[davisk]

I'm INFP. She's ISTJ. We've always been close (since we were five... she was my first friend!), but I've never really felt completely connected to her. We "complete eachother" not in that I feel the need to be with her in order to be my best self-- but that we are TOTAL opposites and function really well as a team.
Sometimes, however, she has trouble opening up to me about sensitive things. I have trouble telling her things, too. I think it makes her uncomfortable to talk about deep-ness.
She's recently found friendship in a someone simmilar to her. (ESTJ, most likely). I'll be honest, I'm kind of jealous.
I want to reclaim the friendship of our youth, but I don't know how to talk to her.
Do you guys have any suggestions? I mean even things that are good to talk about, or just how she might operate on this kind of issue.

 

[Staryu]

honestly, it all depends on the person. im INTJ[i think, i don't honestly know my MB type 100% for sure] and my BFF is an ESTJ. well i guess there's the shared TJ but still. it really depends on the people. i find that i get along with my best friend by talking about common girl stuff. id say try talking about things that are common to the both of you. hope that helps!

 

[niss]

Be clear, concise and up front, and tell her what you've just told us: You're important to me, I feel a little threatened by this new relationship, and I want to remain connected to you.

You'll be surprised what truthfully conveying our thoughts in a non-needy way will do to strengthen a relationship.

 

[davisk]

Be clear, concise and up front, and tell her what you've just told us: You're important to me, I feel a little threatened by this new relationship, and I want to remain connected to you.

You'll be surprised what truthfully conveying our thoughts in a non-needy way will do to strengthen a relationship.

Thanks. That sounds like good advice. A little scary, but I will take it!

 

[Elysia]

I'm INFP. She's ISTJ. We've always been close (since we were five... she was my first friend!), but I've never really felt completely connected to her. We "complete eachother" not in that I feel the need to be with her in order to be my best self-- but that we are TOTAL opposites and function really well as a team.
Sometimes, however, she has trouble opening up to me about sensitive things. I have trouble telling her things, too. I think it makes her uncomfortable to talk about deep-ness.
She's recently found friendship in a someone simmilar to her. (ESTJ, most likely). I'll be honest, I'm kind of jealous.
I want to reclaim the friendship of our youth, but I don't know how to talk to her.
Do you guys have any suggestions? I mean even things that are good to talk about, or just how she might operate on this kind of issue.

I definitely agree with Niss's advice. I can be quite oblivious sometimes!

I'm not sure how similar your friend is to me but I find that I can only really start trusting someone after I have known them for a long time and they have earned my trust. This is why friends who I have known longer pretty much outrank friends who I have recently met as I feel a much higher sense of loyalty to long-term friends (I am referring to close friends, not just the run-of-the-mill friend). There are of course various factors like how compatible we are but I find that length of friendship along with frequency of systematic contact over time are both major factors for my friendships.

If I meet someone who I get along with very well, I do tend to interact with them a lot in the beginning compared to my 'long-term' friends but this is my way of getting to know the new person better in order to be able to quickly judge whether they truly pass the 'potential friend' test. After I have become close with a friend I don't tend to initiate as much contact as I feel that I have already moved into the 'close friend' stage which does not require as much maintenance (this probably seems quite weird :crazy.

I don't necessarily look for people who are similar to me in terms of the way I think in regards to friendships as sometimes getting a different viewpoint on something is much more interesting than just getting my own viewpoint confirmed by someone else (though it does have its advantages).

Regardless, I hope all goes well on your end :happy:

 

[RedFairy]

Be clear, concise and up front, and tell her what you've just told us: You're important to me, I feel a little threatened by this new relationship, and I want to remain connected to you.

You'll be surprised what truthfully conveying our thoughts in a non-needy way will do to strengthen a relationship.

"ISTJs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love. Once the ISTJ realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs. " - Portrait of an ISTJ

Just talk to her. As an ISTJ, I'm not very good at picking up on what people need from me emotionally, unless they tell me.

 

[davisk]

"ISTJs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love. Once the ISTJ realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs. " - Portrait of an ISTJ

Just talk to her. As an ISTJ, I'm not very good at picking up on what people need from me emotionally, unless they tell me.

That last part makes alot of things make sense. I'm the exact opposite-- I can pick up on the emotional stuff but I'm at a loss to responsibilities.

So helpful, thank you!

 

[davisk]

I definitely agree with Niss's advice. I can be quite oblivious sometimes!

I'm not sure how similar your friend is to me but I find that I can only really start trusting someone after I have known them for a long time and they have earned my trust. This is why friends who I have known longer pretty much outrank friends who I have recently met as I feel a much higher sense of loyalty to long-term friends (I am referring to close friends, not just the run-of-the-mill friend). There are of course various factors like how compatible we are but I find that length of friendship along with frequency of systematic contact over time are both major factors for my friendships.

If I meet someone who I get along with very well, I do tend to interact with them a lot in the beginning compared to my 'long-term' friends but this is my way of getting to know the new person better in order to be able to quickly judge whether they truly pass the 'potential friend' test. After I have become close with a friend I don't tend to initiate as much contact as I feel that I have already moved into the 'close friend' stage which does not require as much maintenance (this probably seems quite weird :crazy.

I don't necessarily look for people who are similar to me in terms of the way I think in regards to friendships as sometimes getting a different viewpoint on something is much more interesting than just getting my own viewpoint confirmed by someone else (though it does have its advantages).

Regardless, I hope all goes well on your end :happy:

I think I'm just going to tell her what's going on... You're right, I really just need to let her know! Thanks for the really detailed response. You're lovely!