I have clinical depression... Well, used to. :happy: I am so happy now!
Mental Illness
What have you been either diagnosed with or believe that you have? Explain a little about what your issue entails...
What is life like living with your disease? What benefits or drawbacks are there?
Are you open about your illness with others? Or do you try to cover it all up?
Any other thoughts, feeling, or ideas you have are greatly appreciated...
Derrick
What is life like living with your disease? What benefits or drawbacks are there?
Are you open about your illness with others? Or do you try to cover it all up?
Any other thoughts, feeling, or ideas you have are greatly appreciated...
Derrick
1 - 20 of 52 Posts
Diagnosed with OCD and "mood unstability".
I'm a bit borderline, but I love each little crazy minute of it.
Up those crazy folks.
I'm a bit borderline, but I love each little crazy minute of it.
Up those crazy folks.
According to a personality disorder test I have five personality disorders: Avoidant, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Histrionic and Narcissistic. I've researched each of these and all have niches in my personality. However I'm starting to wonder I also have Bipolar Disorder (instead of normal depression.) All day Tuesday and yesterday I suddenly fell into a deep depression where I quickly started having suicidal thoughts. All day yesterday I despaired inside, I saw the long term and could find no way to find fulfilment in my life, the only exception being death. Essentially I believed I had become a mere relic of the past, offering nothing but mediocrity to the world. My novel I'm writing? Doomed to fail. Two sides of my mind were arguing and debating over the decision to live or the decision to die (my idealism sides with the pro-suicide idea, seeing nothing but an idealised image of sadness and despair) and I was caught in the middle of the conflict. It was the worst suicide experience in recent memory, but I may just be saying that because my brain wants to forget the gory details. Today I felt melancholy (with the sharp suicide edge faded) an "intangible moment" of thoughts, a moment of euphoria, a resurgent moment of depression and now my mind is "normal" but feels a little tired and exhausted. So in the end I went full cycle from life-enjoyment, to death-desire and back to life-enjoyment in a few days, the greatest depth into suicidal hopelessness to near full recovery occuring in less than twenty four hours. What was worse though, is that nobody at work noticed anything odd (from the usual odd) whatsoever with my behaviour. I was the same distant yet warm, intriguing yet funny eccentric I've always been. I achieved my highest sales stats all month in these past few days. Has it all been a lie? A mania? Did I blow it all out of proportion in my mind?
It isn't just that though. My "intangible moments" (for lack of a better term) occur usually as an extreme end different from depression or euphoria. In it, I usually consider my philosophical ideas, theories, abstract concepts and the like. Yet there is a lot which is intangible, I can't find words, structures to explain it. Just a whole bucket load of ineffable (this is a big problem for me here also, I can't answer many questions I probably have an opinion for.) Sometimes when I think philosophical, my mind feels like its running on pure euphoria and nothing else, that its greatly over-extended and exhausted. Sometimes I feel sickly, as if my mind is being pulled in directions it shouldn't be. It's really odd and a little unfortunate (thinking philosophically is one of my favourite hobbies!) Plus I can think about such issues to a lesser degree without problems. I hope its only a loss of energy from an introvert over-stimulation.
That's probably the lot of it, but I'm sick of all this now, even though I can go months with little except mild depression or inertia. Would anti-depressants do the trick? It's hard to think positively when your brain seems almost engineered to perceive how you went wrong rather than what you did right.
It isn't just that though. My "intangible moments" (for lack of a better term) occur usually as an extreme end different from depression or euphoria. In it, I usually consider my philosophical ideas, theories, abstract concepts and the like. Yet there is a lot which is intangible, I can't find words, structures to explain it. Just a whole bucket load of ineffable (this is a big problem for me here also, I can't answer many questions I probably have an opinion for.) Sometimes when I think philosophical, my mind feels like its running on pure euphoria and nothing else, that its greatly over-extended and exhausted. Sometimes I feel sickly, as if my mind is being pulled in directions it shouldn't be. It's really odd and a little unfortunate (thinking philosophically is one of my favourite hobbies!) Plus I can think about such issues to a lesser degree without problems. I hope its only a loss of energy from an introvert over-stimulation.
That's probably the lot of it, but I'm sick of all this now, even though I can go months with little except mild depression or inertia. Would anti-depressants do the trick? It's hard to think positively when your brain seems almost engineered to perceive how you went wrong rather than what you did right.
I feel like you. I'm sure I'm an undiagnosed bipolar or something like that. High five! xDAccording to a personality disorder test I have five personality disorders: Avoidant, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Histrionic and Narcissistic. I've researched each of these and all have niches in my personality. However I'm starting to wonder I also have Bipolar Disorder (instead of normal depression.) All day Tuesday and yesterday I suddenly fell into a deep depression where I quickly started having suicidal thoughts. All day yesterday I despaired inside, I saw the long term and could find no way to find fulfilment in my life, the only exception being death. Essentially I believed I had become a mere relic of the past, offering nothing but mediocrity to the world. My novel I'm writing? Doomed to fail. Two sides of my mind were arguing and debating over the decision to live or the decision to die (my idealism sides with the pro-suicide idea, seeing nothing but an idealised image of sadness and despair) and I was caught in the middle of the conflict. It was the worst suicide experience in recent memory, but I may just be saying that because my brain wants to forget the gory details. Today I felt melancholy (with the sharp suicide edge faded) an "intangible moment" of thoughts, a moment of euphoria, a resurgent moment of depression and now my mind is "normal" but feels a little tired and exhausted. What was worse though, is that nobody at work noticed anything odd (from the usual odd) whatsoever with my behaviour. I was the same distant yet warm, intriguing yet funny eccentric I've always been. I achieved my highest sales stats all month in these past few days. Has it all been a lie? A mania? Did I blow it all out of proportion in my mind?
It isn't just that though. My "intangible moments" (for lack of a better term) occur usually as an extreme end different from depression or euphoria. In it, I usually consider my philosophical ideas, theories, abstract concepts and the like. Yet there is a lot which is intangible, I can't find words, structures to explain it. Just a whole bucket load of ineffable (this is a big problem for me here also, I can't answer many questions I probably have an opinion for.) Sometimes when I think philosophical, my mind feels like its running on pure euphoria and nothing else, that its greatly over-extended and exhausted. Sometimes I feel sickly, as if my mind is being pulled in directions it shouldn't be. It's really odd and a little unfortunate (thinking philosophically is one of my favourite hobbies!) Plus I can think about such issues to a lesser degree without problems. I hope its only a loss of energy from an introvert over-stimulation.
That's probably the lot of it, but I'm sick of all this now, even though I can go months with little except mild depression or inertia. Would anti-depressants do the trick? It's hard to think positively when your brain seems almost engineered to perceive how you went wrong rather than what you did right.
anyway...
in that test, I always get very high Schizotypal and Borderline.
I've never been to the doctor about any of these things, but still they are very real.
I have, for sure, general anxiety disorder and relatively frequent panic attacks.
Sometimes I think I have a slight case of bipolar disorder. I go from being lazy and more or less down, to being so happy that I cry and smile and cannot see a bad thing in life.
I worry that I am going to develop or start developing schizophrenia, because I feel "weird" a lot, and my anxiety can be so bad that I fear it will cause schizophrenia, or something. I know I don't actually have it because I'm pretty well-put together and the things I say make sense, and I'm not paranoid or anything. But one of my uncles has it and sometimes I worry.
And the last thing pertains to the "feeling weird" that I just mentioned; feeling like things aren't real or thinking things like, "what IS that house right there and why is it there, etc etc", which I've attributed to depersonalization disorder.
I think a lot of this is just my strange way of thinking, though, and not really any serious mental illness. Except for the anxiety.
I have, for sure, general anxiety disorder and relatively frequent panic attacks.
Sometimes I think I have a slight case of bipolar disorder. I go from being lazy and more or less down, to being so happy that I cry and smile and cannot see a bad thing in life.
I worry that I am going to develop or start developing schizophrenia, because I feel "weird" a lot, and my anxiety can be so bad that I fear it will cause schizophrenia, or something. I know I don't actually have it because I'm pretty well-put together and the things I say make sense, and I'm not paranoid or anything. But one of my uncles has it and sometimes I worry.
And the last thing pertains to the "feeling weird" that I just mentioned; feeling like things aren't real or thinking things like, "what IS that house right there and why is it there, etc etc", which I've attributed to depersonalization disorder.
I think a lot of this is just my strange way of thinking, though, and not really any serious mental illness. Except for the anxiety.
Currently, I have a phobia about driving/social anxiety, as well as ADHD/Asperger's. Uh, I think that's it... At the moment. Previously, ha, it was a mess of things.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type II disorder at the age of 21 but I was already about 90% sure that I suffered from it at the time I read an article about various mental illnesses at the age of 15. I did further research and found that I could check off pretty much all the symptoms. I think what surprised me the most was when I did sit down with a psychiatrist how many more checks I could make even as I was trying to avoid them. :-/
The only reason I did go in to see someone was when the depression was bad enough that I was calling in to work, waking up late and missing the bus, not getting anything done, avoiding people more than usual, and several days/weeks where I was thinking about suicide as more than just an idle thought... I was a mess. I'd been there several times before, but I was usually picked up out of it by band or theater or friends or whatnot. I've been back there several times since. As for the hypomania side of things, I loved it. I could get so much done and wasn't tired and was so much more creative and able to do whatever I wanted or needed to. There are times I wish I could be in a constant state of hypo-mania. At the same time, it's not healthy to always be in that state and I know I would wear my body and my mind down until I forced myself into a severe depression just in order to recover. Actually, I know that's happened naturally at least twice.
I've been on medication since I was diagnosed, though not consistently - from May '09 to Feb '10 I was off medication due to being deployed by the Army and the facility I was at not having the medication I take. I'm fairly open about it with friends and some co-workers, but I do not feel comfortable speaking with any of my patients about it, even if it could help some to know that I understand where they're coming from a bit better. I've heard too many times, "You can't work here if you're sick too. They should screen for that!" So I don't tell them that the reason I know all these different coping skills and side effects of Lamictal and Ambien and Ambien CR or whatever else I've tried is because of that - I've taken the medication. They don't know why I'm so passionate about helping them and knowing that they CAN live a full life, all they know is that I believe in them, and so that's enough.
So... yeah... if anyone has questions or assistance finding help, don't hesitate to PM me. I truly want to help, and sometimes knowing that you're not doing something alone is what you need. *hugs*
The only reason I did go in to see someone was when the depression was bad enough that I was calling in to work, waking up late and missing the bus, not getting anything done, avoiding people more than usual, and several days/weeks where I was thinking about suicide as more than just an idle thought... I was a mess. I'd been there several times before, but I was usually picked up out of it by band or theater or friends or whatnot. I've been back there several times since. As for the hypomania side of things, I loved it. I could get so much done and wasn't tired and was so much more creative and able to do whatever I wanted or needed to. There are times I wish I could be in a constant state of hypo-mania. At the same time, it's not healthy to always be in that state and I know I would wear my body and my mind down until I forced myself into a severe depression just in order to recover. Actually, I know that's happened naturally at least twice.
I've been on medication since I was diagnosed, though not consistently - from May '09 to Feb '10 I was off medication due to being deployed by the Army and the facility I was at not having the medication I take. I'm fairly open about it with friends and some co-workers, but I do not feel comfortable speaking with any of my patients about it, even if it could help some to know that I understand where they're coming from a bit better. I've heard too many times, "You can't work here if you're sick too. They should screen for that!" So I don't tell them that the reason I know all these different coping skills and side effects of Lamictal and Ambien and Ambien CR or whatever else I've tried is because of that - I've taken the medication. They don't know why I'm so passionate about helping them and knowing that they CAN live a full life, all they know is that I believe in them, and so that's enough.
So... yeah... if anyone has questions or assistance finding help, don't hesitate to PM me. I truly want to help, and sometimes knowing that you're not doing something alone is what you need. *hugs*
I think people over analyze and think they have all these "disorders". I remember reading that by the time of death 80% of people will be diagnosed with some sort of "disorder"...... People are all different, I don't know why all these things are considered "disorders".
Um...bipolar II, clinical depression. I am taking ADs now, but I feel numb.
i thought it was a good post...(never mind)
... it's a shame to see it disappear...
... but i completely understand why you did it.
derrick
I am diagnozed with BPD (and CFS), and it's ruining my life.
Without medication I'm tearing myself and my surroundings apart; I get these huge, violent breakdowns or raging tantrums over nothing, I have no control over it.
I hurt myself, my things and the ones close to me.
I can be overwhelmed by unexplained fear or sadness, and there are mere minutes between heaven and hell.
I'm electric with stress!
And all of the time I'm contemplating suicide.
With medication everything is gray and numb.
The volume in my head is turned down low, and nothing is anything.
I don't get very sad or scared or angry, and I don't get very happy or eager either.
The border between dream and reality isn't very clear.
When I'm awake everything is a bit "cotton-ish" and distant, like I'm looking through a window; when I sleep my dreams are so livid that they're almost more real then "reality".
I'm almost not sure wich is wich anymore.
With medication I exist, but I don't live.
But I'm not sure that I can manage to stay alive without.
I am so sick of it! :sad:
Without medication I'm tearing myself and my surroundings apart; I get these huge, violent breakdowns or raging tantrums over nothing, I have no control over it.
I hurt myself, my things and the ones close to me.
I can be overwhelmed by unexplained fear or sadness, and there are mere minutes between heaven and hell.
I'm electric with stress!
And all of the time I'm contemplating suicide.
With medication everything is gray and numb.
The volume in my head is turned down low, and nothing is anything.
I don't get very sad or scared or angry, and I don't get very happy or eager either.
The border between dream and reality isn't very clear.
When I'm awake everything is a bit "cotton-ish" and distant, like I'm looking through a window; when I sleep my dreams are so livid that they're almost more real then "reality".
I'm almost not sure wich is wich anymore.
With medication I exist, but I don't live.
But I'm not sure that I can manage to stay alive without.
I am so sick of it! :sad:
I think it's really important to talk about mental illness, thanks Derrick.
What have you been either diagnosed with or believe that you have? Explain a little about what your issue entails...
I've had both the major eating disorders for 6-ish years, and I struggle with both still, which are basically obsessive compulsive. Clinical depression (but I cope really well). I occasionally experience derealisation (a few times a fortnight) and disassociation as a result of ED's and post traumatic stress from being in treatment for eating disorders.
I used to contemplate having borderline personality disorder, but given I live with someone who has it, I know I am nothing like that. I've thought about it for a while and received feedback, and I miss the behaviour criteria for all of the personality disorders by a long shot. The closest I come is troubles with attachment... namely when I'm in phobic 6 mode, I'm really quite avoidant.
What is life like living with your disease? What benefits or drawbacks are there?
Uh depression is ok, I look at it in a positive light. I've learned a lot from the experience. I would not have the degree of understanding I have about the human condition without having gone through it.
Eating disorders... I could talk about how much I would like to rid the planet of them for eons. Drawbacks are namely that clinical depression feels better than being controlled by an ED. I would rather feel depression, than feel "it" and see other people I have come to know go through it. Good things; you learn what it means to have to fight for your life, and yet let go of what you think sustains you, both at the same time. You're ordinarily a strong, self reliant person... you lose that and you crumble, but if you get through it, reclaim your life... you become stronger emotionally than you ever were before. Getting through relapses and continuing the struggle each and every time, gives you an opportunity to become incredibly resilient and patient. And you learn to trust yourself.
Are you open about your illness with others? Or do you try to cover it all up?
No, not open. "I'm ok" and "i'm strong" is the line I feed to others because I genuinely believe I can do it on my own, and I have to because no one is going to pick up the pieces behind me. I cannot rely on anyone and I don't want to admit that I would need help. Sometimes I need to check whether this is me, or the illness talking.
I have been forced into receiving help (when I was underage) and it was hard... being that vulnerable. But I'm not going to lie; I do need support (mainly simple things), I just don't ask for it and am not used to receiving it.
What have you been either diagnosed with or believe that you have? Explain a little about what your issue entails...
I've had both the major eating disorders for 6-ish years, and I struggle with both still, which are basically obsessive compulsive. Clinical depression (but I cope really well). I occasionally experience derealisation (a few times a fortnight) and disassociation as a result of ED's and post traumatic stress from being in treatment for eating disorders.
I used to contemplate having borderline personality disorder, but given I live with someone who has it, I know I am nothing like that. I've thought about it for a while and received feedback, and I miss the behaviour criteria for all of the personality disorders by a long shot. The closest I come is troubles with attachment... namely when I'm in phobic 6 mode, I'm really quite avoidant.
What is life like living with your disease? What benefits or drawbacks are there?
Uh depression is ok, I look at it in a positive light. I've learned a lot from the experience. I would not have the degree of understanding I have about the human condition without having gone through it.
Eating disorders... I could talk about how much I would like to rid the planet of them for eons. Drawbacks are namely that clinical depression feels better than being controlled by an ED. I would rather feel depression, than feel "it" and see other people I have come to know go through it. Good things; you learn what it means to have to fight for your life, and yet let go of what you think sustains you, both at the same time. You're ordinarily a strong, self reliant person... you lose that and you crumble, but if you get through it, reclaim your life... you become stronger emotionally than you ever were before. Getting through relapses and continuing the struggle each and every time, gives you an opportunity to become incredibly resilient and patient. And you learn to trust yourself.
Are you open about your illness with others? Or do you try to cover it all up?
No, not open. "I'm ok" and "i'm strong" is the line I feed to others because I genuinely believe I can do it on my own, and I have to because no one is going to pick up the pieces behind me. I cannot rely on anyone and I don't want to admit that I would need help. Sometimes I need to check whether this is me, or the illness talking.
I have been forced into receiving help (when I was underage) and it was hard... being that vulnerable. But I'm not going to lie; I do need support (mainly simple things), I just don't ask for it and am not used to receiving it.
which meds you take? i feel the same as you with meds.I am diagnozed with BPD (and CFS), and it's ruining my life.
Without medication I'm tearing myself and my surroundings apart; I get these huge, violent breakdowns or raging tantrums over nothing, I have no control over it.
I hurt myself, my things and the ones close to me.
I can be overwhelmed by unexplained fear or sadness, and there are mere minutes between heaven and hell.
I'm electric with stress!
And all of the time I'm contemplating suicide.
With medication everything is gray and numb.
The volume in my head is turned down low, and nothing is anything.
I don't get very sad or scared or angry, and I don't get very happy or eager either.
The border between dream and reality isn't very clear.
When I'm awake everything is a bit "cotton-ish" and distant, like I'm looking through a window; when I sleep my dreams are so livid that they're almost more real then "reality".
I'm almost not sure wich is wich anymore.
With medication I exist, but I don't live.
But I'm not sure that I can manage to stay alive without.
I am so sick of it! :sad:
i take meds that are used for depression and BPD (borderline personality disorder). and my psychiatrist says i can't feel thsoe things with the meds, BUT I DO
My psychology teacher told me that mostly everyone will be diagnosed with at least one mental disorder in their life. And I had that same question... why are there even disorders if the majority of people have them...?I think people over analyze and think they have all these "disorders". I remember reading that by the time of death 80% of people will be diagnosed with some sort of "disorder"...... People are all different, I don't know why all these things are considered "disorders".
The answer is... If it affects your life it is considered a disorder. So I guess everyone has SOMETHING that affects their every day life. Which is cool I guess because everybody is so unique.
and also... I used to have selective mutism. But I went to a psychiatrist as a child and am over it now- I am still unusually shy and have a lot of anxiety about insignificant situations.
I now have an unusual fascination with mental illness... and I adore people with mental disorders ^_^
i'm bipolar but i keep it hidden as best as possible .
i just wanted to thank everyone for posting... right now i'm working on accepting my condition...
I was diagnosed with major depression about ten years ago. I took antidepressants (and subsequently gained 30 pounds - which didn't exactly help the depression...) until about five years ago. I was taking a different prescription at the same time, which has depression as its main side effect, but no one ever told me this, even though I had been taking it for fifteen years. When I stopped that medication, my depression lifted, for the most part. So I guess I gained that 30 pounds for nothing....
I still have bouts of feeling pretty low, but I believe it's partly due to becoming more self-aware, and not trying so much to pretend to be the way my family expects me to be. It saddens me that people seemed to like me more when I tried to conform to their expectations. But, aside from the medication with the depression side effect, it was really hard trying to act extroverted, and I think that also fed the depression. On top of just being a thoughtful, introspective person, which tends to make me rather melancholy anyway. I don't really think of it as being depressed anymore - it's just a part of who I am.
I still have bouts of feeling pretty low, but I believe it's partly due to becoming more self-aware, and not trying so much to pretend to be the way my family expects me to be. It saddens me that people seemed to like me more when I tried to conform to their expectations. But, aside from the medication with the depression side effect, it was really hard trying to act extroverted, and I think that also fed the depression. On top of just being a thoughtful, introspective person, which tends to make me rather melancholy anyway. I don't really think of it as being depressed anymore - it's just a part of who I am.
I don't want to sound like I'm arguing or whatnot but here's some things to go with that statistic - most people who are diagnosed with a mental illness tend to experience it only once in their lives or only under extreme stress, after a loved one has passed away or after some other huge life changing event. They are not given that diagnosis for the long haul and many others recover from theirs so it is merely a blip on their life time radar.I think people over analyze and think they have all these "disorders". I remember reading that by the time of death 80% of people will be diagnosed with some sort of "disorder"...... People are all different, I don't know why all these things are considered "disorders".
To go further with that, I do believe that people are diagnosed more frequently than is necessary, especially in the Western cultures. I know it sucks to feel crappy for a few days to weeks, but that is all part of life and just how it happens. Yes, it can affect your life, but not in the long run.
On the other hand, if someone is truly unable to function in society, at work, in school, in social situations or at home with their families, then yes, it is a concern and getting that diagnosis opens the doorway to treatment and for that person to be able to get the help they need. I know from experience with my patients and with myself and several close friends that the difference between getting that help and struggling on one's own in a society that still considers mental illness to be a taboo subject is the difference between living and dying. Not always from suicide, usually not actually. There's drug/alcohol abuse in an attempt to self-medicate. There's incredibly risky behavior as in the sex/drugs/rock'n'roll scene or drinking and driving or trying to do things that the person just does not have the training or ability to pull off. There's social anxiety that will lead a person to starve in their house rather than face going to the grocery store. Or people who are too paranoid to leave because someone is trying to hurt them. These are all extreme cases, but they are all around us, but we're taught from a young age to avoid/ignore the people who suffer like this.
I know several people, including the person I am divorcing, who believe that you can just "get over" mental illness, that the people who don't just don't have the mental capacity to do so. I wish that were true. I wish it was as simple as that, because I could stop encouraging them to take medications that are harmful, going to therapy that makes them worse before they start to recover. Their families would take them back, they wouldn't lose everything in their lives that have meaning. But, that isn't how it works. Each person's brain works differently, and sometimes that means there are chemicals that aren't produced at a high enough quantities, for others that means their brains are wired just different enough that signals may not be sent along the proper paths. It's something that sometimes therapy can help because the brain is malleable, and other times we have to help it out a bit through use of medications.
Erm, long story short, it's not so easy as saying we're all different and that means we should just accept that things are the way the are and that there really aren't things like mental illnesses or disorders.
Stepping off my soapbox. Back to your regularly scheduled daily activities.
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