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MOTM Jan 2012
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I want to throw this question onto the table: what is it with some women playing mind games? Why do they do it? What purpose is there to it?

I'm just thinking about it, because there was a girl that my brother likes who just plays with his mind and heart and has been stringing him along.

I just don't get it.
 
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Not sure. Makes them feel good about themselves, I guess.
 

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Socialisation teaching them to be 'nice' and not direct. It probably gives them a false sense of power.
 
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I bet the ISTP can play mind games better than many other types, it's just that we don't do it because we prefer to be straight-talkers, and direct in our dealings. I have no regards for anyone who tries to play mind games with me. And if I think they are, then they will be so screwed because chances are I'm better than them at the game and will be inclined to give them a taste of their own medicine.
 

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I think we'd be quite expert at mind games if we could bring ourselves to doing it. But something like that is SO unnatural for me. I am just too honest and straight-shooting... I don't know that there's a worse way to feel than seeing yourself as fraudulent, you know?

<shrug>

Why do people play mind games? Beats the fuck out of me. Boredom perhaps - stringing someone that's "acceptable" along while they look for the person they really want?

I guess you could say that I've strung people along, but only in the sense that I have been in relationships (friendships) that I did not participate nearly as much in the friendship as the other person, but still respected them and the relationship, and was honest about my intentions - yet, some people are very needy and will misinterpret the least bit of interest as something much greater than it is.

I think in order to play mind games, you have to have a willing participant. One person wants to be led on, and the other person is happy to lead the way. Anyone with half a brain can step outside of their situation and see clearly what's going on - if they want to. But too many people would prefer to live in a fantasy world where they remain unfulfilled, running after the dangling carrot. A friend of mine spent 2-1/2 years in a "relationship" with a guy who, upon her FIRST DATE with him, I knew was playing her. She even SAW what was happening, but let him drag her along, happily succumbing while hating herself for being a patsy. She was as much at fault for the situation as he.

Yeah, I did the Lots Of Words Thing again.
 

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I want to throw this question onto the table: what is it with some women playing mind games? Why do they do it? What purpose is there to it?

I'm just thinking about it, because there was a girl that my brother likes who just plays with his mind and heart and has been stringing him along.

I just don't get it.
Firstly, they need to feel justified in having such a lack of integrity, to screw with someones head. I tend to think its bad wiring.. or bad conditioning. Some people have bad experiences with the opposite sex, and become convinced that its ok to treat them with a lack of respect. Really they end up treating innocent people like shit, and -become- the sort of person who screwed them up in the first place. They still desire to get close to the opposite sex, but because of the issues that have developed, the process will be like an incomplete format that doesn't quite take. Pieces of trust or dedication are missing.

This will result in someone getting used by the wounded suitor. They will only take pieces, while never giving much of themselves. Afraid of being hurt, yes.. so jaded and used to the game that they are alienated from the reason for it in the first place - yes. I don't think they typically stop to assess what they are doing at some point. They see it as completely natural behavior. Look at what percentage of the population plays these games.

TL;DR: You said shes stringing him along. Stringing someone along in particular is a way of just giving them enough so that they can continue to take. I suppose how they justify this predatory behavior is still important to understand though, as the understanding makes a deeper impact when you are trying to make the decision to tell the bitch to step.
 

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Depends. I wouldn't be a good mind player, I'm not smart enough for it. I have intelligence but to do this you need a completely other way of thinking. But even before I realized that I couldn't do this, I was genuinely not interested. Way too much energy for something so useless.
 

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I want to throw this question onto the table: what is it with some women playing mind games? Why do they do it? What purpose is there to it?

I'm just thinking about it, because there was a girl that my brother likes who just plays with his mind and heart and has been stringing him along.

I just don't get it.
Power and Control.
 

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People who can't have functional relationships resort to relationships of power and control.
 

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A lot of women play games, I'll totally give you that. That said, I don't think most women string men along because they're power hungry or testing them to see how much they'll take or anything even remotely subtle. I think most women are just pussies. We don't want to man up and tell you that we're not interested. I'm sure some crusty INTJ broad will come looking for my head, but I'll say it anyway; women are rarely direct or sensical when it comes to conversatin' about the romanticals. Plus, when you "shoot someone down", you're putting yourself in a position to be spitefully shot back at. Tell your buddy to read between the lines and get the fuck on with it.
 

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A lot of women play games, I'll totally give you that. That said, I don't think most women string men along because they're power hungry or testing them to see how much they'll take or anything even remotely subtle. I think most women are just pussies. We don't want to man up and tell you that we're not interested. I'm sure some crusty INTJ broad will come looking for my head, but I'll say it anyway; women are rarely direct or sensical when it comes to conversatin' about the romanticals. Plus, when you "shoot someone down", you're putting yourself in a position to be spitefully shot back at. Tell your buddy to read between the lines and get the fuck on with it.
Are you sure you are a gal? Your gender says you are, yet you talk like a guy. Since when do women "Man Up" anyway?
Most women are pussies, why, because they HAVE pussies?
I don't see your logic.
 

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Are you sure you are a gal? Your gender says you are, yet you talk like a guy. Since when do women "Man Up" anyway?
Most women are pussies, why, because they HAVE pussies?
I don't see your logic.
Is profanity reserved strictly for men? Despite having the word man in it, "man up" is hardly a gender-specific idiom. Nobody should be a namby-pamby.

Also, does the word "gal" conjure up images of women named Ethel, Bethel, & Mabel sitting around playing pinochle, drinking Sanka, and "gabbing"?
 

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Is profanity reserved strictly for men? Despite having the word man in it, "man up" is hardly a gender-specific idiom. Nobody should be a namby-pamby.

Also, does the word "gal" conjure up images of women named Ethel, Bethel, & Mabel sitting around playing pinochle, drinking Sanka, and "gabbing"?
Bethel? A name of a holy place, not of a woman.
How about Blanche, Portia and Mildred.

Gal is the feminine equivalent of guy and is in no way demeaning to women, but maybe you prefer to be called a "guy."
 

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welp, from what I can gather there are two types of women that do this. Gold diggers and women with a battered self-esteem. I have a cousin that constantly plays these games just to get a rise out of the men she dates. She'll lie and say that she has another guy over (no one is really there), she's going on a date with someone else (not true) just to see what would happen. When they get angry or act out she loves it because to her this means they care (forget the fact they treat her like a piece of garbage). It seems like the worse a guy treats her the more she lays on the mind games, hell even the men that are good to her still get a dose of it. It's a pitiful thing to watch. I always tell her she needs to get her self-esteem and self-image together because this is sad....she thinks it's all good so, whatever.

Gold diggers, well of course you gotta play some mind games to get the cash! :crazy: But I truly think a low self-esteem contributes to the mind games.
 

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MOTM Jan 2012
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Well, they aren't dating. He just really likes her, and you would have to be a blind man to miss that fact. But, it's not going anywhere; she just went back home to Europe, and the mind games continue via Facebook. She won't let him forget her. My brother is aware of it though, now that there is a whole ocean between them...he can look at the situation with a little more objectivity. The problem is that she is my friend, too, and I don't like the games. I honestly think she really does like my brother, as a friend, person, blah blah blah. But it's more than "friends" because she's messing with his head. From what you guys have said, it's probably self esteem issues and immaturity...she's a real people pleaser...wants to please everyone. But she's also a flirt and a tease.

I can see from what you guys said why a woman (or man) would play mind games...but it's "academic". I still can't wrap my mind around it. There's no point, in my mind. Well, nothing I can do about it...it's really up to my brother.

Carry on with this discussion. This is very interesting.
 

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Well, they aren't dating. He just really likes her, and you would have to be a blind man to miss that fact. But, it's not going anywhere; she just went back home to Europe, and the mind games continue via Facebook. She won't let him forget her. My brother is aware of it though, now that there is a whole ocean between them...he can look at the situation with a little more objectivity. The problem is that she is my friend, too, and I don't like the games. I honestly think she really does like my brother, as a friend, person, blah blah blah. But it's more than "friends" because she's messing with his head. From what you guys have said, it's probably self esteem issues and immaturity...she's a real people pleaser...wants to please everyone. But she's also a flirt and a tease.

I can see from what you guys said why a woman (or man) would play mind games...but it's "academic". I still can't wrap my mind around it. There's no point, in my mind. Well, nothing I can do about it...it's really up to my brother.

Carry on with this discussion. This is very interesting.
Then it sounds like what she is using him for in this instance is validation. His attention makes her feel worth a damn. Problem is, hes just pouring into a never-ending void, and shes just eating it up. He gets nothing.
 

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Well, they aren't dating. He just really likes her, and you would have to be a blind man to miss that fact. But, it's not going anywhere; she just went back home to Europe, and the mind games continue via Facebook. She won't let him forget her. My brother is aware of it though, now that there is a whole ocean between them...he can look at the situation with a little more objectivity. The problem is that she is my friend, too, and I don't like the games. I honestly think she really does like my brother, as a friend, person, blah blah blah. But it's more than "friends" because she's messing with his head. From what you guys have said, it's probably self esteem issues and immaturity...she's a real people pleaser...wants to please everyone. But she's also a flirt and a tease.

I can see from what you guys said why a woman (or man) would play mind games...but it's "academic". I still can't wrap my mind around it. There's no point, in my mind. Well, nothing I can do about it...it's really up to my brother.

Carry on with this discussion. This is very interesting.
In my experience dealing with people pleasers is a real pain in the ass. You will never get the truth or a straight answer if they think it's offensive. I think people pleasers inherently play mind games...I think it's that need to be liked and not wanting to be "mean". I try to avoid them at all costs if possible. Like you said, it's truly up to your brother to deal (or not to) with it. Once you get involved there is a chance you may become the bad guy.

As far as the mind games....meh I dunno. I ask the same questions as you.Why play them, how is it benefiting anyone and what is the purpose? Isn't it easier to be forward? I have no clue but I know it pisses me off!
 
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