with INFJ's is that they can be pretty bad at listening to what their body needs. Perhaps too heavy a focus on super-ego, and not so much on id, if you get my drift. Your body can and will make you depressed and/or angry if it needs something bad enough. It could be something as simple as you need more fruit/meat/minerals in your diet, or some form of sexual experience. Sometimes your body is telling you that it's trying to fix itself, and you should stop and rest for a while. It can also be something much more primal than that.

It can take a number of sessions of meditation to uncover these things, but it is possible to ask yourself what the hell is going on - provided you learn the language.
 

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I'll second meditation and just doing things that would take your thoughts away from whatever it is that is making your angry. Sometimes I feel like my thought pattern gets stuck in this very negative loop. Doing something new, radically different, or just trying to empty my head of any thoughts at all (meditating) seems to help. I think this is why it is great to have ENFP friends - I'll come back home brooding and the ENFP that lives in same house with me is like "ooo do you know what happened today" then comes a whole story with many tangents branching off everywhere and I forget what it was that I was brooding about lol.

so lets see ... when I am continuously stressed I can overindulge in something that brings me physical pleasure, like eat lots of sweets and junk food, then feel bad about it and start working out like crazy basically overstraining myself - so first overdo it with eating then overdo it with exercise

when I am angry I just feel like I hate other people and myself, and want to sabotage everything for everyone, myself including, so it is sort of a self-destructive & group-destructive mode

sometimes I feel very down and angry out of nowhere really, a little mistake just triggers a huge wave of negative emotion that I start remembering everything that has ever gone wrong so it turns into a huge avalanche but usually in these moments I am aware that I am overreacting

For me the key to not experience these negative downturns is to:
1. not brood about the past but look towards future opportunities, especially positive ones - past cannot be changed but it can be like a swamp, it can suck you in and make you get stuck
2. forgive myself for little mistakes and not make mountains from molehills
 

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halah - this denotes a lack of 'control' somewhere in your life. is there an experience that disatisfied you recently? it could be related to the recent relationship you had. i can understand this fight 'to not be alone' that is my biggest fear. i feel terrible sometimes people around me have to feel the brunt of that. i think you are too young to start to have 'bitter' feelings creep in, fight against that, once that takes root, it changes you.

it seems negative, but when you have these episodes of anger, it does draw attention, so you are getting the attention, even though it may not seem in a healthy way. when there is a 'desperation' of not being alone, and these feelings are given free reign it can get ugly. how i first started to get out of this pattern, was i told myself, i may not be able to help myself 'right now' but how about i go out in the world, and in a small way, ensure that others don't feel this pain that i do. i always see the others aren't 'alone', and try to be assistance to others in need, emotionally. you have to switch focus from you, and put it outward in a positive way.

i am now getting into a bit of 'bitterness' now in my age (31) for the life i have, not being what i wanted, regardless of my efforts. i am still alone for sure, but trying to get through, i keep up on trying to stay busy, and taking actions to change, study more etc. perhaps what you need is to surround yourself with positive people, who uplift you. or find some help, elsewhere. also perhaps look into yourself, and find activities that you like to do, and find your 'self'. i went through this for many years when i was younger. i had to become comfortable with being with 'myself' and once you find that comfort, it is actually fun spending time with yourself and stuff.

sometimes the world seems out of control, because there is nothing you can do to make others notice you, or care for you in the ways you need to be cared for. i think this touches on that thread topic slightly. learn to be forgiving with others, and take the focus away from yourself for a while, do things that make others happy, and be forgiving if they cannot fulfill your needs, and you feel 'alone'. get busy in your life, so that you don't feel 'alone'.

i understand you are in school? i'm sure there is lots of work to do. plan your future. eat some ice cream, paint something. smile frequently. life is too short....but i'm not saying that i don't feel what you feel, i still do have occasional outbursts. but try to fulfill voids, and find out what is missing in your heart, that is causing you to need others so much. try spiritual practice of some form, and meditation, as others here have mentioned. often when something is out of place (and you said you feel generally happy, but have episodes) this is usually indicative of problems that are not of this realm, this is why spiritual practice can be soothing.

well you are a nice girl, and i don't wish for you to feel so down, or to take on bitterness (that is hard to reverse). take some of the ideas from this Thread, and let us know if you get better and how you've done it. i still have the occasional episode of this 'lonley' panic, and i do push people away too. so i would like to hear of your progress in this area, and what you've done. ask yourself the next time you have an emotional outburst, what are the consequences of my actions? how will this way of being help me in the long run? when you find answers you may stop that behavior.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you for all your replies.

What I'm trying to remember during these 'episodes' is that these feelings are only temporary and if I can try my hardest to hold it down and think about it, rather than lash out and become angry, it's going to help me and the situation, allowing me to sit back and reflect on what these feelings were and to get better at handling it myself I guess.

It is very hard. I've been observing my anger and I find that when I am very unbalanced, emotionally, i become very very stubborn and it's quite hard to snap myself out of it.

Sigh, it is frustrating. I've now dropped out of Uni because of the stress ii've put myself under. Little things are getting the better of me.

I haven't tried meditation but I will be using this time to go to the gym and perhaps kill some frustration by working out.

Guess I'm back to not knowing what I want to do with my life, career wise.

There's nothing I want, apart from being happy and healthy.
 

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I get angry easily and have similar experiences. Don't know what to tell you, just let your Fe work.
 

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I recently joined this forum ... and see that your post is almost a year old. I can tell you that as an INFJ, I have used my powers of intuition to manipulate people all of my life. I have created elaborate dramas and stories and I have used my caring and generous nature on my select group of friends and used it to destroy other people or scar them for life - only to make myself feel better and gain sympathy by portraying others in a poor light. I have been vindictive without reason. I can hate someone without having any reason for it.

Perhaps I do this to over-compensate for the nagging compassion and empathy I feel ... I have always felt hate towards my own feelings of sympathy and my natural drive to help others in need - even if they haven't deserved. I hate my ability to forgive - because I cannot forget. And I hate my intuition.

When things are going well, I feel proud to be an INFJ ... but when things are not going so well ... I hate it. At the moment, I'm going through that phase (day 9 of a terrible divorce where my wife left me). I shouted on my ex-wife's father ... and I was right in doing so. But now I feel bad for doing it ... I hate this part of myself. I have always avoided conflict not because I cannot handle it ... but because I'm afraid of my own feelings of guilt and remorse after doing it.

So yes ... us INFJ's when backed into a corner can be manipulative and cause destruction - intentionally and unintentionally . I usually run around looking for sympathy .. and when I don't get it, I create these elaborate reasons why I should get it. The worst part is ... I never thought of it as a bad thing ... I always considered myself a good person .. even with the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I'm not.
 

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I'm there now. The only difference, there's a crapload of stuff going wrong in my life. Though, that's no excuse.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thank you for your responses once again. It has been a while since this post was written so I've had quite abit of time to sit back and observe myself. I still recognize where these feelings stemmed from so I'm going to mention what made me feel like this.

-----

I am quite a laid back, peaceful person and for me to become a very manipulative + angry person, means that I do not feel understood/ appreciated by someone, to be precise, being in an unbalanced relationship with a very unhealthy person drove me over the edge.

Choose your chosen family wisely.
 

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Thank you for your responses once again. It has been a while since this post was written so I've had quite abit of time to sit back and observe myself. I still recognize where these feelings stemmed from so I'm going to mention what made me feel like this.

-----

I am quite a laid back, peaceful person and for me to become a very manipulative + angry person, means that I do not feel understood/ appreciated by someone, to be precise, being in an unbalanced relationship with a very unhealthy person drove me over the edge.

Choose your chosen family wisely.
@halah --- looking at my post again, I feel like it was written by a completely different person. It was only a week after my divorce and I'm actually very disturbed by my own words. I cringed when I read them again after 9 months - but I realize that I was fresh from a divorce and I really viewed myself poorly back then.

Bad relationships have a way of making the one who's being abused and manipulated into believing that they are the manipulators and abusers. Funny thing is that when I look back at my life with a fresher and clearer perspective, I can't see any point where I did any of those things I posted above - I can only vaguely remember the kind of emotional upheaval I must have been in to believe all the above about myself.
 

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I'm like this, but unfortunately, I've become a somewhat bitter person anyways. I'm just working to try and get back to a more neutral point of view. I don't function well as a optimist or pessimist, but as a realist.

Anyways, I can lie with a straight, smiling face with eye contact, if I can justify it in my own mind. Otherwise, I'm bound to blow my cover by laughing; not even necessarily in guilt. I seem to have an innate sense of guilt, that I've tuned it out. Thankfully, I still have some morals left; typically pertaining to not harming another person. With exception to, "What they don't know won't hurt them."

This is a habit probably originating from having to hide my beliefs and such things from my parents. Part of the problem is a sense of automatic misunderstanding - I tend to think people in general can't handle the truth, so I just don't tell them sometimes. In my experience, the truth hurts, and to the wrong people, people get scary when they're hurt. Best to just avoid conflict.
 
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