[ANIMULA]

Any ideas??
I basically fell hard for a lovely woman, another INFP by all indications, and due to various factors, including bad timing, mutual INFPness etc, we never got together.
It's been about say two years.. and I've been with other girls, even had sort-of relationships, but deep down I still find myself so hesitant to really pursue or engage, and I'm not sure why.. there's certainly a shadow over my heart and I just can't put my finger on it.. but at times it stings and stings hard.
I don't feel bitter, or think she is perfect, or think she's the only woman I can be happy with or think I couldn't be happy with anyone else.
Has anybody else experienced this? And if so, what snapped you out of it, or what did you do to soak away the gnawing feeling of incompleteness where before there was none?
d

 

[amanda32]

It went away for me after a lot of time passed and I'd gotten a new crush.

 

[Cloudy]

hi =)

mmm believe me moving on from a frustrated love is really hard well in my case I needed closure! I try my best (without being needy) to show that person who I was and how I cared so I wouldn't have any regrets if it didn't work out
I had loved him for 5 years! (yes a looot of time :tongue without being in a relationship! yes I knooooow but I'm an INFP! we are like that
I fall in love with an amazing guy it was my first time! it was so great but so painful, O and thanks God (at that time) it was requited love, he really was so sweet but I messed thing up, I was really unable to show my emotions I was so shy, and I was like helga from hey arnold, treat him bad ignore him but deep inside I love himmmmmmm so muchhhhhhhh , at that time showing my emotions was so damn hard! but being in love is something you can't hide so he knew I cared for him but due to many events we could never be together! sometimes it seemed that we were meant to each other! it seemed that we could be finallyyy together but IT DIDN'T ...!
it had cost me a lot forget him but now he has fallen in love and I presenced that It was so harsh but I got my closure he moved on and I will never be 'that person' my time passed and that's how things are, so I feel happy to finally know this and I feel I can move on to because I did what I had to do! so this time I'll walk away without regrets
I really believe that someone will come! someone great I have learnt from my mistakes!
I am in a healing process so I don't have an answer but as INFP's we are very picky so falling for someone is not an easy task but I think when the right person comes you will be able to open yourself

 

[Lad]

I made a blog post awhile back that may be of interest to you.
Memoirs of a Lad : The Year I stopped searching for my Soulmate... - Blogs - PersonalityCafe

Long story short though, I'm a believer in soulmates (singular) and I believe that if we were meant to be, then we'll find each other again. If not, I really just missed a potential friend, which is disheartening, but it's just something to think about in the future if I ever feel hesitant towards approaching someone.

p.s. Welcome

 

[Hotspur]

Hello. Welcome to the forum.

I have had similar situations, and sometimes it took time, but with that time came someone else who captured me. NFs and NTs are rare, so it will take time. There are still times where some of those people come back to me. There have been times where I made drastic life changes to rebel against my brain and the thoughts it had. That worked temporarily, but I would just get myself back into difficult situation. My attitude may have been different, but I was the same inside.

I also use my creative outlets to express my feelings. I've got some friends who like to discuss these things, and I share my thoughts. Therapy, to be honest, is a good thing, if you find the right therapist.

My thoughts are a little scattered. Sorry. It's almost sleepy time for me. I wish you luck.

 

[Cloudy]

I get it .. you can make drastic changes but if the inside is still the same nothing real will come out of it
I tried a lot of things... ignoring , walking to the opposite direction, being indifferent , not taking about the issue but nothing work...
in my case i always thougt what if.... bla bla now I don't have that phrase in my head. I used to believe in soul mates but now I don't believe that's a fair system I believe you need chemestry (connection) and hard work ! why is you soulmate die and u didnt even meet him or her ? you will be alone for the rest of you existence nooooo I don't like that
also as INFP it scares the hell out of me pursuing a relationship, I don't want to be hurt but it is inevitable. Also I think that we should first learn how to love ourselves before trying to love somebody else....mmm and therapy I believe is a good option
=)

 

[yokophono]

I wrote a pretty thorough answer to the question of moving based someone on the thread about unrequited love and I think it's fully appropriate to this. I tend to just put someone at a distance when I realize that things aren't 'there' at that time for my own sanity and attempt to pour myself into what I can do to make my own life better as a byproduct. Obviously, it takes time and space and generally the saying about 'out of sight, out of mind' is always applicable in relation to moving past a person.

I find that, for my own selfish reasons, I just can't maintain contact with exes as it simply prolongs the agony and feelings that I have for them. Furthermore, that type of contact always leaves things feeling very open-ended which raises the questions of the potential that the person might regret their decision (in the case where there was a relationship) or will eventually come around to reciprocating your feelings for them (in the case where you like someone and there was never a relationship). As such, I think the best answer is that if it's not there and it's completely out of your control, then the only thing you can really do is to walk away and let it go.

Eventually, you end up finding someone when you least expect it, which is generally when you're feeling okay and comfortable by yourself. Things have an odd way of unwinding themselves and when you meet someone new where things are good, you sort of scratch your head in relation to what you saw in the person you cared about previously.

 

[Isildin]

What is this "moving on" you speak of?

 

[Rogue Eagle]

listen to Nine Inch Nails - Reptile.

It'll have you calling your ex a whore.

 

[Cyberbear]

And how to move on after the mutual break-up? Case is that my INFP core values have been hurt.

 

[Hotspur]

And how to move on after the mutual break-up? Case is that my INFP core values have been hurt.

@Cyberbear - If it was mutual, take the fact that you had a hand in ending it when your values were hurt as a way to find strength and move on. I once lived with a girl who wasn't a great fit, but she wasn't the worst. I made a list of the things I liked and the things I had a hard time dealing with. I put this list in my personal journal. A few days later I got a text saying, "Went looking for paper for a grocery list, found a different list. I'll be at my mom's tonight." My initial reaction was horrible guilt. My later, and stronger reaction was being hurt. NOBODY would look in someone's journal for grocery list scrap paper. She violated my trust, then turned what she found on me. We agreed to break up the following Tuesday because we realized we were just not compatible, but we had weekend plans. It was the best breakup I've ever had. I'm still good friends with her. The fact that I could recognize my principles of trust had been severely violated kept me from trying to "fix" the things I didn't like about her. It gave me the strength to know it was not meant to be. I knew the relationship had run the full course, which is all I ever really want out of a relationship that has to end.

 

[wisdom]

I think one of the worst things is when the person who did the breaking up tries to keep the otherin his or her life as a friend of sorts, despite the moving on that needs to happen. INFPs put in that situation should resist the tendency to be nice and carry around unrealistically idealistic hopes. Hang out with other people, exercise, whatever - fill the void and deal with the grief.