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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I never realized what it was about the show Merlin I loved so much until today, watching season 2 episode 9, "Lady of the Lake." In case you haven't seen it, the short version is Merlin (a sorcerer during the Middle-ish Ages, when practicing magic would cause you to be burned to death at the stakes) frees a girl named Freya who has been captured by a bounty hunter for practicing magic.

 


You later find out that Freya accidentally killed a witch's son in self-defense. Freya was cursed by the witch to turn into a black cat at night and kill anyone in her path. Merlin and Freya fall in love, so Merlin vows to rescue her and they plan on escaping together.

Anyways, I realized that not only do I identify with Merlin because of the fact that he's an INFJ, but as he is talking with Freya...well, let me just quote their conversation ;)

Freya: "I wish I was like everyone else, but..."
Merlin: "You always know, deep down, you're not?"

They have several conversations along these lines, and I know they feel alone and so different because of their magic, but as an INFJ, do you ever just feel, different? Even by the look on Merlin's face when he first meets Freya you can tell that he's just happy not to have to hide his secret---his magic---from someone, and that he's met someone like him.

I'm not saying being an INFJ is a bad thing or that I wish I was someone else, but simply being an INFJ has caused me a lot of pain. You feel things on a different level, you analyze everything until it drives you mad, and the biggest thing: you're always lonely. Does anyone else agree, or is it just me?

It's said that INFJ's typically mature quicker than the other types. And for me that's been so, unbearably, true. I learn more about myself and what I want in life, and when my friends notice this change, they leave me because I'm a "different person." My best friend (ESFP) is currently drifting away from me because of this reason and the fact that we're so different that it's hard to understand each other sometimes.

I'm kind of jumping all over the place with my thoughts, sorry. But a major problem I seem to have is the level I feel things....No one else understands the way I view the world...it's difficult to explain if you haven't experienced it. I've learned to downplay how I feel and hide my depth...This, mixed with the incredible desire to have extremely deep relationships, makes it a very lonely world.

Can you detect people's emotions and intentions by their actions more so than other people can? Sometimes it's amazing to me that people can't see what I see...

I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm cursed to be lonely all my life, like Freya.

So there's a nice, uplifting post for ya'll ;P Let me know if you guys have experienced this, maybe how you deal with it (I say deal, not dealt, bc it never seems to go away), and just what you guys think....

Oh, and if you watch Merlin, please no spoilers!! I haven't gotten past this episode ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #3

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Wow, I've got to watch this show! And yes, I really identify with the things you are saying. I'm often afraid of how intensely I feel everything, I always try to keep my emotions to myself to avoid scaring/weirdening people off. Sometimes I just feel such an intense tenderness, that I'd just like to stare at somebody's eyes for hours or give them a hug and cry in gratitude, but that would just seem plain odd... wouldn't it? :(

I ache for an intesely deep bond with somebody... but sadly enough... the people that I cared the most for, the ones that I have allowed to see all my emotional intesity and awkwardness have pushed me away... during my depressive episodes, it makes me feel like there's something fundamentaly wrong with me *rolls eyes*

Hey... wild idea, why don't we (the ones that feel in such an intense way) form deep connections?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I know right!? We have so much light inside of us, but people in general ​JUST DON'T SEE...
Yeah, that can definitely be true. At least it seems that way ;) I've always felt like i'm seen as a rather boring person, and have even been told so on occasion
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Wow, I've got to watch this show! And yes, I really identify with the things you are saying. I'm often afraid of how intensely I feel everything, I always try to keep my emotions to myself to avoid scaring/weirdening people off. Sometimes I just feel such an intense tenderness, that I'd just like to stare at somebody's eyes for hours or give them a hug and cry in gratitude, but that would just seem plain odd... wouldn't it? :(

I ache for an intesely deep bond with somebody... but sadly enough... the people that I cared the most for, the ones that I have allowed to see all my emotional intesity and awkwardness have pushed me away... during my depressive episodes, it makes me feel like there's something fundamentaly wrong with me *rolls eyes*

Hey... wild idea, why don't we (the ones that feel in such an intense way) form deep connections?
You described it perfectly. I hide who I really am because the same thing has happened to me: every time i trust someone enough to show that side of me, they end up pushing me away.

And yes, I highly recommend the show :D it's on Netflix if you have that ;)

I've never met anyone like me before, but I do like your idea
 
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I ache for an intesely deep bond with somebody... but sadly enough... the people that I cared the most for, the ones that I have allowed to see all my emotional intesity and awkwardness have pushed me away... during my depressive episodes, it makes me feel like there's something fundamentaly wrong with me *rolls eyes*
Story of my life so far! Still hoping for things to get better :))

@girasole
Forgive them poor souls, they are just ignorant.
 

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@girasole I'm so glad you think so! I hardly make new friends and I do have really good friendships, but there's something missing, some deeper closeness that I yearn so badly... so lately I've felt mystified by the idea of knowing other infjs.

@miyachanfan Yes, let us hope!
 

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Because it's so difficult to make new friends I think we value the friends we have even more. That's a great blessing, but at what cost? I'm so glad that there are others out there that feel lonely as heck too!
"Perhaps only people who are capable of real togetherness have that look of being alone in the universe."
 

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I don't know if this has been posted before or if a thread about curses would be the best place but it'll do just fine. The important part is post #79, the giant wall of text. I think most of it was pretty solid however dark it was.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I don't know if this has been posted before or if a thread about curses would be the best place but it'll do just fine. The important part is post #79, the giant wall of text. I think most of it was pretty solid however dark it was.
I'll be sure to check this out when I have some more time!
 

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Because it's so difficult to make new friends I think we value the friends we have even more. That's a great blessing, but at what cost? I'm so glad that there are others out there that feel lonely as heck too!
I love this...couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks :)
 
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I read the wall of text and thought it was fascinating. I agree INFJs do tend to act on principles. Depending on what these principles are, the resulting actions could either benefit or harm the people around them. INFJs subject themselves to a master because they must have a guiding idea or principle for them to act on, but is incredibly important that they choose a good master and good principles or others and the INFJ may suffer as a result.

As has been noted before on this forum, spirituality is important to an INFJ because religion and spirituality provide the principles that INFJs seek to guide them. I think INFJs can also observe the world around them and draw principles from their observations, but these could be harmful when shaped too much by an INFJs personal experiences, particularly if the experiences were negative. For me personally my Christian faith provides principles that are much larger than self, beyond anything that I could arrive at from my own observations, and these principles I use as a guide to the best actions and life that is possible. Taking my principles from objective rather than subjective sources ensures that my principles are not broken or self-seeking because I did not arrive at them myself--they come from a higher source.

I think INFJs can be charming, but I don't know if they really are good manipulators or not. Between their stubborn behavior that alienates people and emotional vulnerability that makes them easy to read I don't actually think they are that great at manipulating. I think that many people can be drawn to them but that makes them charismatic not manipulative.

If I have ever been manipulative, I had the strongest bent toward those tendencies when I had the weakest sense of self and boundaries. Part of it was stupidity. I didn't know what I was responsible for and as a result ended up taking responsibility for or too much interest in what did not concern me. I now try to understand what is my responsibility in a situation and not take on extra duties or responsibilities. An extra duty or responsibility would be to excessively try to take care of others emotions and problems. I now focus on what is going on inside of myself. Even though I think it's easy to be hyper attuned to others, I realize now I don't need to be aware of or do anything about how other people are feeling. I still try to help people when appealed to, but I have boundaries now and don't let other people's emotions take me over so that I lose a clear sense of what I'm thinking and feeling.

I think everyone's job is to be completely themselves, and then to devote themselves completely to helping other people.

If INFJs act manipulative, I think it's more stupidity or fear, and better boundaries and a stronger sense of self should help to eliminate that. I'm no longer fearful and try to control other people by being extra nice to them. I simply do what is right to the best of my ability and try not to fear other people. At least that is the principle I want to try to adhere to. Also, I'm not sure I believe ENTPs are that manipulative. The few I've met seemed far more honest than was necessary--they seemed incapable of hiding any truth, even if it hurt them. Maybe the one I know was just mature, but I was impressed by his honesty.

I can't think of anything else to address, and this post is long enough.
 

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INFJs can only cope with their friends and partners growing and evolving, if the relationship dynamic stays roughly the same as it ever was, and if the relationship changes past a certain point, the INFJ will totally shut that person out of their life (usually by persistently failing to initiate communication or any form of interaction). My INFJ friends and I refer to this as the "Mary Poppins complex." The INFJ is loyal, charming, adoring, and insightful, but once the other person changes too much, the INFJ will 'fly away' while they still have a positive opinion of that person, and while the INFJ is still able to privately take credit for that person's evolution. The more closely the friend comes to the INFJ's ideal, in this act of growth, the more rapidly and enthusiastically the INFJ will flee from them, because any further evolution at that point can only take them farther from the INFJ's ideal... even if that evolution is strongly beneficial to the health and integrity of the individual, or strongly beneficial to society. The INFJ sees the inevitable "betrayal" approaching, cannot stomach it, and is desperate to leave the relationship before it becomes sour for them.
On more comment. I think the "Mary Poppins complex" describes two things--INFJs as catalysts and INFJs as people who tend to become too attached.
Because INFJs are catalysts they tend to be interested in what is not yet realized. Once a goal is reached or a person has been helped, the situation or person is no longer in need of a catalyst and as a result I am no longer needed. For me a relationship is all about personal growth and emotional support. I actually like relationships that are all about these things and lose interest in relationships that offer none of these things. For example, if a friend gets married or finds a new person they like better the intense emotionality is gone and the relationship seems to be over. Because I feel like the emotional aspects of the relationship are what I bring to the relationship and what I want from it.
In the process I've become extremely attached to the person I now feel alienated from, and sometimes I can part from people I have loved or helped in a decisive way that might seem brutal. That's because it feels so hard and painful to tear myself away from a person or situation. I do think INFJs suffer from incredibly high expectations for relationships and individuals and also can become too attached to relationships and people for their own good.
 
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