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I need some help with my mother (again).

Background: She is an unhealthy ENFJ. She has to be in control.
Tips on how to deal with these behaviors would be much appreciated.



She will walk around the house and look for things to yell at me about.

After she tells me I am doing something wrong, she stands there and waits for me to say something nasty to her so she can have an argument with me.

Sometimes she bothers me an entire day until she can spark an argument.

I have curly hair and she likes to tell me that it looks "homely" or "bad". She says she likes curly hair but she has never approved of my hair unless it shows no signs of being curly. My sister and I had friends over, and my mother in front of everyone gave me shampoo, conditioner, detangler, leave in conditioner, and styling creme that was designed to make hair go from curly to straight.

She is basically a hoarder with sewing supplies - fabric, sewing instruments, etc. She comes out of her sewing room and yells at me and tells me that "this house needs to be cleaned!" She is yelling at me about her mess. :dry:

She tells my family all the time that we need to watch the spending. I was given a long lecture about me getting yogurt at the grocery store. She had no problem dropping 100 in movies the next weekend.
 

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Much of what you describe is what my step-daughter deals with and I know it can be very emotionally draining on her. At times she feels like she is at the mercy of her mother's childishness and is the one who has to play the role of the parent in keeping things together, logically. Not that you should not respect your mother, because you should. You are going to have to decide for yourself what you let in your mind and what you will allow to affect you. For example, when she talks about your hair say to her "Thanks for the shampoo, Mom" but know in your heart "I love my curly hair". It doesn't really matter what she thinks because the way she thinks is bringing you down.

There is some positives that could come out of this:

1. You will probably be able to manage money better than she ever could.
2. You will learn to love your hair, you might even consider dreads. What a great way to passively aggressively say "I love my hair more than I love what you think about it".
3. You will never hoard sewing supplies. :)

Remember, you can't change her or her thinking. All you can do is change how you react to it. As hard as it is, remember that she is having an irrational thoughts and while you don't need to call her out on it (it will make it worse) you can learn a way to accept that "this is how she is".

Seriously, think about the dreads. :)
 

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I'd just agree with her constantly, if I were you. By this point, you've probably learned to not take it all personally/seriously, heh.

Your mother actually sounds kinda funny. You should try to enjoy it :)
 

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seems to me the best thing would be just to ignore her until you start making your own money and move out of that house

unfortunately, nobody can choose their parents
 
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