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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For the INFP males out there: you make me hope there are some men that one can actually have a very loving, serious and intimate relationship with. And who are truly romantic and not fake-romantic?

Now my question is: how common is that mindset that many of you have in general?
Because girls and women are very often told that men don't want these things, but you know, only have some fun. Not that there are no women like this.

I ask this mainly out of curiosity, there is no specific story behind it.
Anyone can answer :tongue:
 

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I don't know. It's probably because of groups I've mistakenly associated myself with but not many. I wouldn't necessarily characterize myself as romantic rather than passionate and devoted. But at the same time, I feel like this isn't something many women want judging by my relationship history. As much as I've been told that I'm doing it wrong, being someone else in a relationship is wrong. I want someone who loves me for being me and not for being what society says all men should be like. Granted, I guess I'm better than most in that I've never had a relationship shorter than six months but also never longer than a year and I know a lot of guys around my age (21) have never had anything even resembling a real relationship. Which isn't a bad thing, just personal preference, but it does make it hard for me as someone who does desire real intimate relationships.
 

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I don't get into romance novels or wear ruffled shirts while writing sonnets and I think the vast majority of rom-coms are terrible films. Aside from that though yes I think I am romantic, I know I am a romantic in the way I view the world, and I've been told by women I've been close with that I'm very romantic. I never fake feeling that way, I think most women would see right through that, even if they appreciated the effort it would be insincere which would taint it. I just express how I really feel, and sometimes that means writing them a poem or singing them a song, cooking for them, hiding a love note in their pocket to be discovered later, or far grander gestures. Most guys I know seems to feel that doing these things would make them less manly somehow, I never really understood that mindset.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I don't get into romance novels or wear ruffled shirts while writing sonnets and I think the vast majority of rom-coms are terrible films. Aside from that though yes I think I am romantic, I know I am a romantic in the way I view the world, and I've been told by women I've been close with that I'm very romantic. I never fake feeling that way, I think most women would see right through that, even if they appreciated the effort it would be insincere which would taint it. I just express how I really feel, and sometimes that means writing them a poem or singing them a song, cooking for them, hiding a love note in their pocket to be discovered later, or far grander gestures. Most guys I know seems to feel that doing these things would make them less manly somehow, I never really understood that mindset.
I think I have that kind of "romantic" in mind :).
 

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i used to like finding bracelets on the ground and gifting them to the girl i liked. we had a shared love of 'fate' bracelets.

i like 'howls moving castle' style of romance, its like when you are in love, the world becomes a bit more magical, so romance is a natural expression of magic.
 

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''only have some fun'' .... ??? -> sounds like the most terrible thing, no thanks.

''a very loving, serious and intimate relationship with. And who are truly romantic and not fake-romantic?'' ... -> please also add ''long-term'' and ''loyal'' .

Thats all i want and need ;)
If only this mindset was more common ...

but you know, at the same time im wondering how many women are out there who are like this as well? ... with again the emphasis on long-term and loyalty. Apparently my ex wasn't like this unfortunately ...

I think being romantic isn't even the most hard part, but rather the staying together and fighting for each other, for your relationship ... not giving up

what about you? @Maryll ...what are your ideals or what is your idealistic view on this?
 

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I've always been really frustrated with the gender roles people place me since I rarely ever fit the male one, which wouldn't bother me except people assume we're all the same. I'm not against doing "manly" things, but it's important to me that people know I'm not your typical guy and that I do enjoy a lot of less-manly things.
I'm very much for romance and love seeing cute, innocent acts of affection between two people. I'm not really into most Hollywood versions of romance, but I like the more innocent stuff. It's especially cute to see older couples who still do those things and have been married a while. But yea, romance is amazing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
''only have some fun'' .... ??? -> sounds like the most terrible thing, no thanks.

''a very loving, serious and intimate relationship with. And who are truly romantic and not fake-romantic?'' ... -> please also add ''long-term'' and ''loyal'' .

Thats all i want and need ;)
If only this mindset was more common ...

but you know, at the same time im wondering how many women are out there who are like this as well? ... with again the emphasis on long-term and loyalty. Apparently my ex wasn't like this unfortunately ...

I think being romantic isn't even the most hard part, but rather the staying together and fighting for each other, for your relationship ... not giving up

what about you? @Maryll ...what are your ideals or what is your idealistic view on this?
Do you mean in terms of a lasting relationship?

I don't doubt there are women who don't take a relationship serious and would hurt feelings. In my eyes women can be just as cruel. I don't think I would do this though. So far this is only theoretical though. I'm still young though, so I suppose nothing is lost so far.
Speaking from my position of zero experience, I don't think I would enter a romantic relationship without seeing a future and potential. There was one guy who expressed interest in me and he was attractive, but I couldn't see much common ground, and so I turned him down. It would have been not fair of me if not. I want a relationship with closeness, vulnerability, laughing together and having deep conversation. That's a rare thing to find, right?
I am also willing to give, I don't need someone to complete me or anything. I see it as something that would enrich my life though with connnection and beautiful experience.
 

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With me things just accidentally get romantic because I like to take girls to the beach, art galleries, out dancing in jazz clubs or sit under the stars and talk about feelings and dreams.... It's just what I like to do with people, and girls are just more likely to go with me... Don't judge me.
 

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If you mean romantic by what most males would consider "sappy" or "unmanly", well, I think there're more who want to but can't bring themselves to defy stereotypes and act that way. I struggle with it occasionally, the social standards, but most of the time I'm very affectionate and emotional towards the SO. I tend to express my inner hopeless romantic with gestures as opposed to words or poems or songs. I love to surprise her with a dinner, or remember some little fact or day she'd thought I'd forget, or dance outside at night, etc.

I don't know what it is but a lot of people hate public affection, yet I love it—even when it's not me, couples being adorable makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

Oh, so yeah, I think there's a decent number (although not overwhelming or a majority) of men who could be romantic—however, due to social standards and pressure, I think there's a much slimmer number who actually are.
 
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lol I'm as romantic as it gets

love is my hobby lol.......

im crazy about love and i go crazy for the people i love. (romantic love of course)

all of my ideals are noble and dedicated towards true love and imo i am truly one of the best lovers out there that many douchebags males aren't.

(although i kind of want to just "play around" since I'm 19)

they are definitely others like me out there lol, don't lose hope
 

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With me things just accidentally get romantic because I like to take girls to the beach, art galleries, out dancing in jazz clubs or sit under the stars and talk about feelings and dreams.... It's just what I like to do with people, and girls are just more likely to go with me... Don't judge me.
*Swoon*
 

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I am really disillusioned by the idea of romantic love after having years of disappointment. I don't think this disappointment is unique women. Many men have been chewed up after giving their heart to another.

This thread got me readying about romance. Romance (love) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Psychologist Harold Bessell, Ph.D, in his book "The Love Test,"[31] reconciles the opposing forces noted by the above researchers and shows that there are two factors that determine the quality of a relationship.

Bessell proposes that people are drawn together by a force which he calls "romantic attraction," which is a combination of genetic and cultural factors. This force may be weak or strong and may be felt to different degrees by each of the two love partners. The other factor is "emotional maturity," which is the degree to which a person is capable of providing good treatment in a love relationship. It can thus be said that an immature person is more likely to overestimate love, become disillusioned, and have an affair whereas a mature person is more likely to see the relationship in realistic terms and act constructively to work out problems.
I like what Bessel is sayin'.

I more measure love these days in how much the partners are willing to provide for one another in concrete ways and speak respectfully to each other. When I was younger I thought love was something that "just happened" if there was enough romance but I was totally wrong.
 

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I am really disillusioned by the idea of romantic love after having years of disappointment. I don't think this disappointment is unique women. Many men have been chewed up after giving their heart to another.

This thread got me readying about romance. Romance (love) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Psychologist Harold Bessell, Ph.D, in his book "The Love Test,"[31] reconciles the opposing forces noted by the above researchers and shows that there are two factors that determine the quality of a relationship.


Bessell proposes that people are drawn together by a force which he calls "romantic attraction," which is a combination of genetic and cultural factors. This force may be weak or strong and may be felt to different degrees by each of the two love partners. The other factor is "emotional maturity," which is the degree to which a person is capable of providing good treatment in a love relationship. It can thus be said that an immature person is more likely to overestimate love, become disillusioned, and have an affair whereas a mature person is more likely to see the relationship in realistic terms and act constructively to work out problems.

I like what Bessel is sayin'.

I more measure love these days in how much the partners are willing to provide for one another in concrete ways and speak respectfully to each other. When I was younger I thought love was something that "just happened" if there was enough romance but I was totally wrong.
People frequently mention that INFPs are highly idealistic about romantic love and our bubbles tend to pop at some point, and okay, for me its true. But it is not in the way some might imagine.

I dont and never have expected a conflict-free relationship with someone who is flawless and lovable at every moment.
Im romantic in the true sense of the word - I idealize the messy, passionate aspects of the human experience, right down to arguments and tragedy. Its not that I want those things, but they dont scare me, and I dont want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Ill take some difficulty rather than play it very safe (which I used to do, and everything seemed dead).

What's romantic to me is someone who is not going to run away if things are not always pleasant, someone who is in it for the longhaul and not afraid of messiness sometimes. I dont think I can do a super calm, companionate type of dynamic for long, and so if someone wants that, then they will not be pleased with me. Things are always a bit obsessive for me, and I need that in return, because it signals devotion to me. Its not about cute gestures (although I can appreciate it), but the depth of feeling they are willing to go to, the level of intimacy developed, the ability to be yourself warts'n'all and know that the mutual obsession will override it any repulsion.

I cant be in fear of someone bailing or coming to resent me because Im not perfect. What's romantic to me is the imperfection, and the love prevailing over it.

This is not "realistic", but it means having patience, understanding, compromise, working hard to make it work, etc. Its not the naive idea that there will never be problems with someone if you're in love.
 

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People frequently mention that INFPs are highly idealistic about romantic love and our bubbles tend to pop at some point, and okay, for me its true. But it is not in the way some might imagine.

I dont and never have expected a conflict-free relationship with someone who is flawless and lovable at every moment.
Im romantic in the true sense of the word - I idealize the messy, passionate aspects of the human experience, right down to arguments and tragedy. Its not that I want those things, but they dont scare me, and I dont want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Ill take some difficulty rather than play it very safe (which I used to do, and everything seemed dead).

What's romantic to me is someone who is not going to run away if things are not always pleasant, someone who is in it for the longhaul and not afraid of messiness sometimes. I dont think I can do a super calm, companionate type of dynamic for long, and so if someone wants that, then they will not be pleased with me. Things are always a bit obsessive for me, and I need that in return, because it signals devotion to me. Its not about cute gestures (although I can appreciate it), but the depth of feeling they are willing to go to, the level of intimacy developed, the ability to be yourself warts'n'all and know that the mutual obsession will override it any repulsion.

I cant be in fear of someone bailing or coming to resent me because Im not perfect. What's romantic to me is the imperfection, and the love prevailing over it.

This is not "realistic", but it means having patience, understanding, compromise, working hard to make it work, etc. Its not the naive idea that there will never be problems with someone if you're in love.
Yeah, I think you've defined the true definition of romance. Romance is not running away from your partner when they're down. It's being able to accept that they have flaws but recognize that they illuminate a light that overrides those flaws.

Relationships can easily descend into abusive words and neglect, though, if one or both partners are immature. This strains even the most obsessive bonds to breaking points. I'm all for passion but I think I've had enough nasty domestic disputes (but with no police ever called, thankfully) to last me decades. Instead of engaging now I think, "If this person is making me feel this poorly and we cannot see eye to eye, I should likely assess whether I should even be in this relationship."

An ISTP convinced me I was throwing away love by "giving up" on him in 2012. This resulted in taking abuse from him for a year, while he discarded me with cruelty in the end. A year of my youth, gone. I wish I made the break early despite our intense emotional and physical connection but I had the belief, "That's giving up."
 

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Ahh. Romance. I would definitely take my SO...



...out for a romantic picknick, a stroll on the beach, a visit to a favorite museum, dinner in cozy restaurant or I would surprise him/her with tickets for the theatre or for a concert.

I like cooking and eating outdoors, so weather permitted I would set the table on the back-porch, cook you a lovely meal and pour you a glass of your favorite drink. After dinner we could cuddle on the couch, I might even give you a massage. A movie? No problem, I love them. Music? Always up for listening to music. Even the romantic stuff.

I also like buying small presents for my loved ones, I like giving cards and I also really like writing notes with short but heartfelt messages on them and stick them on the fridge. So yeah....in that regard I am quite romantic.
@OrangeAppled and @WhateverLolaWants are right though. True romance is when you stand by your partner when he or she truly needs you. That you accept your SO's flaws and that you appreciate his or her qualities. Romance is loyalty, protecting the one you love, laugh with each other when you can, support one another when it is necessary. A true romantic doesn't only give you flowers, but also a shoulder to lean on.
 

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...out for a romantic picknick, a stroll on the beach, a visit to a favorite museum, dinner in cozy restaurant or I would surprise him/her with tickets for the theatre or for a concert.

I like cooking and eating outdoors, so weather permitted I would set the table on the back-porch, cook you a lovely meal and pour you a glass of your favorite drink. After dinner we could cuddle on the couch, I might even give you a massage. A movie? No problem, I love them. Music? Always up for listening to music. Even the romantic stuff.

I also like buying small presents for my loved ones, I like giving cards and I also really like writing notes with short but heartfelt messages on them and stick them on the fridge. So yeah....in that regard I am quite romantic.
Omg, can I date you?

:kitteh:
 

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Omg, can I date you?

:kitteh:
Hey! We're a whole lot of people here who would like to date @yippy, what makes you think you got the right to suddenly ask him out, sister? Just because you've got 2612 thanks it doesn't mean you're that special or automatically allowed to do it.
 

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@WhateverLolaWants :kitteh: Of course you can :kitteh: I am single and looking for a soulmate. But according to @UnicornRainbowLove apparently there is que. Not that I am seeing one though. *looks out of the window* Nope. Definitely not a que.
 
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