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This is the first time I've gathered up the courage to post matters of the heart on an online forum regarding my personality type. I am an INFJ female, and honestly I'm going to just be direct and up front as to why I'm making this thread. Like most INFJ's, I suffer from that whole "on the outside looking in" scenario with other people around me. I know I'm different and too deep and too intense to truly connect with any one where I live, and its not just in real life, I struggle immensely to make real genuine connections online. While I have made strong, genuine friendships online, they eventually faded away cause those connections were meant to be temporary. I can accept that that's a part of life, but the one thing I struggle to accept is loneliness. Pure, intense loneliness that pulls at my heart strings every single day. There isn't a day where I don't feel that stabbing, hollow punch from reality that where ever I go, I'm surrounded by superficial people who just go with the flow in society and have shallow interests that I find completely uninteresting cause said interests are lacking in depth, feeling, and passion.

I apologize if this whole thing sounded like a mindless rant. I just want to know if there really are others out there who feel the same way as I do. If there really are other INFJ's in the world who experience extended loneliness and lack true connections that provide the deep amounts of emotional connection and mental stimulation that us INFJ's really need in this cold world.
 

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This is the first time I've gathered up the courage to post matters of the heart on an online forum regarding my personality type. I am an INFJ female, and honestly I'm going to just be direct and up front as to why I'm making this thread. Like most INFJ's, I suffer from that whole "on the outside looking in" scenario with other people around me. I know I'm different and too deep and too intense to truly connect with any one where I live, and its not just in real life, I struggle immensely to make real genuine connections online. While I have made strong, genuine friendships online, they eventually faded away cause those connections were meant to be temporary. I can accept that that's a part of life, but the one thing I struggle to accept is loneliness. Pure, intense loneliness that pulls at my heart strings every single day. There isn't a day where I don't feel that stabbing, hollow punch from reality that where ever I go, I'm surrounded by superficial people who just go with the flow in society and have shallow interests that I find completely uninteresting cause said interests are lacking in depth, feeling, and passion.

I apologize if this whole thing sounded like a mindless rant. I just want to know if there really are others out there who feel the same way as I do.
Yes.

If there really are other INFJ's in the world who experience extended loneliness and lack true connections that provide the deep amounts of emotional connection and mental stimulation that us INFJ's really need in this cold world.
Yes.

Be strong.
 

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This is the first time I've gathered up the courage to post matters of the heart on an online forum regarding my personality type. I am an INFJ female, and honestly I'm going to just be direct and up front as to why I'm making this thread. Like most INFJ's, I suffer from that whole "on the outside looking in" scenario with other people around me. I know I'm different and too deep and too intense to truly connect with any one where I live, and its not just in real life, I struggle immensely to make real genuine connections online. While I have made strong, genuine friendships online, they eventually faded away cause those connections were meant to be temporary. I can accept that that's a part of life, but the one thing I struggle to accept is loneliness. Pure, intense loneliness that pulls at my heart strings every single day. There isn't a day where I don't feel that stabbing, hollow punch from reality that where ever I go, I'm surrounded by superficial people who just go with the flow in society and have shallow interests that I find completely uninteresting cause said interests are lacking in depth, feeling, and passion.

I apologize if this whole thing sounded like a mindless rant. I just want to know if there really are others out there who feel the same way as I do. If there really are other INFJ's in the world who experience extended loneliness and lack true connections that provide the deep amounts of emotional connection and mental stimulation that us INFJ's really need in this cold world.
Yes, but it's an irrational feeling and self defeating because it simply isn't true. You never completely grow out of it, but it will lessen with time and you'll learn how to interact better even if it is "fake". Is it really fake to have to follow social protocol from time to time, or is it just part of the drudgery of life? In answer to your query I think there are a certain number of individuals that experience this and it's more than just you. Doesn't help that INFJ forums are chocked full of people at a far higher number than what the statistical average has displayed; which means yep, there's a lot of fakes.

I get the feeling many of you are still in school and haven't had a close sexual experience yet. That can change things, and then it's a back and forth pendulum swing of emotions. Focus on the here and now. Drugs and alcohol will intensify that horrible feeling when you're coming down. Be aware of it, don't drink alone. Get some exercise; don't end up a scowling obese person in a basement room like @lavendersnow or @foamonthewaves. You haven't experienced it all yet, have some faith.
 

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Was it really necessary to derail a newcomer's thread with your personal beefs, @yg4ackl3 ....?

Anyway, yes, I feel you, OP. Sometimes you just have to keep searching. And perhaps you're looking in the wrong places? Some hobbies, jobs/classes, and hang-outs tend to attract only certain kinds of people. Go out of your depth a bit; maybe you'll discover some depth hiding where you least expect it.

Sometimes, too, you just have to hold still a moment and make your own space, put yourself into writing, art, dance, or whatever your go-to form of self-expression is. If you can get up the courage to then put that self-expression out there, you may attract some like minds.
 

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There's a line in David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest, somewhere near the back of the book (I want to say in the vicinity of page 800?) that said something like: Loneliness is one of the first, and worst, things we can feel, and much of our life pursuits are all about finding ways not to feel lonely.

Infinite Jest is a great book all-around, by the way.

I'm not entirely sure "true" friendships of the type you seem to want really exist. In my experience friendships are made and then start to slowly taper off. Sometimes I regret losing touch with old friends, though, and I wonder whether it's worthwhile to get back in touch with them. Lasting friendships are remarkably rare IMO.
 

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Yes, but it's an irrational feeling and self defeating because it simply isn't true. You never completely grow out of it, but it will lessen with time and you'll learn how to interact better even if it is "fake". Is it really fake to have to follow social protocol from time to time, or is it just part of the drudgery of life? In answer to your query I think there are a certain number of individuals that experience this and it's more than just you. Doesn't help that INFJ forums are chocked full of people at a far higher number than what the statistical average has displayed; which means yep, there's a lot of fakes.

I get the feeling many of you are still in school and haven't had a close sexual experience yet. That can change things, and then it's a back and forth pendulum swing of emotions. Focus on the here and now. Drugs and alcohol will intensify that horrible feeling when you're coming down. Be aware of it, don't drink alone. Get some exercise; don't end up a scowling obese person in a basement room like @lavendersnow or @foamonthewaves. You haven't experienced it all yet, have some faith.
> Isn't obese. Has a job - wtf? <

Whether that was a joke or not, fuck you.
 

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This is the first time I've gathered up the courage to post matters of the heart on an online forum regarding my personality type. I am an INFJ female, and honestly I'm going to just be direct and up front as to why I'm making this thread. Like most INFJ's, I suffer from that whole "on the outside looking in" scenario with other people around me. I know I'm different and too deep and too intense to truly connect with any one where I live, and its not just in real life, I struggle immensely to make real genuine connections online. While I have made strong, genuine friendships online, they eventually faded away cause those connections were meant to be temporary. I can accept that that's a part of life, but the one thing I struggle to accept is loneliness. Pure, intense loneliness that pulls at my heart strings every single day. There isn't a day where I don't feel that stabbing, hollow punch from reality that where ever I go, I'm surrounded by superficial people who just go with the flow in society and have shallow interests that I find completely uninteresting cause said interests are lacking in depth, feeling, and passion.
This sounds like a sort of existential loneliness or crisis that is not unfamiliar. For all my life I've never really truly connected to anyone. I however try to not let this impact what few connections I do make. For INTJ's it's sometimes recommended to put some of those Ni-ideas out there in the world and make it happen, which helps, but isn't a replacement for real connection with people. I don't know if something similar exists for INFJ's. On some level, I suppose I simply don't allow myself to feel the way you do because it would cripple me.
 

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This is the first time I've gathered up the courage to post matters of the heart on an online forum regarding my personality type. I am an INFJ female, and honestly I'm going to just be direct and up front as to why I'm making this thread. Like most INFJ's, I suffer from that whole "on the outside looking in" scenario with other people around me. I know I'm different and too deep and too intense to truly connect with any one where I live, and its not just in real life, I struggle immensely to make real genuine connections online. While I have made strong, genuine friendships online, they eventually faded away cause those connections were meant to be temporary. I can accept that that's a part of life, but the one thing I struggle to accept is loneliness. Pure, intense loneliness that pulls at my heart strings every single day. There isn't a day where I don't feel that stabbing, hollow punch from reality that where ever I go, I'm surrounded by superficial people who just go with the flow in society and have shallow interests that I find completely uninteresting cause said interests are lacking in depth, feeling, and passion.

I apologize if this whole thing sounded like a mindless rant. I just want to know if there really are others out there who feel the same way as I do. If there really are other INFJ's in the world who experience extended loneliness and lack true connections that provide the deep amounts of emotional connection and mental stimulation that us INFJ's really need in this cold world.
Hello there. I believe a lot of INF* and even INT* types could relate to the things you talk about.

But remember, things we could perceive as shallow aren't always shallow for others. For others they could be normal, even fun and exciting. Things we perceive as deep and interesting they may see as "meh" and boring. And it's okay.

You mentioned that you're different, right? So accept it. Accept having different interests and views. Learn to be self-sufficient and that you don't need people that don't understand you, which means most people. It's a part of growing as a person when you're INFJ.

Don't ever forget it: you represent the rarest MBTI type. Being the rarest brings some difficulties, yes. But if you'll get used to them, or even overcome them, you'll be a lot stronger than people around you.
 

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Yes it is true we all suffer from a sense of loneliness and isolation. It does become more manageable as you grow and develop your inner strengths. This topic is a common theme among us infj’s and the good thing about that is “you are not alone” . This is the perfect pace for you to share, I do believe in the old adage “a problem shared is a problem halved”

Perhaps Jung’s most compelling contribution is the idea of individuation, that is, the lifelong project of becoming more nearly the whole person we were meant to be—what the gods intended, not the parents, or the tribe, or, especially, the easily intimidated or inflated ego. While revering the mystery of others, our individuation summons each of us to stand in the presence of our own mystery, and become more fully responsible for who we are in this journey we call our life.
 

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Was it really necessary to derail a newcomer's thread with your personal beefs,
Yup, because it's fun, there's something wrong with them, and I don't think a newcomer should be exposed to their gender hating, angry, lonely, disturbed, self masturbating poison. I have no problem admitting when I have relationship woes, but I don't act bigoted and self righteous when I do it. I realize when I do well with people, I get nookie, and they don't, but it's no excuse. They embarrassed INFJs in an ISTJ forum, yet again, and this shithead snowflake routine really needs to be kept in check. Also, it's just plain entertaining to pound self conscious bullies, even the ones that suck at it. That's why I was hanging out in an ISTJ forum to begin with.

Anyway, yes, I feel you, OP. Sometimes you just have to keep searching. And perhaps you're looking in the wrong places? Some hobbies, jobs/classes, and hang-outs tend to attract only certain kinds of people. Go out of your depth a bit; maybe you'll discover some depth hiding where you least expect it.

Sometimes, too, you just have to hold still a moment and make your own space, put yourself into writing, art, dance, or whatever your go-to form of self-expression is. If you can get up the courage to then put that self-expression out there, you may attract some like minds.
That girl had courage to reach out, we should all make sure she has a safe environment
 

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@I.Must.Be.Dreaming
Firstly, welcome to the INFJ forum:happy:

I get what you are saying, and I would guess all of us have felt like you at some point or another. I think some of your attitudes may be counterproductive to what you actually want to achieve though; I assume meaningful and lasting connections with others. So, without wishing to in any way belittle your suffering and the real pain you feel, I'd like to challenge you to reconsider some of your beliefs.

Loneliness is not an INFJ specific problem, it cuts across all types and is an epidemic of modern society. Furthermore, whilst INFJs are supposed to be the rarest type, 1-2% of the population is still a very sizeable population. That's almost 150 million of us worldwide; equivalent to half the population of the USA or the UK and Germany combined. You are not at all alone.

Believing that we are surrounded by superficial people and that we are too deep and intense to truly connect with anyone is a rather alienating belief though, and is not attractive. Would you want to be friends with someone who thinks that you are superficial and that they are too deep and intense for you?

The reality is that authenticity is not the enclave of the INFJs. And just as you have depths that you do not allow others to tread or even see, the same is true of many people you call superficial. Pain, for example, is universal, and it is usually through intense pain that we plumb the greatest depths. As INFJs we see through people's masks, but we also wear our own masks so we may be accused of being superficial ourselves. I would also add that the best, most selfless and good people in the world are not all INFJs, so it is right that we should see the good in others and consider others better than ourselves in different ways. I think it is only with an attitude of honest self-reflection and humility that we can begin to build true friendships with others. And I believe that the strongest bonds are built through a mutual openness about our weaknesses, rather than strengths. Although, we might also admire those we bond with, without any awareness (and acceptance of) their weaknesses we can be sure we do not truly know and love them. And vice versa.

I think you might be unfortunate in your circumstances to not have met anyone that you can connect with at all. But I would second what @Aizar has advised, and seek out people through your areas of interest, whatever they may be.

As for relationships that will last. I don't think I had any 'real' friends until I was in my early twenties, but I've known my oldest close friend for over 20 years now, and my best friend I've known for over 10 years, and I fully intend to remain friends with them for as long as we live, although I've not said this to them. It takes effort, we only get out what we put in, as they say - neither of those people I mentioned live in the same city as me; my best friend has literally lived on the other side of the world from me for the past few years, and I have other people dear to me who also live in different countries from me, and I hope that we will remain friends for the long haul too.

I would encourage you to not lose hope in finding meaningful connections, to actually be proactive in seeking them out, and then when you find them to invest in them and treasure them. They might not be exactly what you had in mind, but then you probably aren't either, and I think there is a kind of beauty of its own in that; when we see those flaws and still choose to love.
 

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personal attacks aren't acceptable here, careless bear @yg4ackl3
please find somewhere else to dump your crap. this is a supportive environment, or it was til you arrived
" All I can say is you are a neurotic fuck. What. the. fuck. is. wrong. with. you?

Jesus Christ."

"'ll tell you what the real purpose is narcissistic fuck who thinks he is a special snowflake. So, since INFJ is supposedly the "rarest" type (it is not - no one has actually done a well designed population study to determine this), this attention-seeking, self-indulgent dipshit is parading around on a message board and demanding that people listen about how amazing and unique he is. Yeah, no."

-foamonthewaves

"Unfortunately, it is endless shit-posts like this here on PerC and other MBTI communities that make INFJs look like self-indulgent snowflakes who are desperate to be known as unique, misunderstood and 'different'. "

-lavendersnow

Now, you were saying? Or... maybe you weren't really saying anything, in which case, be quiet and let the adults talk. Don't speak for me or anyone else, you will be dealt with, and let the woman speak. She doesn't need my help doing it, but I will take out the trash before she has to deal with it. Who are you to think you know people?
 

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" All I can say is you are a neurotic fuck. What. the. fuck. is. wrong. with. you?

Jesus Christ."

"'ll tell you what the real purpose is narcissistic fuck who thinks he is a special snowflake. So, since INFJ is supposedly the "rarest" type (it is not - no one has actually done a well designed population study to determine this), this attention-seeking, self-indulgent dipshit is parading around on a message board and demanding that people listen about how amazing and unique he is. Yeah, no."

-foamonthewaves

"Unfortunately, it is endless shit-posts like this here on PerC and other MBTI communities that make INFJs look like self-indulgent snowflakes who are desperate to be known as unique, misunderstood and 'different'. "

-lavendersnow

Now, you were saying? Or... maybe you weren't really saying anything, in which case, be quiet and let the adults talk. Don't speak for me or anyone else, you will be dealt with, and let the woman speak. She doesn't need my help doing it, but I will take out the trash before she has to deal with it. Who are you to think you know people?
Lol. Personal attacks in response to personal attacks are not personal attacks. They're taking out the trash as you so aptly put it yourself. KTHNX Bye.
 

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Lol. Personal attacks in response to personal attacks are not personal attacks. They're taking out the trash as you so aptly put it yourself. KTHNX Bye.
You make it so easy, do me a solid (that doesn't mean the shit coming out of you) and stop being a loser in public please?
 

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Yup, because it's fun, there's something wrong with them, and I don't think a newcomer should be exposed to their gender hating, angry, lonely, disturbed, self masturbating poison. I have no problem admitting when I have relationship woes, but I don't act bigoted and self righteous when I do it. I realize when I do well with people, I get nookie, and they don't, but it's no excuse. They embarrassed INFJs in an ISTJ forum, yet again, and this shithead snowflake routine really needs to be kept in check. Also, it's just plain entertaining to pound self conscious bullies, even the ones that suck at it. That's why I was hanging out in an ISTJ forum to begin with.
You're funny, in that, "I'm surprised you're not banned by now" way. Knock it off. No one's fooled that your crap is actually chocolate, and it's stinking up a good thread here.
 
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