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Hello :> Would really appreciate some help typing myself. I've gotten 2, 4, 5, 6 and 9 doing different tests. I frequently get 9w1, 5w4 and 4w5. Based on my friends and sibling's types - 9s, 6s and a 4 for my sibling - I'm not really surprised at the results because I realize I'm really easily influenced by the people around. This is quite a lengthy post, sorry in advance.

I decided to use the pinned questionnaire by Spades.

Main Questions

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

  • I am driven by a need to be useful to others. I think shame is my key motivator.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

  • I hope to become the ideal version of myself - someone who can help others without needing much of a break, someone who works hard.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

  • I want to avoid being selfish and arrogant. I also want to be just helpful or useful to people, not to be seen as their savior or someone who they needed. I value selflessness, being mellow and humbleness (for myself). I don't mind people being selfish or arrogant to an extent because a majority of people I'm lucky to be around can keep themselves in check.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

  • My biggest fears are: despite having so much time, never becoming who I want to be; being abandoned by a loved one; being seen as a victim.
  • The first fear is because I find it hard to tolerate myself when I'm not at my ideal state. I guess this fear is also deeply rooted in the fear of being useless.
  • My second fear is based on the idea that I'll be abandoned if I'm not good enough or if I mess up.
  • As for my third fear: I've hurt people when I was younger and although I've been incredibly fortunate to have been forgiven and have been able to make amends, I will never fully know the impacts of what my actions have caused these people. I feel immense shame when people see me as a victim in a situation because I don't want to receive sympathy or help - I have a hard time feeling like I deserve it.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

  • Generally, I'd prefer not to be perceived. I'd really appreciate being a forgettable person to a majority of people. To a few loved ones and to people within my industry, I think I'd like for them to see me as someone who is reliable and hardworking.
  • I see myself as someone who is lazy and not very good at many things. I often get stuck on this belief that I'm a bad person.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

  • I feel best when I'm organized, productive and am able to help a lot of people around me.
  • I feel worst when people are going out of their way to help me which is a general indicator for me that I'm not doing enough (e.g. working hard enough, being productive enough).

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

  • I rarely get angry, but when I do, I generally bottle it up. When I have enough clarity of mind, I then try to work back on it: why am I angry --> usually because I'm sad about something --> what and why am I sad? --> decide whether this is in my control or not --> take appropriate actions.
  • I use shame as my main source of motivation to not do those things that made me feel ashamed. I have a tendency to beat myself up over things, though, which leads to stagnancy and feelings of helplessness.
  • When I'm anxious, which is unfortunately often, I become hyperalert of things that may lead to the negative outcomes that I've envisioned in my head, and do my best to prevent those things from happening. I've had a few anxiety attacks, but I generally don't get to such a serious point and just feel on edge most of the time.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

  • I usually don't thrive under stress, but when I am under a great deal of stress, I detach emotionally and become very productive.
  • I'm pretty adaptable with changes to schedules and I don't generally fight change because I don't really perceive a lot of things as permanent. I'm not a huge fan of change, but I won't oppose it unless there is something seriously bad about it.
  • I'm very conflict averse. I also don't think I end up in conflict situations.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

  • I'm not entirely sure what this question means so I'm very sorry if I answered this incorrectly.
  • Authority: I generally respect authority unless a reason not to presents itself. If I don't feel respect for them, I won't actively rebel unless they make a really poor decision that would lead to poor outcomes. Even then, I feel it is usually necessary to treat people with authority, even if you disagree with them, with some degree of respect. That way, you can be more easily heard. I don't want to be in a position of authority.
  • Power: I don't desire power.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

  • I think my overall outlook on life is optimistic. I believe that I have the ability to control the things within my control. I like to think of my life as something small and insignificant. A hundred years from now, I don't expect anyone to remember me, but I find that also a very hopeful thought. I think I am fortunate enough to make of life what I want to make of it. If this is of any interest, Hermann Hesse's brand of existentialism (primarily referring to Demian).
  • In regards to humanity, I think people as a collective generally make poor decisions that impact everything around them (including myself !) I don't really like people, but I think everyone has the potential to do good things and bad things, so I refrain from using 'good' or 'bad' as a way of describing people. Sometimes I get a warm feeling when I think about humanity like how you'd feel when you see cute animals.

Optional Questions

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

  • My sibling running away from home and then coming back after a few years. Whenever I try to rationalize thoughts about whether I'm enough or not, I always end up coming back to the thought 'You weren't enough to keep your family present, how do you expect anyone else to want you?' even though I have talked to them about this and know that I wasn't a reason for their leaving.
  • This happened right after a fallout with former friends (who I now realize, 6 years on, were actually bullies). I detached from my emotions, isolated myself and became a bit of a workaholic. I've become someone who is very emotionally distant from people. What I mean is, a lot of people see me as someone that is a close friend to them, but I don't think I have any close friends. I'm not sure how to overcome my trust issues.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.

  • Hahahhahahahaha real bad

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.

  • Like: creative, good at picking up on people's moods, quiet, reserved, mellow and calm (I get described as mellow and calm by people. I have trouble seeing it because I always feel like I'm too much, but I think that might just be my low self-esteem).
  • Dislike: tend to be lazy, emotionally distant, not very productive, kind of naïve/inexperienced, capable of hurting others (everyone is capable of this, but I really wish I wasn't because I don't fully trust myself).

14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

  • I'm generally pretty good at determining motives/intentions. I think that came with the trust issues. I'm not the greatest at detecting lies case-by-case, though.

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?

  • I think if it was an insult that targets something I'm insecure about, I'd probably feel really guilty and ashamed. I might apologize. If it was just a random insult, I think I'd find it kind of funny. It also depends on whether I feel like the stranger will try to physically hurt me. In all three cases, I think I'd just look surprised and confused and just walk away.
  • I usually am also taken aback by compliments. If it's about something I own, I have a weird compulsion to give it to them. I say weird because I don't really see it as weird, but others do. I try my best to say thanks. If it's about a personality trait, I tend to deflect or just get a bit flustered.
  • I think whether to an insult or compliment, I rarely verbally respond, I'm just usually at a loss for words.

16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?

  • I am thankful for the moments when I have clarity of mind and am able to do and think lots of things without putting myself down. In terms of physical, I'm very thankful that I'm able to see the sky.
  • I'm not sure of the second one.
 

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The fear of being useless is generally attributed to type 5s. However, I don't see much else that suggests type 5 traits in the description. Is there maybe an underlying reason you don't want to feel useless?

Body type is 9w1 and heart type might be 2w1. I don't see much 4 traits. Your head type is either 5w6 or 6w5. With how you said you struggle to trust people, that sounds kind of like a 6 thing.

I'm not really surprised at the results because I realize I'm really easily influenced by the people around.
I'd really appreciate being a forgettable person to a majority of people. To a few loved ones and to people within my industry, I think I'd like for them to see me as someone who is reliable and hardworking.
These make me think that 4 isn't very likely. 4s are about finding a unique identity for themselves.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
The fear of being useless is generally attributed to type 5s. However, I don't see much else that suggests type 5 traits in the description. Is there maybe an underlying reason you don't want to feel useless?
Thank you very much for your input :> It's highly appreciated
I think the main reason why I don't want to feel useless is because I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough. It doesn't really feel like enough to exist, I want to be able to use up all of my potential if possible. Otherwise, it feels like I've wasted everyone else's time as well as my own.

If you don't mind me asking, how do I prioritize the head, body and heart types? I'm kind of knew to enneagram so I don't really know much.
 

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Thank you very much for your input :> It's highly appreciated
I think the main reason why I don't want to feel useless is because I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough. It doesn't really feel like enough to exist, I want to be able to use up all of my potential if possible. Otherwise, it feels like I've wasted everyone else's time as well as my own.

If you don't mind me asking, how do I prioritize the head, body and heart types? I'm kind of knew to enneagram so I don't really know much.
Fix your core and the others will fix themselves. Discover your core. Read messages that the types always needed to hear and when you find one that hurts you're proabaly that type. although it depends on your psyche aswell. You need to give yourself more credit. I have not met anyone who gives 100% in anything they do, everyone needs breaks from time to time.

If you want to not feel guilty do something productive for yourself or others. Do you work? if no find work. If you do work but it isn't fulfilling or if you can't work, then do things in your free time that make you feel good. eg: helping clean up the streets or help random goers by with things. If you're too introverted then help animals, or exercise if you want ot feel good. There are a limitless amount of things you can do that can positively affect the world around you, you just have to believe in yourself.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Fix your core and the others will fix themselves. Discover your core. Read messages that the types always needed to hear and when you find one that hurts you're proabaly that type. although it depends on your psyche aswell. You need to give yourself more credit. I have not met anyone who gives 100% in anything they do, everyone needs breaks from time to time.

If you want to not feel guilty do something productive for yourself or others. Do you work? if no find work. If you do work but it isn't fulfilling or if you can't work, then do things in your free time that make you feel good. eg: helping clean up the streets or help random goers by with things. If you're too introverted then help animals, or exercise if you want ot feel good. There are a limitless amount of things you can do that can positively affect the world around you, you just have to believe in yourself.
Thank you very much for the practical advice.
I think, in order, I felt for type 9's, type 2's, then type 5's thing they need to hear most, though it was a bit hard to choose between 9 and 2.

I'm currently in school so I don't have a full-time job and what with the current health situation, I haven't tried for a part-time job or volunteering. However, I've been working on some side jobs (my digital art and writing) so that I can earn some money for charity. My only issue with this is that I have to fight the urge to not overwork myself and then just give up so that these side jobs remain sustainable. My goal is to be able to graduate, get a full-time job and hopefully keep up with my side jobs to maximize income that I can invest into something that can help others. I think because I'm in lockdown currently, I'm going to try my best with doing well with my studies, my side jobs and then also try to pick up more skills (e.g. get better at housework, learn sign).

I'll try harder to believe in myself :>
 

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Thank you very much for the practical advice.
I think, in order, I felt for type 9's, type 2's, then type 5's thing they need to hear most, though it was a bit hard to choose between 9 and 2.

I'm currently in school so I don't have a full-time job and what with the current health situation, I haven't tried for a part-time job or volunteering. However, I've been working on some side jobs (my digital art and writing) so that I can earn some money for charity. My only issue with this is that I have to fight the urge to not overwork myself and then just give up so that these side jobs remain sustainable. My goal is to be able to graduate, get a full-time job and hopefully keep up with my side jobs to maximize income that I can invest into something that can help others. I think because I'm in lockdown currently, I'm going to try my best with doing well with my studies, my side jobs and then also try to pick up more skills (e.g. get better at housework, learn sign).

I'll try harder to believe in myself :>
All good, so you think you're enneagram 9 first. Now you can discover more about 9 and the subtypes, ie: (sp, sx or so). they are essentially the most primal aspect of someone's personality. I'll link some good content on it by a dude who helped me a lot, Tom Lahue.

That's cool, don't stress, if you're in school you have plenty of time. Just because you're doing a lot of work doesn't always mean it's quality. If you're overworking yourself you will be less likely to produce great work! rest is the most important aspect of maintaining health! That's a wonderful goal that you have, so you feel that if you are able to produce enough money to give to charity that you will feel like you will have given enough? Just remember that it may not subside just at that, you're dealing with something deep in your psyche that is telling you to work. Try to discover why you're the way you are, it could relate to type 9. A lot of people with type 9 were told to shut up as kids and that they don't deserve to speak or be heard, so that may be a part of why you're trying so hard to 'have a voice' through your actions. You must accept that you have a voice and there are people who will gladly listen to you even if you believe they won't or that you don't deserve to take up people's time. When you have control over your psyche you can determine what you really want, how you want to do it and how much effort you'll put into it, you'll be unstoppable at that point.

Good luck with your endeavor's, I know you'll be able to do it, just make sure that you don't die a martyr on the way to helping people. 🙏




 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
All good, so you think you're enneagram 9 first. Now you can discover more about 9 and the subtypes, ie: (sp, sx or so). they are essentially the most primal aspect of someone's personality. I'll link some good content on it by a dude who helped me a lot, Tom Lahue.

That's cool, don't stress, if you're in school you have plenty of time. Just because you're doing a lot of work doesn't always mean it's quality. If you're overworking yourself you will be less likely to produce great work! rest is the most important aspect of maintaining health! That's a wonderful goal that you have, so you feel that if you are able to produce enough money to give to charity that you will feel like you will have given enough? Just remember that it may not subside just at that, you're dealing with something deep in your psyche that is telling you to work. Try to discover why you're the way you are, it could relate to type 9. A lot of people with type 9 were told to shut up as kids and that they don't deserve to speak or be heard, so that may be a part of why you're trying so hard to 'have a voice' through your actions. You must accept that you have a voice and there are people who will gladly listen to you even if you believe they won't or that you don't deserve to take up people's time. When you have control over your psyche you can determine what you really want, how you want to do it and how much effort you'll put into it, you'll be unstoppable at that point.

Good luck with your endeavor's, I know you'll be able to do it, just make sure that you don't die a martyr on the way to helping people. 🙏




Thank you so much for the help :> You've been very kind and encouraging, I really do appreciate it.
I'll check out the videos so that I can get a better understanding of my psyche.

I'll try to pace myself out a bit more with my work as well. As much as I want to be productive, I don't want to produce half-hearted work.

I don't think donating to charity is enough in ideal conditions, but it is what I'm capable of doing at the moment, so I guess it's enough for now. I think I'll write down a list of all the things I can do (daily activities to help others and then things that would require long-term attention to achieve), so that I can refer to it every so often to evaluate what I can do at any given time.

Thank you very much for taking the time to help me out.
 

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Thank you very much for your input :> It's highly appreciated
I think the main reason why I don't want to feel useless is because I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough. It doesn't really feel like enough to exist, I want to be able to use up all of my potential if possible. Otherwise, it feels like I've wasted everyone else's time as well as my own.

If you don't mind me asking, how do I prioritize the head, body and heart types? I'm kind of knew to enneagram so I don't really know much.
Could be 5 or 9, though I'm more partial to 9. Though I see you've found your type so that's good! :)

9s want their presence to matter. They want to maintain peace of mind and avoid conflict, so they're often withdrawn or distant. Like 2s, 9s want to keep others happy, but the reason behind that is different (2s want to feel appreciated and wanted, and 9s want to keep people from getting into conflict with them). I would say I don't really care if people love me, but I don't want them to hate me - 2 vs 9 again. (Though don't take my words to heart because I'm not 100% sure I'm a 9. My sister took a test for me and typed me as 8w7 LOL!)

When it comes to prioritizing the 3 types, I would suggest reading about the 3 and put them in the order you think is most present in your life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Could be 5 or 9, though I'm more partial to 9. Though I see you've found your type so that's good! :)

9s want their presence to matter. They want to maintain peace of mind and avoid conflict, so they're often withdrawn or distant. Like 2s, 9s want to keep others happy, but the reason behind that is different (2s want to feel appreciated and wanted, and 9s want to keep people from getting into conflict with them). I would say I don't really care if people love me, but I don't want them to hate me - 2 vs 9 again. (Though don't take my words to heart because I'm not 100% sure I'm a 9. My sister took a test for me and typed me as 8w7 LOL!)

When it comes to prioritizing the 3 types, I would suggest reading about the 3 and put them in the order you think is most present in your life.
Thank you very much for the insight :>
I think I'll take some time to read into the types and decide. When I asked someone about what they thought my type was irl, she thought I was a 4 but I really didn't identify with 4s + she's a 4 so I'm guessing I was mirroring how she acts when I'm around her without realizing? ¯\(ツ)

I'll probably need to think over my 2 and 5 order.
 
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