[cannibalbat]

Hello everyone

I'm an ENFP and I met my best friend earlier this year.
We are texting us every single day, it's ridiculous how attached we are to each other.
I fell in friend-love with her so fast and I couldn't live without her anymore.
But the thing is, she is an ISTJ and it's hard sometimes.
She has a complete different world view than I do, sometimes I have the feeling she is really old-fashioned and close-minded. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about her.
But I just don't understand how she can feel that way about certain things.
We realized that we think very different about certain touchy subjects and we agreed not to talk about them ever, to prevent getting into a fight.

But it bugs me that she thinks so differently about some things, I just feel like that it is the 'wrong' way of thinking and I have the urge to tell her what I think and to ask her why she thinks that way..
I feel like I want to teach her the 'right' way.. So she realizes that my way of thinking is right and agrees.
I know that would never happen, and I know that it doesn't work that way and that she has the right to have her own opinion and that her opinion isn't wrong at all, just different.

But sometimes I feel really bad, personally, like I feel bad because I don't understand her and I think she might dislike me or think of me as stupid because she doesn't understand my way of thinking..

Ahh it's so hard, I love her and I never want to lose her, but it's so hard...
any thoughts or advise on that?

 

[DAPHNE XO]

She has a complete different world view than I do, sometimes I have the feeling she is really old-fashioned and close-minded. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about her.
But I just don't understand how she can feel that way about certain things.
We realized that we think very different about certain touchy subjects and we agreed not to talk about them ever, to prevent getting into a fight.

But it bugs me that she thinks so differently about some things, I just feel like that it is the 'wrong' way of thinking and I have the urge to tell her what I think and to ask her why she thinks that way..
I feel like I want to teach her the 'right' way.. So she realizes that my way of thinking is right and agrees.

Look at every situation as "in how many ways can we both be right?" then touchy subjects won't be so touchy because you'll subconsciously trying to find all the ways you agree.

I've found that when two (or more) people try really hard, there's always something you both agree on.

And in your case, even if you don't, she'll have to appreciate the effort you put in, and vice versa. Good luck!

 

[cyamitide]

Ahh it's so hard, I love her and I never want to lose her, but it's so hard...
any thoughts or advise on that?

Don't worry, talking with you will help her change and become less set in her ways and more accepting of new perspectives.
ENFPs and ISTJs are actually in what's called duality relations in Socionics which is considered to be the best "ideal" relationship between the types. This explains your crazy attraction to one another. Duality is not an easy relationship to have, but it's the type of relationship that holds the greatest potential for growth and change for both of you. Reason being that your strong functions correspond to the inferior, weakest function of the other (ENFP strong Ne is inferior function of ISTJ; ISTJ strong Si is inferior function of ENFP). Duals thus encourage each other to integrate their own inferior functions into their psyches and become more balances people. But this isn't an easy process. It's very challenging, but also very rewarding.

You can read more about ISTJ ENFP dual relations here: ENFP friendhip & love types

 

[Nafatali]

ISTJs are generally lovely people, but yes, I can only take them in limited doses. It’s a very different worldview and it can get quite exhausting. I have a good ISTJ friend and he is very sweet and kind and has a great wit (loves his little word plays and puns) but he gets so annoyed with my abstract, geeky-ness so I generally have to keep things at a surface level to keep us relatable. The ISTJs I work with and my ISTJ ex-husband are the same deal. Living with hubby, we ended up really bringing out the worst in each other, it was a downright horrible marriage.

So yes, lovely people, but you have to do a LOT of bending to connect with them.

 

[cannibalbat]

Thanks everyone for your advice and the kind words gives me strength to commit even more into the friendship to make it last hopefully forever ♥

 

[Resplendent Obscurity]

But it bugs me that she thinks so differently about some things, I just feel like that it is the 'wrong' way of thinking and I have the urge to tell her what I think and to ask her why she thinks that way..
(

Think of it this way; it's just a new and exciting time to try and learn, and understand how other people think, and how other people view the world. I have an, I believe, ISFJ sister. We get along WONDERFULLY one day, and scream at each other the next. I think her dom Si can really grate on my dom Ne, and vice versa. And, because she's an Fe, she tries to get to conform to her ways, and I'm 'naw! not going to happen' lol. However, ideally, we can temper each other well, because the of the dom-inferior relationship there.

I find that I am great at relating to people, and I think that's an ENFP strength in general. Sometimes it's annoying, but other times, like this, it can be exceptionally helpful. Do an Ne exercise and put yourself in her shoes, and try to give her new perspectives, and put things in a way that she understands/appeals to her.

Also, this may not be as bad for the ISTJ, i'm not sure, but for my ISFJ sister.... if I forget her birthday, I have to spend a lot of time apologizing and trying to get her to understand that it's not personal. I just have a terrible memory when it comes to things like that. So, yeah, that could help as well lol.

 

[angelcat]

Decide up front to take nothing they say as a personal insult. That's the only way it works with me. My ISTJ friend has said some stuff to my face that made me go "... wow, I could be hurt by that," but I choose not to be, because she's intelligent, hilarious in a very dry humor kind of way, and can remember a load of facts that I could never even learn, much less keep track of.

 

[Epicyclic]

Hello everyone

I'm an ENFP and I met my best friend earlier this year.
We are texting us every single day, it's ridiculous how attached we are to each other.
I fell in friend-love with her so fast and I couldn't live without her anymore.
But the thing is, she is an ISTJ and it's hard sometimes.
She has a complete different world view than I do, sometimes I have the feeling she is really old-fashioned and close-minded. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about her.
But I just don't understand how she can feel that way about certain things.
We realized that we think very different about certain touchy subjects and we agreed not to talk about them ever, to prevent getting into a fight.

But it bugs me that she thinks so differently about some things, I just feel like that it is the 'wrong' way of thinking and I have the urge to tell her what I think and to ask her why she thinks that way..
I feel like I want to teach her the 'right' way.. So she realizes that my way of thinking is right and agrees.
I know that would never happen, and I know that it doesn't work that way and that she has the right to have her own opinion and that her opinion isn't wrong at all, just different.

But sometimes I feel really bad, personally, like I feel bad because I don't understand her and I think she might dislike me or think of me as stupid because she doesn't understand my way of thinking..

Ahh it's so hard, I love her and I never want to lose her, but it's so hard...
any thoughts or advise on that?

Well, your description of ISTJ here is quite generic. What are the signs that you use to assess that said person is ISTJ?

Anyway, assuming that your assessment is correct, here's a picture of the view from the other side, from ISTJ land. Someone in my family is ENFP, so I'll base what I say off that.

ISTJs and ENFPs tend to look for opposite things. Let's list them down.

- ENFPs tend to prioritize in terms of possibilities. ISTJs tend to consider problems and what could go wrong.
- ISTJs are good at making and keeping routines, especially over "mundane" things like housework. ENFPs tend to not bother.
- ISTJs prefer to keep the status quo if they find that it works.
- ISTJs respect facts tremendously. We tend to not like stuff that has no grounding in facts, as well as people who keep on dreaming of such things.
- ISTJs are very conservative with money.

I'm just waiting for someone to summarise the ENFP attitude on these.....thanks in advance.

 

[chimeric]

- ENFPs tend to prioritize in terms of possibilities. ISTJs tend to consider problems and what could go wrong.
- ISTJs are good at making and keeping routines, especially over "mundane" things like housework. ENFPs tend to not bother.
- ISTJs prefer to keep the status quo if they find that it works.
- ISTJs respect facts tremendously. We tend to not like stuff that has no grounding in facts, as well as people who keep on dreaming of such things.
- ISTJs are very conservative with money.

I'm just waiting for someone to summarise the ENFP attitude on these.....thanks in advance.

I can only summarize my own attitude:

- I think a lot about possibilities. I also think a lot about what could go wrong.
- I'm bad at routines.
- It's rewarding to think about how the status quo could be improved upon.
- I love facts too. I'll brainstorm wildly then look for facts to back it up.
- I'm also conservative with money.

Anyway. I've had some ISTJs in my life, and I've enjoyed them deeply. Sometimes they drive me bonkers (and vice versa I'm sure), but they're lovely. I try to view the (what I see as) stodginess with a sense of humor, rather than frustration/annoyance.