[milkstar]

I have been aware of this site for a while and after reading some discussions on here I just thought I would share some of my sentiments and experience with fellow INFPs. I think that INFP personality does have some peculiarities that are seen as not good by many people, including some INFPs themselves.
I can honestly say that I live content in my airy and dreamy introversion, comfortable with all the creativity that melancholy and solitude have both provided to me. I have lived in quite a few different places through the years and even though I adapt myself to new places and situations very easily it was hard to truly connect with a lot of people. Partly because I can get anxious but also because I just feel that I can't relate to 90% of the people around me. I don't want to be misunderstood; I am sincerely open-minded, tolerant, open to know and help others...but it is much easier and gratifying for me to avoid social conventions, relish in the warmth of my loneliness and drift away from the physical world, build my own dimensions and imagined worlds, wander in better and more beautiful places far away from reality. I have constantly found (or lost) myself in liminal states of consciousness and that has inspired me in wonderful ways, flourished my creativeness and my appreciation for art and culture!
Consequently, I came to realise that I couldn't be more glad to be an INFP, even if it comes with moments of deeply felt loneliness, depression and difficult phases, even if it is hard to take new responsibilities...I believe this is a life worth living!
To all my dear INFPs; never stop dreaming!

 

[lonewolf]

Partly because I can get anxious but also because I just feel that I can't relate to 90% of the people around me. I don't want to be misunderstood; I am sincerely open-minded, tolerant, open to know and help others...but it is much easier and gratifying for me to avoid social conventions, relish in the warmth of my loneliness and drift away from the physical world, build my own dimensions and imagined worlds, wander in better and more beautiful places far away from reality. I have constantly found (or lost) myself in liminal states of consciousness and that has inspired me in wonderful ways, flourished my creativeness and my appreciation for art and culture!

I know what you mean when you said you can't relate to most people. But I have to say that while it is very satisfying and necessary to be alone as an INFP, I think it is still unhealthy and ultimately loses its value if done for too long. Humans are naturally social creatures. I would go insane without human contact for too long. Besides, to me, the relationships you forge with those around you make life worth living. Nothing is more important to me than my friends and family. I do like visiting my own worlds for inspiration and solace but I never would want to live anywhere except reality.

Sorry I didn't mean to totally rip your post apart. Its just a point I wanted to make. Welcome to PC!

 

[refugee]

I have been aware of this site for a while and after reading some discussions on here I just thought I would share some of my sentiments and experience with fellow INFPs. I think that INFP personality does have some peculiarities that are seen as not good by many people, including some INFPs themselves.
I can honestly say that I live content in my airy and dreamy introversion, comfortable with all the creativity that melancholy and solitude have both provided to me. I have lived in quite a few different places through the years and even though I adapt myself to new places and situations very easily it was hard to truly connect with a lot of people. Partly because I can get anxious but also because I just feel that I can't relate to 90% of the people around me. I don't want to be misunderstood; I am sincerely open-minded, tolerant, open to know and help others...but it is much easier and gratifying for me to avoid social conventions, relish in the warmth of my loneliness and drift away from the physical world, build my own dimensions and imagined worlds, wander in better and more beautiful places far away from reality. I have constantly found (or lost) myself in liminal states of consciousness and that has inspired me in wonderful ways, flourished my creativeness and my appreciation for art and culture!
Consequently, I came to realise that I couldn't be more glad to be an INFP, even if it comes with moments of deeply felt loneliness, depression and difficult phases, even if it is hard to take new responsibilities...I believe this is a life worth living!
To all my dear INFPs; never stop dreaming!

No pain, no gain. Glad you're on this journey with the rest of us.

 

[milkstar]

Oh, no need to be sorry at all! We are all here for mutually beneficial discussions
I wrote that because I noticed a lot of people have a completely negative view towards loneliness...so I just wanted to share my feelings about it and how I see it as something that essentially does me good, especially regarding my creativity. But, of course, we are all different and that is one of the many beauties of life. I agree with you that humans are social beings; I am, though, totally a dreamy, airy and distracted person, and I can feel alone even on outdoorsy occasions ~ when I'm riding my bicycle out there, in the middle of people, in the streets, in shops, when I travel...almost all the time. I think it is just part of my nature. I do have, though, people who are very important to me, whom I love and like being around, and to them I always want to be the best person I can.
Thankyou anyway for the welcome and the response! I am still figuring out how this forum works exactly but it is certainly great to meet other INFPs out there!

 

[milkstar]

No pain, no gain. Glad you're on this journey with the rest of us.

Yes, I think that is pretty much it...if we didn't have to go through hardships we would just pass by life, we wouldn't live at all!

 

[Matchbook]

milkstar, welcome to this forum! Thank you for sharing what you have. You describe an immensely rich inner world that you have. It's truly a gift to have, I agree.

I thought I would share my thought regarding the inability to relate with many different people. Truly, I understand this, and for most of my life I have just avoided people that I figure that I cannot relate to, or that I assume will not understand me. However, as I stepped out of my teens and gained a few more social experiences, I learned that it is possible, though not easy, to relate with anyone. For example, everyone has a soul hunger. Everyone has hopes and dreams. What I have learned is that some people have a more difficult time consciously accessing the part of them that reflects upon their dreams and imagination, and considers the raw meaning of things. What becomes rewarding is to talk to people I don't relate easily with, and ask questions to them that causes them to consider these things, and sometimes they find themselves open to a new frontier within themselves where their dreams have life. Sometimes people are just completely resistant to it. But the reward of connecting soul-to-soul with another person who hungers for something beyond the transient, who has their own world inside - to merge those worlds for a space of time is a beautiful experience, especially if it is a new experience for that other person. Also, many times I find that opening myself up to learning from others enlarges my own world inside. Sometimes people exhibit strong qualities that I do not have, and I inquire about those qualities. What are they made of...what facilliatates them? Lately I have been particularly impressed by the duty-fulfillers of this world that I don't tend to relate to; those who are so realistic and practical. There often is a true depth that fuels them. They have passion like I do, but they've taken it a different direction, and express it differently.

To add one thing to this idea of merging two inner soul worlds, even those that differ greatly - it's like a recipe somewhat. Say that your inner ingredients are nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla, and salt (among other things). These ingredients scintillate you with their complexity, but what if you encounter a person whose inner ingredients are plain bread, egg, and milk? There may not appear to be anything about them that you would consider interesting or connective, but what if you choose to merge with that person (in a skillet with the warmth of discourse binding you together...into French Toast)? Suddenly, you both discover wonderful things...your spices have a whole new flavor to them when merged with this person's ingredients. And for the other individual, his or her basic ingredients become delectable when complemented with yours. The bond becomes enlightening for you both.

It's just an illustration to show that sometimes combinations of very different people can enrich the lives of both. But it does take time, just like cooking in a kitchen, to learn to connect with others who you may not relate to most easily. I'm reminded of my favorite television show, Chopped, which is a cooking show where 4 contestants have 3 short rounds to create an appetizer, entree, and dessert, and a person is chopped (figuratively) after each round. What makes it interesting is that they are given a basket with, I believe, 4 ingredients that are very difficult to work with together, and they must make a dish using all of the ingredients. I'm fascinated by it. With creativity and effort, they can actually make pickles taste good in a dessert or lemon-lime soda in an entree.

 

[AllorNuthin]

Heh! Just the other day I was telling one of my few friends about a dream I had, and he said,"wow, that sounds really gay." Jeez! Luckily I don't take it as personally anymore, and know that he's the one who is uncomfortable thinking about real stuff. He lives his life trying to avoid deep thinking because he is doing things that aren't good and doesn't want to perturb his stoned sense of well-being. But I don't get too angry with him. Just a few months ago he was in the hospital with something serious and scary, and few people came to visit him because they either had nothing to say or just couldn't handle anything other than the "whatup mang? same shit different day?" friendship. And I know he appreciated me showing up ready to listen even if he had only depressing stuff to say. He knows that I dig that stuff and am not judgemental about feeling rough, I'm always telling him about how crazy I feel. And he really opened up to me about not knowing what to do, feeling like he was ashamed of who he was, and how he wouldn't like himself unless he got better. I didn't have all the answers, and I knew I didn''t need to, I just listened and validated his feelings and showed him I love him all the same (never use those words though (-: It was really cool to see that side of him. But of course, as soon as he was out it was back to normal 'cool' conversation. Moral of the story, yeah we get left out and have to go along with the crowd when it comes to 'the right way to act', but every once in a while when our friends need a good friend to listen to them about being suicidal or something similarly taboo to talk about, they know we are there for them, and it's the best feeling in the world to feel good about the type of person we strive to be. I love coming here and being over the top emotional cause everyone is the same way and doesn't tell me I'm weak or stupid. I tried to be fake and tough, it didn't work! This is the only way I can be happy, by being myself, otherwise I would loathe the way I act and treat others, and would know that I'm not loved for who I am but for how I act. Sure it's lonely most of the time, but when it isn't it's the real thing! Maybe they don't even know it, but most people would trade everything to be able to be happy being real, with no hidden agenda. It truly is the only way to live.

 

[starflower]

I wrote that because I noticed a lot of people have a completely negative view towards loneliness...

For me, being alone is not loneliness. But I am surrounded by people day in and day out - rarely a moment to myself. THAT is loneliness.

 

[milkstar]

Matchbook,
Thankyou very much for your words!
What you wrote makes a lot of sense and you did it in such a nice way. I agree with you that it can be a wonderful thing to relate to someone you wouldn't initially expect to, and I know it from my own experience although it hasn't happened a lot. Like I mentioned before, I'm really tolerant and open to know others. However, because I am really not the communicative kind, it has become hard for me to try to get to everyone's inner worlds and most intimate feelings, especially when some people are so resistant like you said. Consequently, for most of my life I have avoided people, too, and mostly I would say unconsciously. In absolutely no way I am egocentric, but sometimes I'm so absorbed in reveries and escapism that I barely notice what is happening around me...and sometimes I can get pretty anxious, too. Maybe it is because I don't know to which extent people want me in their lives? Or maybe it's my age, or just a phase, or I am just introverted beyond belief if that's possible; I honestly have no clue.

AllorNuthin,
That is absolutely true! There will always be people like you out there, and people who will love you for who you really are. Always!

starflower,
Ah, I understand and see what you mean, I suppose because of the fact that english is not my native language, and I have difficulty trying to find the right words for my never ending flow of ideas, I wasn't able to consciously differ between the two situations while writing; but even so, I see both as such a natural condition of my existence that I started to perceive them as not necessarily bad things *for me*.

Thank you all for your personal inputs