So, has anyone else out there been in a remotely similar position? Or am I off the deep end on my own here?
It's likely that your subconscious created "him" to fill the needs that couldn't be met in waking life. It was probably a sort of coping mechanism that your brain used to ease your psychological stress. I'm sorry, I don't think your One actually exists.
-----While I have the capacity for logic and reason, I admit that I at all times feel connected to something mystical. I call it God, the universe, and/or nature. This state of existence can easily lead to what is called magical thinking. I suppose the difference between magical thinking and intuition is that intuition is based upon observations--though it is often difficult to explain how we know; we "just know." And while I value objectivity as a tool, I do not believe it is the right tool to establish truth outside of the scope of observable phenomena. Perhaps God speaks to us. But you never know the purpose of a message. What if you have a feeling that someone is about to die (and imagine it's from God), and you run out the door to save them, but it turns out that person is all right, but while you were out your house exploded. Hehe. Really, I'm just saying we can't know for sure whether divine signs exist, and assuming they do, we still can't be sure what they mean.
-----Here's some excerpts from some old letters that describe what I mean:
-----"I am of the opinion that science and religion are not really in opposition. They are simply two separate ways of knowing. One assumes the conclusion and creates the premise. One assumes the premise and creates the conclusion. The Scientific Method assumes there is no objective truth, and through observation and quantification, seeks to create a body of knowledge (truth) that can predict the movements of people, planets, and the universe. Religion assumes an objective truth and seeks to align reality with that truth. Same objective (truth), but different methodology. More to the point, simply because science limits itself to the quantifiable and observable doesn’t mean that things don’t exist if they aren’t observable or quantifiable. Both religion and science are also amoral—driven to a result by fundamental emotions. The technology in my book is amoral. It creates a paradise in the hands of some, and it is a tool for genocide and oppression in the hands of others. The same goes for religion."
-----"You asked whether my interest in these themes stems from an interest in the spiritual or more from an interest in the cultural. Both. I do believe in God, but I don’t ascribe to the philosophy that such a belief should limit the mind, raise barriers, exclude possibilities. I don’t really like saying the phrase “I believe in God,” because then people think they know what else I believe. They don’t. The world—existence—is what it is, and I don’t see any angels descending from the heavens to tell us what’s what, so it’s up to us to make the best of it we can. I apologize for the sacrilege."
-----"I am fascinated by the fact that your father is religious and a scientist. While I do not ascribe to the stereotype that scientists are always atheists, it has been my experience that the average scientist is less religious than the average person. My sister is very religious and a doctor—and while an avid Republican is also an Obama-ite (Obamite?). But most of my science-oriented friends are not at all religious."
-----"You wrote, “God – however we describe or define God – has got to be bigger than any one way of knowing.” That is a beautiful way to put it. When Gandhi was asked if he were a Hindu, he replied, “Yes I am, I am also a Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, and a Jew.”
-----"I loved the passages from your memoirs (though I’m sure without the total I lack a full understanding). The dome imagery reminds me of something I once read--Nietzsche, Joyce, Aristotle, Bhabha?—with the idea being that the more eyes placed in different perspectives viewing the same thing (a coin, I think), the more accurate the picture of the thing itself. I think that is true even assuming there is no objective reality. From a literary perspective, the Bible is the story of one character, God, who changes through the story. But another way of looking at it is that it only the people who change, and that affects how they interpret God. “But that does not mean that God is not a raven.”
-----So, one way to look at it is as kyliecarefree says. It is your subconscious at work, trying to communicate with you--trying to tell you something. This is a perfectly reasonable perspective. It might be healthier, too, since the belief in a soulmate can have dire consequences for us. See:
Myth of the soulmate | infp Blog Myth of the soulmate | Thoughts on the INFP Personality Type from an INFP. After all, we don't believe all of our dreams, right?
-----Or, at the same time, maybe it is something more. Maybe it is some cosmic combination of things that allows the universe or God to speak to us from time to time. Maybe. Rationally, I doubt it. Irrationally, I believe it. Irrationally, I feel it. Or you can try to view it both ways at once. Isn't that possible? Isn't it possible to access multiple frameworks simultaneously to look at something? If you do feel like the universe is sending you a message, I still encourage you to not make assumptions about that message. Maybe your soulmate is out there, after all, but I wouldn't hold out for someone who looks like the person in your dream. But acts like the person in your dream? Maybe, yes. Perhaps it is evolution--our biology informing our conscious and subconscious minds about what we are supposed to look for in a mate. But you'll have to decide--and balance that decision.
-----I think our dreams are so powerful because of the combination of Fi-Ne-Si (which is why it is important to develop Te). I'll tell you, I know I incorporate some of my dream experiences into Si. So something I never actually experienced is floating around in there with the rest of my actual experiences. I've flown in my dreams, so I think I know what it would be like to fly.
-----Okay, so now for the confession. I have had the exact same kind of dream. Just once. It was long before I knew about MBTI. It was well after I was married. And, based on your post, it was far more detailed--or at least I retained much more detail. And anytime I talk about it, which is only rarely, I always hold back some details. Oddly, I just wrote about in a "dreams" thread:
-----"Alternate dimension dream:"
-----"I am sitting in a big, open room in a house. I'm wearing clothes of colors that I would never wear. There are people everywhere, and I know them. A touch on the shoulder, and I turn and smile. That's it. But within the dream I felt totally at home--like this is the way it had always been. Like I was within someone who had lived a whole different life. I remember knowing everyone there, but I don't know any of those people--they don't exist. But it felt real."
-----I didn't say I saw her in that post. But I did. Strangely, her physical appearance is much different than I have ever been attracted to. So were her behaviors. And TrueNorth, I was there. It was real. And then I woke up, and that felt just as real.
-----So was it God? Was it my subconscious? Is it my biology? I don't know. But later on, after I had discovered MBTI, I read somewhere that INFPs do tend to dream about things missing in their lives. So, regardless of who is speaking to me, how am I to read the message? Again, I don't know. I acknowledge that the dream is at least telling me what kinds of things I am missing in my life. For instance, IRL friends. I've moved so many times in the recent past, that I don't have many friends--certainly no close ones--where I am now. Maybe there's more to it than that and maybe not. Either way, I'm not running out on my marriage to go find a dream, of course!
-----There are a lot of people who will tell you that it's just nonsense. I am not going to tell you that because I understand where you're coming from. However, it is important to ask questions. It is important to consider that dreams don't have meaning, that soulmates don't exist, that the universe doesn't speak, that there may be no God. BUT, it is also important (for you and I and maybe INFPs in general) to consider that maybe--just maybe--dreams do have meaning, soulmates do exist, the universe does speak, and there is a God looking out for us. It's a balancing act, but one that I think can keep us happy but with at least one foot in reality.
-----Who knows? Maybe I had my dream so that I would tell you about it, so that you will recognize your dream person when you find them. You remember the Oracle scene in Matrix, right? So get skeptical, but retain the thread of wonder, a hint of possibility, and the connection with a higher power.
-----One last piece of advice: write out your dream in as much detail as possible. Also, sketch out your dream in as much detail as possible.
-----It's getting late, so I'm going to sleep, now. Sweet dreams.
