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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,

Having searched online for what seems like an eternity, trying to find some advice about my ENTP boyfriend, I decided to finally join one the many forums I've spent my time searching through.

Can an ENTP male have a faithful, long term relationship with an ISTJ female? Are ENTPs renowned for being faithful/unfaithful? What is the ENTP male's outlook on monogamous relationships?

thanks for any advice.
 

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Welcome to the forum! ^^

While ENTPs are generally known for enjoying variety, I doubt they would be unfaithful to someone they truly love. In fact, I'm more worried about you, considering you will most likely end up being the one who does all the work. :p
(Don't go easy on 'em!)
 

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Hey, welcome. I myself thought I was an ENTP for a long time before joining PerC. So don't ignore what I'm about to say just because it doens't say ENTP on my profile.

How old are you two? Tell us about your relationship first, what has been his history of dating?

Your main concern is fidelity, right? ENTP are not known for 'settling down'. Yet, you can be in a monogamous and faithful relationship. It's difficult, though. You have to keep in motion. Doing different things. You'll sometimes have to give in to what he wants (I'm not saying you should be his slave). Do not be selfish, at all. You have to pay attention to him and your relashionship, not just yourself. You have to keep him interested. If you do those things, be sure he'll reciprocate.

I don't know if you've read this before, but here it goes:

"Having a serious relationship with an ENTP may take some work but the results usually pay off for the right couple. The first thing that you must understand is that this individual is known for engaging in quick-witted debates. Some partners find this difficult to believe that these debates are not personal nature. For the “visionary,” a debate is seen as a way to exercise the brain, not a way to belittle others. In order to make this relationship work you will have to understand this particular quirk in your partner’s character and learn to indulge them. In fact, showing them your own brainy side is a sure way to garner their interest.



In addition to satisfying an ENTP’s need for debate, you should be able to prove your worth as an intellectual peer. Offer your problem-solving abilities or challenge your companion to a game of wit and strategy, such as chess. If your intellectual prowess simply isn’t all that you wish it to be, try compensating by showcasing your openness for trying new things. Plan an adventurous outing or pick your significant other’s brain to find out what things they would like to do (but haven’t done yet). Showing that you are capable of going with the flow and aren’t afraid of a little excitement will score big points with your mate.



Your significant other will often be wondering of ways that they can improve the relationship. They might ask questions like, “Where is this relationship going,” and “Are we growing together?” ENTPs relish the thought of improvement and will seek ways to improve all parts of their lives, especially a romantic relationship. In order to be truly happy, this individual will constantly ask him or her self what they can do to improve the relationship so that you both have the chance to evolve together. Your partner isn’t going to stick around if they feel that they aren’t getting anywhere. Express your willingness to grow both as an individual and as a member of the relationship and encourage your partner to do the same. Try asking yourself if there are areas that you feel need work and take actions to manifest a positive change".
 

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@littlel1978, Welcome and all that good jazz!

First thing first, ENTP is a stereotype and actual individuals are way more complicated and nuanced. Maturity has nothing to do with MBTI.

You might find interesting insights in the ENTP subforum. You can search it, open new threads... I am quite friend with all my exs. It is a nice indicator imo.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hey, welcome. I myself thought I was an ENTP for a long time before joining PerC. So don't ignore what I'm about to say just because it doens't say ENTP on my profile.

How old are you two? Tell us about your relationship first, what has been his history of dating?


Hi. Thanks all for your replies. I'm 37 and he's 47. His dating history is shocking, in that he was married for 20 odd yrs and continued to have 'relationships' with other women all throughout. I said to have a relationship with me, he had to leave the wife. I didn't pressure him to. He made the decision to leave her himself.
I explained how important honesty and trust is for me. Then I found very flirty texts to other women after just under a year of up being together. Ive asked him to respect my need for fidelity And honesty and to stop those kinds of relationships. He said he would try although doesn't believe in being with one person for life.

With my limited imagination for excitement, I try very hard to keep things fun. I book surprises for him, help him with organising work and his life and we enjoy an exciting sex life. I still worry he will be selfish and get his kicks and thrills from other women too. I asked him to be honest and tell me if he ever this does happen because I does anything he shouldn't. I deserve to know and have the option to leave him if I want to, right??

Should I leave him anyway, to pre-empt the inevitable hurt that he'll cause??!

We also work together, which would make it difficult if we split...altho I don't envisage him to be there forever.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Sorry..hopefully posted correctly now...


Hi. Thanks all for your replies. I'm 37 and he's 47. His dating history is shocking, in that he was married for 20 odd yrs and continued to have 'relationships' with other women all throughout. I said to have a relationship with me, he had to leave the wife. I didn't pressure him to. He made the decision to leave her himself. I explained how important honesty and trust is for me. Then I found very flirty texts to other women after just under a year of up being together. Ive asked him to respect my need for fidelity And honesty and to stop those kinds of relationships. He said he would try although doesn't believe in being with one person for life. With my limited imagination for excitement, I try very hard to keep things fun. I book surprises for him, help him with organising work and his life and we enjoy an exciting sex life. I still worry he will be selfish and get his kicks and thrills from other women too. I asked him to be honest and tell me if he ever this does happen because I does anything he shouldn't. I deserve to know and have the option to leave him if I want to, right?? Should I leave him anyway, to pre-empt the inevitable hurt that he'll cause??! We also work together, which would make it difficult if we split...altho I don't envisage him to be there forever.
 

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Honestly, the safest option is to RUN! But if you like challenges and want to use your mental energy to figure him out and convince him (Fi will probably not work) go ahead, it might be intense :D

He sounds like an unhealthy ENTP really. I don't know his circumstances but if he didn't settle yet, then you might run out of steam before you would (hypothetically) succeed.

If you need entertainment from our kind, this is the right place to be in.
 

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Should I leave him anyway, to pre-empt the inevitable hurt that he'll cause??! We also work together, which would make it difficult if we split...altho I don't envisage him to be there forever.
Yeah... Leave him. Immediately.
 

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“He was married for 20 odd yrs and continued to have 'relationships' with other women all throughout “
Almost sounds like a stereotypical male “mid-life crisis.” And that he's loving the attention he gets from females – playing the field per se.

“I said to have a relationship with me, he had to leave the wife. I didn't pressure him to. He made the decision to leave her himself. “
Did he actually leave or is he playing both of you? (No judgment, just curious.)

“Then I found very flirty texts to other women after just under a year of up (SIC) being together. “
Affirmation of the predilection for the need for female attention and makes me wonder if he hasn't strayed physically.

“He said he would try although doesn't believe in being with one person for life.”
Excise him from your life and move on. Do not worry about work, him, or his life. It may be difficult, but he sounds like a “player.” Of course, this depends on your boundaries, what you want out of the relationship, if you're willing to put up with it, blah blah blah. It seems like you set some rather clear boundaries that he's... pushing though.

Oh. And welcome to the site.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks guys. It's so difficult to end something that's barely begun.
I do feel though that my logical mind tells me I will always be paranoid...asking a million questions, going thru his pockets, anxious about him going to parties alone, not being home on time etc etc.

It's sad to say, I feel it's only a matter of time before I do run :-(
 

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Only a matter of time? You should "run" now; you've had three unbiased opinions. Your mind is right in this regard and your heart will get you in (even more) trouble. Feelings aren't my strong side, though...

I would be interested to know what you decide and how this resolves.
 

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Thanks, I've got some serious thinking to do.

Well yeah, like the others, my knee jerk reaction is to also say "run" BUT, fuck, neither of you are in your early 20s, where there's plenty of time to find Mr. Right. My point being, if you found someone that makes you feel good, go down that road a little more, if it looks like you're going to never have peace of mind with him, and are ok with continuing the search elsewhere, so be it.

I tossed away so many great women in my 20s thinking I had all the time in the world, but now I've noticed I give most relationships all I've got, as long as I think there's potential to be happy with them, and it NOT be a toxic relationship.

Happy hunting.
 
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Hi all,

Having searched online for what seems like an eternity, trying to find some advice about my ENTP boyfriend, I decided to finally join one the many forums I've spent my time searching through.

Can an ENTP male have a faithful, long term relationship with an ISTJ female? Are ENTPs renowned for being faithful/unfaithful? What is the ENTP male's outlook on monogamous relationships?

thanks for any advice.
my best bet is MBTI isn't all that great with determining who you will get into a relationship with. ISTPs although nothing like INFPs , can get into a successful marriage with one given the right experiences. I've seen people talk about long term successful "happy" marriages to types that they shouldn't be getting along with in the MBTI sense.

Along with this, MBTI is more about self growth, and how you can grow to accommodate even people who are totally different from you. That all being said , ENTPs can especially be faithful people, and believe in long term and lasting relationships, sure they don't like to get bogged down by details or routine or repetitions, but that can be overcome depending on the individual and how healthy he or she is.

Also , it's wise to learn to be more specific with your problems, sometimes, even stating exactly what experiences or behaviours you are talking about can allow another to really give an answer which is specific, and can lead to practical relationship goals for you. the squeaky wheel gets the grease. :) additionally, you should also try to talk about what you see to your partner.
 

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Sorry..hopefully posted correctly now...


Hi. Thanks all for your replies. I'm 37 and he's 47. His dating history is shocking, in that he was married for 20 odd yrs and continued to have 'relationships' with other women all throughout. I said to have a relationship with me, he had to leave the wife. I didn't pressure him to. He made the decision to leave her himself. I explained how important honesty and trust is for me. Then I found very flirty texts to other women after just under a year of up being together. Ive asked him to respect my need for fidelity And honesty and to stop those kinds of relationships. He said he would try although doesn't believe in being with one person for life. With my limited imagination for excitement, I try very hard to keep things fun. I book surprises for him, help him with organising work and his life and we enjoy an exciting sex life. I still worry he will be selfish and get his kicks and thrills from other women too. I asked him to be honest and tell me if he ever this does happen because I does anything he shouldn't. I deserve to know and have the option to leave him if I want to, right?? Should I leave him anyway, to pre-empt the inevitable hurt that he'll cause??! We also work together, which would make it difficult if we split...altho I don't envisage him to be there forever.
So you re basically dating an unfaithful guy that couldn't even control himself in a marriage, and somehow you expect that he'll manage to do that for you ?

I mean you know he's not of that kind right ? the fuck you re doin. Also, the flirty parts, he could do that simply to be charmin to some other people, that is not wrong. Its like you'd have an old and close male buddy since years, and your SO would pressure you to stop to be that close with him. Not only its not right, it also is completely controlling.

What is wrong is to cheat. Plainly. Now you might want to not be hurt.

What did your guts say to you ?

altho I don't envisage him to be there forever.
You're into breakup sex or you re more of the clear cut kind ?
 
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Every poster above is right, you should run now, but if he makes you feel good you should give it a chance. I'll just say forget about your feelings (that you love him), forget about what makes sense (that he'll probably never settle down). What does your gut say?
 

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littlel1978 said:
His dating history is shocking, in that he was married for 20 odd yrs and continued to have 'relationships' with other women all throughout.
Then I found very flirty texts to other women after just under a year of up being together.
That isn't unusual at all for males. Men need variety. If you look at the definition of human monogamy sexual exclusivity is not a part of it.

Ive asked him to respect my need for fidelity
You demand emotional and sexual exclusivity, which is an acquired taste, but you don't respect his need for variety, which is a biological fact. Men should stand their ground instead of submitting themselves to female standards.

I still worry he will be selfish and get his kicks and thrills from other women too.
And you are not selfish if you want to monopolize him? Why don't you want other women to enjoy his company?

Should I leave him anyway, to pre-empt the inevitable hurt that he'll cause??!
Sure, if you believe in your own words that you demand exclusivity. For the more open minded there is Polyamory



LM respondents were significantly more likely (28.5%) to report having experienced some form of discrimination in the past 10 years compared to the general US population (5.5%) and more than twice as likely than African Americans within the US population (12.8%). These results were similarly significant when analyzed by gender and sexual behavioral orientation. Ambiguity about having experienced discrimination is far more common among the LM population (18.4%) as compared to the general US population (0.13%) and among African Americans surveyed in the GSS (0.0%).

What Do Polys Want? Results of the 2012 Loving More Polyamory Survey
 
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