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Discussion Starter #1
This is going to be really stupid. And, trust me, these thoughts make me feel like shit, I don't need to be told anything along those lines. I'm not 100% sure what I want to get out of this post, but I do know that I don't want to be given any "help."

I want to know what it's like to lose a friend to death.
Of course, I do not want any of my friends dying. I would never wish that upon any of them.
I'm not sure what my reasoning behind this is, but I'm going to assume it's purely emotion-driven. It probably has something to do with the fact that I know people who've gone through this, and I want to be able to relate to them more. Help them out better than I can now, which isn't much. That, or I'm just purely curious.
This has been a thing for me for a while now. A few years, really.
I've also had this idea that I should cut one of my own limbs off just to see what that feels like too.

Perhaps I was wondering if anyone else has these kinds of thoughts.
I hope to God I'm not the only one. That would make me feel even worse.
 

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hmmm well.

I do not think your thoughts are that strange. Although I would never take my
own life I have plotted out the best way to kill myself numerous times.
I have also contemplated becoming a guinea pig for random medical research
and what not.

Thought about randomly donating parts of myself because hey maybe
someone needs that and may treat it better than I. Plus I would
get the added bonus of being sans an organ and that could be a cool
new way to live!

At one point I was giddy at the prospect of potentially loosing my arm.
Simply because I would have had this kick ass prosthetic with all sorts
of cool attachments on it. I have halfheartedly thought it may be even
more practical and efficient then my existing arm.

I think ENTP are truly the mad scientist and will try their concoctions on themselves.
This will also push into the psychological realm as well. Meaning..hey I wonder what
that would make me feel like? But to feel that way you must have "that" happen.
If said "that" never happens we are left to guess.

The best advice I can give is this: You are so young. You have so much time to have these
items you are craving happen. They will. Most assuredly. Its coming. Be patient.
In the mean time? Speculate and learn from others around you as they go through items.
 

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I'm not sure that the feeling can be truly replicated without the actual experience.

I always had existential angst and would think what is like losing my parents or other loved ones. I had a fixation on such thoughts, in part due to depression and PMS.

But anyway, no amount of thinking and imagining was enough to reach the reality of it, which I found out when my father died suddenly. You basically realize that no matter what, you can never see, talk, hear, or otherwise communicate with that person ever again, they have disappeared, gone, like never existed. They only live in your memories and exist nowhere else, anymore. Even if I knew all that to be true, the difference in knowing and realizing/experiencing it was still shocking.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
But anyway, no amount of thinking and imagining was enough to reach the reality of it, which I found out when my father died suddenly. You basically realize that no matter what, you can never see, talk, hear, or otherwise communicate with that person ever again, they have disappeared, gone, like never existed. They only live in your memories and exist nowhere else, anymore. Even if I knew all that to be true, the difference in knowing and realizing/experiencing it was still shocking.
That makes sense. I've lost people in my life before. My grandmother died of breast cancer when I was 12. I never knew her that well. The only time I ever had any real reaction to it was when I realized that it meant my mother might have a chance of having breast cancer. Which, even then, when she went to go get tested, she brought back some shifty results and I was the only one who wasn't emotional about it unless I absolutely needed to be. Which was only just to calm my surrounding family members down.

I have a feeling I'd react extremely numbly to this idea.
That, or I'd lose my mind more than I've already lost it.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
hmmm well.

I do not think your thoughts are that strange. Although I would never take my
own life I have plotted out the best way to kill myself numerous times.
I have also contemplated becoming a guinea pig for random medical research
and what not.

Thought about randomly donating parts of myself because hey maybe
someone needs that and may treat it better than I. Plus I would
get the added bonus of being sans an organ and that could be a cool
new way to live!

At one point I was giddy at the prospect of potentially loosing my arm.
Simply because I would have had this kick ass prosthetic with all sorts
of cool attachments on it. I have halfheartedly thought it may be even
more practical and efficient then my existing arm.

I think ENTP are truly the mad scientist and will try their concoctions on themselves.
This will also push into the psychological realm as well. Meaning..hey I wonder what
that would make me feel like? But to feel that way you must have "that" happen.
If said "that" never happens we are left to guess.

The best advice I can give is this: You are so young. You have so much time to have these
items you are craving happen. They will. Most assuredly. Its coming. Be patient.
In the mean time? Speculate and learn from others around you as they go through items.
When I was 7, I started having thoughts on how I was going to die. I told myself I would probably die at age 17 due to a car crash suicide. I just turned 17 a month ago. I still have that thought.

Never considered donating anything, lol.

Yeah, that's me, but mostly I just wanna feel what the absence of an arm would be like.

Completely agree. I think.

I'm aware that it's bound to happen at one point. I'm kinda dreading that day, and I'm not excited about it all. I still want it to happen though. I sound like some kinky mother fucker who's into some "pain is pleasure" shit. I'm not too sure if I'll lose a limb or not, but if I do, I hope it's painful as fuck. Now I really sound like I'm into "pain is pleasure." Maybe I am into that shit. I'll have to check it out.
Except I'm definitely not into any of that.
 

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When I was 7, I started having thoughts on how I was going to die. I told myself I would probably die at age 17 due to a car crash suicide. I just turned 17 a month ago. I still have that thought.

Never considered donating anything, lol.

Yeah, that's me, but mostly I just wanna feel what the absence of an arm would be like.

Completely agree. I think.

I'm aware that it's bound to happen at one point. I'm kinda dreading that day, and I'm not excited about it all. I still want it to happen though. I sound like some kinky mother fucker who's into some "pain is pleasure" shit. I'm not too sure if I'll lose a limb or not, but if I do, I hope it's painful as fuck. Now I really sound like I'm into "pain is pleasure." Maybe I am into that shit. I'll have to check it out.
Except I'm definitely not into any of that.
Your just fineeeee. Its not matter of sounding a certain way.
Typically ENTP just have no issue saying our dark thoughts. All of us have them.
We just dont mind entertaining them. You are safe here with other ENTP.
Indeed normal.

You know how many times I have been out driving and just thought. "Im gunna yank the wheel"
"Right now" ..."I'ma do it!!!" So much so my hand even tenses up and I get butterflies
in my tummy. ...of course I never do.

But the curiosity of flying through the guard rail and trying to escape a car that is sinking
in a river is real!!!
 

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That makes sense. I've lost people in my life before. My grandmother died of breast cancer when I was 12. I never knew her that well. The only time I ever had any real reaction to it was when I realized that it meant my mother might have a chance of having breast cancer. Which, even then, when she went to go get tested, she brought back some shifty results and I was the only one who wasn't emotional about it unless I absolutely needed to be. Which was only just to calm my surrounding family members down.

I have a feeling I'd react extremely numbly to this idea.
That, or I'd lose my mind more than I've already lost it.
Everyone has a different reaction with grieving, especially in intensity and time.
My sister is ENTP and I think the whole grieving process lasted for a shorter time than me and my mother (ISTJ) and she also didn't get PTSD as we did. I think I read somewhere that ENTP statistically are much more resilient than other types with loss and are not likely to suffer from PTSD and stress-related heart disease. My sister had an immediate response, she cried a lot for a few days and at the funeral. I was incredibly shocked and only cried at the news and then went numb for 6 months. There's a point in the process where you realize that your life is still going on and it's like an unstoppable force driving you forward.
 

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Everyone has a different reaction with grieving, especially in intensity and time.
My sister is ENTP and I think the whole grieving process lasted for a shorter time than me and my mother (ISTJ) and she also didn't get PTSD as we did. I think I read somewhere that ENTP statistically are much more resilient than other types with loss and are not likely to suffer from PTSD and stress-related heart disease. My sister had an immediate response, she cried a lot for a few days and at the funeral. I was incredibly shocked and only cried at the news and then went numb for 6 months. There's a point in the process where you realize that your life is still going on and it's like an unstoppable force driving you forward.
Interesting. A large portion of ENFP in my family and they handle loss
very different. The grieving for some of them can last years and in fact
includes PTSD. Life factors I am sure dictate that. Not trying to discredit by
no means what you said just observing a comparative.
 

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Wow I can kinda relate to what you’re saying here. I wonder if it’s an Ne thing? I’ve felt rotten about it, like, how could anyone want that? But you’re right that it’s less about wanting something to happen in reality but moreso wanting to feel the experience of it. For me personally, I satisfied the “curiosity” (or whatever it was) through reading. Really being able to put yourself in the place of a character who, for example, does lose a friend helps to sort of get some level of that experience. However, I do agree with Red Panda in that no amount of imagining could ever have the same effect.

When I was 7, I started having thoughts on how I was going to die. I told myself I would probably die at age 17 due to a car crash suicide. I just turned 17 a month ago. I still have that thought.
Oooh I can relate to this. I’ve felt the same way and then when reaching that age it’s like: “what? Why am I still here...Now what?” :p
I always thought I wouldn’t make it past high school or college, but I’m still here.

So, you’re not alone. Try not to feel so bad about it:)
 

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Hmmm...I think personally I see this as a symptom of the fact that ENTPs have difficulty experiencing emotion. We, I think, often yearn to experience things, but are unable to do so. For example, there is something holding us back from truly connecting with people on an emotional level, which makes life seem a little sedate. This (and it has been covered a little in other threads) makes us seek out intense experiences.

I like to do aggressive things that beat up on my body. I chose sports where I would end up with cuts, bruises, impacts, and have now reached a point that with a TBI, concussions after that, broken bones, etc., I can't do that as much anymore, and it drives me nuts. Even when I accidentally sliced my hand open a month ago, I kind of relished the fact that it was intense and painful and I was experiencing something exciting like that. I love all my scars and things like that, because it drives something in me that is emotional and intense in a way that I don't habitually experience.

The thing you are talking about - losing a friend - I think is the level it takes for one of us to actually break through the think ice surface of our emotions and process something. I have dreams sometimes where something really serious (an injury) happens to me, and people finally have to help me, because I would never ask for help myself. I am like - "Wow, people are helping me and I am experiencing this connection and emotion and I am almost helpless." It is a feeling and a set of emotions I either cannot or will not let myself experience in real life.

So, from my POV that is how I can see what you are saying @zekzar - I don't think it is a foreign thing for ENTPs at all. It manifests in strange ways. The underlying thing is a longing for an intense experience, IMO.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Hmmm...I think personally I see this as a symptom of the fact that ENTPs have difficulty experiencing emotion. We, I think, often yearn to experience things, but are unable to do so. For example, there is something holding us back from truly connecting with people on an emotional level, which makes life seem a little sedate. This (and it has been covered a little in other threads) makes us seek out intense experiences.

I like to do aggressive things that beat up on my body. I chose sports where I would end up with cuts, bruises, impacts, and have now reached a point that with a TBI, concussions after that, broken bones, etc., I can't do that as much anymore, and it drives me nuts. Even when I accidentally sliced my hand open a month ago, I kind of relished the fact that it was intense and painful and I was experiencing something exciting like that. I love all my scars and things like that, because it drives something in me that is emotional and intense in a way that I don't habitually experience.

The thing you are talking about - losing a friend - I think is the level it takes for one of us to actually break through the think ice surface of our emotions and process something. I have dreams sometimes where something really serious (an injury) happens to me, and people finally have to help me, because I would never ask for help myself. I am like - "Wow, people are helping me and I am experiencing this connection and emotion and I am almost helpless." It is a feeling and a set of emotions I either cannot or will not let myself experience in real life.

So, from my POV that is how I can see what you are saying @zekzar - I don't think it is a foreign thing for ENTPs at all. It manifests in strange ways. The underlying thing is a longing for an intense experience, IMO.
That makes a lot of sense. Although I never went through the process of hurting myself (or involving myself in things that will surely get me hurt) to feel pain, when painful things do happen, I do the same thing you do. It's kind of a rush, and I enjoy the adrenaline it gives me sometimes. I got in a school fight when I was younger, and I remember when I first got hit, it was pure power that I felt. It wasn't pain or embarrassment. I got a rush of energy.
Now, when something happens to me where I do have to sit out and take a break from everything, it's more like, "So that's what that feels like. Interesting."
 
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