[Nemo]

so. I have decided that the state of Colorado blows. Actually I decided this a few years ago. So I moved to Washington state. LOOOVEDD the Northwest. Then I moved to Wisconsin to be with my exxxx Fiance. Needless to say, i hated Wisconsin and my fiance a fairly equal amount, and it was -20 the entire time I was there. So thats a lot of hatred. Then I moved back to Colorado to be with my family. Family is EVERYTHING to me. Without it, you lose who you are, where you come from, the morals that were taught to you to live life by, and the reasons for every word and action you create. Family is a persons roots. I stayed here for a year, dated and lived with another ass, who I ironically think of with such high admiration and humor. That didnt work out, thank God. I restarted my life here in another part of town. Found a new car, new house, new job, new boyfriend.

The boyfriend loves me. i mean this man actually sees my constant neurotic behavior, my intense emotion, my HUGE flaws, my ridiculously high sex drive, my obsessiveness with a high GPA, and my total absolute uncomfortable attitude with myself, and he takes it all and loves everything about me. So much so, that when I tald him I wanted to sell everything except my laptop and clothes and move to Idaho, he supported me fully and begged to stay together long distance until he can make it out there himself. So I am going and Im leaving in ten days...

A few months ago we had talked about moving out to the west coast of washington when i finished school next year. We had created serious future plans with each other, and truth be told, im not even in love with him....

he knows this yet is so incredibly devoted that i just cant help but be constantly impressed. BUUUUUT im kind of more interested with going out there, NOT WITH A BOYFRIEND, and seeing what can happen with Joe. Joe is a big, manly hunk of wilderness haha. Rough, rugged, has a 5 o clock shadow to die for, rides horses, races speed crotch rockets (dont know what its called but i know its sexy!), strips logs to build log homes, and is so close to my family that he lives with them and my dad has offered to give Joe part af his mountain property to build a cabin on. My dad has already told me that he would prefer if I married Joe. I wouldnt mind. And apparently Joe has been in love with me for about 7 years and never said anything because he was waiting for the right time. awesome.


so..... what would you do? after hearing this story, knowing that I have had awful experiences in the past? I now have two men completely devoted to me, madly in love with me, and I get to choose. One has loved me for seven years and waited patiently for me to know what i want (as if that'll ever happen) and is very very close to my family. The other is in the same career path as me, super sexy, and wants to follow me to the end of the earth, even if I push him off the edge out of pure neurotic curiosity.




help??

 

[Kamajama]

Yeah, I have lived in Wisconsin my entire life, in Milwaukee. It gets 0 to -10 regularly in the winter, but in the summer it can be 85 to 90.

You should marry him, he sounds cute and your parents love him.

 

[Black Rabbit]

Are you serious? You have two men devoted to you and you get to choose? You make this sound as if you consider men a commodity. Let me ask you to this, does one come with a ten year warranty? I swear people watch too much of that Bachelorette bullshit.

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

Joe sounds like a grade A douchebag. Just had to say that, and yes the NW rocks, I live in Idaho and all my family lives in Washington (well except for a few that still live in Germany).

 

[letsmosey]

It's not like anyone can really tell you what to do. You have to search yourself and decide what is best for you. It's hard not to think about how your decision will affect other people, but you can't.
Though honestly (in my own humble opinion), if you're not in love with a guy after seven years, you probably never will be.

 

[Lilsnowy]

As an ENFP, I understand. We fall in love quickly (actually, infatuation) and we thrive on the intense excitement of new relationships. That's who we are.

But there is a desperate tone to your post. Reading it, I can almost feel you running about, searching here and there! But the thing is, it isn't going to be found 'out there.' It's inside you. You seem to be coming to the realization that family is everything because you have not had roots in yourself, at least up to this point. Stability isn't a word we are drawn to, but without it, ENFPs (and really, any other type) are tossed about by whims and escapism. Escapism is related to a subtle fear.

It's rare to find someone who is very passionate, devoted, verbal, affirming, loving and super sexual etc. We do not want to lose such a person! But also, the sappiness of such undying love sometimes puts us off a little, sometimes kills the chemistry, makes us feel we're losing options, because we're so curious. We like to discover! There's little anticipation to read a book you've already read.

If the man you are leaving is an ENFP, be very careful thinking he'll be ok with it, because he's been so good natured and devoted. He might not show the devastation but anyone with a heart like his is going to be badly hurt. That should not stop you from breaking up though. It's important to be truthful so he has a chance to find someone who will love him in return.

Did I miss something? Your parents said they would be pleased if you married Joe. You said it's been seven years of him secretly crushing on you, but have you lived in the same town? Have you dated him? Regardless of his impact on your parents, it would be worth it to take your time getting to know him , to see how you two hold up. Sudden intense relationships are more likely to fizzle, especially if you get sexually invloved very quickly. Please, if you do date Joe, take it slow.

 

[SyndiCat]

You get to choose?

...

And this doesn't cross your values at all? The way you phrase it?

...

He devoted himself to you for seven years?

...

 

[Lilsnowy]

He devoted himself to you for seven years?

...

Nemo, that's why I used the word, crushing, refering to Joe. Because you didnt say whether the two of you have dated or had any previous relationship. If you have not been in a relationship, then it's probably ongoing infatuation. Love usually takes time to grow; you experience setbacks too; infatuation is where one has this huge heart for someone who either doesn't know about it or doesn't feel the same way. Or where you can't see any flaws because you haven't experienced anything negative yet.

It sounds like the guy you're with probably does love you, but you don't seem to feel the same or maybe are afraid of being tied down. I don't know; just considering possibilities that might influence your decision.