[Gazza]

Hi Guys and Girls,
I'm new to this site and find it so interesting, i've always felt different to everyone else and now i know why lol i've also wanted 2 meet people with my personality so i could get advice etc..
basically ever since i can remember i have always been shy around girls that i find attractive.
i would love to have the confidence to talk to them and ask them out on dates etc
but whenever i try it i get really nervous and end up freezing and don't know what 2 say lol
i'm 23 and have never been in love or a relationship, and i feel really lonely sometimes, and get scared that i'll never meet anyone and end up a lonely old man
i feel i have alot 2 offer to someone, its just hard for me to open up for some reason

i was wondering if any of my INFJ brothers have this problem too..and could offer me advice, like where you meet your partners etc etc

thanks people
:laughing:

 

[Lor]

Gazza there are only recent some posts about this. Read them. One is called Friend Zone. We INFJ men stick together. Honest though just be light and have fun. You can do this with your INFJ gifts. We just fret too much. Enjoy your inner thoughts and share your heart with the world. This is your gift.

 

[DasPhillipBrau]

dont worry you are not the only one...kind of have the same problem, although I do dare to ask them on dates but they only see me as a friend (I suck at declaring my love...have not do it successfully not even once...I always did it in either not face to face (by sms) accepting and denying (saying "I love you but it must be a crush..." and it sucks because I am lying I am just afraid that the girl says no and that she doesnt talk to me ever again...and I said it over msn...) and saying it because she pushes me to it (didnt ended well)

 

[Razare]

I have an online friend that I've known for 5 years. He's an ISFJ and in the same boat as you, but 26. Hang in there and try to meet some women, somehow! Even if you're not flirting and asking them out, sometimes, things can just happen on their own.

 

[Gazza]

i suppose i shouldnt think about it too much really, but its hard loll
thanks for your replys tho guys

 

[foxglove]

hey, first of all, welcome!

Sounds like a problem that a lot of the infj guys have, I think you just have to be comfortable with who you are and find someone who loves you for being you. If you have to force yourself to be someone else (even if it's just to get their number) her first impression will be of someone who's not really you. The best advice I've found was "if you never ask, the answer will always be no" so don't be afraid.

Also I think with shy guys, finding a girl who intrigues you so much that you can't help but ask her out or finding a girl who's already a friend works out best.

 

[Gazza]

Great advice, i guess i should just be myself and if they don't like who i am then they aint worth my time or effort haha

 

[Jwing24]

Hi,

Sorry I don't have any advice for you. But I'm here to say I totally relate to what you're saying and am in the same boat (except I am 24). I like what someone said in that hopefully we find someone we meet who matches us so well we don't care and want to ask them out anyway. I hope that happens one day.

I tell people I am not interested in a relationship so they quit bothering me about it (family), but I think I actually am. :sad:

 

[Gazza]

I tell people I am not interested in a relationship so they quit bothering me about it (family), but I think I actually am. :sad:

bro i feel your pain, i hate being asked why i haven't got a gf yet by family, its the most embarrasing thing in the world. i pretned i dont care but deep down i jus want 2 meet someone, cause i have a feeling i'll be alot more happier and a more confident person.

 

[Jwing24]

me too man, me too

 

[Razare]

Well, if either of you live near Traverse City, Michigan, I'd go to the clubs with you. Not that it's a great place to meet for long-term stuff, but maybe you'd get a one night fling. That would be a confidence boost at least, and you'd get to meet another INFJ!

But this being the internet, I doubt either of you live within a thousand miles of me. LoL

 

[Abstract Essence]

Pay more attention to the develeopment of you Fe and things will fall into place. Most of all, accept that life is filled with posibilities in even the most bland momments. Everyday life is peppered with plenty of romantic opportunities. Also thinking that you are going to be alone can serve as a self fullfilling fantasy. Think about it: do you want to prove yourself right or do you want to find somebody with whom you can share your expiriences with? This are the thoughts that help me get out and try to give romance another chance.

 

[entropy]

I pick up hot babes in PerC Flash Chat.

 

[Gildar]

Hi Guys and Girls,
I'm new to this site and find it so interesting, i've always felt different to everyone else and now i know why lol i've also wanted 2 meet people with my personality so i could get advice etc..
basically ever since i can remember i have always been shy around girls that i find attractive.
i would love to have the confidence to talk to them and ask them out on dates etc
but whenever i try it i get really nervous and end up freezing and don't know what 2 say lol
i'm 23 and have never been in love or a relationship, and i feel really lonely sometimes, and get scared that i'll never meet anyone and end up a lonely old man
i feel i have alot 2 offer to someone, its just hard for me to open up for some reason

i was wondering if any of my INFJ brothers have this problem too..and could offer me advice, like where you meet your partners etc etc

thanks people
:laughing:

I know how you feel i'm 23 and dreading that i may die alone. I think about it everyday or two

the only time i asked a girl out was in high school and ...she lied to me saying she had a boyfriend. i made sure she did not before hand. Since it was really just a physical attraction anyway so by the end of the day i decided it' s not worth brooding about.

what i need to know is where do i find women that will either understand my differences and are looking for a long-term relationships not a one night fling.

 

[ptarmigan]

One thing my sis said on this which is a damn good idea is just find girls you can be friendly with to start off with and who can draw you out a little. Extraverts, like ENFPs, and such are GREAT at this, and there can be a really cool balance where both help out where the other isn't so strong. Find one's you AREN'T interested in, or at least only COULD be after you got to know them instead of the shy introverts who are for sure deep and difficult to draw out and who (at least for me) you're automatically interested in, and intensely nervous around.

Your female extravert friend who is rather easier to talk to and makes you feel comfortable with yourself has a network of female friends, so you get the benefit of becoming more comfortable with women, and she may possibly even help set you up and help you meet people you would very easily be interested in. Female friends are tremendously valuable, if only for some feminine influence on you. It also looks really good on your resume when your interest is looking you over because it makes her feel you are safer, which is very powerful. Your introverted interest even more than most needs to feel you are safe.

INFJ's I think have some built-in advantage in being probably better able to relate to most females anyway. So the apparent weakness can be a strength in disguise. When you say you know you have a lot to give, trust that intuition. Grab onto it and don't let go. You've got it where it counts. You can't play your hand the same way a lot of others to, but it doesn't mean you don't have a great one.

 

[Gildar]

One thing my sis said on this which is a damn good idea is just find girls you can be friendly with to start off with and who can draw you out a little. Extraverts, like ENFPs, and such are GREAT at this, and there can be a really cool balance where both help out where the other isn't so strong. Find one's you AREN'T interested in, or at least only COULD be after you got to know them instead of the shy introverts who are for sure deep and difficult to draw out and who (at least for me) you're automatically interested in.

Your female extravert friend who is rather easier to talk to and makes you feel comfortable with yourself has a network of female friends, so you get the benefit of becoming more comfortable with women, and she may possibly even help set you up and help you meet people you would very easily be interested in. Female friends are tremendously valuable, if only for some feminine influence on you. It also looks really good on your resume when your interest is looking you over because it makes her feel you are safer, which is very powerful.

this is great advice for those with female friends

heres my problem though now i must find these female friends that are not on internet......i guess i should go to bookstores and coffee shops way more then i do except ....thats how i find introverts where do extroverts hang out that is not super crowded?. i'll try those place when i know what are good ones for me when i feel ready and hopefully some female extrovert will talk to me and we can become friends. hopefully leading to one of those two possibilities you pointed out...

also i'm actually more drawn to Extroverts.....i want someone who will push me to try new things every so often. the idea of introverts that i would have to peel away the layers for years to come is appealing in its own sense but i would prefer the former.

 

[Seven.Rain.]

Dude.. What I did is I read a TON of books on self improvement and self growth...learning to master my thoughts and keep them as positive as possible...I told myself "I have high self-confidence" everyday til I believed it...I learned about meta-programs and changed mine to the better ones (check out ryanearlmoor on YouTube he's an infj)....and THEN I read and still read books on game..and meeting girls....google mystery (he's an infj and the MOST successful pickup artist in the WORLD!!) he inspired me...I've started going to clubs by myself and approaching girls...last night I met this gorgeous girl in the line up to get in and she was SO into me...it felt amazing...you just have to start....read "the Venusian arts" and "revelation" and do the noobie drill...I've just started...this is going to change my life.

 

[Killbain]

Hi Guys,

I'm older than all of you by some distance and have a lifetime of what you describe above! I think it's pretty well established that NF men in general are not the 'Casanova' type i.e. comfortable with flirting, seduction etc - I was bloody useless at it!

But what we ARE is long term partner / husband material - I have been told this by quite a few women over the years.

Do I know what I'm talking about? Well, I have been engaged 3 times, married once and now with a long term SO for 22 years - so I suppose so!

As for meeting women? Not so easy.....I always thought there was something 'predatory' about the clubs / bars scene and if you are a bit quiet or shy these are bad places....looks and outward confidence are at a premium....the very definition of shallowness.

Almost all the women I have ever been involved with have been through shared interests and in most cases they have initiated a romantic attachment.....probably not the 'traditional' way, but it worked for me.

All the best to you all in your romantic endeavours!

 

[Zjin]

I am a 37 year old male INFJ and I can recognize the “being-shy-with-a-lovely-woman-problem”.
I actually date with women now once in a while (it is still a rare thing for me to do, since I am not a casanova-type and I really must feel a personal connection with a woman), but it was not until after my 25[SUP]th[/SUP], when I actually learned to connect better with women.
Since dating is so personal, I want to say that when an opportunity occurs, do not wait too long and just say in all honesty what your intentions are. Most women appreciate that. Also be ready for some rejections. They do hurt...., but at least you can look back more relaxed, with the thought that you at least have tried! And sometimes, you will see there is actually fire from the other side as well ....
I can tell you about the first time (years ago) when I dared to ask a woman for a date...We were collegues back then and for a while we shared the same room and sat in front of eachother. When I first saw her, I already felt attracted to her, but we actually started talking after a big dispute we had about a project we worked together on. She dramatized it enormously (and so did I! – I am almost certain she was an INFX), but it turned out we had a really good “click” with eachother and after a while we mostly talked about personal feelings and private matters...
I worked there on a temporary basis and when I had to leave for another project, I just asked if she wanted to have a drink with me in private and to my big surpise, she said: yes.... The date was really nice and we dated a few times more. It did not came to a relationship, but for me the ice was broken...and after that experience, I felt a bit more confident with women.....

 

[Zech]

Hi Guys,

I'm older than all of you by some distance and have a lifetime of what you describe above! I think it's pretty well established that NF men in general are not the 'Casanova' type i.e. comfortable with flirting, seduction etc - I was bloody useless at it!

But what we ARE is long term partner / husband material - I have been told this by quite a few women over the years.

Do I know what I'm talking about? Well, I have been engaged 3 times, married once and now with a long term SO for 22 years - so I suppose so!

As for meeting women? Not so easy.....I always thought there was something 'predatory' about the clubs / bars scene and if you are a bit quiet or shy these are bad places....looks and outward confidence are at a premium....the very definition of shallowness.

Almost all the women I have ever been involved with have been through shared interests and in most cases they have initiated a romantic attachment.....probably not the 'traditional' way, but it worked for me.

All the best to you all in your romantic endeavours!

Good answer there from KB.

Ref meeting women - just to say that dating agencies / dating websites make perfect sense here.