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Moving in with boyfriend (+ parents + sister)

281 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Pifanjr

So. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. Everything's great, it's been two years, we're waiting the third and then, we'll think about moving in together. Most of the time he's the one who comes and we see each other every two weeks for two/three days.

He's living far away from me (700 km away), which means that if I do move in with him, I'd be far from everything I know. I don't like the city he lives in as well, but for professional reasons, there's no other options for him. I don't have big dreams or projects, so I'm fine with moving away.

His parents are getting old (his father is going to be 70 soon), so he told me they were probably going to take a house with credit or to rent a new appartement with his sister as well. I totally get the fact that he wants to be next to his family and doesn't want to put his parents in a nursing home, but... It's like I don't have a say in this or to have an opinion. A week ago he was like " yes, maybe in three years we'll be in Paris with three dogs ", and now :rolleyes: I never said anything about his decision and just tried to make things smoother cause he has some problems with his sister so I help him with those when I can, but yes, I'm a bit lost here.

I'm kind of freaked out, cause everytime I went there I felt trapped, with no place to be alone or just with him actually, it was really an oppressing feeling, when he was away I was staying in his room unmoving cause I didn't want to annoy them :unsure:. If I move there, it's already a big step, but this. Yeah, I don't know. I tried to reassure myself by looking for some point of views on internet, and those weren't reassuring at all.

Do you have some advices ?

Did you or someone you know have had to move on at some point with stepmother/father while moving in with your partner ? How did it go ?

Cause long distance relationships aren't easy, we don't want to stay forever away from each other. But I wish I wouldn't have to choose between this and him + his parents + his sister. :rolleyes: I like them really though and I know that if I do move in, when they grow old, I'll help him with them the best I can, it's just that it wouldn't be temporary and all of our intimacy would go away completely (and if that is your question, no, we don't intend to have children, at least not so soon).
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Yes, I've done it, and it was terrible. It might be okay for some people, but not for me and I guess not for you. Even if you suggest that you live in a separate apartment nearby (e.g., a kilometer away), he will probably put his family first and you will always be upset. Sorry.
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My wife (@daleks_exterminate) and I just moved out of my parents' house where we lived for a year together, after she moved to my country. It was very hard for her and there were times where she wished she could just go back home or never moved in the first place.

I'm not sure if she could/would have stayed if we had to live with my parents for years.

I would suggest you have a serious talk with them and tell him that, while, of course, you can't wait until you're together, you are not sure whether you can live with his parents. Tell him you understand that his parents are very important to him, but you need to have a place for the both of you. You will need to reach a compromise on this together and not let him decide something so important to the both of you on his own.
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