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Discussion Starter #1
Don't INFP's have a problem getting married and picking the "one" person they want to spend the rest of their lives with? After all, we love a world of freedom, possibilities and openness. Committing yourself to marriage means you'll never experience a new or different love for the rest of your life. Do some of you find commitment difficult?
 

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Not me. Mr. Keirsey once mentioned something similar (about some INFPs being wary of commitment), but even he said that would be the case of but a few INFPs. Most (although not all) INFPs would probably embrace the opportunity of a life-lasting, meaningful relationship with a significant other, and would tend to work hard to keep a healthy relationship going on forever (true love is not boring to me, and seeing the relationship grow and mature is its own reward as well; indeed, a beautiful, loving life journey, growing and evolving together as one.)
 

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I'm just looking for my soulmate, but to find her I'll naturally have to search through alot of other people in the meantime. But when I find her, I won't let her go.

Future soulmate, don't be afraid to PM me, it will make my job alot easier!:crazy::cool::tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Not me. Mr. Keirsey once mentioned something similar (about some INFPs being wary of commitment), but even he said that would be the case of but a few INFPs. Most (although not all) INFPs would probably embrace the opportunity of a life-lasting, meaningful relationship with a significant other, and would tend to work hard to keep a healthy relationship going on forever (true love is not boring to me, and seeing the relationship grow and mature is its own reward as well; indeed, a beautiful, loving life journey, growing and evolving together as one.)
Yes, I think we would all like the mythical perfect lifelong romance. The problem is reality doesn't match the dream. No man, woman or relationship is perfect. Therefore isn't it natural to wonder if something is always better on the horizon?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I'm just looking for my soulmate, but to find her I'll naturally have to search through alot of other people in the meantime. But when I find her, I won't let her go.

Future soulmate, don't be afraid to PM me, it will make my job alot easier!:crazy::cool::tongue:
How will you know when you find her? Won't you always think the current relationship is good but maybe something else is better?
 

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I honestly believe you can romantically love more than one person, deeply. That is an emotion. What you CAN do is decide how you will act.

To me, committing to a marriage meant getting to experience a new and different love every DAY, as we grow to know each other better and better. Love is much more fun and comforting a long-term experience than it is as a short-term one, where I find it anxiety-inducing sometimes (mostly in the time between when I fall in love with a man and when he decides he's actually in love with me, and then I wonder whether he really is or whether he just said that because he knew I loved him--gah!!).

It also meant committing to maintaining a certain distance between myself and other people I love, because I love them differently than I love my spouse--even people I love romantically (like exes I still have feelings for). That is out of respect for them, myself and my spouse. And that I am able to show that kind of respect for all of us increases my love for all of them.

Am SO not able to explain this articulately. I'm a love whore. I love to love. But my husband is the one I've chosen to be my PARTNER in life, and that's different. And interesting.
 

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I honestly believe you can romantically love more than one person, deeply. That is an emotion. What you CAN do is decide how you will act.

To me, committing to a marriage meant getting to experience a new and different love every DAY, as we grow to know each other better and better. Love is much more fun and comforting a long-term experience than it is as a short-term one, where I find it anxiety-inducing sometimes (mostly in the time between when I fall in love with a man and when he decides he's actually in love with me, and then I wonder whether he really is or whether he just said that because he knew I loved him--gah!!).

It also meant committing to maintaining a certain distance between myself and other people I love, because I love them differently than I love my spouse--even people I love romantically (like exes I still have feelings for). That is out of respect for them, myself and my spouse. And that I am able to show that kind of respect for all of us increases my love for all of them.

Am SO not able to explain this articulately. I'm a love whore. I love to love. But my husband is the one I've chosen to be my PARTNER in life, and that's different. And interesting.
Beautifully said. You're the kind of woman I hope to find someday. :)
 

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How will you know when you find her? Won't you always think the current relationship is good but maybe something else is better?

Therein lies the problem. I allways see better things on the horizon, more potential ect. I think it'd have to do with a lot of different things, but especially timing. If I find her but I'm not in the right place in my life to settle down, I don't think I could be with her. Also, I'd hate to feel like I'm settling in any way, so she would have to really knock me into another universe for me to even consider her soulmate status you know? There are a few key things she must have/be for that, so it makes it a little easier for me to weed out the one's who don't make the cut.

Basically what I'm saying is I will know when it happens, if it happens. That kind of a woman you meet maybe once or twice in a lifetime if you even meet them at all. When I meet her -if I meet her, I will know if she's the one I've been searching my whole life for. She's out there, it's just a matter of finding her.
 

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I don't really have any problem with commitment, no. Maybe that's just because I'm not a very socially-oriented person anyway, so once I found someone that I was sure I wanted to be with, I'd just stick with that relationship. The only problem I've faced with commitment so far is when I came to the conclusion that I was bi-romantic -- after getting married -- when I fell pretty hard for another girl. I wished desperately that I'd been more aware of that part of myself when I was younger, and I felt miserable over the fact that I'd never gotten to experience a romantic relationship with another female. Oh well, I guess... not much I can do. I've no intention of leaving my husband just for the remote possibility of having something with someone of the same sex.

I guess sometimes I've also had a bit of a mental struggle over whether I'd rather just be alone. I feel more "myself" when I'm on my own and tend to lose my sense of individuality when I'm around others -- I see myself as my parents' daughter or my husband's wife, that sort of thing. I lose touch with who I am when I'm just me, and feel like I'm playing a role that relates to whoever is around me. I also fall too easily into becoming very dependant on others.

Anyway, that has nothing really to do with commitment. Quick summary, then: no, I don't have a problem with commitment.
 

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Yes, I think we would all like the mythical perfect lifelong romance. The problem is reality (often) doesn't match the dream. No man, woman or relationship is perfect. Therefore isn't it natural to wonder if something is always better on the horizon?
Or it could be worse as well-not necessarily better (something always to consider, as the grass is seemingly greener on the other side.)

Since I am not perfect, I won't expect my mate to be perfect either, although it is my hope we'll be perfect for each other, as we should. Romance is valid, IMHO-it doesn't mean that there won't be difficulties along the way, but that we'll work together throughout the trials and difficulties that will eventually come. Indeed, I find INFPs usually open about people not being as awesome as we initially tend to idealize them, and to love (and consequently, commit ourselves) so much to want to keep working on that healthy relationship we so much cherish, no matter how imperfect, earthy, and non-mithical the situation may get.

Indeed, I am a romantic, but I just believe that true loving relationships do happen and exist, and that true, commited love does indeed conquer all. Many relationships turn sour, and that is sad indeed. But it doesn't mean that all should, especially our own, if we commit ourselves to it with all our hearts.
 

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Commitment wasn't a problem. Finding someone to commit to who's worth committing to and who feels the same about me took half my life.
 

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Yes, I find this to be true. I am on my second marriage and it has been tough, we're currently separated. He is an INTJ and I think a lot of my problems have stemmed from just the fact that its so hard for him to be verbal about his feelings or communicate them. He often thinks that what I want out of our marriage is some unrealistic fantasy-some of it maybe. But in my early 20's I dated a lot of people. I don't think that when INFPs find someone who cares just as much about the relationship as they do--they would ever let it go.. Maybe to a lot of types this seems like we are picky but I think its because we are willing to invest everything we have and give so much-it is natural for us but not so with other people and I have taken this personally. No one wants to feel as though they are 'settling' after all.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Yes, I find this to be true. I am on my second marriage and it has been tough, we're currently separated. He is an INTJ and I think a lot of my problems have stemmed from just the fact that its so hard for him to be verbal about his feelings or communicate them. He often thinks that what I want out of our marriage is some unrealistic fantasy-some of it maybe. But in my early 20's I dated a lot of people. I don't think that when INFPs find someone who cares just as much about the relationship as they do--they would ever let it go.. Maybe to a lot of types this seems like we are picky but I think its because we are willing to invest everything we have and give so much-it is natural for us but not so with other people and I have taken this personally. No one wants to feel as though they are 'settling' after all.
So if you have to ask yourself "am I settling" you know the answer? I think INFP's see the good in every one and therefore find it very difficult to end relationships.
 

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I don't find it difficult, but I have had problems giving relationships a fair chance. Kind of like I'd make excuses as to why it wouldn't work out long term. I definitely regret it. I've had one or two angels come into my life that I let go and now I'm starting to let myself think I may never get the chance again. I'd definitely cherish someone to share myself with, especially now that I'm at a point in my life that I'd be able to let my guard down.
 

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Not me. Mr. Keirsey once mentioned something similar (about some INFPs being wary of commitment), but even he said that would be the case of but a few INFPs. Most (although not all) INFPs would probably embrace the opportunity of a life-lasting, meaningful relationship with a significant other, and would tend to work hard to keep a healthy relationship going on forever (true love is not boring to me, and seeing the relationship grow and mature is its own reward as well; indeed, a beautiful, loving life journey, growing and evolving together as one.)
I certainly want this & would embrace this, and novelty-seeking is not an issue for me when it comes to relationships, but I sometimes resist commitment because I'm afraid of picking the wrong person & getting stuck in a miserable situation. It's not about finding perfection, just someone compatible, and I feel like I'm an odd duck who is not compatible with most or many people.

I'm not the kind to get serious with someone & then bail though. I haven't had many long-term relationships for the sheer fact that I don't see enough potential in most people to get past a date or two. I take commitment seriously too, which is why I don't enter into one lightly.
 

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I certainly want this & would embrace this, and novelty-seeking is not an issue for me when it comes to relationships, but I sometimes resist commitment because I'm afraid of picking the wrong person & getting stuck in a miserable situation. It's not about finding perfection, just someone compatible, and I feel like I'm an odd duck who is not compatible with most or many people.

I'm not the kind to get serious with someone & then bail though. I haven't had many long-term relationships for the sheer fact that I don't see enough potential in most people to get past a date or two. I take commitment seriously too, which is why I don't enter into one lightly.
This is true for me as well-it is not that I see myself as flawed, incapable of a long-term relationship, or deem others "worse" or "not good enough", but I really am not "normal" enough for most ladies, it appears, to easily find somebody, and the dating universe is wholly different for me. To the outsider, it may look as if I am being "too picky", but what happens is that I am being realistic-it is not easy to find the right person, but as was the case with Mr. @Aqualung , I don't feel I would have trouble commiting to her-it's way more difficult for me to find a special person who will accept me as-is, because even though I am not superior-or inferior-to anybody, I am not very "common", and I say so without any pretense.

I would say that it's not hard for me to commit, but that I am in a peculiar situation where it's even "difficult" to date anybody that is seemingly compatible in the first place. I don't date based on appearance alone, but don't know or am part of huge social circles where to meet new people. Online dating is theoretically better, but then it is hard to even get dates there in the first place, in the *rare* ocassion I do like somebody's profile for me to give it a fair try (I only message ladies in which I see true relationship potential, not just "to have fun" or "for practice"). I'd love to commit, and will do so with all my heart when the time comes (I know this from experience, as I've been able to commit and do incredible things in the name of true love in the past.)

To be honest, I think you are doing the right thing in not committing right away to people just because you just dated someone. If you are going to be in it for the long haul, better make sure it will be a beautiful and long lasting relationship. Why date and commit for its own sake, if you know in your heart the relationship is not bound to last for reasons you alone realize and know?
 

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If I find the right person, I'll be happy enough that I won't need new people. He will create new adventures with me.
 
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