[The King Of Dreams]

Greetings! I'm an ENFP male. I have had a hard time through life trying to explain myself to others:sad:. I'm an overly affectionate, mushy, sensitive guy who isn't into sports OR confrentation. I love deep conversation especially about life, the future, world events, politics, religion, social topics and other things. I find it comforting that I'm not alone as a male ENFProud:. Are there any issues you guys had to deal with? For the ladies, please feel free to interject. Your opinion matters too. (after all, ENFP men ARE male feminists) but please ladies, this topic is about male ENFP's and what we go though. Your support is appreciated. Ready....... Set........ GO!:crazy:

 

[LivInGMyStory]

Hey man, for me the personality test doesn't really describe what your like but how you think. However, from you post i'm beginning to realize that me and you may have a lot in common besides just how we think and process our thought. I have a hard time explaining things to others as well. It's like everything makes sense in the mind but when you want to put into words...it just doesn't make any sense. truth be told it just seems like you love deep conversation about anything...i'm the same exact way. My intj best friend and I discovered ( well he helped me to realize why I feel the way I feel) that its not that people like us can't talk about everything...it's just that there is a 2D (2 dimensional) way of talking where things become hard to respond to and then theres a 3D way of talking where its easy to make convos flow...people like you and I talk in a 3d manner...from everything that i have taken in about the world...it seems to be that most people can only talk about things on a 2d level. I wouldn't call myself a feminist because i'm not in support of woman in charge ( no offense ladies) we can talk about this if you want later on :crazy:...Im just in support in a equally humane society in which we all get along and communicate on the same level and intellect.

 

[AgAu]

Great topic, my head is swimming with ideas here. I'll respond to a piece at a time over a few posts.

For the ladies, please feel free to interject. Your opinion matters too. (after all, ENFP men ARE male feminists)

I signed a womens' rights petition the other day and it occurred to me that yes, I am a male feminist. I've always believed that women get a raw deal in this world, and that it's due to a slice of the male population who insist on keeping it that way.

I'm as approachable, kind and tolerant of a person as you will ever meet.... until... I see a man disrespecting a woman. It doesn't matter if it's a married couple or just some guy pissed of at the lady working the counter of the coffee shop. My blood will boil if my perception is that the man has lost objectivity and is simply trying to demean the woman. I can't help myself, I always interject.

Certain cultures have stronger male dominance traditions and this is a barrier for me in dealing with these people. I encountered a mother pushing a three year old who I presumed to be her son around the store. The kid was acting up, as all kids do, grabbing whatever he could reach off the nearby hangers. The mother went to take the clothes back and the kid gave her a look - that look that abusers give - and a big "NO!" She then stopped where she was and waited for a minute until he finally gave them to her to put back.

Maybe I read too much into the situation but it sure looked to me like this boy had already figured out that he was the dominant one in the relationship and he was going to use that power. I'm in my late 30's and if i attempted that on my mother I'd get my ass chewed and rightfully so.

She got in line behind me at the checkout. I looked at the boy and said, 'You're a good looking kid, you should be nicer to your mom.'

 

[NateBoiWhite]

Hmmm I dont know if it is more that I would like to think..or that I truly am unique in my world of interactions and influence on others. My life story is a little wild and to be honest very different than anyone I know. If it is true that ENFP men act feminin than mine is hidden under much ego and persona I portray. But I dont think being thoughtful, kind,loving, and a good communicator ect should be directly attributed to a female trait. Nor should a tuff stern strong woman be associated as having male traits.

I weigh situations and am able to have defenses up and also believe I am good at gaging when I can let them down with who and when, I am far from perfect but the more confident I am the more life success's flow in all I do so focusing on what I love about my uniqueness and positive self talk is key for me to beat negative demons that can haunt my wandering mind. If I get negative I will presume things in a negative light and get stressed over life's normal bumps in the road that do not even deserve my time to stress over in the big picture.

Self loathing is the enemy because when I am healthy focusing on taking care of myself on different levels I attract all those around me to my self discovery care true friendship and comedy lol

 

[AgAu]

Easy now, I said I was male feminist. I did not say I was effeminate. Big difference.

I love sports, fishing, eating meat, starting things on fire, and farting as much as the manliest men.

 

[NateBoiWhite]

Easy now, I said I was male feminist. I did not say I was effeminate. Big difference.

I love sports, fishing, eating meat, starting things on fire, and farting as much as the manliest men.

lol not as much a reply to your statement as an overall reply to thoughts I have heard of male ENFP's

 

[Hardstyler]

I am just like that after i meet someone but one thing for sure I AM NOT MUSHY!

 

[chadlinski]

The thing I've noticed over the past few years. Being a social science student I'm in a very heavily female dominated occupation. And henceforth I have a lot of female friends, I do have some good male friends but I find I can't really have deep conversations with them. Actually, now that I've been back from travelling the world this past year I find I'm completely over hanging with chicks (most of them are married now, so makes it more difficult anyway) and definitely hanging out with a smaller amount of people and mostly guys. I do really crave to hang with a bunch of people, but moreso these days I have a group of about 5 core male friends I hang with. But yet I really do struggle having those deep relationships, but not getting it.

In addition, I'm constantly craving some sort of adventure, but no-one is up for it ... drives me insane!

Sorry about this rant, I'm just trying to get my head around a coupla things :angry:

 

[WakeHopper]

In addition, I'm constantly craving some sort of adventure, but no-one is up for it ... drives me insane!

Seriously! I'm getting pissed about that sorta thing... every time I want to go somewhere new and wild everyone just shuts me down and wants to just hang around for a little bit. Whats the fun in the same old thing!? I wanna go see the back to the future delorian car in the middle of a new cafe and try their coco puff coffee! :crazy:

Anyway back to the topic... I have major issues hanging out with guys(and I am one), most I've known or met have been assholes. Apparently guys aren't supposed to care about others. I feel like I'm the only guy who holds the door for ladies. roud:

On deep conversation: YEA! I love it but never get it with guys... that would almost seem weird to me. Whats funny is I had a lot of deep conversation with my best guy friend in high school.... he turned out to be gay. :laughing: Which I was totally cool with but still really funny it worked out that way. I was the first person he told... I guess us ENFP's get that a lot.

 

[AgAu]

I have had a hard time through life trying to explain myself to others

I used to try and explain myself and justify every little thing I do. I believe it was due to a lack of self-confidence. I reached a point as a young adult where I didn't see this as important anymore. If someone is going to criticize my actions, I am confident I can either justify the action or agree with the critique and move on appropriately.

Confrontational people used to frighten me. I would try and justify every little step in an effort to avoid conflict. My approach now is to predict the possible conflicts and have responses at the ready if I need them. It's pretty rare that I receive a critique that I haven't prepared for. This seems a little bit of an Si thing doesn't it? Maybe out of preference but it's what I do and it works.

 

[WMDistraction]

I hang out with mostly girls, and it's really fun. Not to mention that a good bit of them are fun to look at. roud:

Most guys, like others have said, are assholes. I'll be joking around, and all of a sudden they snap and go insane on me. It's fucking annoying.

Example from today:
Me: *jokingly* "Would you get angry if I shot a NERF dart at your TV?"
Him: *sternly* "I'd fucking run over to your room and punch your TV."
Me: *confused* "Uh, don't you think that's a bit rash?"
Him: "Nope."
Me: "Well, then, you're a dick."

 

[Passcety]

I hang out with mostly girls, and it's really fun. Not to mention that a good bit of them are fun to look at. roud:

Most guys, like others have said, are assholes. I'll be joking around, and all of a sudden they snap and go insane on me. It's fucking annoying.

I'll have to agree with this lots. It seems like girls are able to take jokes and joke around back with you. Guys seem to just "shy it away" and move on to something else. (Or run in your room and break their hand from punching your T.V. ) Girls also seem to talk more than guys, and talk about many a different things. Maybe we're just not meeting the right people.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

I do have to say that I AM fortunate to have a guy friend (possibly an ENFX) that I'm able to have deep meaningful conversations with. He's the total opposite of a jerk. Very intuitive and cool. Plus he's hilarious! His intelligence is impeccable. He's a very approachable guy. So I have that to be thankful for. But I empathize with you guys. Some other guys can be complete bone-heads:angry:! And WE are the guys that their girlfriends come to when they're being stupid. We're the ones they complain to. We're the guy they need and want. But the one they have is a total douche (pardon my french). So yeah, I feel & know your pain, fellas. :frustrating:

 

[Sloach]

I really just feel compelled to check in here because I'm an EFNP guy. But I'll toss in my two cents as well.

I find that there really isn't necessarily a reliable gender/personality dichotomy that you can use to tell how well you'll get along with someone. Just see how well you get along and base further decisions about spending time together on those results. But yeah most of the people I hang out with / get along with are women.

On the flip side of that coin, though, most of those who simply hate me are also women. Guys tend to have a more reserved attitude towards me. I think and act like a woman with a man's body and (mostly) masculine mannerisms. A lot of people still think I'm gay, though. Even my girlfriend has doubts occasionally. She's bi, though, so I don't let her get away with judging me. :crazy:

I agree that most guys are dicks (and some girls can be too haha) but a good defense mechanism against that is to simply not associate with people who are. I like to surround myself with people who are positive thinkers and give others the respect and consideration I expect from everyone and return to everyone.

That doesn't make as much sense in words as it did in my head, but I'm too lazy to fix it right now. Hopefully you guys can decode it well enough.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

I think it's a great thing to be an ENFP guy because we see things in ways other men can't. Your thoughts?

 

[MissNobody]

I hang out with mostly girls, and it's really fun. Not to mention that a good bit of them are fun to look at. roud:

Most guys, like others have said, are assholes. I'll be joking around, and all of a sudden they snap and go insane on me. It's fucking annoying.

Example from today:
Me: *jokingly* "Would you get angry if I shot a NERF dart at your TV?"
Him: *sternly* "I'd fucking run over to your room and punch your TV."
Me: *confused* "Uh, don't you think that's a bit rash?"
Him: "Nope."
Me: "Well, then, you're a dick."

Lol I just read this out to my brother and he reacted the same as your friend. I said, "but it wouldn't damage your tv" and he said "it could if it's a plasma, it could crack it or something."

 

[DJman900]

Great thread! In high school, I definitely felt a ridiculed for my personality type, but I grew up in an uppity, suburban, conservative-minded, competitive, look at the great college i got into i'm captain of my sports team kind of area lol. I'm not really into sports, I tend to care a lot about the way I look, and girls always common on how fashionable I am. I remember my best friend in high school was a very attractive girl, and these douchy kids were calling me gay b/c I haven't "banged her yet." As I got older though, I found people become mature and respect you for who you are. My closest friends tend to be an even mix of guys and girls, with most of the guys more of the sensitive type as well.

The hardest thing for me is getting into a relationship with a girl. I mean, when I find a girl attractive and attempt to flirt, she thinks I'm her best friend. Next thing I know, we're going shopping together, hanging out, and watching movies. I guess I just need to find the right girl that's into an ENFP guy, but I'm starting to get impatient!

Ohh and a little funny anecdote. So I work at a cafe and my assistant manager (kind of a bro lol, awesome guy tho) made a comment about how hot this customer was, like he always does lol. And then I said something like, "Yeah, when a really hot girl comes to order I always get distracted and mess up the order." And he said to me, "Wait, I've never heard you comment on girls before!" And I was like, "Wait, did you think I was gay?!" and he said, "well, you didn't really give me that sense, but for all I talk about hot girls all the time and you just kind of sit there." I told him I'm too respectful. From then on, whenever a hot girl came to the register and he was around, he just said, "Respect!"

 

[The King Of Dreams]

Great thread! In high school, I definitely felt a ridiculed for my personality type, but I grew up in an uppity, suburban, conservative-minded, competitive, look at the great college i got into i'm captain of my sports team kind of area lol. I'm not really into sports, I tend to care a lot about the way I look, and girls always common on how fashionable I am. I remember my best friend in high school was a very attractive girl, and these douchy kids were calling me gay b/c I haven't "banged her yet." As I got older though, I found people become mature and respect you for who you are. My closest friends tend to be an even mix of guys and girls, with most of the guys more of the sensitive type as well.

The hardest thing for me is getting into a relationship with a girl. I mean, when I find a girl attractive and attempt to flirt, she thinks I'm her best friend. Next thing I know, we're going shopping together, hanging out, and watching movies. I guess I just need to find the right girl that's into an ENFP guy, but I'm starting to get impatient!

Ohh and a little funny anecdote. So I work at a cafe and my assistant manager (kind of a bro lol, awesome guy tho) made a comment about how hot this customer was, like he always does lol. And then I said something like, "Yeah, when a really hot girl comes to order I always get distracted and mess up the order." And he said to me, "Wait, I've never heard you comment on girls before!" And I was like, "Wait, did you think I was gay?!" and he said, "well, you didn't really give me that sense, but for all I talk about hot girls all the time and you just kind of sit there." I told him I'm too respectful. From then on, whenever a hot girl came to the register and he was around, he just said, "Respect!"

LOL, that's funny. Thanks for your input, bro.

 

[WMDistraction]

Great thread! In high school, I definitely felt a ridiculed for my personality type, but I grew up in an uppity, suburban, conservative-minded, competitive, look at the great college i got into i'm captain of my sports team kind of area lol. I'm not really into sports, I tend to care a lot about the way I look, and girls always common on how fashionable I am. I remember my best friend in high school was a very attractive girl, and these douchy kids were calling me gay b/c I haven't "banged her yet." As I got older though, I found people become mature and respect you for who you are. My closest friends tend to be an even mix of guys and girls, with most of the guys more of the sensitive type as well.

The hardest thing for me is getting into a relationship with a girl. I mean, when I find a girl attractive and attempt to flirt, she thinks I'm her best friend. Next thing I know, we're going shopping together, hanging out, and watching movies. I guess I just need to find the right girl that's into an ENFP guy, but I'm starting to get impatient!

Ohh and a little funny anecdote. So I work at a cafe and my assistant manager (kind of a bro lol, awesome guy tho) made a comment about how hot this customer was, like he always does lol. And then I said something like, "Yeah, when a really hot girl comes to order I always get distracted and mess up the order." And he said to me, "Wait, I've never heard you comment on girls before!" And I was like, "Wait, did you think I was gay?!" and he said, "well, you didn't really give me that sense, but for all I talk about hot girls all the time and you just kind of sit there." I told him I'm too respectful. From then on, whenever a hot girl came to the register and he was around, he just said, "Respect!"

I really enjoyed reading this. XD

I have the same kind of problem with girls. Actually, there's a girl I hang out with regularly right now who I'm interested in, and she knows it. She's taken, supposedly, but I swear I'm her only current pillar of support. Meh. As long as I enjoy hanging out with her, I really don't care about the status of our relationship.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

I really enjoyed reading this. XD

I have the same kind of problem with girls. Actually, there's a girl I hang out with regularly right now who I'm interested in, and she knows it. She's taken, supposedly, but I swear I'm her only current pillar of support. Meh. As long as I enjoy hanging out with her, I really don't care about the status of our relationship.

I respect that. She'll respect you even more for it later.