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Discussion Starter #1
I've been out of the dating scene for the past year (so im a bit rusty haha) now recoop'ing from my past relationship and now that i'm over it im out on the prowl again. i've been getting mixed signals from this girl i've been talking to for the past couple of weeks. Shes very down to earth, a little nerdy (love it hahah) but it seems like everytime i get a beer or coffee with her or invite her somewhere to hang, she tags along a friend of hers (a girl). I do have a feeling that she's interested but i dont think i've had a "one on one" time with her.
It's a bit hard trying to divide your attention on 2 girls when you're really just interested in one. and if i dont then ill just look like an ass... Anyways what do you infj's think of the situation?

Usually it's me inviting her somewhere and either she can make it or can't and invites me to do something another time. i dont think i've ever been rejected by her though. like yesterday for example, I invited her to go out to a pub/club night in town, but she said she couldn't make it but instead asked me if i wanted to go see a movie before i head to the bars with that friend of hers...

haha this is probably really obvious but either im not getting the messege or i dunno? any help?
 

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"Shit! Is this a date? He didn't say. I need to establish that it isn't. I must use the third wheel tactic to express disinterest in dating but liking of the person as a friend & to avoid being blamed for leading him on (usual) or to force them to actually tell me so I know where I stand since I am not a goddamn mind-reader (sometimes)."
I know a lot of people who used the first tactic to try to get through to guys who were being really indirect.
 

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i hate to be blunt... but i would say she isn't interested in you romantically.

people MAKE TIME for their priorities. if you were an important priority to her, she would carve out room in her schedule. and she wouldn't bring a friend along.

you deserve someone who is more interested in you.
 

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I agree with SarahWilliams, but lirulin also has a good point; Ask her out on a date. Make sure you say the word date. Maybe something like 'I want to go on a date with you sometime, when are yo free'?
If she don't want, you'll know for sure.
Or you could go with blackandindie's advice and just hang out and see where it goes. Might be more relaxing to hang out if you are feeling rusty.

See, lots of good advice from your fellow INFJ's :)
Keep us updated!! :happy:
 

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I'd dispense with the pleasantries and just let her know your intentions. You don't have to profess your undying love, but I think spelling out a clear interest to her would give you a better understanding of where she stands on the subject of you and her.
 

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Keep us updated; this is interesting...

I've been out of the dating scene for the past year (so im a bit rusty haha) now recoop'ing from my past relationship and now that i'm over it im out on the prowl again. i've been getting mixed signals from this girl i've been talking to for the past couple of weeks. Shes very down to earth, a little nerdy (love it hahah) but it seems like everytime i get a beer or coffee with her or invite her somewhere to hang, she tags along a friend of hers (a girl). I do have a feeling that she's interested but i dont think i've had a "one on one" time with her.
It's a bit hard trying to divide your attention on 2 girls when you're really just interested in one. and if i dont then ill just look like an ass... Anyways what do you infj's think of the situation?

Usually it's me inviting her somewhere and either she can make it or can't and invites me to do something another time. i dont think i've ever been rejected by her though. like yesterday for example, I invited her to go out to a pub/club night in town, but she said she couldn't make it but instead asked me if i wanted to go see a movie before i head to the bars with that friend of hers...

haha this is probably really obvious but either im not getting the messege or i dunno? any help?
krnjason,

This is interesting. Perhaps she is shy? Was she raised in a strict fashion, where she feels she cannot be alone with you? How old are you both? Perhaps, being shy, as you say, she is not quite ready to be serious, and spend time with you one on one. There could be some other issues here. It sounds strange...maybe her friend has a crush on you? Something is up for sure, I just can't put my finger on it...

Let us know what happens! I don't thing I've seen you this enthusiastic in your posting, I am now curious about this situation! Is this a rebound situation? Or are you ready for love again? Or just some nice dating?

If you are bold, you'll be like Elan, and dive in! hahaha well...at least ask some questions, or make a small statement of sorts :)

Oh! I just came up with something...Talk to the girls, and pick a night / time when you know Girl #2 is not available to hang out...and see what happens! tee hee
 
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Discussion Starter #8
"Shit! Is this a date? He didn't say. I need to establish that it isn't. I must use the third wheel tactic to express disinterest in dating but liking of the person as a friend & to avoid being blamed for leading him on (usual) or to force them to actually tell me so I know where I stand since I am not a goddamn mind-reader (sometimes)."
I know a lot of people who used the first tactic to try to get through to guys who were being really indirect.
This would make sense, but like last night when i got invited to the movies by her, she stated in a txt that it was with a group of people but when i got there it was just us 3. I don't mind groups or friendly hangouts but it's a bit odd that the group of friends bailed in the span of 2 hrs when she texted me...

Edit: the explanation around why it was us 3 was a bit weak, hence these mixed signal confusion *(head blows up)

i hate to be blunt... but i would say she isn't interested in you romantically.

people MAKE TIME for their priorities. if you were an important priority to her, she would carve out room in her schedule. and she wouldn't bring a friend along.

you deserve someone who is more interested in you.
Yeah, it's cool im studying abroad in Sweden so getting/starting a relationship is not really a priority but kind of popped up randomly. so if anything, i won't be too devastated...but i am starting to become curious as to what kind of person she is :)

I agree with SarahWilliams, but lirulin also has a good point; Ask her out on a date. Make sure you say the word date. Maybe something like 'I want to go on a date with you sometime, when are yo free'?
If she don't want, you'll know for sure.
Or you could go with blackandindie's advice and just hang out and see where it goes. Might be more relaxing to hang out if you are feeling rusty.

See, lots of good advice from your fellow INFJ's :)
Keep us updated!! :happy:
Yeah think im going to just take it slow for now.

krnjason,

This is interesting. Perhaps she is shy? Was she raised in a strict fashion, where she feels she cannot be alone with you? How old are you both? Perhaps, being shy, as you say, she is not quite ready to be serious, and spend time with you one on one. There could be some other issues here. It sounds strange...maybe her friend has a crush on you? Something is up for sure, I just can't put my finger on it...

Let us know what happens! I don't thing I've seen you this enthusiastic in your posting, I am now curious about this situation! Is this a rebound situation? Or are you ready for love again? Or just some nice dating?

If you are bold, you'll be like Elan, and dive in! hahaha well...at least ask some questions, or make a small statement of sorts :)

Oh! I just came up with something...Talk to the girls, and pick a night / time when you know Girl #2 is not available to hang out...and see what happens! tee hee
I'm pretty sure shes the same age as me (20) and i do sense a kind of nerdy awkwardness sometimes but it's very subtle and other times shes seems very comfortable. yeah they are both a bit shy from characteristics i can gather. I'm sure the other girl's not interested since it was the girl that im interested in who contacted me first and at times when im talking with the other girl, our conversation just stops still, not intentionally of course.

nope, not a rebound. Been single for about 10-11months now. So yeah i feel like i should at least be dating again.

But yeah, ill keep you infj's updated :)
 

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I think she's interested! just shy, she probably doesn't want to have the awkwardness of a direct one on one, where your attention's are solely focused on each other, i've been/am in a similar situation. However i am still young, so my experience is limited, however, if you like her enough you'll keep chasing her, if you give up on her, you didn't deserve her anyway? (if she is special to you) that's just the way i view it :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Just had a 4 hour coffee with just me and her. Sooo down to earth and homely and seems like shes genuinely interested. I asked her if she'd want to do something next week, and she said she's pretty much free all week. It looks good and i decided just to take it slow and hang out with a couple more times before i decide anything beyond that :)
 

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Just had a 4 hour coffee with just me and her. Sooo down to earth and homely and seems like shes genuinely interested. I asked her if she'd want to do something next week, and she said she's pretty much free all week. It looks good and i decided just to take it slow and hang out with a couple more times before i decide anything beyond that :)
nice! progress! :)
 
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