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I recently had my heart ripped out and I used to test as an ISFJ but have been testing as an INFJ and was wondering how other INFJ's deal with a broken heart. I'm struggling with my decisions and don't know how to sort through all my emotions.

Any advice would be must appreciated.
 

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I recently had my heart ripped out and I used to test as an ISFJ but have been testing as an INFJ and was wondering how other INFJ's deal with a broken heart. I'm struggling with my decisions and don't know how to sort through all my emotions.

Any advice would be must appreciated.
I don't mean to pry or be invasive - but perhaps post some general detail of the heart-break situation? I ask because I feel heart broken in a few ways right now - I just want to relate, and also heal in this Thread also.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I don't mean to pry or be invasive - but perhaps post some general detail of the heart-break situation? I ask because I feel heart broken in a few ways right now - I just want to relate, and also heal in this Thread also.
Well we had been together for 3 years. BTW he is also an INFJ. Through those years he has helped me grow and learn to express myself. But he has also broken my heart before leaving me to chase some other tail. Being a very loving person I learned to forgive and try to move on. I however was his first real deep relationship and I don't blame him for wanting to see if the grass is greener on the other side, how would you know right? I know I was not perfect but I know in my heart even my soul that he is the right guy for me.

We moved up to northern California so that I may attend school I gave him the option to not come with me. But he came anyway.

He kept a lot of information from me and I didn't realize until it was to late the mistakes I made.

He waited until after we moved and started getting settled down to tell me he needed out. Another fish caught his eye and I all of a sudden became obsolete.

I ended up having to move back home to southern california and its not where I want to be.

I know it sounds ridiculous to hope we will be together but I cannot deny what I know to be true in my heart.

We are miles apart now and I feel as though I mean nothing all that quickly. Then again I could just be reading too deeply into it.
 

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Well we had been together for 3 years. BTW he is also an INFJ. Through those years he has helped me grow and learn to express myself. But he has also broken my heart before leaving me to chase some other tail. Being a very loving person I learned to forgive and try to move on. I however was his first real deep relationship and I don't blame him for wanting to see if the grass is greener on the other side, how would you know right? I know I was not perfect but I know in my heart even my soul that he is the right guy for me.

We moved up to northern California so that I may attend school I gave him the option to not come with me. But he came anyway.

He kept a lot of information from me and I didn't realize until it was to late the mistakes I made.

He waited until after we moved and started getting settled down to tell me he needed out. Another fish caught his eye and I all of a sudden became obsolete.

I ended up having to move back home to southern california and its not where I want to be.

I know it sounds ridiculous to hope we will be together but I cannot deny what I know to be true in my heart.

We are miles apart now and I feel as though I mean nothing all that quickly. Then again I could just be reading too deeply into it.
Heartbreaks are always the hardest for us especially when we love so deeply and give our all.

If you feel that in your heart and soul he is the right guy for you and worth your love and effort, one way to deal with your pain now is to turn it into strength by improving yourself for him and being his friend as he tries to determine what is best for him. As you mentioned, you are his first real deep relationship. Without a basis for comparison, he'll not appreciate what he has.

Every relationship will grow and change with time. Even though you 2 are miles apart now, it is merely another phase in your relationship in the larger scheme of things. I'm not saying he would definitely return to you. It all depends on how you deal with your relationship with him at this stage. Since getting cut off completely from him now could be too much pain to handle; compromise by supporting him and being a good friend. On the one hand he is still in your life. On the other hand, you can slowly get used to the change in status quo instead of being cut off completely at once. To be cut off so completely from someone you love would only hasten your downward spiral if you don't have the strength to cope.

With this base keeping you sane, use what strength you have to master yourself and your pain through eastern philosophy or whatever else that works. Become a better person for his sake in every way possible so that one day, he will realize you are the best choice for him. If you choose to wait for him, it would not be prudent to sit around passively hoping he would come back to you. To wait effectively, it is better to be like a true Phoenix Reborn and to make yourself an even better person than you were before; so much so that you become the grass that is greener to him one day. Even if he doesn't realize that; you would have improved by leaps and bounds and have become a much stronger and wiser person, ready to meet the next man who is deserving of your love.

There is no magic way to deal with pain. It takes time and work. When you are drowning in your ocean of emotions, you need a reason to stay afloat and to use any means necessary to survive. The process I described above is my personal experience and way of coping. I hope it will help you somewhat during this painful period for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Heartbreaks are always the hardest for us especially when we love so deeply and give our all.

If you feel that in your heart and soul he is the right guy for you and worth your love and effort, one way to deal with your pain now is to turn it into strength by improving yourself for him and being his friend as he tries to determine what is best for him. As you mentioned, you are his first real deep relationship. Without a basis for comparison, he'll not appreciate what he has.

Every relationship will grow and change with time. Even though you 2 are miles apart now, it is merely another phase in your relationship in the larger scheme of things. I'm not saying he would definitely return to you. It all depends on how you deal with your relationship with him at this stage. Since getting cut off completely from him now could be too much pain to handle; compromise by supporting him and being a good friend. On the one hand he is still in your life. On the other hand, you can slowly get used to the change in status quo instead of being cut off completely at once. To be cut off so completely from someone you love would only hasten your downward spiral if you don't have the strength to cope.

With this base keeping you sane, use what strength you have to master yourself and your pain through eastern philosophy or whatever else that works. Become a better person for his sake in every way possible so that one day, he will realize you are the best choice for him. If you choose to wait for him, it would not be prudent to sit around passively hoping he would come back to you. To wait effectively, it is better to be like a true Phoenix Reborn and to make yourself an even better person than you were before; so much so that you become the grass that is greener to him one day. Even if he doesn't realize that; you would have improved by leaps and bounds and have become a much stronger and wiser person, ready to meet the next man who is deserving of your love.

There is no magic way to deal with pain. It takes time and work. When you are drowning in your ocean of emotions, you need a reason to stay afloat and to use any means necessary to survive. The process I described above is my personal experience and way of coping. I hope it will help you somewhat during this painful period for you.
Thank you so much for your advice. It is nice to hear input from outside parties that don't know the situation. This is a very hard trying time for me and I hope for the best, even still maybe the latter outcome will be and I will meet someone deserving of my love and all the wonders I can give them.
 

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Couldn't have said it any better:tongue:

Heartbreaks are always the hardest for us especially when we love so deeply and give our all.

If you feel that in your heart and soul he is the right guy for you and worth your love and effort, one way to deal with your pain now is to turn it into strength by improving yourself for him and being his friend as he tries to determine what is best for him. As you mentioned, you are his first real deep relationship. Without a basis for comparison, he'll not appreciate what he has.

Every relationship will grow and change with time. Even though you 2 are miles apart now, it is merely another phase in your relationship in the larger scheme of things. I'm not saying he would definitely return to you. It all depends on how you deal with your relationship with him at this stage. Since getting cut off completely from him now could be too much pain to handle; compromise by supporting him and being a good friend. On the one hand he is still in your life. On the other hand, you can slowly get used to the change in status quo instead of being cut off completely at once. To be cut off so completely from someone you love would only hasten your downward spiral if you don't have the strength to cope.

With this base keeping you sane, use what strength you have to master yourself and your pain through eastern philosophy or whatever else that works. Become a better person for his sake in every way possible so that one day, he will realize you are the best choice for him. If you choose to wait for him, it would not be prudent to sit around passively hoping he would come back to you. To wait effectively, it is better to be like a true Phoenix Reborn and to make yourself an even better person than you were before; so much so that you become the grass that is greener to him one day. Even if he doesn't realize that; you would have improved by leaps and bounds and have become a much stronger and wiser person, ready to meet the next man who is deserving of your love.

There is no magic way to deal with pain. It takes time and work. When you are drowning in your ocean of emotions, you need a reason to stay afloat and to use any means necessary to survive. The process I described above is my personal experience and way of coping. I hope it will help you somewhat during this painful period for you.
 
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With this base keeping you sane, use what strength you have to master yourself and your pain through eastern philosophy or whatever else that works. Become a better person for his sake in every way possible so that one day, he will realize you are the best choice for him. If you choose to wait for him, it would not be prudent to sit around passively hoping he would come back to you. To wait effectively, it is better to be like a true Phoenix Reborn and to make yourself an even better person than you were before; so much so that you become the grass that is greener to him one day. Even if he doesn't realize that; you would have improved by leaps and bounds and have become a much stronger and wiser person, ready to meet the next man who is deserving of your love. .
Yup, very very wise!

I would further add, I often harness my emotions productively into achieving something. so, using the person as the motivator, has helped me to focus on passing some tough examinations and climbing harder routes that i never thought i could.
 

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I would further add, I often harness my emotions productively into achieving something. so, using the person as the motivator, has helped me to focus on passing some tough examinations and climbing harder routes that i never thought i could.
Yeap, all I am today is the result of being able to turn adversity into strength; like the angelictroublemaker. As a result I have accomplished more than I ever thought possible. Confucius said, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” Change is the only constant in life. Therefore our goals and motivations have to change to keep up. The most important thing is to keep moving forward and improving. It's never an easy process but whether we can rise above adversity will depend on how we choose to perceive it.
 

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And this is why I just don't get involved in relationships

But take my words with a grain of salt

People just make me bitter
 

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Honest truth: time can only heal, If you accept and move on healthily, The pain with heal.
 

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think of it this way
love quest is another form of evolution
instead of settling
the breakup means that it is time for one to evolve
for something greater is waiting
you feel hurt and back to ground 0, back to the unknown
at the same time there is massive hope and space
for something that makes you feel complete again
and the more you experience it the more you learn realise and evolve
and the possibility is endless!
there is much more greater joy to come
 
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