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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(EDIT : I'm 20years old, she is 18 relevant information I forgot to add)

A year ago, I met someone on the internet.
We have been talking much ever since, she had a boyfriend, we were friends.
What we have was the perfect friendship, we talked about every though that was going through our heads, shared secrets. Both loved to vent to each other about everything that was going on through our lives.
2 months ago she told me doubts about her current relationship. You can guess what followed next.
We ended up craving/loving each other, so we wanted to meet offline as soon as possible.

And so we met a week ago, staid there for a week, got back home 3 days ago.
Both expected this to be the perfect relationship possible, as we knew each other so well, we could talk about anything, without being afraid of the possible reaction, there was really nothing one could do that would upset the other. Since we lived a far distance, I would migrate to her country (I could live with her parents for while until I found my own place) But when we met ...

The first day, we were just both all super awkward/nervous all the time, which was expected of course, and we talked about how nervous we were and how we felt during that period all the time, we kept communicating.

Second day that got much better, but we went more silent as we got used to each other presence.
That night I lost my virginity, after she told me, which was a big deal to me, because she never said it face to face, but it was the first and last time I heard her say it.

The next day in bed before going to sleep she started crying, she said it's because she said I would be only temporary ( I would go back to my own country by the end of the week) She also said she was afraid of hurting me because she felt just friends and nothing more, at that moment I already felt the same way as her, I still loved her for who is , but I wasn't "in love" and so wasn't she. Both sort of agreed on just being friends then, yet more sex followed, which got me confused for what I actually feel.

Following days we just did what friends/couples do, I don't know which because I've never been in relationship. We fell asleep most of the time while spooning. Or when watching a movie on the couch.
I asked her if she could give me a reason for why she just feels friends, she couldn't really tell, I didn't ask further as I asked that question myself a lot, and I couldn't figure out either why I felt just friends for her.

I never had any kind of relationship yet, not ever seriously talked to any girl even.
I've never traveled alone either and especially not by plane.
So this last month, and especially last week, as a lot, and I mean a lot of new things all thrown at me at once. And all taken away again in such short notice. My brain is getting overloaded by information I need to process, trying fully grasp what really happened, so that it makes sense, that I can learn from it, and do it better next time. That's what I'm trying to do with this post.

What possible reason could there be for not working out offline when it worked so well online?
We never had a fights, we had disagreements, but we could talk about them and come to something we both were happy with. We communicated just as we did online, although not as much, but we were getting there more and more as we spent more time together.

Probably relevant is that she was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half, which she ended cause I made her realize some things. I helped her getting to know herself better. She realized she just rushed into things because he was the first to give her any kind of attention more then friends.

Did I do the same thing? Living in my perfect dream world because it's the first time I had some connection with a girl who gave me a kind of attention way beyond just friends? So that I ignored everything else, just trying to get it to work ? Because I can remember half a year ago, I was thinking that I could never be her partner. Apparently that thought got completely destroyed when she told me she had feelings for me

If you came this far to read all of this ( probably nonsense to you), you would help me a lot by asking me to clear up some things that I didn't make clear in this post, It's probably not that structured well at the moment, because it isn't either in my head.

Any kind of response from anyone is helpful!
 

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In my experience, a large part of sexual attraction has to do with smell and pheromones. For me, something that seems super online only works out in about 10% of the cases, tops. I know for a fact a very large portion of my love for my current girlfriend is purely because of the smell thing.
 

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Love is never easy.
Fight for it and don't let go, baby.

I've read the whole thing, so don't worry. We're here to help you, to some degree, I think. Well, we're...
I read it because I'm in the same situation as you. I'm 18, and I'm a long-distance relationship, and what you say, may give me much...information. Well, it was just interesting and beautiful to read, boy.

I know exactly what you feel. I'm with a man that takes away every part of me, and I have and have had strong sexual feelings for him, but more than it, I feel a kind of tender yet strong loving towards him. He's like a part of my soul. It's hot, and fire, but not necessarily in a sexual manner, in a very wild one. It's too much love running through my veins. We did connect very well too from the first time, and we had the feeling that something was gonna happen between us, even if we said nothing.
When you say that thing that you feel like she's your friend, but you end up fucking with her...well, don't think about it much. You know what? put no boundaries. be whateve ryou want. but I know sex is a very strong thing, and we can't fight it, no matter what w do...it may end up always bringing questions...

Well, I don't think distance is the big deal people say it is for relationships. It is a fuckery, and I fully agree with that, but people like to throw a dart of "sickness" into those relationships which ain't true, and what if it s? give us our right to do whatever we want, don't you think? But I don't think these relationships work worse than any others. I've had relationships both in the internet and outside, and no, some didn't end better than others. Personally, I think much about the Internet relationships, there is something magic and interesting in its dinamics or something. I've found more incredible people in the net than outside. Maybe all the people like us go to the internet because we feel we don't fit in the world, and then we meet, and then we become friends...
What I think is that sex, love, and friendship, are very hard chapters of life.
By the way, you should keep your subconscious too, when you say those things...I think, or came to think, many things at times which ARE not true. know your enemy, because at times, that's you.
But how would you evaluate your relationships? Keep telling me how it was. I'm curious.
And, don't get offended, but I love hearing about other people's lives, it is beautiful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
In my experience, a large part of sexual attraction has to do with smell and pheromones. For me, something that seems super online only works out in about 10% of the cases, tops. I know for a fact a very large portion of my love for my current girlfriend is purely because of the smell thing.
It's funny, she told me she wanted to smell me. And when she finally got the chance, she said she loved it.
And I loved her smell as well, I did mention we had sex multiple times?
 

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Fantasy and reality intermingle and there becomes a great difficulty, with most of the human race, working out which realities they are in, and which reality they wish to live out.
Peoples get lonely. If shes going from relationship to the friend rot then you do not, or would not ever, fully fulfil her reality requirements. You may even have been a figment of one of many of her realities, a time filler etc.
There is much reluctance on the human populace for accepting a being and their realities – erm cos it collides with their own methinks.

Stick to the friends bit if you can bear it.
If you cant, buy that bear(teddy) i just mentioned above.

Therefore I have no idea what advice if any you were looking for – but for some people, such as myself, it’s easier to type my thoughts than speak them face to face. Which i would imagine the case for most people as no-one, well that i am aware of.

To know someone’s mind you have to fully know a person
Or
Become telepathic

Whichever you feel easiest.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I have no problems with just being friends, I can be whoever she wants me to be and be happy with that.
Just a bit afraid, if something that felt so perfect doesn't work out, then what will for me ?
I can't find the reason for why it didn't work out, thats whats mostly troubling me, I wish I could know for sure it was just pheromones or something, just anything.
Would it be possible that we just both got disappointed because we expected burning desire for each other as new couples do but that that didn't happen as we already knew each other?
A bit like skipping the first stage of a relationship where both are just crazy about each other ?
Love changes over time right? You can't be crazy in love with your partner your whole life.
Or is that just wishful thinking?
 

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What constitutes love for each.
Can one person love one and the other not.
Can one accept another - in some instances they will never be enough….these are the types that should be avoided at all costs. That is those who cannot function without a plethora of peoples attentions and worship.
Can one grow to love someone – slightly possible – often confused with like.

You should be yourself – people reprogramming others is not a nice thingie. Tis basically a form of nefarious brainwashing / conditioning to mould them into their perfect image/ideology.

Perhaps you were an enactment of possibilities, albeit brief.
Perhaps she realized quickly in reality it would not work or fulfil her needs

If you really want to know ask her.
Ask her to brutally honest if your seeking the truth as opposed to some gentle version of being let down. But you might not like that version.

Your only 20 there will be others.
 

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Hmm, well when you say talked online did you mean text, voice or a bit of both?
Because the only person so far I have met from online was a friend and I regrettably had never talked to her on mic before I met her. Which was not a good idea X-D cue awkward moment. I'm sure you probably did though.

Maybe because you were friends for so long first? That's all I can really think of from what you've put. But from what you described, that sounds like a relationship. I think you both just probably expected too much. I think maybe you were looking for some kind of spark instead of companionship. And because you've known her for so long that spark probably was quite dim.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
We did both talking/texting, mostly text though.
Yes we both had huge expectations from that week, and yes I think that we both expected a kind of spark instead of companionship. You basically said what I was thinking, and hoping that that would be true.

But I'm getting doubts if that is really what happened, I'm afraid that this is just wishful thinking.
I guess only time will tell, but I hate this wait, not being able to do anything.
 

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Just a bit afraid, if something that felt so perfect doesn't work out, then what will for me ?
I can't find the reason for why it didn't work out, thats whats mostly troubling me, I wish I could know for sure it was just pheromones or something, just anything.
I think what you need to understand is that there is more to a relationship than written words. Not everything about the way humans interact and develop feelings for one another can be explained logically or scientifically. There is just something about being in the physical presence of another person that cannot be replicated or predicted. The way you got to know this woman isn't the way people generally get to know each other, and there's a reason for that.

I know you said it felt perfect, but it's difficult to assess a relationship as perfect when you'd never felt her in your arms or simply known what it was like to be near her. There is always a different balance between mental and physical attraction for everyone, and I know if I'm enamored with someone's mind, it will be easier for me to be attracted to them physically, but sometimes that's not enough-- even if they're an "attractive" person! There's just something ingrained in us that allows us to feel the "spark" with some and not so much with others. Yes, it sucks, but I think you're just disappointed because this is the first time you ever felt this way and didn't realize there's so much more to be had on the other side of the computer screen.
 

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We did both talking/texting, mostly text though.
Yes we both had huge expectations from that week, and yes I think that we both expected a kind of spark instead of companionship. You basically said what I was thinking, and hoping that that would be true.

But I'm getting doubts if that is really what happened, I'm afraid that this is just wishful thinking.
I guess only time will tell, but I hate this wait, not being able to do anything.
Well hopefully you can talk to her and work things out. She slept with you so she obviously sees you as more than a friend. Maybe it's just a lot for her to take in.
 
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