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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
This is gonna be long, so bear with me.

So it's about me (25F/ENFP) and my former best friend (22M/ENFP)

We met nearly 4 years ago online and met up in person soon after. I developed a little crush on him and immediately let him know, only to get rejected. Feelings didn't run so deep, so I got over it quickly. We developed a FWB for a while whenever we met up which was like 4 or 5 more times in the following 3 years. After my first visit, I didn't visit again until 2 years later during summer. When we saw each other again, it was amazing. I've never been such close friends with anyone. FWb continued but he seemed really emotionally invested in me. E.g. cuddled up to me every night, stroked my face at night just looking right at me, would give me random little pecks on the lips during the day, told guys to back off whenever they playfully touched/flirted with me, told me EVERYTHING no matter how vulnerable it made him seem, did a lot of effort to make sure I enjoyed my stay etc... The weird thing is, right before this visit he literally said something like "I let you fall for me when we first met knowing damn well I won't romantically love you back. I just hope you wont be on love BS again after 2 weeks since I WILL 1000% wreck your feelings". Yet he was being all clingy and lovey dovey and I wasn't.

At the time, I didn't really pay much attention to it. I just got out of an abusive relationship and he was my buddy. On my next visit about 2 months later, he suddenly wanted to stop the FWB thing because he got talking to a Tinder girl he liked. I was ok with that, I wasn't jealous at all but even encouraged it and gave him lots of dating advice about the girl. So after that I went Tinder and went on 2 dates with guys (no kissing/sex though) because I was single and looking for fun/dating/I don't know. He always talked shit about them both. We were still very good friends though.

A month later I visit again and he's a lot more distant. Stuff with his Tinder girl didn't work out because she rejected him. He asks me to spend some nights in a hotel because he wants to "invite friends over". Apparently that meant his other fuckbuddies because on my last day we agreed to meet at his place before I'd leave to say my goodbyes, and the girl was still there and it was like 10am or so. Strangely when I got there, he was mainly talking to me and kinda ignored the girl. Apparently a few days later, they suddenly weren't friends anymore, he wouldn't say why. Also when we were sleeping (together in his big bed) and he rolled over in his sleep towards me, he cuddled me. Then I moved a bit and he woke up I think, he noticed what he was doing and literally FLINCHED back, like he was startled and quickly turned over.

Then the next visit, which was the last time I saw him, he was even more distant. Like he was pulling away. But at the same time during my stay, we had sex once while he was drunk and he initiated it. Later when I was back home during an unrelated argument he said "I would only fuck you if I'd be drunk, lol". This was hurtful and came after I questioned why he slept with a 16yo girl when he was 21 and I just found out about it. It's the same girl I saw during my previous visit at his place, but to me she looked older. His friends were shocked when I told them, said that's unlike him and quite rude of him. The comment he made, was to "get back" at me. Makes no sense since we had lots and lots of sex during the summer, sober, drunk and high.

I went back home and a month later we had a little disagreement about the reasons why his 2 best friends, a couple, were breaking up. It was nothing related to himself or me but he got very angry and upset about it. Called me stupid, said I knew nothing about the whole situation, which I admitted but I was just saying what the girl (who I was close to) told me. Then he straight up blocked me on all social media. It's been almost a year now and I haven't heard from him since despite me trying to reach out with alternative accounts.

Earlier this month, I visited his family because I grew very close to them and they kept asking why I stopped visiting. I explained the whole situation and they thought it was very strange and they have no idea why he's behaving that way. I got them all x-mas presents including my ex-friend. The mom told me she would secretly record him while he'd unpack my presents, which she did. I saw him smile when opening my gifts and then he put it aside with an audible loud sigh. Still haven't heard from him. I told his parents that he feels like a soulmate and that I'll always care about him and love him, even if he won't talk to me. And that's no lie, I've had so many close friends but nothing comes even close to what I felt with him. I'm not even sure if I'm interested romantically in him and I don't even care about that. I just want my friendship back. In a month I'll go visit again and during summer I'll also visit to go skydiving with his stepdad who he's really close to. I jokingly asked his stepdad to ask him along too because he has the same mindset as us but he said he might actually ask him.

Anyways, this is all just very confusing and I just want to figure out why the hell he just ditched me after being best of friends. He'd literally walk through fire for me and then suddenly turned ice cold. The girl best friend of his told me it's because he literally thinks I'm "too stupid" to be friends with. Seems odd he'd come to that conclusion after 3 long years. I always voiced my honest opinion and sometimes he didn't like it because he thinks he's right. He got a 140IQ so yeah, he's kinda cocky and thinks he knows better most of the time. But we never got mad about it or resorted to insulting each other and just accepted each other's point of view. He was very rude to me in our last convo, saying very hurtful things. I can't remember much except me asking "why are you hurting me like this" and his response being "maybe I am a pscyhopath who doesn't care :) ". He's made that joke a few times during our friendship but he's legit the most emotional and caring guy I've ever met in my life. Does literally ANYTHING for his loved ones.

So can any ENFP guys or girls maybe help me put the pieces together? Might be important to add he's been struggling with anxiety and depression most of his life and takes meds for it. He's never had a real relationship despite being insanely hot and having the most loving personality, but he used to be chubby and bullied as a kid which makes him insecure to this day.
 

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ENFP-A - 2w3 - JEEP
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This whole thread.... thing has given me this reaction.



At first, I was like, sounds like a bad relationship whether friendly or romantic, run away from him.

Then I kept reading and I was like sounds like a bad relationship, he should really run away from you. Did you really get his mom to secretly video record him while he's opening your gifts? Do you know how bonkers that sounds?

Then it came back to your still groveling for this person who clearly doesn't like you. Called you stupid to your face and then you heard from one of his friends that he thinks you're beneath him and stupid. You also argued that you don't believe his friend that he said that even though he said it to your face. Stop. Find someone else. Even if he comes back to you, don't go back.

See examples from your own writing:
Called me stupid, said I knew nothing about the whole situation,
The girl best friend of his told me it's because he literally thinks I'm "too stupid" to be friends with.
Like seriously stop. Have some respect. Leave him and forget about him. He should have no weight in your thoughts just because he has a nice ass? He sounds awful to you.

You also have no clue what ASPDs are = Psychopaths/Sociopaths. My sister is an ESFP, she has been diagnosed with it by three doctors. She can be highly emotional and can come off very caring. She also lies through her teeth about twenty times a day. Having ASPD means that you will be looking for someone who is highly sporadic in their actions, disregard for their health, can't hold down jobs for long, might not have relationships for long, and will lie as they breathe. My sister is finally getting better but that's over decades of help with professionals. Some can be very charming. I have no clue how the INTJ (very cold personality types) get labeled as psychopaths, when they're very blunt and uncaring in the way they deliver the truth but they tell you the truth, they are the farthest description from ASPD. Ted Bundy was an extremely charming man so much that in one of his trials (I think in Colorado) he had the whole community stand up for him and was almost acquitted because he was too good of a guy to pull off those murders. ASPD will use charm and wit to get what they want for personal gain or pleasure. They will have an enormous amount of arrogance to them. They will be highly impulsive and constantly will fail to plan ahead. They will lack complete remorse when caught in doing something that's not right because they don't know the difference between right and wrong.

I think he has some issues and you also seem like you have issues but your both young and those issues may go away once your frontal lobe stops growing. You're almost out of that growth and things should start to be clear. When someone puts you on ignore, they don't want you in their life. Going out of your way to stalk them (getting a family member to record them without their knowledge) is stalking behavior. Asking our advice to get back with him after he's ignored you for a year.

Again, the whole post has me so confused.

Are you asking us why an ENFP (the guy you think is an ENFP) would ghost you and is that typical behavior of us? I can't tell you why this individual man left you, I could seriously guess on the reason. I'm just trying to figure out the question... cause I can't help you put together the pieces in this.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I didn't ask his mom to record him, all I asked was to deliver him the gifts. She proposed to me when I was back in my home country that she would want to show me his reaction. I'm not the stalker type, the most "stalking" I do is reread our convo's and that's about it.
And no, it's not about his "nice ass". Like I stated, we stopped being FWB and I've been dating other guys. I've been with "unattractive" guys as my friends call it so looks ain't the world to me.

Yeah, he called me stupid once. But for the past 3 years he's always been the kindest friend ever and I have never ever caught him in any sort of lie. He isn't even "charming" as you put it but very blunt which comes off as rude to others, I'm the same way. He's never manipulated people because he straight up tells them what he thinks, no matter if it's positive or negative. He never beats around the bush. He's always treated me with love and respect as friends and I did the same with him. You don't know him so labeling him as a psychopath just because he said it once doesn't make it true. He didn't give up on me when I was depressed, called him names and pushed him away. He stayed by my side through all the shit I threw at him. So now I won't just "forget" about him and move on.

I never said this is "typical" behavior of an ENFP. I am ENFP myself. I certainly don't think this is normal ENFP behavior. He's very troubled with himself and has issues, and of course I have issues too. Who doesn't nowadays? That's not even the point.
 

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I didn't ask his mom to record him, all I asked was to deliver him the gifts. She proposed to me when I was back in my home country that she would want to show me his reaction. I'm not the stalker type, the most "stalking" I do is reread our convo's and that's about it.
And no, it's not about his "nice ass". Like I stated, we stopped being FWB and I've been dating other guys. I've been with "unattractive" guys as my friends call it so looks ain't the world to me.

Yeah, he called me stupid once. But for the past 3 years he's always been the kindest friend ever and I have never ever caught him in any sort of lie. He isn't even "charming" as you put it but very blunt which comes off as rude to others, I'm the same way. He's never manipulated people because he straight up tells them what he thinks, no matter if it's positive or negative. He never beats around the bush. He's always treated me with love and respect as friends and I did the same with him. You don't know him so labeling him as a psychopath just because he said it once doesn't make it true. He didn't give up on me when I was depressed, called him names and pushed him away. He stayed by my side through all the shit I threw at him. So now I won't just "forget" about him and move on.

I never said this is "typical" behavior of an ENFP. I am ENFP myself. I certainly don't think this is normal ENFP behavior. He's very troubled with himself and has issues, and of course I have issues too. Who doesn't nowadays? That's not even the point.
What is the point? What is the question then?

I'm sitting here not knowing the point. I think I pointed that out in my last post, that you left me pretty confused.

Look you're obsessing over a guy that hasn't talked to you in a year. His mom recorded a video of him looking at your gifts so that you could see his reaction. You wrote a whole post about this obsession on a forum thread without asking us a question as to why it's related to his typing (if ENFP is his type) in the ENFP section. You delivered gifts to someone who doesn't want you in their lives. He put you on ignore. You made whole new alternative accounts to reach out to him, that's stalking.

Is it because you're an ENFP and you need help and clarification on what to do with this relationship? Again I don't know what you're trying to ask.

I agree with you there's not one person on this planet that doesn't have something wrong with them. I generally like to stick to the bell curve of sanity though when someone has made a post in a thread in an area tied to personalities. I general will read the post and make assumptions or my best guess on what the said person should do since the questioning is very vague.

I never said you said about typical behavior. I'm trying to figure out what the question is. I can now cross off this question because that's not it? "Are you asking us why an ENFP (the guy you think is an ENFP) would ghost you and is that typical behavior of us?"
 

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Discussion Starter #5
My point is that he's an ENFP who seems somewhat dysfunctional and how I can improve the situation for him and/or myself.
Also, I won't further reply to the things you say because it's clear you only decide to focus on certain details instead of looking at the whole picture and in a rather aggressive way. I know you'll disagree with this, but it's how it feels like to me and you do 0 effort to be understanding of my situation. I already let you know that I won't let him go. He's been there for me when I used to be even more toxic than him, when I was still depressed. But I don't expect you to understand another person's situation since you're only willing to see your own point of view. This was very unhelpful in every way.
 

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He doesn’t want me → He must be ill → I must cure him → But I don’t know of what → Never mind → I must see him!
 

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These are the only two questions I could find in all three of your posts.

So can any ENFP guys or girls maybe help me put the pieces together?
An ENFP female tried to answer you or at least clarify your position because your thread rambles, it's unorganized and very vague.

I'm not an ENFP but my answer as a male would be a firm No.

Who doesn't nowadays?
I think the ENFP clarified everyone has issues some are in need of a doctor for that help.

This statement below is not in a question form but I will answer it.
My point is that he's an ENFP who seems somewhat dysfunctional and how I can improve the situation for him and/or myself.
You will not be able to improve the situation for either of you. From what I read the male does not like you, you need to move on. If he is an ENFP, forcing him into a cage he does not want will not go well. Your actions are very obsessive and compulsive.

I already let you know that I won't let him go.
This is extremely obvious to me. You're refusing to let him go. He's not ghosting you. He left you a year ago. Move on.

I sincerely hope that you do find peace.
 

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Hey. You seem like a sweet girl. Here's my opinion. The relationship you described is incredibly toxic. The guy is suffering with depression and anxiety and if I understand correctly, you're still healing from the scars of an abusive relationship. If the cocktail wasn't already poisonous enough, you're both young and stupid. This is not a time for either of you to be seeking romance. You both need love, but the kind of love you need is the kind you can only give to yourself.

Forget about rekindling any sort of relationship with him. Keep him in your prayers if you must, but this is a time for you to dedicate to looking after yourself.
 
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