[KasKas19]

My best friend ( Supposed ISTP, Her personality used to be INTP) and I were best friends since Freshman year, we are now in Junior year. She randomly just stopped talking to me last week. She ignored everything I did message her. At the time I didn't think anything was wrong, so I was just sending memes etc. She left it all on read. She ignored me at school, but for some reason sat with me at breakfast, along with her sister. And she told her sister in front of me that she was talking to a bunch of guys all weekend. Basically saying "I have been ignoring you."

I asked my friend to talk to her and get some information because I am not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing I'm worried or upset. She told my friend that she felt like she was my therapist, she didn't like that I had a different opinion on things, she didnt like that we were both introverted around each other, (We weren't. We actually are extremely outgoing around one another) Then she said she talked to her parents about it, (They already don't like me because I lost my faith in religion) And they also suggested not being friends with me. Yet, she is still friends with a guy who drinks, smokes, lost his virginity at 13 ( She is really negative when it comes to virginity) , and does cocaine, and she came close to dating him but he dropped her?
She even said she didn't like being ignored because he just completely started ignoring her. Thus causing her to cry and go on a huge rant about how she hates when people just choose to ignore her instead of talking it out.

Let me remind you, that she is extremely hypocritical and filled with double standards.

She makes fun of girls for so many things and called them "hoes" for doing those things, then she goes and does the same thing and laughs it off and pretends she never said it.

She constantly made fun of me. Reminding me how short I am, how I have "Stubby legs", and how she's prettier than me. She talks about how big my breast and butt are? Why?? That is so embarassing. She made fun of me because a group of guy friends called my name and said good morning to me, and said it was "Weird". She called me stupid in front of the guy that I liked and flirted with him right infront of me. (She knew I liked him of course). I wasn't going to bring it up but I finally did after getting advice and her asking me what was wrong. She completley flipped the tables and told me that I was over thinking and that she never said anything mean to me.

She talked to a guy that was taken all year sophomore year, and sent him a picture of her shirt up in the school bathroom. But there was no harm in it, right? No. I constantly reminded her how much it pissed me off, because it was wrong. And I really wanted his girlfriend to know. Eventually she found out and my friend came clean with her, and said she felt bad from keeping it from her.

I can go on and on. She's never wrong, I always am. I overthink too much.

As for her saying that she felt like my therapist, she's doing that to make herself look good to people. I have a really rough past that I don't want to talk about on here, but everything keeps piling up. I only vented to her when I couldn't keep bottling it up. But she complained every single day about how her mom makes her clean her room and it pisses her off etc. Just issuesI would much rather have. She never had anything good to say.

She made fun of me for enjoying the little things. i had recently checked out a new book at the library and I was supet excited to read it. She made fun of me for that. I took pictures of the sunset because I liked the way the colors seemed to just blend the sky. I got made fun of. I complimented the stars, because we don't see them too often due to pollution. Got made fun of. I'm weird. I get excited too easily.

She told my friend "It wasn't an overnight decision. We both saw this coming months ago." She never even talked about anything with me. Everything was normal. She never even brought it up. She also said she tried talking to me about it, she never did. She said we were drifting apart. But we weren't. We go three months without seeing eachother for like the third time in a row, but NOW all of a sudden we are difting apart?
She also said that she is "Opening herself up to people more"? I have no clue what that has to do with me? She is also friends with everyone she talks terrible about.

Something is telling me she is making up all those reasons to hide the actual one. My dad says she is jealous of me? but there really is no reason to be, so it can't be that, right? I'm thinking its becaus eshe is changing into everything she used to make fun of people for, and she knows that I am going to say something and take notice. She thinks im going to judge her.

She keeps talking bad about me to people and I don't know what to do. I already felt out of place as it is at school, but now I feel like everyone is against me. I feel like evrone secretly knows about my past and hates me. I don't know. I hate her having the upper hand, I hate that she is super confident and now I have like 0 confidence. I just don't know what to do.

Sorry, this is long, I just needed to let this out. Any advice?

 

[Lakigigar]

I can't give advice, but it doesn't sound like a healthy situation. I know it sucks, but she isn't really a good friend for you nor she is definitely not your best friend. She clearly has her issues as well (but more borderline-like).

School sucks, it's basically always like this, and we infp's have the tendency to be too much dependent on too few persons, and that's not the ideal situation when it turns out that she isn't really that good of a friend like you thought.

I can maybe recommend you to watch a movie. It made me think of Respire (it's a french movie, but you can use english subs).

 

[leictreon]

Kill her after a chase through the Statue of Liberty, obviously.

 

[Cherry]

1- I have met too many girls just like her in my lifetime already
2- she DOES sound jealous of something
3- sounds like you are better off without her as a 'friend', she obviously wasn't a true one anyway. So my advice is to not bother being friends with her. Sounds like nothing bad bad news.

 

[Charly The Rabbit]

Hello @KasKas19:

I don't have any clue why she behave in the way you explained. But my questions goes to you: How can you consider your best friend to someone like her?

I have an hyphotesis

I think you are facing "aversion to loss", This happen when you are very afraid to loose something, and that fear is so powerfull that blind you to see the benefits of let it go.

We INFP tend to have few close friends, this aversion to loss happen because you don't want to be alone, thats why you still call her "best friend" to that thing !.

My advice is: Don't be afraid to let that kind of people out of your life, force you to meet new friends (real ones). Imagine a life without her, no more problems nor humilliations. You deserve good people around you, but this depends entirely on you.

Greetings

Charly The Rabbit

 

[entheos]

Charly hit the nail.

Let her go. There is no health and no respect in this relationship.

When I started reading the post, I thought "oh typical school" because yes, type is irrelevant, I have gone through that with all kind of girl friends, from ISFJs to INFJs to ENFJs... it doesn't matter, people in school years don't have their brains fully formed and behavior is inconsistent, erratic and unpredictable. It's some kind of rite of passage, unfortunately.
You put her on her nerves as well, and I bet that if she wrote us a post about you, she would make you come across as terrible and she comes across in the post. So really... I wouldn't take sides.
But the one thing that caught my attention was this:

She constantly made fun of me. Reminding me how short I am, how I have "Stubby legs", and how she's prettier than me. She talks about how big my breast and butt are?

Run!
This is not your friend, this person hates you. Don't be around people who hate you. And the reasons for her tearing you down have to do with her, not you. Maybe she is one of those people who need to tear others down to make themselves feel superior and better, a false sense of inner peace. The reasons behind it don't really matter. Actions are all the proof you need. Leave this person, stop trying to fight to "be right". If she's already demonized you, you will never win this supposed battle. Surrender, and cultivate your own dignity and sense of self

 

[entheos]

She keeps talking bad about me to people and I don't know what to do. I already felt out of place ass it is at school, but now I feel like everyone is against me. I feel like evrone secretly knows about my past and hates me.

Okey I'll tell you what I did when I went through that, take it or leave it.
Focus on yourself and your own dignity, don't try to forcefully prove a point to other people, and just wait and flow to the right one-on-one circumstances. When a circumstance comes up where you end up interacting with a person (whoever they are), be yourself with confidence, and express yourself well, and speak from your heart.
As you go about your days interacting with people one-on-one, and speaking normally from your heart, you will fuck up with people's perceptions of you, and they will wonder who's right.
Now, not everyone will go back to liking you or giving you the benefit of the doubt. Some will and some won't. But it was my experience that as I interacted with people 1-on-1, who came into the picture with a preconceived idea of me as being a "bbbbb" because someone else told them, as I was just myself and focused on sharing myself and nothing else mattered, half of the people left feeling very confused. "Who is this girl?" "If the rumors are true... why is she not a bbbb to me? This is so confusing..." and over time, many of these people came to understand that what the other girls said about me were not "facts", they were their own personal opinions.
I still remember to this day, a person who had been brainwashed by 2 of my ex-friends to believe that I was evil, I accidentally bumped into this person at a coffee shop and we ended up having coffee together. We talked about a bunch of fun things, and he showed me pictures on his phone of his girlfriend, and she was so pretty, I told him to care good care of her, and we talked about life and psychology and a bunch of fun stuff. That night when I was at home minding my own business, he sent me a text saying "You are amazing and I'm sorry I believed so many false things about you" and we became friends. Because he understood that you can't walk around believing things without experiencing the source of the thing first hand. And this happened with many other people who eventually became my friends. So focus on yourself. Don't lose sleep over your reputation, because you can always "fix" it by casually being yourself at school and creating excellent 1-on-1 experiences for people. Not because you have something to convince them of, but because this is who you truly are and who you are is ultimately undeniable.

 

[twirler]

I think you are facing "aversion to loss", This happen when you are very afraid to loose something, and that fear is so powerfull that blind you to see the benefits of let it go.

Could not agree more with this hypothesis. It does not sound like she is a healthy person, and certainly not a good friend to you.

 

[KasKas19]

Thank you so much! I truly appreciate it! I will definitely be taking your advice! I just need to make peace with myself and stop caring.

 

[KasKas19]

Despite her terrible qualities, she had a few good ones, as does everyone.

I wholeheartedly agree. It is really hard for me to make friends though. I know of a lot of people at my school and they are all two-faced. Something about my school just screams "Immaturity".

I have been alone, more than I used to now. I think it is generally a good thing. I am learning to embrace being alone more. I am learning to be more independent instead of relying on others for my happiness. It is very hard, and
I'm still not used to it, but I know I will get some good out of it I believe.

The only thing bothering me is that she is going to be talking bad about me to people and making her seem like a good person. I hate that she feels like she has the upperhand.

Thank you, Charly!

 

[KasKas19]

Hello @KasKas19:

I don't have any clue why she behave in the way you explained. But my questions goes to you: How can you consider your best friend to someone like her?

I have an hyphotesis

I think you are facing "aversion to loss", This happen when you are very afraid to loose something, and that fear is so powerfull that blind you to see the benefits of let it go.

We INFP tend to have few close friends, this aversion to loss happen because you don't want to be alone, thats why you still call her "best friend" to that thing !.

My advice is: Don't be afraid to let that kind of people out of your life, force you to meet new friends (real ones). Imagine a life without her, no more problems nor humilliations. You deserve good people around you, but this depends entirely on you.

Greetings

Charly The Rabbit

Despite her terrible qualities, she had a few good ones, as does everyone.

I wholeheartedly agree. It is really hard for me to make friends though. I know of a lot of people at my school and they are all two-faced. Something about my school just screams "Immaturity".

I have been alone, more than I used to now. I think it is generally a good thing. I am learning to embrace being alone more. I am learning to be more independent instead of relying on others for my happiness. It is very hard, and
I'm still not used to it, but I know I will get some good out of it I believe.

The only thing bothering me is that she is going to be talking bad about me to people and making her seem like a good person. I hate that she feels like she has the upperhand.

Thank you, Charly!

 

[ButIHaveNoFear]

Kill her after a chase through the Statue of Liberty, obviously.

Like Wolverine and Sabertooth and Storm and Toad and Magneto and Jeanne and Cyclops and Mystique and Rogue and... did I miss anybody?

 

[Lakigigar]

Like Wolverine and Sabertooth and Storm and Toad and Magneto and Jeanne and Cyclops and Mystique and Rogue and... did I miss anybody?

the ending of GTA IV.

 

[ButIHaveNoFear]

Your situation is going to be okay. Even when people have lots of things in common, cognitive function differences can become quite glaring, especially at your age. Everyone's self and other awareness is increasing, but it will reach a balance point.

The classic INFP answer is to go, to take a break, to let it be and move on. We're adventurers, and we can adapt and create a new situation for ourselves. I have to take breaks (sometimes indefinitely) from my friends too. It happens. And you don't have to imagine that they'll come back to you or that you'll go back to them. People change. Try to live in your own world for a while. You don't have to bother with her reason for doing all this because her reason is not your reason.

If you can't stand so many things about a person, and you know that you can't change them, and you can see that the person isn't going to change themselves, it's better to leave. Instead, you can surround yourself with people who require less energy and angst from you. You'll feel better, and you won't doubt if you're wrong or right so much.

And will everyone at school really talk about it? Friend breakups happen. If people know you're a good person and see you acting kindly, they'll know the other girl is exaggerating, and it will make her look really bad. I bet she already looks bad since she criticizes everyone already. Let her look like an animal all by herself. That's her problem. When you graduate, which isn't too far away, are the new people you meet going to take any ancient rumors into account? Nah... They care about if you're a good person or not from what they can see in you.

 

[KasKas19]

Your situation is going to be okay. Even when people have lots of things in common, cognitive function differences can become quite glaring, especially at your age. Everyone's self and other awareness is increasing, but it will reach a balance point.

The classic INFP answer is to go, to take a break, to let it be and move on. We're adventurers, and we can adapt and create a new situation for ourselves. I have to take breaks (sometimes indefinitely) from my friends too. It happens. And you don't have to imagine that they'll come back to you or that you'll go back to them. People change. Try to live in your own world for a while. You don't have to bother with her reason for doing all this because her reason is not your reason.

If you can't stand so many things about a person, and you know that you can't change them, and you can see that the person isn't going to change themselves, it's better to leave. Instead, you can surround yourself with people who require less energy and angst from you. You'll feel better, and you won't doubt if you're wrong or right so much.

And will everyone at school really talk about it? Friend breakups happen. If people know you're a good person and see you acting kindly, they'll know the other girl is exaggerating, and it will make her look really bad. I bet she already looks bad since she criticizes everyone already. Let her look like an animal all by herself. That's her problem. When you graduate, which isn't too far away, are the new people you meet going to take any ancient rumors into account? Nah... They care about if you're a good person or not from what they can see in you.

You are so right, thank you!

The thing is, she is entireley different around other people. She doesn't complain, she kisses up to people so they will like her. She told my friend that she is "opening herself up to people more". Not sure what that means, considering all she talks to now are guys.
Some people will probably believe her because I just look like a mean person. People tell me my face looks angry, but I'm not :/ I am really nice I can just be blunt at times.
And you are absolutley right. I'm just waiting for that. I need to restart and move on. There are too many rumors and too much gossip here.

 

[leictreon]

the ending of GTA IV.

Exactly that. Except the guy you kill in GTA IV is either a snake who betrays you multiple times or a mobster who believes he's the big thing but the other mobsters have him as a clown.

 

[Stray Heart]

Far out, this is like the same thing that happened to me earlier this year, my best friend stopped talking to me out of nowhere.

... Regardless, she doesn't sound like a good friend, she doesn't even sound like a friend, and this is going to be super hard and just get harder but I think you should find new friends. You deserve better, even if you don't think it yourself but your relationship with her seems far to broken to be able to fix it.

 

[Cherry]

Far out, this is like the same thing that happened to me earlier this year, my best friend stopped talking to me out of nowhere.

... Regardless, she doesn't sound like a good friend, she doesn't even sound like a friend, and this is going to be super hard and just get harder but I think you should find new friends. You deserve better, even if you don't think it yourself but your relationship with her seems far to broken to be able to fix it.

"Far out" - Are you Aussie? XD

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

[KasKas19]

Far out, this is like the same thing that happened to me earlier this year, my best friend stopped talking to me out of nowhere.

... Regardless, she doesn't sound like a good friend, she doesn't even sound like a friend, and this is going to be super hard and just get harder but I think you should find new friends. You deserve better, even if you don't think it yourself but your relationship with her seems far to broken to be able to fix it.

I am so sorry to hear that happened to you It's awful. I hope you are feeling better!

Thank you! I appreciate it! You're so sweet.

The main thing that is bothering me now at the moment, is that she feels superior to me. She always has really. The differences that we did have she put me down for and attempted to make me feel as if I was stupid or childish.
But especially now. She has completely put 100% of the blame on me.

 

[Cherry]

I am so sorry to hear that happened to you It's awful. I hope you are feeling better!

Thank you! I appreciate it! You're so sweet.

The main thing that is bothering me now at the moment, is that she feels superior to me. She always has really. The differences that we did have she put me down for and attempted to make me feel as if I was stupid or childish.
But especially now. She has completely put 100% of the blame on me.

she seems like a narcissist.
In which case, there is no getting through to her really, or getting her to see your point. So don't even bother, I think. It's not worth your energy. Focus on meeting better people who want to SUPPORT you in life, and you vice versa ^_^