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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone! I've been dying to get more perspective on this, so I created an account here to post this topic.

I took the MBTI test several times in the past, and researched the cognitive functions. It was pretty clear that I was an INFJ. The I was usually around a 70% preference, N and F were quite strong preferences as well, while the J was usually up to 3% preference. Looking at the cognitive functions as well, at the time it made perfect sense for me to be an INFJ.

(within the enneagram types, I figure I was and am still a type 4)

Now I was diagnosed with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder about two years ago and for years and years I have been dealing with intense feelings and anxiety, associated with a strong fear of abandonment with one person I am attached to at a time - as well as feelings of chronic emptiness - to give a summary of my experiences. Over the summer this year I ended up in hospital, and was put on Seroquel at 25mg a day (the lowest dose) to help with my emotional instability. It's been the change that I've been seeking for so many years.

When I do personality tests now, I am still strongly an NF type, but the E/I is suddenly down from the 70% I preference to up to a 15% E preference, though it fluctuates within that 15% margin. Nothing close to this has ever happened before. The J/P went from the often 3% J preference to an often 5% perceiving.

I have had a drastic change in my level of comfort and energy around people. I love being around people now and feel safe talking even to strangers or people that intimidate me. But sometimes when I get triggered by the one person Im attached to and I feel my symptoms of BPD, I do strongly feel the need to retreat and recollect myself and be alone for a while.

I did some digging and from my level of understanding, my personality was affected by the level of 'cortical arousal' (apparently introverts naturally have higher levels and take in more data than extroverts do. very high levels are found in anxiety disorders and ptsd, while very low levels are found in people with adhd) in my brain, that caused me to feel overstimulated and too easily triggered in social situations, and throughout my life I felt the need to be alone. Since starting the pills, I would assume my cortical arousal levels have dropped. I'm less able to take in as much of the information as I could in the past (as in I've been less clingy to information I used to think was important for me to analyze, subconsciously done in order to avoid potential rejection or abandonment from others) and have been living in the moment, often forgetting the things that would normally bother me after realizing their insignificance.

There's so much more I could say to describe what's going on because this has been such an adventure for me. The way I feel now is that I am still an (albeit less intense) INFJ on the inside, but when I start to overthink something there's this 'rational me' that seems to be able to take over and lighten things up and help me let go of worries. At that point I often seem to switch over to the ENFP preferences, and suddenly I want to be around people a lot of the time and share how much I love the world and people's company.
I would honestly describe it as literally feeling a shift in my personality when i started the meds, like it literally feels like an inner ENFP me that was hiding all along, suddenly awakened and took over, letting me enjoy my life, while mindfully observing the intense INFJ in me giving it information that it decides is helpful to focus on or not. Sometimes the INFJ thoughts do take over though, and I begin to feel like my old depressed self again. But if I go and sleep well and eat well and avoid the temptation to isolate, I shift back into the ENFP.

Anyway, I just find this shift in my life super interesting, and wanted to open a discussion. What are your thoughts?
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