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Hello everyone! There’s this one girl in my school that I really like, but she’s giving me mixed signals. We’ve only known each other for 2 months now, because she’s not in my class (but I see her quite often though). I will start of by giving some background information. So our relation started off very good; we met at the gym that we both go to, and the first day we met each other, we were literally together all the time at the gym (and we talked and she laughed a lot about things I were saying). After we were finished she told me to add her on Insta. And when I asked her what her name was, I remembered that she had watched some of my past stories; and I didn’t know it was her because I didn’t know her name (I don’t whether she was stalking me or not). And also, one very important thing; we’re both girls. So back to the gym. I don’t really know what happened in my mind (because I’m usually very shy + being and INTJ female doesn’t exactly make you a champion in expression of feelings), but I started to become distant towards her. I did this because of the fact that I’m lesbian, and I have no idea if she’s one too, and all of a sudden I got embarrassed and didn’t want her to feel awkward if I showed even a little attraction... And one other reason why is that the when we went home after our first meeting at the gym, the way she said “bye” seemed kinda wrong (I know this is just stupid, but that’s just how I felt). This was of course a veeery stupid idea of me. On the gym there’s like a fitness group (or idk how to call it), and we attend it both of us. Now we’ve come to the point when we don’t communicate at all, but she always gets very close (or next to me) at the fitness groups. Sometimes even behind me, and I also caught her staring at me most of the times while doing the exercises - especially when she’s behind me. Sometimes we also arrange ourselves into groups of two; and we’re always together (she comes to me too - so she takes the initiative here too). All the times when we’re in these groups I catch her doing the exercises in exactly my tempo; doing push-ups, lifting one leg, sit -ups, everything! For example, when we have to lift legs, she already starts with the one I’m staring with too. And she gets awfully close (she “accidentally” gets our workout mats closer. Even when we’re doing normal fitness class; last time she was almost so close to me that she could have literally touched me; and it’s not even a big class (there’s plenty of place). And I always catch her staring at me in the breaks, usually when I’m not looking, but I can see her staring + plus there’s a mirror which I use lol ? From the first time we met at the gym, I don’t even look at her anymore (only when she doesn’t she it though). So enough about the fitness ?
I just want to tell something that happened on Friday and yesterday. So we went on a school trip, but only a few of us were going. On Friday (as usual) I caught her staring at me; even some of my friends noticed and forts looked at her then me (as if we were actually flirting). And one other thing that she did is when we had like a guide to guide us through the city; she held hands with another girl (I know they’re not together), but she only did that when I could have seen her (especially when I was right behind her). She actually caught me staring at her a couple of times while on the trip, but every single time, I were the one to look away first (because it kinda felt as if she was staring into my soul - she stares very long). And btw, I forgot to mention, at the bus ride I was sitting alone because I get nauseous from sitting further down the bus; she asked me if I would sit with her. But I just said that I get nauseous. So back to the trip. Yesterday we went to some sort of museum and we were two groups. And since me and this girl were not in the same group; her best friend asked me if I would go with her through the city. So we did that, and we got along very
well (which IMO is sorta strange because her friends seem to like me - while I’m still confused about her. Me and her bf went to the shops, and in one moment her bf decided to call her to go eating (and she said no), but then she said that I’m there with her - and she literally came to us in 5 min. That was the first time I were with her since the first time at the gym. And one thing I also noticed, every time she would walk in front of me, she would walk in a different way than usual - kinda like showing off.
Okay, this was long... So my question is, did I do anything wrong? I’m thinking about having a birthday party on Saturday, and maybe invite her. Probably she thinks I hate her, but idk. It’s difficult to read her face, because it’s always the same, even when talking with friends. What do my fellows INTJs think? ?
 

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Let me preface this by saying that I'm a cautious human being.

I think about the same stuff you do, but perhaps you might inclined to think that she's throwing you signals because you want her to be. (I don't want to discourage you by saying this because, as I said, I am just a nervous person.. haha). I would advise inviting her to your party in order to gauge how she is in a purely social environment. Sneak in a few comments about boys I guess and figure out her sexuality (if you're concerned about that) et cetera..
 

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Hello everyone! There’s this one girl in my school that I really like, but she’s giving me mixed signals. We’ve only known each other for 2 months now, because she’s not in my class (but I see her quite often though). I will start of by giving some background information. So our relation started off very good; we met at the gym that we both go to, and the first day we met each other, we were literally together all the time at the gym (and we talked and she laughed a lot about things I were saying). After we were finished she told me to add her on Insta. And when I asked her what her name was, I remembered that she had watched some of my past stories; and I didn’t know it was her because I didn’t know her name (I don’t whether she was stalking me or not). And also, one very important thing; we’re both girls. So back to the gym. I don’t really know what happened in my mind (because I’m usually very shy + being and INTJ female doesn’t exactly make you a champion in expression of feelings), but I started to become distant towards her. I did this because of the fact that I’m lesbian, and I have no idea if she’s one too, and all of a sudden I got embarrassed and didn’t want her to feel awkward if I showed even a little attraction... And one other reason why is that the when we went home after our first meeting at the gym, the way she said “bye” seemed kinda wrong(1) (I know this is just stupid, but that’s just how I felt). This was of course a veeery stupid idea of me. On the gym there’s like a fitness group (or idk how to call it), and we attend it both of us. Now we’ve come to the point when we don’t communicate at all, but she always gets very close (or next to me) at the fitness groups. Sometimes even behind me, and I also caught her staring at me most of the times while doing the exercises - especially when she’s behind me. Sometimes we also arrange ourselves into groups of two; and we’re always together (she comes to me too - so she takes the initiative here too). All the times when we’re in these groups I catch her doing the exercises in exactly my tempo; doing push-ups, lifting one leg, sit -ups, everything! For example, when we have to lift legs, she already starts with the one I’m staring with too. And she gets awfully close (she “accidentally” gets our workout mats closer. Even when we’re doing normal fitness class; last time she was almost so close to me that she could have literally touched me; and it’s not even a big class (there’s plenty of place). And I always catch her staring at me in the breaks, usually when I’m not looking, but I can see her staring + plus there’s a mirror which I use lol ? From the first time we met at the gym, I don’t even look at her anymore (only when she doesn’t she it though). So enough about the fitness ?
I just want to tell something that happened on Friday and yesterday. So we went on a school trip, but only a few of us were going. On Friday (as usual) I caught her staring at me; even some of my friends noticed and forts looked at her then me (as if we were actually flirting). And one other thing that she did is when we had like a guide to guide us through the city; she held hands with another girl (I know they’re not together), but she only did that when I could have seen her (2) (especially when I was right behind her). She actually caught me staring at her a couple of times while on the trip, but every single time, I were the one to look away first (because it kinda felt as if she was staring into my soul - she stares very long). And btw, I forgot to mention, at the bus ride I was sitting alone because I get nauseous from sitting further down the bus; she asked me if I would sit with her. But I just said that I get nauseous. So back to the trip. Yesterday we went to some sort of museum and we were two groups. And since me and this girl were not in the same group; her best friend asked me if I would go with her through the city. So we did that, and we got along very
well (which IMO is sorta strange because her friends seem to like me - while I’m still confused about her. Me and her bf went to the shops, and in one moment her bf decided to call her to go eating (and she said no), but then she said that I’m there with her - and she literally came to us in 5 min. That was the first time I were with her since the first time at the gym. And one thing I also noticed, every time she would walk in front of me, she would walk in a different way than usual - kinda like showing off(3).
Okay, this was long... So my question is, did I do anything wrong? I’m thinking about having a birthday party on Saturday, and maybe invite her. Probably she thinks I hate her, but idk.(4) It’s difficult to read her face, because it’s always the same, even when talking with friends. What do my fellows INTJs think? ?
Holy shit i just feel like a huge wall have collapsed and fallen all over my body and crushed it.

anyways, its difficult for me to tell much from that text other than you are overthinking passed scenarios that you should not worry about.

(1) Is she a confident person? If she isnt, she may get worried by how she will appear to you and act on insecurity instead which will make her sound doubtful. edit: ah i think i got it, she probably noticed you felt awkward about something and that made her awkward as well, so thats probably it. but still idk hard to tell

(2) It would be weird if she is trying to make you jelous, but i dont think that is the case, but i can also be naive sometimes. you are probably overthinking that scenario.

(3) Maybe she want to appear sexy infront of you?

(4) Why would she think that?
 

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Woah.

All I get from this is y'all stare a lot and have a lot of imagined angst. I can understand being extra, extra cautious because you aren't sure if the other girl is gay. So even though I prefer the direct approach and usually advise others to take it as well, I think it would be best to recruit your friends to help you sus this out.

Y'all sound really young, like high school or something, so it's perfectly acceptable to have your friends prod her a bit to see what she's thinking. Have them waggle some eyebrows and giggle about the prospect of either one of you having a crush on the other. She'll probably be more comfortable telling them how she feels rather than you. Take whatever intel your friends gather for you and run with it.

A bit of advice, try not to assume too much. It can veer into the 'imagining things' region, which could get you into some trouble.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Hello everyone! There’s this one girl in my school that I really like, but she’s giving me mixed signals. We’ve only known each other for 2 months now, because she’s not in my class (but I see her quite often though). I will start of by giving some background information. So our relation started off very good; we met at the gym that we both go to, and the first day we met each other, we were literally together all the time at the gym (and we talked and she laughed a lot about things I were saying). After we were finished she told me to add her on Insta. And when I asked her what her name was, I remembered that she had watched some of my past stories; and I didn’t know it was her because I didn’t know her name (I don’t whether she was stalking me or not). And also, one very important thing; we’re both girls. So back to the gym. I don’t really know what happened in my mind (because I’m usually very shy + being and INTJ female doesn’t exactly make you a champion in expression of feelings), but I started to become distant towards her. I did this because of the fact that I’m lesbian, and I have no idea if she’s one too, and all of a sudden I got embarrassed and didn’t want her to feel awkward if I showed even a little attraction... And one other reason why is that the when we went home after our first meeting at the gym, the way she said “bye” seemed kinda wrong(1) (I know this is just stupid, but that’s just how I felt). This was of course a veeery stupid idea of me. On the gym there’s like a fitness group (or idk how to call it), and we attend it both of us. Now we’ve come to the point when we don’t communicate at all, but she always gets very close (or next to me) at the fitness groups. Sometimes even behind me, and I also caught her staring at me most of the times while doing the exercises - especially when she’s behind me. Sometimes we also arrange ourselves into groups of two; and we’re always together (she comes to me too - so she takes the initiative here too). All the times when we’re in these groups I catch her doing the exercises in exactly my tempo; doing push-ups, lifting one leg, sit -ups, everything! For example, when we have to lift legs, she already starts with the one I’m staring with too. And she gets awfully close (she “accidentally” gets our workout mats closer. Even when we’re doing normal fitness class; last time she was almost so close to me that she could have literally touched me; and it’s not even a big class (there’s plenty of place). And I always catch her staring at me in the breaks, usually when I’m not looking, but I can see her staring + plus there’s a mirror which I use lol ? From the first time we met at the gym, I don’t even look at her anymore (only when she doesn’t she it though). So enough about the fitness ?
I just want to tell something that happened on Friday and yesterday. So we went on a school trip, but only a few of us were going. On Friday (as usual) I caught her staring at me; even some of my friends noticed and forts looked at her then me (as if we were actually flirting). And one other thing that she did is when we had like a guide to guide us through the city; she held hands with another girl (I know they’re not together), but she only did that when I could have seen her (2) (especially when I was right behind her). She actually caught me staring at her a couple of times while on the trip, but every single time, I were the one to look away first (because it kinda felt as if she was staring into my soul - she stares very long). And btw, I forgot to mention, at the bus ride I was sitting alone because I get nauseous from sitting further down the bus; she asked me if I would sit with her. But I just said that I get nauseous. So back to the trip. Yesterday we went to some sort of museum and we were two groups. And since me and this girl were not in the same group; her best friend asked me if I would go with her through the city. So we did that, and we got along very
well (which IMO is sorta strange because her friends seem to like me - while I’m still confused about her. Me and her bf went to the shops, and in one moment her bf decided to call her to go eating (and she said no), but then she said that I’m there with her - and she literally came to us in 5 min. That was the first time I were with her since the first time at the gym. And one thing I also noticed, every time she would walk in front of me, she would walk in a different way than usual - kinda like showing off(3).
Okay, this was long... So my question is, did I do anything wrong? I’m thinking about having a birthday party on Saturday, and maybe invite her. Probably she thinks I hate her, but idk.(4) It’s difficult to read her face, because it’s always the same, even when talking with friends. What do my fellows INTJs think? ?
Holy shit i just feel like a huge wall have collapsed and fallen all over my body and crushed it.

anyways, its difficult for me to tell much from that text other than you are overthinking passed scenarios that you should not worry about.

(1) Is she a confident person? If she isnt, she may get worried by how she will appear to you and act on insecurity instead which will make her sound doubtful. edit: ah i think i got it, she probably noticed you felt awkward about something and that made her awkward as well, so thats probably it. but still idk hard to tell

(2) It would be weird if she is trying to make you jelous, but i dont think that is the case, but i can also be naive sometimes. you are probably overthinking that scenario.

(3) Maybe she want to appear sexy infront of you?

(4) Why would she think that?
Hahaha :D I’m sorry, I might have a strong urge to explain the situation in terribly many details :p

I think that’s exactly what happened! My awkwardness may have smitten over to her; and I need to make that disappear, the same way I made it appear in the first place. The only question is how. I think I’ll have to be as brave and extroverted as I can; despite of how hard it may be. I need to take the initiative for the first time. At least for now.
Well there’s much more than this, what I told here; but I think the best thing I can do, is to invite her to my birthday party this Saturday.

And to get back to the four questions you asked. I think there was a purpose on why she held hands with her friends (she did it on two of her friends). I think she did it in order to tease me, because she only did that when I could’ve seen her. And I also caught her observing me from head to toe, with a face that looked quite fascinating. Idk how to explain, but it’s one of those weird faces that people make when they’re horny :D Okay, I won’t say any more about that :p

I think so too, because she walk like a model when walking in front of me, but when I saw her walking somewhere where she couldn’t have seen me looking, she walked “normally”... So... And many of those times, she would also bump deeply into me, before moving in front of me.

Idk, maybe because of my way of showing feelings for her. I’m not exactly a master either; I’m like an average female INTJ I guess :D

So, the first thing I have to do, is to show her that’s she is an important person in my life. And the best thing; is that I’m gonna celebrate my 18th birthday, so only important people in my life will be there. I have to start somewhere.
 

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Hahaha :D I’m sorry, I might have a strong urge to explain the situation in terribly many details :p

I think that’s exactly what happened! My awkwardness may have smitten over to her; and I need to make that disappear, the same way I made it appear in the first place.(1) The only question is how. I think I’ll have to be as brave and extroverted as I can; despite of how hard it may be. I need to take the initiative for the first time. At least for now.
Well there’s much more than this, what I told here; but I think the best thing I can do, is to invite her to my birthday party this Saturday.

And to get back to the four questions you asked. I think there was a purpose on why she held hands with her friends (she did it on two of her friends). I think she did it in order to tease me, because she only did that when I could’ve seen her. And I also caught her observing me from head to toe, with a face that looked quite fascinating. Idk how to explain, but it’s one of those weird faces that people make when they’re horny :D Okay, I won’t say any more about that :p(2)

I think so too, because she walk like a model when walking in front of me, but when I saw her walking somewhere where she couldn’t have seen me looking, she walked “normally”... So... And many of those times, she would also bump deeply into me, before moving in front of me.(3)

Idk, maybe because of my way of showing feelings for her. I’m not exactly a master either; I’m like an average female INTJ I guess :D (4)

So, the first thing I have to do, is to show her that’s she is an important person in my life. And the best thing; is that I’m gonna celebrate my 18th birthday, so only important people in my life will be there. I have to start somewhere.(5)
(1) Im not sure what is causing your "awkwardness" but it might be your 'overthinking in the now moment' (Aswell as you seem to have an overthinking problem in the passed-problem, but I have that as well, you should just be aware of when you are overthinking your experienced scenarios). I guess by accepting yourself in some way, or even accept your "awkwardness", you might get into groove with your "awkwardness" and turn something that you think is "awkward" into awesome. Turn your weakness into a stregnth.

(2) Imo, you should just accept that she may hold hands with anyone she wants, since you're not a couple, and you dont have to give a fuck about it (Atleast you can try). Win/win situation :)

(3) Hm. Interesting observation. I probably would also drool at dat ass if I were you :D

(4) No one is a master around your age.

(4) Go for it.
 

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Woah.

All I get from this is y'all stare a lot and have a lot of imagined angst. I can understand being extra, extra cautious because you aren't sure if the other girl is gay. So even though I prefer the direct approach and usually advise others to take it as well, I think it would be best to recruit your friends to help you sus this out.

Y'all sound really young, like high school or something, so it's perfectly acceptable to have your friends prod her a bit to see what she's thinking. Have them waggle some eyebrows and giggle about the prospect of either one of you having a crush on the other. She'll probably be more comfortable telling them how she feels rather than you. Take whatever intel your friends gather for you and run with it.

A bit of advice, try not to assume too much. It can veer into the 'imagining things' region, which could get you into some trouble.
How did you know; I’m 17 (turning 18 in two days), and she’s 16 (idk when her birthday is though). This is actually the first time I fall in love with a younger girl :D

I think I’ll invite her to my birthday party this Saturday; I need to take the initiative on this one! And I will try to be more direct with her, even though it sounds so scary ;)
 

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Okay, breaking it down.

As an INTJ, what would I do? At your age, nothing. I had no clue how to deal with any of that, and I didn't have birthday parties.

As for mixed signals, as others have said, watch out for that. For example, you say she only held hands with friends when you could see. But how could you possibly know that? She could have held hands with all sorts of people, when you weren't looking or you weren't around. You are coming up with all sorts of motives and explanations for her behavior, but they all are based on you hoping she is interested in you. So accept that the mixed signals are coming from your head, not hers.

As for your birthday party, sure, invite her. Why not? But if she comes, don't assume a romance is going to happen. She might just think of you as an acquaintance who is throwing a fun party.

I am sorry, I can't give advice on how to know if she is interested, except to ask her. I have always been fairly clueless myself.
 

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it sounds to me like this is the thing she's been trying to answer for you

I did this because of the fact that I’m lesbian, and I have no idea if she’s one too,
although don't quote me on it; i have no personal idea of how much more complex it is to be gay and in high school as well. iyam, i think that even before you and she get to any conversations about who's attracted to whom, it might be good to start with just that level of things. it seems like a fair bit of the weidery is just coming from that. you don't know if she is, i don't know if she knows that you are, she doesn't know - well, idk what she might not know, but you get the idea.
 
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