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Discussion Starter #1
It seems INFP's make me feel like I can open up more to the universe :) I never opened up this much anymore.

I remember that I went through almost endless drama once with my third ex and his girlfriend who once was a friend I trusted at one point (girlfriend or wife, not sure who she is right now, I have no idea) I remember once her blogging something about me having a higher education but acting like a freak, and I picked up on the fact that perhaps she resents me for being able to do well in higher studies at one point in my life. That was a long time ago. Anyway there was this day when I talked a lot to my third ex this year, in fact I spent half the day online with him (honestly I felt empty but I just needed a friend to talk to) I remember wondering if he has a child already at that time (it turns out to be true!), even though he didn't mention it to me so I thought it was only rumors. I asked him what he was doing most of the time, and why didn't he continue getting a degree after attaining a diploma. I asked him about his job hunting. He said he had financial problems, and that it was kind of hard for him to find a job (he said that indirectly).

A few weeks later (I found out he actually is already a young parent), when I rethink the conversation, all of a sudden I felt a rather sick, twisted ache inside my heart. That ache was jealousy. Oddly I was jealous at him and his situation. For a few moments, and I felt sick for feeling it, I was wishing I could throw away my financial stability, my achievements, my university education just to be in his shoes. (Only for a few moments though)

Why? Because he seems more relaxed and stable in spite of him being a young parent and not being financially stable yet, and never getting the chance to pursue the higher education he once dreamt of. He doesn't seem to have paranoia, or feelings of emptiness, or personal instability like I have experienced in life (or maybe he didn't show it) He doesn't even seem to be that guilty of rather developing his dark side after the love life troubles he seems to have experienced. I mean he's also lost his first love, he was even dumped by her a long time ago, but he seems to handle it better and enjoy himself more than I've ever done. In spite of his problems, he just appears more carefree and more relaxed on himself. God, it makes me so jealous sometimes.

Yes I secretly get jealous over things I shouldn't have to be jealous about.

Also the girl who's with him after me. She was my friend. It angered me that she went after him behind my back when I was still complaining about him and had unresolved issues with him. It resulted in so much drama, mind games and revengeful insults. However, at one point, deep down inside, I knew I never wanted to fight for him. I wanted to hand him over to someone else at some point even though he was the one who dumped me and hurt me before. I used to feel angry when she rubbed it in my face about how ''happy'' she was with him.

When I really think of my true feelings, the truth is, I was never jealous he picked her over me in the end. I was jealous of what they had/have. They seem to be more relaxed and less guilty of their dark sides in spite of everything they've gone through in their lives. They seem to do better at moving on even though they've been hurt in the past. Why can't I have that?

Thinking about it still creates a scar of guilt inside me, because I never loved him. It seemed that I loved my third ex, because I used to talk about him a lot and I showed a great deal of hurt. But it wasn't love, it was a pure need to attach myself to someone for hope. My love for my first love and second ex came from a much purer place. I feel guilty that I hated my third ex and the girl for nothing. But I wonder why when I apologized to my third ex, I sensed a lot of anger from her. Why does she hate me so much? I don't understand.

I just feel so sick that I got so INSANELY JEALOUS of my third ex just because he found it hard to find a job and support his kid, yet he doesn't act like it's the end of the world. I doubt that he cries and takes anti depressants over losing his first love. WHY CAN'T I HAVE WHAT HE'S GOT?

I secretly get jealous of a lot of people.

I get jealous of people who post on online forums. Yes you hear me.

I get jealous of people who post about their troubles and anger on online forums like this one and yet can also post other posts about not taking life too seriously, and laughing at themselves. I get jealous reading INFP's posts about funny stuff, and people talking about their friends and loved ones.

It sometimes feels as though other people have been more easygoing and also logical in dealing with their personal situations, compared to me, although I know that feeling is irrational.

I am insanely jealous of a lot of people and I wonder why I feel stuck and hopeless.
 

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Good job, you're halfway there! Being able to reflect on your problems and to express them coherently is the first and toughest step to a better future. You're not a secret anymore. I know you very well now.

Everyone has problems. Jealousy is only skin-deep. I can assure you that there are lots of people who are jealous of you as well. You will probably go "what? why me? I'm miserable!" but they don't know that. They only know you on the surface. Jealousy is just a way for our intuition to project what we really need or want from life. For example, it's interesting to note how often you use the word "seem".

Everyone is also at different stages in their life. I've been where you are twice before. Now I'm happily in love with the girl of my dreams. Life does that to you, serves you lemons and candy and you can't decide when or which one. It gets better, and then it will get worse again, and better again, and finally we die. It's not so bad. It's life, it's all we've got. All in all you just have to live it, honestly.
 

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Good job, you're halfway there! Being able to reflect on your problems and to express them coherently is the first and toughest step to a better future. You're not a secret anymore. I know you very well now.

Everyone has problems. Jealousy is only skin-deep. I can assure you that there are lots of people who are jealous of you as well. You will probably go "what? why me? I'm miserable!" but they don't know that. They only know you on the surface. Jealousy is just a way for our intuition to project what we really need or want from life. For example, it's interesting to note how often you use the word "seem".

Everyone is also at different stages in their life. I've been where you are twice before. Now I'm happily in love with the girl of my dreams. Life does that to you, serves you lemons and candy and you can't decide when or which one. It gets better, and then it will get worse again, and better again, and finally we die. It's not so bad. It's life, it's all we've got. All in all you just have to live it, honestly.

Very wise words.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Does any INFP here think they know me very well? Feel free to break me down into parts (in a nice way :crazy:) One of the reasons is that I loooooove the INFP intuition...

Thanks, Oliver. I wonder what my constant use of the word 'seem' indicates about myself.

I feel so odd :blushed:
 

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Well, for instance, I know that you're insanely jealous. :tongue:

Haha, my intuition is more hyperactive than it is accurate, but I think you're a person who's trying hard to be someone you think you need to be in order to be loved by others and loved by yourself. It's funny that you're asking me to try to evaluate/break down/analyze you, because that too tells you something about yourself. I think I've seen you posing a similar question somewhere else, like, "guess my personality from this photo!" or something like that. Perhaps you're trying to find balance between your world on the inside and the world on the outside. I also guess you're terrified of being judged.

Ok, now I think I'm more starting to describe myself than you, haha. Whatevs, you're a sweet person. I like you!
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Yes, that is my main issue - terrified of being judged.

Oh God. You just pointed out the ultimate truth about myself :confused: :crazy:

And for that, I like you too!
 
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