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Discussion Starter #1
What kind of women do you really find attractive?
I want you to really think about it and imagine you're sitting down with this person on a date, perhaps living together, etc.

I'm NOT talking about attractive in terms of just things that attract you but things that make you want to STAY.


I think women get fed a lot of bs about what men find attractive and this leads to women acting and being something they think attracts guys but really doesn't. I'm curious to what the men here have to say.

I don't want your ideals or your dreams, I want your realistic perceptions and what you're really into when it comes to women.

Honesty is my #1 priority here guys.
 

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Ideally I want a woman who is mentally stable and has a good job and a good respect for money.
 

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Traits in a woman that makes me want to stay with her? Well, I know a few:

 

- Is affectionate with words (specifically name things that you like/appreciate about the other). Things that others don't see nor mention.
- Is affectionate physically (must have my cuddles)
- Needs to be able to handle arguments and get over it, so not get secretly resentful and hold it over me indefinitely
- Is a fighter for the relationship. Life gets hard and it sucks bad sometimes, I need to be able to trust you have my back
- Knows what she wants, so not doubting relationship or herself. Are we gonna do this or not? I'm talking serious long-term intentions
- Works on her own improvement/health - pursues her own interests, social needs
- Voices her wants/demands - communicates whenever something bothers her so I can possibly do something about it.
- challenges me intellectually (and/or beats me with it)


so in a nutshell: honest, dedicated, loyal, intelligent, affectionate

My question to guys...
How much percentage would give on Looks and Personality?
Enough so you can find them attractive, not sure how to put that into percentage. Finding someone the most beautiful usually follows when you truly romantically love them anyway, which mostly has to do with personality. At least, that's my experience.

Also don't forget, a girl can also be too goodlooking, meaning that even though I might enjoy her being flat-out hott, i'm not interested in having to deal with creeps eye-balling my girl all night or trying to pull tricks on her online and offline, basically the rest of our lives. Seriously, this definitely counts in my decision-making and I rather avoid ''too goodlooking women''. I'm not big enough of a guy to ''protect'' my girl from alpha males nor I am the most charming Mr. Suave, she needs to protect herself (i.e. not get lead on and not be naive). I think an intelligent girl with an intimidating grumpy face is both practical for keeping other guys away and I just find it very attractive :> it's cute.
 

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My question to guys...
How much percentage would give on Looks and Personality?
It does not work that way, that is as with many things biological, attraction is not a sum of numbers you can put on a single scale, but is better described as a product of numbers, describing the area or volume spanned by factors on separate scales.

As an analogy, your well being can be described in a similar manner, you have a number of needs that are each more or less independent of one another. Even if you have all the food you can eat for a life time, if you have no water, you won't last for many days. Adding the two numbers gives you a very bad description of the state of your well being. Now if you had all the food and water you needed for a life time, but didn't have security, you would be in danger of being killed at any time. Even if you had all the security, food and water you needed, if you were out in the cold without any source of warmth for too long, you would die of hypothermia. See where this is heading? All of the needs that are normally satisfied are close to 1.0, and as soon as any one of them drops significantly, your entire well being drops with it, and can drop dramatically to the point of death regardless of the state of all other needs.

Much alike is it when judging whether someone is fit to be your life mate, the chain is as weak as the weakest link, if not more. It may be a bit of an oversimplification, as to some extent some strengths may compensate for other weaknesses, but if we purely look at it from a functional perspective, this is nonetheless true.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Alright ladies,


So far here's what I've gathered:



  • Can think for herself & speaks her mind
  • Is mentally stable
  • Has a good job
  • Respects money
  • Easygoing/laid back
  • Outgoing
  • Out-doorsy not the ''dressy'' type
  • Protective
  • Affectionate both vocally and physically
  • Handles arguments well and gets over it quickly
  • In tough times she fights to keep the realtionship together
  • Knows what she wants and voices them
  • Doesn't doubt the relationship
  • Intellectually stimulating
  • Attractive enough but not too good looking or it causes stress (as other men will look at her too)
  • Not naive and is loyal and smart enough to realize when she's being pursued by another man to turn him down
  • Traditional/Old fashioned



So far, it seems the men here value an independent mind the most. They seem to agree that they want a woman who knows what she does and doesn't want. Not only that she knows, but also that she speaks up about these things. So GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS.



This is of course only taking into account a couple of guys. The more responses I get, the more detailed my summary can be.
 

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It does not work that way, that is as with many things biological, attraction is not a sum of numbers you can put on a single scale, but is better described as a product of numbers, describing the area or volume spanned by factors on separate scales.

As an analogy, your well being can be described in a similar manner, you have a number of needs that are each more or less independent of one another. Even if you have all the food you can eat for a life time, if you have no water, you won't last for many days. Adding the two numbers gives you a very bad description of the state of your well being. Now if you had all the food and water you needed for a life time, but didn't have security, you would be in danger of being killed at any time. Even if you had all the security, food and water you needed, if you were out in the cold without any source of warmth for too long, you would die of hypothermia. See where this is heading? All of the needs that are normally satisfied are close to 1.0, and as soon as any one of them drops significantly, your entire well being drops with it, and can drop dramatically to the point of death regardless of the state of all other needs.

Much alike is it when judging whether someone is fit to be your life mate, the chain is as weak as the weakest link, if not more. It may be a bit of an oversimplification, as to some extent some strengths may compensate for other weaknesses, but if we purely look at it from a functional perspective, this is nonetheless true.
uhhmm. Let me rephrase, Well if the only choices were Personality and Looks, which would be more important to you when youre looking for a partner?
 

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uhhmm. Let me rephrase, Well if the only choices were Personality and Looks, which would be more important to you when youre looking for a partner?
As long as a threshold of looks is met, then personality will always be of more value. (Unless it's solely a sexual relationship).
 

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these varies depending on preferred love language of ann individual.

mine's good in bed and always available but not too jealous; has her own life.
 

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these varies depending on preferred love language of ann individual.
I think personal values and preferences are much more important in the process of filtering out a partner than the specifics of the love itself.

mine's good in bed and always available but not too jealous; has her own life.
Have fun with that lol, see where you end up :D
 

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uhhmm. Let me rephrase, Well if the only choices were Personality and Looks, which would be more important to you when youre looking for a partner?
Let me put it this way. If a woman looked like a man, I would not find her attractive no matter what. If she on the other hand was beautiful to look at, but had the personality of a man, I would not find her attractive the least.
 

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Not the dressy type, definitely. I find hot looking girls dressed in corky, nerdish outfits way more attractive and less intimidating or easier to approach than all these plaza suga' babes or those disco party guuurlz, whathaveyou. I don't need an extrovert girl, the kind that blends in with the mainstream. I want myself a nieche girl, with very lovely peculiarities, introvert antics that makes her *special*, stand out from the rest, to allow me to indulge in the fantasy that she had only a limited variety of men to have it work with. To make me feel special that I was one of the few keys that matched her lock. So definitely not mainstream but neither of those more popular alternatives, like the deliberated artsy look, or the well known indie retro '60s flâneuse look. In fact, no sexy outfits at all, nothing that follows or emphasizes her body shape: perhaps then lesser chance of being noticed by others. (and the bigger the surprise if she indeed had voluptuous proportions)

But yeah, staying power needs more than looks. I don't know, I have a sweet spot for INTPs. But not any kind. You see, a woman for a sexually conscious man had better had similar "psychoanalyst" aptitudes. Meaning that she would be more interested in people's animal selves, what's under the surface and how that's being negotiated with the social than keeping up with the social façade. She should be polite and tactful, know how to navigate the social world, yet at the same time be conscious of the "basics" of the game, be feline-like, with only a few possible allies. So in a sense, a "hidden pervert" or someone with a fetish that makes her disconnect from the majority and that also gives her this "psychoanalyst" outlook on the world, seeing all the saintly looking, saintly talking, saintly behaving social animals for all their greediness, lust for power, hidden agendas, sexual impulses, etc. That's what I mean by "psychoanalytic," and for this heightened awareness be able to be more conscious, be more present during sexual discovery, open minded, willing to talk about it, experimental. (Not that I have any specific fetishes, maybe big boobs, but I'm just trying to explain a rawer person passion-wise, instead of a prissy one.) + as she's not only independent (as much that's possible at all) but an outsider to top it, she would not turn to social membership signifiers, their accessories, unless necessary. So by default no make up, does not try to heighten looks, or preoccupied with looks at all. No tattoos, body mods, piercings, etc. No smartphone and cute emojis and facebook and social media and meme trashing. No, man, this woman is deep. Does not care about these ice breakers, these little signs of tactful approaches, the everyday necessary smiling. This woman is her own animal. She shoots directly for intimacy, to find real answers from real people to understand to penetrate, somehow break through the dull meaninglessness of life. She's got that existential anguish, she's got that fear of lonely perishing, she wants no fake love, pitied support, but someone who can help her keep it together, to give her, to be for her an island of focus in the chaos of life. Someone who understands the transience of living, the lying, deceptive, ostracizing nature of unreliable society people and what it's like being a vagabond.

Still, Enneagram 8, aggression, offensiveness is out of the question. Bravery is a must but best is she's also able to adapt to a less aggressive male. + Intellectual rapport, theorize about life, long discussions into the night, almost like a soul mate connection over intellectual curiosity. I guess that's all, I'm just too inexperienced to write more.
 
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Pretty much what's been listed already.
Hmmm.... will admit when she is wrong, and not play the "women are always right" bullshit. Not driven by a wanton need for material possessions, or clingy, I need my fucking space, man.
 

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Groundedness/common sense. Or whatever the opposite of flaky and flippant is... respectful. Stays out of drama, not petty.
Open-minded (intellectually), mentally engaging.
Sense of humor (I tend to like clever wit)
Empathetic - in a reasonable way, not mushy
Bluntness. Or perhaps blunt honesty.
Has her own ambitions, i.e. they aren't so similar to my own as to become competitive. But close enough that we have a shared interest profession-wise.
Having enough in common to spend time together is essential (my love language is quality time)
Has a "receptive" side (meh that sounds so stereotypical, but I am drawn to that..goes along with being open-minded)
Sexual chemistry is important. That's pretty individual though and can cover a lot of things...
Shows enthusiasm in bed (otherwise I will assume she's not into me sexually and lose interest myself).
Shows some passion/drive for life in general (I am easily bored by people #strongintrovert)
 
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