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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So yeah... I been pretty anti-social for a bit now. Like a month or so which is decently long for me. Main reason for this is that the majority of my friends are FEELERS and there's nothing wrong with that but suddenly I just can't/won't deal with that anymore. They make me crazy. They're just so unpredictable in the way that they just flip! And suddenly I'm dealing with a rabid animal instead of someone I've known for years.

Long story short, been debating if I should just deal with it because that's what friends do or I just do what do I do and be alone till either they get back to normal or I find new friends.

If anyone feels like leaving their opinions.

Edit: Okay to specify some specific problems and clarifications I guess:
1) When I say friends I don't mean best friends. I have no qualms with best friends nor do I ever foresee problems with them because it's never happened before which is why best friends.
2) Family doesn't mean all that much to me nor do some generally important aspects of life that are important for like 90% of people, like the big stuff (?). These friends of mine have way too much to say about family and no shit, everyone has family issues.... get the fuck over it.
3) Apparently my family issues are pretty fucked up or so I'm told by my BFF, like it freaking freaked him out, but I'm used to it so I don't care. Hence, I'm insensitive to most family things because I'm detached for reasons.

***I can't explain shit, so TL;DR: how do you deal with friends and their family issues that are frequently brought up? I mean, new friends or old friends... this issue is everywhere so I'll have to deal with it eventually.
 

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Dude, just go with the flow u know?

Feelers, thinkers, whatever the fuck they might be, If you don't want to chill with them, don't chill with them. Fuck social obligations, lifes way too short for that. Try meeting new people or finding new hobbies to keep you preoccupied.
What's the point of being friends with someone if they just drain u?
 

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Deal with it.

My best friends are an INFP, an ENFP, and an ISTP (which a particularly well-developed Fe). They get on my nerves sometimes, but regardless of whether they become "rabid animals" at times or not, I've learned to politely excuse myself from the conversation and return at a more relaxed time. Their conversations and their friendship are worth much more to me than their Feeling habits are irritating to me. I've learned to enjoy their random emotional outpourings, and it's helped to develop my own Fe tendency a bit.

On the "finding new friends" thing, I'd hate to ruin your enthusiasm... But NT types are very few and far between. The majority of people are either going to be ST or SF or NF types. From those, I suggest trying to find an ENFP friend. They're very good listeners, and you'll find it easy to communicate if you have anything in common, and they're generally less annoying than INFPs.

Good luck with your friends. I'd just try to speak to them again, and if they cause you more stress than you can handle, just go on without them and try to find new friends.
 

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"Dealing with it" IMO is passive and will only build resentment.

Just because you've known someone for years, doesn't mean you owe them anything IF that drama you're referring to is of a toxic degree. If they're just more dramatic for your tastes in who you've evolved to be at this time, it'll only irritate you more down the road. In that case, understand that you don't have to stop being friends with them, but maybe just shift the dynamic.

I have friends I've had since I was 5 that I still would consider a super close friend yet we only meet up on occasion to 'catch up'. I'll throw little things in the mail/email to remind them that I think of them. And honestly, I mark my calendar for it. I know that's weird but it helps after you find yourself with just so many people you would rather not lose touch with, but haven't the time to hang out as once before.

The thing is, feelers need to learn to manage their emotions in a different way than thinker types. Actually, I think this is really more of an individual thing. So, be direct when communicating what you do and do NOT appreciate, and don't have any qualms dropping a friendship if need be. No company is better than bad company.
 

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So yeah... I been pretty anti-social for a bit now. Like a month or so which is decently long for me. Main reason for this is that the majority of my friends are FEELERS and there's nothing wrong with that but suddenly I just can't/won't deal with that anymore. They make me crazy. They're just so unpredictable in the way that they just flip! And suddenly I'm dealing with a rabid animal instead of someone I've known for years.

Long story short, been debating if I should just deal with it because that's what friends do or I just do what do I do and be alone till either they get back to normal or I find new friends.

If anyone feels like leaving their opinions.
I think you might even occasion to find this kind of dilemma among thinkers you've known for years. There's build up, and then not knowing how to deal, they explode. It happens.

So, just give them some time, and do your own thing. I'm sure you won't miss them when they're acting like crazy-face McGee.

It'll all work out. It always does-- One way, or the other.
 

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I think if they have suddenly become unbearable it might be that you are finding people difficult to bear at the moment. Worth considering as a possibility, anyway.
doi: share my life with three feelers, no real choice (married one, gave birth to the other two) and at times the emotional lability is exhausting, but that usually seems to be when my reserves of tolerance are low.

If it isn't you (or even if it is you, actually, you have the freedom), just walk away for a bit.
 

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I feel ya.
I talk to my ESTJ friend most, largely because she's a thinker.
With feelers who are dealing with issues there are typically two things I will do.
1.Let them vent. Sometimes this is all they really want. Use phrases like "That sucks" "But why do they have to do that?" or reference an issue in an amusing way.
2. Distract them. Let them get their mind off of it somehow. A close friend of mine (INFJ) was having issues one day because her grandmother died. They weren't close, and she lived in a different state, but it's still hard and it was her last grandparent. She was telling this to us in a group of about four. There was a beat of silence and I said "On the plus side, those are really cute shoes" and she thanked me and started talking about the shoes. In that moment she really just needed to not think about her issues.

What I often want to do is give advice and logically tell them why they'll get through it, because that's what I want. But most feelers don't seem to want that. They want a stress release.
 

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I personally dislike discussing my emotional issues unless I am enabled via the following reasons:

1) The person who I am speaking to is relatively close to me.
2) They will offer me advice instead of a canned response.
3) They will distract me from my problem.

That said, even Feelers have trouble dealing with other Feelers. I personally find it extremely difficult to talk to people who are frequently emotional and/or desire a canned response and a hug rather than actual advice to get them out of their problem. I fall silent usually when this rears its ugly head on me.

I personally find it much simpler to help Thinkers with their issues, simply because the most typical cases I encounter are situations where the Thinker does not understand a particular social interaction, which can more readily be explained by me. I encounter this frequently with INTJs who seem genuinely interested in my Ni-Fe findings.

EDIT: I forgot to give my advice to the OP. Basically, if I were you I would first discern whether or not they want advice or they want to simply vent, and depending on which of these it happens to be, you can either use a canned response or construct a solution to the given problem. Additionally, if it's too much you can simply be honest and up-front about the fact that you feel overwhelmed by their issues, but express this as tactfully as humanly possible.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I feel ya.
I talk to my ESTJ friend most, largely because she's a thinker.
With feelers who are dealing with issues there are typically two things I will do.
1.Let them vent. Sometimes this is all they really want. Use phrases like "That sucks" "But why do they have to do that?" or reference an issue in an amusing way.
2. Distract them. Let them get their mind off of it somehow. A close friend of mine (INFJ) was having issues one day because her grandmother died. They weren't close, and she lived in a different state, but it's still hard and it was her last grandparent. She was telling this to us in a group of about four. There was a beat of silence and I said "On the plus side, those are really cute shoes" and she thanked me and started talking about the shoes. In that moment she really just needed to not think about her issues.

What I often want to do is give advice and logically tell them why they'll get through it, because that's what I want. But most feelers don't seem to want that. They want a stress release.
Tried both with one or two of friends. First one I'm completely ignoring now because she's going apeshit on me for the most random things that I normally did before too. Second one got over whatever her issue was and is now bearable again. Not sure which group but man, distracting any of my friends from their current "dilemma" is basically impossible. They all just brood over EVERYTHING!!! What is that? S? F? I don't even know.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
EDIT: I forgot to give my advice to the OP. Basically, if I were you I would first discern whether or not they want advice or they want to simply vent, and depending on which of these it happens to be, you can either use a canned response or construct a solution to the given problem. Additionally, if it's too much you can simply be honest and up-front about the fact that you feel overwhelmed by their issues, but express this as tactfully as humanly possible.
I did exactly these things in the beginning when I thought I could help them I guess. Eventually I just ignore them and let them go at it until whatever. But then my lack of input led them to verbally attack me. Now I don't mind that at all because when people say things in anger, sometimes I'll learn things about myself that I didn't previously know which is nice. But if there's one big thing I absolutely LOATH right now is when people call me ______ and I am not ______ at all.

Like if I'm being a douche or a hypocrite, I KNOW I AM BEING THIS WAY. I don't pretend I am not this way right now but nothing ticks me off more right now than we someone, anyone accuses me of being something I actually am not at the moment.

Currently, people keep calling me a hypocrite for literally no reason!!!! I want to smack them with EELS!!!! Just because I'm not saying what you want to hear doesn't make me a hypocrite.... WTF?!?!?! The biggest issue being that they all freaking know that I don't give out obvious positive reinforcements. IMO positive reinforcements don't work for the big issues.

...Sorry rant...
 

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The biggest issue being that they all freaking know that I don't give out obvious positive reinforcements. IMO positive reinforcements don't work for the big issues.
As stated in my previous post, I also have issues with people who come to me wanting the hug and the "aww it'll be okay" response. Like you, I feel it solves nothing and does not get the individual out of their problem. I believe the best course of action is, in this particular case, giving yourself a break from them. Having a wider social circle may help you in this case, particularly because what may seem large at the moment may seem smaller down the line when the substance is diluted a bit. Not to say that you should drop them as friends, simply make yourself less available to them. They will find someone else to vent to once they know that avenue with you is not available.

Another method comes to mind that may be employable, but as there's more risk involved I think I will leave it out unless I PM it to you. Lol.
 

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Tried both with one or two of friends. First one I'm completely ignoring now because she's going apeshit on me for the most random things that I normally did before too. Second one got over whatever her issue was and is now bearable again. Not sure which group but man, distracting any of my friends from their current "dilemma" is basically impossible. They all just brood over EVERYTHING!!! What is that? S? F? I don't even know.
It could be that their issues are just two big for them to ignore, which is something you can't really help. And it can happen to any type, and there's not much you can do.
The blowing up at you for small things that were no problem before shows that. She was mad about something else, and whatever you did set her off.
Stress release.

I think you just have to help them with what you can and wait for things to get better.
 

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Do you want me to give you a hug? :unsure:
 

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***I can't explain shit, so TL;DR: how do you deal with friends and their family issues that are frequently brought up? I mean, new friends or old friends... this issue is everywhere so I'll have to deal with it eventually.
It seems very straighforward to me in your writing that you really don't like dealing with Fi. Maybe even Fe is an issue.

It's very likely that your friends are well aware that you don't like getting deep emotionally. ENTPs like us have our illusions about everyone being the same as we are shattered way early in life. All those SFJs out there, really it's quite annoying. Herds of lemmings all happily jumping off of cliffs and blaming you when you try to warn them ... then they jump and their soft squishyness saves them as they land in a furry heap whereas your bony harshness hits hard and your bones break. Yeah ... thrilling.

I can tell you the right answer or the one you want to hear.

So I'll try the right one.

You're going to deal with other people all your life. Most of them will have at least 2 of 3 of the SFJ set. Get used to it. Learn it like your happiness and success in life depend on it (because they do). Learn to screech like a body snatcher. Make them think you are one of them. Stay one step ahead. Maturity for everyone is learning what you are not good at. It's easy to dwell on your strengths. Genuine concern for other people's problems evolves out of having to deal with your own and failing and trying again.

Be careful with developing habits regarding leaving friends and moving on to the next. You'll become addicted to the pattern and wake up 20 years from now with a string of failed relationships and a strong tendency to create failure. Have the toughness and discipline to keep at it, especially with those that matter more. But practicing on the lemmings is the best practice you'll get. Good luck!
 

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If you worked on developing your Fe (via treating your feelers compassionately), that would be pretty cool. I've met ENTP's with and without a developed ethical subconscious and I have to tell you that I much prefer the first.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
It seems very straighforward to me in your writing that you really don't like dealing with Fi. Maybe even Fe is an issue.

It's very likely that your friends are well aware that you don't like getting deep emotionally. ENTPs like us have our illusions about everyone being the same as we are shattered way early in life. All those SFJs out there, really it's quite annoying. Herds of lemmings all happily jumping off of cliffs and blaming you when you try to warn them ... then they jump and their soft squishyness saves them as they land in a furry heap whereas your bony harshness hits hard and your bones break. Yeah ... thrilling.

I can tell you the right answer or the one you want to hear.

So I'll try the right one.

You're going to deal with other people all your life. Most of them will have at least 2 of 3 of the SFJ set. Get used to it. Learn it like your happiness and success in life depend on it (because they do). Learn to screech like a body snatcher. Make them think you are one of them. Stay one step ahead. Maturity for everyone is learning what you are not good at. It's easy to dwell on your strengths. Genuine concern for other people's problems evolves out of having to deal with your own and failing and trying again.

Be careful with developing habits regarding leaving friends and moving on to the next. You'll become addicted to the pattern and wake up 20 years from now with a string of failed relationships and a strong tendency to create failure. Have the toughness and discipline to keep at it, especially with those that matter more. But practicing on the lemmings is the best practice you'll get. Good luck!
HAHAHAHAHAHhahahahah.... That description just hit the right spot. ahahahahahaha. Thanks.

I think you nailed what I couldn't describe: Genuine concern. I can fake a lot of emotion around the feelers but genuine concern is impossible when I just don't give a fuck. Now I can describe this situation better. Thanks a lot man.
Generally, I can maintain relationships fine until I either get bored or the other party annoys me too much. Thankfully I do many enough close friends whom I can fall back on when necessary so at least I didn't screw everything up by being detached from the world. Thanks for.... words.
 
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