[iemanja]

Moving on from an ended relationship --> how can an ENFP do this as best as possible?

Hello everyone!
I just want to know how YOU would deal with this issue:
So I have an ex who I took AGES to get over. It was only until recently that I figured that out that I don't like him any more and there is nothing either of us can gain from trying to be in a relationship. In short, IT'S OVER (and I know it).
However, knowing the ENFP's tendency to cling to past relationships, I'm a bit worried that I won't be able to do the healthy thing of completely moving on.
Do you have any tips and ways I can make sure I move on?
Have you experienced something like this before?
Leave me a post and let PerC know!

 

[firelink]

just curious
how long did take to made your mind ? How are you sure it s over ?

 

[Laguna]

Hello everyone!
So I have an ex who I took AGES to get over. It was only until recently that I figured that out that I don't like him any more and there is nothing either of us can gain from trying to be in a relationship. In short, IT'S OVER (and I know it).

When I make statements like that one you made, it's the very comforting/decisive "stick-a-fork-in-me" moment where .... very TJ like, I can move on and not look back. You're there!! Yeah- is this relationship a fabric of your life, a part of who you are? Will you reflect upon it from time to time, perhaps even long for specific moments or feelings you had during that time? Sure! But girl- I'm really feeling your vibe that you have passed over the threshold successfully. But can't wait to hear what others say. Good luck to you too!!

 

[iemanja]

just curious
how long did take to made your mind ? How are you sure it s over ?

It took me a year.
I noticed my feelings changed. I think I actually did love him before and whatever made him happy made me happy. I stayed like that after we broke up for a year, and then, very randomly...the love just wasn't there anymore. I become more obsessive and miserable that I didn't have him, rather than loving him (we broke up on good terms btw) or accepting that there was nothing more we could do to save the relationship. This obsession/misery lasted for a few months and then I got bored and realised how pointless the whole situation was. It was really difficult for me to let go though, because I was so used to liking someone and now that aspect in my life is kind of not there.... that's the problem I'm struggling with.

@Paradox1987 do you have anything to say for this thread? If not, that's OK; you may disregard my post XD

 

[creepshow]

In my experience, and your mileage may vary, I typically move on best by completely severing ties for at least a little while.

I have a tendency of demonizing my past relationships initially and then eventually I look back with fondness after some time separated. I've never been the type to stay friends with an ex...because if there are still feelings there on my end I may never fully get over it.

I guess it's the hopeless romantic in me, always wishing for things to work, but after I've completely cut myself off from a person I find it easier to go back later and realize "______ is why it didn't work...I'm much happier now and I wouldn't change my life to risk that happening again."

 

[Laguna]

It took me a year.
I noticed my feelings changed. I think I actually did love him before and whatever made him happy made me happy. I stayed like that after we broke up for a year, and then, very randomly...the love just wasn't there anymore. I become more obsessive and miserable that I didn't have him, rather than loving him (we broke up on good terms btw) or accepting that there was nothing more we could do to save the relationship. This obsession/misery lasted for a few months and then I got bored and realised how pointless the whole situation was. It was really difficult for me to let go though, because I was so used to liking someone and now that aspect in my life is kind of not there.... that's the problem I'm struggling with.

@Paradox1987 do you have anything to say for this thread? If not, that's OK; you may disregard my post XD

That makes sense. You are done with HIM but you need someone else to focus on. Go out in search of that someone else.

 

[chimeric]

I guess it's the hopeless romantic in me, always wishing for things to work, but after I've completely cut myself off from a person I find it easier to go back later and realize "______ is why it didn't work...I'm much happier now and I wouldn't change my life to risk that happening again."

Exactly.

I'll often have a vague notion that "something is not right" that confuses me and that I try to explain away -- in general, about anything (not just relationships). Distance + time really helps give perspective.

 

[Paradox1987]

I agree with @chimeric and @creepshow. I have my moments of hopeless romanticism but I can move on quickly. I guess it boils down to how we broke up. The only ex I broke up with on good terms we ended because she moved out of the country, so not any real argument etc. As a result I've struggled hopelessly to come to terms with it. On the other hand, the operative word in how I feel about her is "was". I was in love with her. Whilst it's hard to come to terms with, sometimes you just do. As long as I'm single, if she comes to town, she'll have this effect on me. If I'm not single, well, then someone else can have a go at having this effect on me haha.

 

[iemanja]

Exactly.

I'll often have a vague notion that "something is not right" that confuses me and that I try to explain away -- in general, about anything (not just relationships). Distance + time really helps give perspective.

OMIGOSH yeah! There was this time my ex and I tried to get back together... and the I kept having a feeling that something was wrong, which disturbed me greatly - if I still liked him why did I feel like it wasn't right?
I think something in my subconscious brain had clicked long before I realised that it was over.

Thanks for your insightful post.