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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why do people keep asking me will I ever marry? Even though I have stated on so many occasions I do not wish to marry or have children. Someone on the forum even told me I'd make a good wife. I am sure I would if that is what I desired, but some people prefer to be free. I guess if I had wanted to have children then I probably would have said yes to them. But I don't think a piece of paper makes people stay together.
 

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^ pretty much.

Being asked is one thing. What really annoys me are those who seem to see getting married and having children as a sign of success or maturity. I have friends who's close family members are like that....Putting all this pressure on him to get married and have kids by a certain age to "make them proud". Its ridiculous. He's barely 21, he has his entire dang life ahead of him, he has school to deal with and a career to build. Making decisions that will change or impact his life forever like getting married and having kids to make his idiotic relatives happy should be the least of his concerns. Unfortunately he is not nearly as thick skinned and independent minded as I am, so it really bothers him and causes stress. I swear, there are a lot of people in this world that I'd love to smack upside the head.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
^ pretty much.

Being asked is one thing. What really annoys me are those who seem to see getting married and having children as a sign of success or maturity. I have friends who's close family members are like that....Putting all this pressure on him to get married and have kids by a certain age to "make them proud". Its ridiculous. He's barely 21, he has his entire dang life ahead of him, he has school to deal with and a career to build. Making decisions that will change or impact his life forever like getting married and having kids to make his idiotic relatives happy should be the least of his concerns. Unfortunately he is not nearly as thick skinned and independent minded as I am, so it really bothers him and causes stress. I swear, there are a lot of people in this world that I'd love to smack upside the head.
Yeah my cousin just got married and her mother in-law is after her to have children even though both my cousin and her husband have said they aren't having any ever. Sign of success, yeah I think it's more so for women, like you have done your duty and procreated. As if my self worth is tied to giving birth, I think not.
 
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So as proof of how valid marriage and family is as an indicator of happiness and maturity these people pull up examples of all those happy, mature married people out there? The ones who have already been through a divorce or two who say they hate their kids, or the ones who reveal after a drink or two that they haven't had sex in their marriage for 17 years, or the ones who are on anxiety medications just to maintain some semblance of tolerance for each other?

People don't need to be married any more, so to make it work they need to want to be married. And they need to constantly choose again and again to be together while they are together. Not everyone can do this. There's a strong tendency to fall back on thinking of marriage as a fix-all. You select a life partner and plug them in like a lamp or a new video card.

This doesn't work, obviously.

What I have to stop myself from telling people who are considering tying the knot: "Well, you gotta start marrying people sometime, I guess."
 

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Single is the new Married :p

It's just an institution, there's no right or wrong way to live ones life, just your way.
 

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Single is the new Married :p

It's just an institution, there's no right or wrong way to live ones life, just your way.
Exactly. However, I think it's annoying that being single or not having children is often associated with being immature and selfish. Being married or having kids does not magically make those traits in people go away. Also, there are tons of single, childfree people who are extremely caring and successful people.
 

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Why do people keep asking me will I ever marry? Even though I have stated on so many occasions I do not wish to marry or have children. Someone on the forum even told me I'd make a good wife. I am sure I would if that is what I desired, but some people prefer to be free. I guess if I had wanted to have children then I probably would have said yes to them. But I don't think a piece of paper makes people stay together.
there's nothing like being told of how well you'd fit into society's stereotypes to boost your morale :crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Exactly. However, I think it's annoying that being single or not having children is often associated with being immature and selfish. Being married or having kids does not magically make those traits in people go away. Also, there are tons of single, childfree people who are extremely caring and successful people.

I think what bugs me the most is that some feel my choice is some how not natural to not want kids. My aunt even asked me if I was gay!? Which makes no sense, so if I were a lesbian I wouldn't want kids? WTF! So I shocked her and said no I love dick and because I love dick some much I choose to be free to f#%k all the dick I want or not. :tongue:
 

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^ pretty much.

Being asked is one thing. What really annoys me are those who seem to see getting married and having children as a sign of success or maturity. I have friends who's close family members are like that....Putting all this pressure on him to get married and have kids by a certain age to "make them proud". Its ridiculous. He's barely 21, he has his entire dang life ahead of him, he has school to deal with and a career to build. Making decisions that will change or impact his life forever like getting married and having kids to make his idiotic relatives happy should be the least of his concerns. Unfortunately he is not nearly as thick skinned and independent minded as I am, so it really bothers him and causes stress. I swear, there are a lot of people in this world that I'd love to smack upside the head.
I know what you mean. My best friend just got engaged. She's 21 and her fiance is her first and only boyfriend. Because she's been with her boyfriend (or really she's been drifting along with her boyfriend) since high school and now he just graduated from college and has his first real job, their families are all excited about them getting married. I don't understand why people think reaching a certain age means you're automatically ready for marriage. My friend is nowhere near the maturity level needed to make a decision as heavy as marriage - and I don't mean she's too immature for this decision because she's only 21 and has only just begun exploring her adult life and forming her identity. She's not even that far along. She is essentially a 21 year old girl with a 13 year old mind. He life is the same now as it was in 8th grade except that instead of school she works a part-time job (which her parents pretty much chose for her). She still lives at home and her parents take complete care of her (laundry, cooking, buying her clothes, driving her places - you name it, they do it for her). She and her boyfriend have been together 6 years but they have almost nothing in common and they are basically glorified platonic friends (forget sex - she thinks it's gross and scary - I don't even think they kiss each other). I honestly think 95% of the reason she's marrying him is because she's afraid of ever having to care of herself, so she'll move out of her parents' house and right in with her husband who treats her more like a daughter than a partner. I'm still holding out hope that she'll try living with him before they get married and that experience will make her realize how wrong they are for each other before it's too late (her family is very traditional, so divorce isn't really an option).

If they do get married my maid of honor toast is gonna suck. What kind of speech can I give about why a couple belongs together when in 6 years all I've seen them do is watch TV and bicker? I honestly don't have a single story that shows why they should be together.
 

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I think what bugs me the most is that some feel my choice is some how not natural to not want kids. My aunt even asked me if I was gay!? Which makes no sense, so if I were a lesbian I wouldn't want kids? WTF! So I shocked her and said no I love dick and because I love dick some much I choose to be free to f#%k all the dick I want or not. :tongue:
I know I have a comment for this but I forgot what it was..........
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 · (Edited)
is something going on, INFJGirlie and myjazz? you two make a good pair.
I beg you to stop taking crack before you post! :tongue:


Indeed. You should totally get married and have 2.5 kids.
LOL I think Female INFJ sounds a better one for that, as they are two peas in a POD! :crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 · (Edited)
So what did she say? :tongue:
Nothing I told you I shocked her. I did got an ear full later. I am sure they think I'm some kind of slut now, but no that title belongs to my oldest sister, she's had 100's of men, me just 3. I may want the freedom to have all the dick I want but I am still very selective, too much of an INFJ to sleep around. LOL :tongue:
 
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