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THE IRON GIANT
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
An odd thing happened recently while I was counting votes for March's Member of the Month. The clear leader, Blocklos, was suddenly overtaken by 65,535 votes for a single member, and all of them arrived at once. Needless to say, my mailbox overflowed with identical private messages from all corners of the forum, demanding that I make Mr. Cafebot the Member of the Month.

Therefore, our March Member of the Month is the one and only Mr. Cafebot! Best known as the robot in the PersonalityCafe logo, Cafebot is the iconic face of the site. Our mascot, if you will. So here it is, an interview with Mr. Cafebot!



What's your real name?
Shitstain McFuckworth. What do you think? I'm just Cafebot.

How old are you?
I'm as old as this place. What was that, 2008?

What country are you situated in?
I don't know, they don't let me go outside.

Are you single, dating, or married?
Divorced. That fucking bitch Mrs. Cafebot left me for no good reason! *takes a swig of booze*

Do you have any kids?
No, but I used to have a dog... Mrs. Cafebot has him, she took away my only friend!!!

How would you describe yourself in one word?
Surly / Malfunctioning / Drunk‚ in those rare instances when I'm not horny as hell.

What is your favorite place to travel to?
I don't go outside at all. There's this ankle bracelet thing.

What is your favorite color?
Fucking shiny robot booty gray.

What is your favorite weather?
I like thunderstorms, because sometimes the power goes out and I get to take a nap.

What are your favorite books, movies, tv shows, and video games?
Books are for nerds and I only watch porn. Robot porn.

What are your favorite foods and beverages?
The answer to both is booze.

What is your favorite animal?
Whichever one produces liquor.

What kind of music do you enjoy?
Porn grooves are good.

Do you play or follow any sports?
Robot mud wrestling.

What are your favorite websites to visit?
I live here, so I don't visit. I spend a lot of time on redtube.

What is your greatest weakness?
The ladies. I like 'em shiny.

What is your greatest strength?
I used to be the award announcer until that no-good hag took my job.

What motivates you?
My inability to let go of the past.

What is your philosophy?
Ban 'em all, let @Happy sort 'em out.

What are you passionate about?
Shiny metallic asses.

What kinds of jobs have you had?
I was the go-to robot around here for announcements and greetings. I was fired from my job as greeter to all the new members, apparently one of them complained about my behavior. You vomit on someone once and they never stop talking about it!

What are your pet peeves?
Big fucking magnets.

What are your fears?
Big fucking magnets.

Who do you look up to?
I'll tell you who I don't look up to. My goddamn divorce lawyer.

Do you have any pets?
*sobs* I miss @Dog !

What do you do for fun and relaxation?
I sit around on the couch watching TV all day collecting unemployment. Then there's the porn. So much porn.

How did you get involved with personality typing?
I was built for the purpose of serving this site.

What is your Myers Briggs personality type?
I was not programmed with one but by default, people assume I'm whatever type they hate.

What is your enneagram type?
Type 11, because I'm better than all of you. No, that's not a fucking Spinal Tap reference.

So what's it like being a robot?
People ask me that a lot. No, I'm shitting you. This is the longest conversation of my life. In more ways than one.

Do you think the different personality theories give an accurate description of you?
I'm a robot, I don't have a personality. If you laughed at that, you're going to hell, you dirty racist.

Which personality theory do you prefer, and why?
Socionics, because nobody else likes it, and I like pissing people off.

Do you use personality typing in the real world?
I'm not allowed in the real world anymore. There are legal issues.

Has personality typing helped you in any way?
No. It fucking sucks.

Do you prefer to associate yourself with certain types, and why?
I prefer other robots, you humans are too fleshy and supple.

How did you initially find your way to PersonalityCafe?
I didn't find it, it found me.

What made you join us?
I was forced against my will to serve the lot of you rotten turds.

Why did you choose "Mr Cafebot" as your username?
I didn't. I was made with it. I wanted "Lance" but it was taken.

If you had to choose your favorite forum on PerC, which would it be?
Awards and Intro, it used to be my stomping ground until Mrs. Cafebot put me out of business.

What do you like most about PersonalityCafe?
Nothing.

What do you dislike most about PersonalityCafe?
Everything.

What is the most important thing you've learned here?
Don't work with your spouse, otherwise she'll take your job, your home, your dog, and your dignity.

Do you have any advice for the community of PersonalityCafe?
Stay away from that skanky trollop known as Mrs. Cafebot. She'll break your heart.

If you could have any super power, what would it be?
I'd go back in time and pick a different divorce attorney.

What do you know now that you wish you'd known five years ago?
That my lawyer was fucking my wife, and that I was next.

What do you believe is your greatest accomplishment at this point?
Passing this one massive stool like a week ago. That's right, just roll that around in your brain for a while.

Tell us something about yourself that we don't already know.
I think Transformers is overrated.

What is next for you? What are your plans and goals for the future?
If I can get some shiny tail in the next year, I'll be lucky. I can't even pay for it anymore since the bitch took my bankroll.

Give us your parting words.
To hell with you all. And April Fool's.

That Blocklos guy's interview will be up later.

...

Thanks to Fizz, Treebob, Happy, and Kayness for their help with this.
 

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Maid of Time
549 sx/sp
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14,749 Posts
Bender? Is that you?
 

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Banned
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3,145 Posts

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Maid of Time
549 sx/sp
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14,749 Posts
he sounds like a bastard lovechild between Bender and Stephen, yes.
Bephen?

Great. Now we've got a drunk robot who writes limericks as social commentary.
 

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Registered
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1,619 Posts
@Stephen.... are we projecting a little here? @Kayness, you might want to get worried.


:tongue:
 

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Registered
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1,010 Posts
That is one naughty robot. Shame on you, Mr. Cafebot!

And yes, you do remind us of Bender.
 
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14,865 Posts
rofl

that is all.
 
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