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I have a fetish. I'm going to use a symbol for my fetish here, because I am too ashamed to talk about it all open. The symbol is good enough Repräsentation.

My fetish has always been a problem in this relationship. I just love very tight shirts. When we first met he always was wearing them naturally. I also quickly told him about my fetish. To clarify: it's between a fetish and a kink. Sometimes I need the tight shirts to get sexual, sometimes I also like "normal" sexuality.

After a while, my boyfriend started wearing more and more wider shirts and started feeling insecure about wearing them and so. For me he kept wearing them sometimes... then less and less. He felt forced. I was pushing it. He wanted to make me happy, but slowly and passively abandoned the tight shirts. We keep trying to find a compromise. But it doesn't really work. There are many hidden layers here that he is barely aware of. He feels like I don't like him without the tight shirts. He feels like I would leave him. I would never do that. I rarely compliment his appearance when he is not wearing the shirts. At this point the whole topic just feels so broken and tensioned.

We tried: tight shirts on the weekend. Doesn't work, because he doesn't like them.
We tried: tight shirts after work. Doesn't work, because he is too tired
We tried tight shirts whenever he feels like it. Doesn't work. Because he feels pressured, undesirable without and forced.
We will try a compromise between tight and wide. Tight enough to activate my fetish, but wide enough for him to feel comfy.

I just want to delete this fetish from my mind, but it doesn't work that way.
We also have sex without the shirts, it's not that. He usually wants less sex anyways.

I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have an idea?
Sadly only online-content regarding that is very unsatisfying.

I also know that there is some unhealthy pattern regarding my fetish. I have always had some kind of fetish. It changed about 3-4 times in the last few years. It's always something very popular, a trend that will fade. Very connected to my past. I always push, my partner is overwhelmed. My fetish also not to satisfy. It always wants more. One of my ex boyfriends was wearing tight shirts nearly all the time. Was I happy then? No. I always feared the moment he would not wear one. It's connected to my past trauma. The people who bullied me were always wearing tight shirts and the other things I developed a fetish out of. I was also in love with my bullies. I started to become like them and to dress/look/act like them. These things then became my fetish. Whatever is the most likely thing to see in current trends is what will become my fetish. My current one is the most stable one yet though, maybe also because I get older. My fetish makes me feel safe. Comfortable. It feels like it binds my partner to me. I get anxiety when my partner meets friends and wears a wide shirt. "He is just like them.", "He will leave me.".

While I see those unhealthy corelation, I don't know if I can heal a fetish. The thing I usually hear is that I have to integrate it, somehow. But how do I integrate something that wants to go against my partners needs, wants to stop any change and always wants more?
 

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Have you sought out therapy, and if not, are you in a position where you can seek it out? This seems above the pay grade of an online forum.

Beyond that, a big part of this issue seems to be that your partner feels overshadowed by your fetish, as in he feels the fetish is more important than him. And so he passively tests that through small refusals here and there to comply, which don't seem to go very well, and tension increases because at the back of his mind, the doubt grows that he matters more than your fetish. You seem aware of the fear in his mind caused by the strength of your fetish, and yet you say you rarely compliment him. It sounds to me like he needs reassurance, maybe through more frequent compliments, or more possibly by sitting him down and having a serious conversation with him where you clear the air, so to speak, and explain that in spite of the troubles you two are having sexually, you would never consider leaving him just for that and you love him, tight shirts or no.

The other problem is that the most significant issues you're facing are also not actually about your fetish. It sounds like you have a strong memory of being othered and outcast from the past which you fear seeing a repetition of, and your fetish is only a kind of symbol that has become attached to these particular fears. But even if the fetish were to disappear tomorrow, the fears would not. I think you might benefit from focusing less on the fetish, which is really just a kind of scapegoat for you, and more on why you still carry those fears of being othered and how you can get past them. Opening up to your partner about your anxieties might be helpful here, so he can have a clearer idea of what exactly the situation is and also feel reassured that you are working towards becoming better.
 
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The dreaded tight shirt is the symbol? Well that would mean that in order to satisfy your fetish whatever it may be, your partner has to do something about themselves and it can't just be a thing you can do by yourself? I don't think you could or it wouldn't be fair to place expectations like that on your partner so that's one way to save your relationship but where does that leave you? It will all come crumbling apart if you're left unsatisfied in some way I mean why would you want that for yourself ugh I just regurgitated my tea and my sweetener tablets that I've been eating obsessively ewww alright so I think whatever Vesh said sounds like sound advice good luck
 

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I'm not a mental health care professional so anything posted about your issue must be taken as analytics from a layperson.

If I were to guess, it appears that what underlies your fetish(es) is the need to control. This need began when you were feeling out of control during your traumatic incident(s), hence why you get a sense of comfort from being in control when you assert your fetish(es).

Have you considered a dom/sub relationship with safe words or do you already have one which you're pushing too far?
 

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To be fair, that is a natural reactin from your boyfriend. When someone pushes you to do X, unless you get a reward for it, your most natural reaction is not to do X because that other people told you to do X. You should have not insisted on wearing tight shirts and let him wear them naturally and confortably.

Now, of course he will avoid them because he feels inscure with them on around you, since you always made a big deal out of them. Even if they are for you, stop forcing him or keeing telling about this, leave him alone, leave him be, and he may start again wearing them naturally.

To be honest, you game me the same impression. That you don't like him without the tight shirts. Can you put yourself in his perspective or a 3rd observer perspective and see how your behavior comes across as such? because it seems it kind of does. Stop trying to control him, let him be, let him behave naturally and without any form of restraints, let him be himself who can be without effort, within the limit of common sense of course. But we're not talking about him being inconsiderate here but about you trying to force him.

Try this: No tight shirts. 0 tight shirts obligations. Wear tight shirts only whenever you feel like it.

There you go. I genuinely congratulate you for discovering the source of your problems, it's a more important step than you think. I understand how that can come to be. You need to get over your trauma in order to get over your tight shirts fetishes. Accept that it happened and accept that it doesn't control you, you have a new life now, that is not who you are anymore. You are a grown woman now who can realise that those bullies of yours were his abuse, narcissistic, selfish and they don't deserve any kind of respect or consideration as human being for their toxic behavior. Stop seeing them so high, and see them for what they really were, low.

You need to realise the difference between your head and reality. That the fetish is all in your head, that your parner won't leave you if he wears a wide shirt. That wearing a tight or wide shirt genuinely and truly means nothing. You should also start wearing a tight shirt. Start to develop a form of dignity and self-respect for yourself that you lost due to those bullies assaulting you, you don't need a tight shirt to feel safe, your main source of dignity and self-respect should be yourself, your ability to stand up for yourself and deal with the situations as they arise on your own, that doesn't mean to never ask for help, it means that you are and will never be helpless, unless you personally fool yourself that you are. A tight or wide shirt is just a shirt that has nothing to do with your self-respect. You don't need any particular reason to respect yourself, you respect yourself because you're you.

When it comes to loving yourself, for that, you must meet your own pre-defined standards of what a good woman and good man is supposed to be like, only when you meet those standards that you set for yourself you can truly say with confidence and without fooling yourself that you genuinely love yourself. That is great, but you don't need that to get over your fetish or to live a respectable life. If someone brings this up, instead of feeling more ashamed of yourself, stand up for yourself, fight back, defend yourself.

That doesn't mean to instantly jump for a fight, let's not jump from one extreme to another, but it means to talk back, do not accept it, give arguments why what you are doing is okay. It is not always the most pleasant course of action you can take but it is necessary when there is no alternative, it beats standing down and taking it and feeling hurt. Of course, if it doesn't hurt you and you can ignore it then by all means ignore it. And even better, if you can solve this peacefully in a way where you both get along, then by all means solve this peacefully in a way you both get along. If you can solve this with a calm talk and understanding, by all means do that.

So, in short: Stop forcing your boyfriend - no tights. And work on the cause of your fetish, which is mostly about you having to come to terms and make peace with yourself and with your past. Stop making heroes out of your bullies and see them for the jerks that they really were, they are not good values to take in life, and they did those things because they themselves had problems of their own. Recover your lost dignity and self-respect so you can feel better about yourself without having to rely on tight shirts and get paranoid about wide shirts. And if someone makes fun of this thing that hurts you the most, if you can ignore them then by all means ignore them, if you can talk your problems to each other and get to an understanding even better, but if neither of those are possible, rather than to stand down and take it and feel bad and hurt, stand up and fight for yourself, defend yourself with words against them.
 
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Discussion Starter #6
Have you sought out therapy, and if not, are you in a position where you can seek it out? This seems above the pay grade of an online forum.

Beyond that, a big part of this issue seems to be that your partner feels overshadowed by your fetish, as in he feels the fetish is more important than him. And so he passively tests that through small refusals here and there to comply, which don't seem to go very well, and tension increases because at the back of his mind, the doubt grows that he matters more than your fetish. You seem aware of the fear in his mind caused by the strength of your fetish, and yet you say you rarely compliment him. It sounds to me like he needs reassurance, maybe through more frequent compliments, or more possibly by sitting him down and having a serious conversation with him where you clear the air, so to speak, and explain that in spite of the troubles you two are having sexually, you would never consider leaving him just for that and you love him, tight shirts or no.

The other problem is that the most significant issues you're facing are also not actually about your fetish. It sounds like you have a strong memory of being othered and outcast from the past which you fear seeing a repetition of, and your fetish is only a kind of symbol that has become attached to these particular fears. But even if the fetish were to disappear tomorrow, the fears would not. I think you might benefit from focusing less on the fetish, which is really just a kind of scapegoat for you, and more on why you still carry those fears of being othered and how you can get past them. Opening up to your partner about your anxieties might be helpful here, so he can have a clearer idea of what exactly the situation is and also feel reassured that you are working towards becoming better.
Yes, thank you, I think it might be a good idea to tell him how my fetish is related to my past. Maybe it helps him understand it a bit better. And I will try to make sure he receives more reassurance from me without my fetish being involved.
 

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I'm not a mental health care professional so anything posted about your issue must be taken as analytics from a layperson.

If I were to guess, it appears that what underlies your fetish(es) is the need to control. This need began when you were feeling out of control during your traumatic incident(s), hence why you get a sense of comfort from being in control when you assert your fetish(es).

Have you considered a dom/sub relationship with safe words or do you already have one which you're pushing too far?
Sure, controll is a theme in my relationship anyways. I always try to control. Im my worst relationship I tried to control the food he ate, what he was drinking, who he hanged out with and my fetish. Now I'm down to the fetish, so that's good progress, I guess.

I did actually consider a dom/sub relationship, yes. But I don't want to be stuck in those feelings. I want to be free and let others be free. Sure, it's no problem if it's all safe and voluntary. But I don't know. Everytime I do actually have very dominating or very submissive sex I am left feeling horrible. It's like a shock to me. Like getting retraumatised.

My bullies also bullied me sexually. While it wasn't close to forced sex, it still kept having a sexual theme. And these situations are part of my fantasies.

The poster before asked about therapy: yes, I did a lot of therapy in my life. But there were always more important topics than sexuality, I wasn't even able to live life until 2 years ago. It was a long way. I think I will write my old therapist a mail and ask him about this.
 

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I want to be free and let others be free.
So is it a matter of wants vs needs where you need to exercise control in order to maintain your sanity but deep down you want everyone to make their own choices no matter the consequences because it is their right to make that decision and learn from it?

Have you thought of doing your boyfriend's laundry? :eek:h: Put his shits on a boil wash.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
To be fair, that is a natural reactin from your boyfriend. When someone pushes you to do X, unless you get a reward for it, your most natural reaction is not to do X because that other people told you to do X. You should have not insisted on wearing tight shirts and let him wear them naturally and confortably.

Now, of course he will avoid them because he feels inscure with them on around you, since you always made a big deal out of them. Even if they are for you, stop forcing him or keeing telling about this, leave him alone, leave him be, and he may start again wearing them naturally.

To be honest, you game me the same impression. That you don't like him without the tight shirts. Can you put yourself in his perspective or a 3rd observer perspective and see how your behavior comes across as such? because it seems it kind of does. Stop trying to control him, let him be, let him behave naturally and without any form of restraints, let him be himself who can be without effort, within the limit of common sense of course. But we're not talking about him being inconsiderate here but about you trying to force him.

Try this: No tight shirts. 0 tight shirts obligations. Wear tight shirts only whenever you feel like it.

There you go. I genuinely congratulate you for discovering the source of your problems, it's a more important step than you think. I understand how that can come to be. You need to get over your trauma in order to get over your tight shirts fetishes. Accept that it happened and accept that it doesn't control you, you have a new life now, that is not who you are anymore. You are a grown woman now who can realise that those bullies of yours were his abuse, narcissistic, selfish and they don't deserve any kind of respect or consideration as human being for their toxic behavior. Stop seeing them so high, and see them for what they really were, low.

You need to realise the difference between your head and reality. That the fetish is all in your head, that your parner won't leave you if he wears a wide shirt. That wearing a tight or wide shirt genuinely and truly means nothing. You should also start wearing a tight shirt. Start to develop a form of dignity and self-respect for yourself that you lost due to those bullies assaulting you, you don't need a tight shirt to feel safe, your main source of dignity and self-respect should be yourself, your ability to stand up for yourself and deal with the situations as they arise on your own, that doesn't mean to never ask for help, it means that you are and will never be helpless, unless you personally fool yourself that you are. A tight or wide shirt is just a shirt that has nothing to do with your self-respect. You don't need any particular reason to respect yourself, you respect yourself because you're you.

When it comes to loving yourself, for that, you must meet your own pre-defined standards of what a good woman and good man is supposed to be like, only when you meet those standards that you set for yourself you can truly say with confidence and without fooling yourself that you genuinely love yourself. That is great, but you don't need that to get over your fetish or to live a respectable life. If someone brings this up, instead of feeling more ashamed of yourself, stand up for yourself, fight back, defend yourself.

That doesn't mean to instantly jump for a fight, let's not jump from one extreme to another, but it means to talk back, do not accept it, give arguments why what you are doing is okay. It is not always the most pleasant course of action you can take but it is necessary when there is no alternative, it beats standing down and taking it and feeling hurt. Of course, if it doesn't hurt you and you can ignore it then by all means ignore it. And even better, if you can solve this peacefully in a way where you both get along, then by all means solve this peacefully in a way you both get along. If you can solve this with a calm talk and understanding, by all means do that.

So, in short: Stop forcing your boyfriend - no tights. And work on the cause of your fetish, which is mostly about you having to come to terms and make peace with yourself and with your past. Stop making heroes out of your bullies and see them for the jerks that they really were, they are not good values to take in life, and they did those things because they themselves had problems of their own. Recover your lost dignity and self-respect so you can feel better about yourself without having to rely on tight shirts and get paranoid about wide shirts. And if someone makes fun of this thing that hurts you the most, if you can ignore them then by all means ignore them, if you can talk your problems to each other and get to an understanding even better, but if neither of those are possible, rather than to stand down and take it and feel bad and hurt, stand up and fight for yourself, defend yourself with words against them.
You are right. I barely look at him if he doesn't wear what I want. I barely touch him. I barely want to cuddle. I usually push him away. If he wears what I want and I feel safe, then it's all okay. I didn't realise how horrible I am behaving.

Now I do and I will try my best to make the situation better.

Regarding making heroes out of my bullies... I don't know. It's over 10 years ago by the way.
But I was very angry at them at some point. Hated them. Then I got why they were so mean, because they also had issues.
Sometimes I still feel a little bit in love with that one guy. When I actually think about him. He was so nice and sweet to me, sometimes.

You words sadly don't really touch me. I know they are stupid, childish idiots. My warm feelings don't make sense. But they are there. And the bullying was horrible. But it also felt so sexually nice. I don't know why. It didn't feel nice at all when it was happening... afterwards, years later it did. Back then I only felt pain, anxiety and love.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I want to be free and let others be free.
So is it a matter of wants vs needs where you need to exercise control in order to maintain your sanity but deep down you want everyone to make their own choices no matter the consequences because it is their right to make that decision and learn from it?
Yes!! That's what I believe in. It's just this desire mixed with anxiety that makes me feel like I have to control. My mind is good at making up good reasons for it. "Don't eat unhealthy, you will die faster, I don't want to lose you!", "Please wear this, it's my fetish!", "Don't drink, my father was an alcoholic (which is not a lie, but way before I was born).", "Don't smoke, it's so unhealthy!".
Yea, it's all coming together right now.

This also reminds me of my mom. She controled me a lot. To protect me from any possible harm. And all I wanted was to hurt, to fall and learn from my mistakes. But she didn't let me. And then I also didn't want to anymore and just sat in my room for years playing video games. All safe! But she also wasn't happy then.

She didn't want to lose me. That's her biggest fear until this day. She is also traumatised. I'm just like her. I just use different symbols...

Sorry, this is turning into a whole soul strip tease lol.
 

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Yes!! That's what I believe in. It's just this desire mixed with anxiety that makes me feel like I have to control. My mind is good at making up good reasons for it. "Don't eat unhealthy, you will die faster, I don't want to lose you!", "Please wear this, it's my fetish!", "Don't drink, my father was an alcoholic (which is not a lie, but way before I was born).", "Don't smoke, it's so unhealthy!".
Yea, it's all coming together right now.
In these particular examples (fetish aside, but do see my editorial note ;) you do have a point. I mean I would have a problem with smoking for me that's a deal breaker, and the drinking I could only guess he does this regularly if it bothers you and here you are blaming yourself for all this. Something may still be wrong with you I wouldn't know but I do know that what you've mentioned is not unreasonable. You should probably not make a hissy fit over what he has for dinner but suggesting alternatives and cooking healthy is not a bad way of going about this.
This also reminds me of my mom. She controled me a lot.
Mothers do that. However, if a healthy romantic relationship is what you're after you have to treat your partner like an adult, don't fall into the trap of mothering a man child. Compromise. Be with someone who doesn't smoke, I would lose my shit if I were you. Do you know what the smoke does to surfaces? It leaves a sticky yellow residue EVERYWHERE and it STINKS.

And this is just me parroting the ideas of a good relationship that have been floating around because I haven't actually ever been in a relationship and I must tell you all of them gay guys smoke, a disproportionate majority of them smoke. What is it with this continent everyone smokes here oh my god get me out of here
 

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One more entry

You must have noticed that perhaps seeing as... um I've lost my train of thought buut I think I wanted to point out how perhaps you're with your boyfriend for the wrong reasons, perhaps he reminded you of the bullies when he wore his tight shirts and you wanted to pursue a relationship because of that and not for his other qualities.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Yes!! That's what I believe in. It's just this desire mixed with anxiety that makes me feel like I have to control. My mind is good at making up good reasons for it. "Don't eat unhealthy, you will die faster, I don't want to lose you!", "Please wear this, it's my fetish!", "Don't drink, my father was an alcoholic (which is not a lie, but way before I was born).", "Don't smoke, it's so unhealthy!".
Yea, it's all coming together right now.
In these particular examples (fetish aside, but do see my editorial note 😉 you do have a point. I mean I would have a problem with smoking for me that's a deal breaker, and the drinking I could only guess he does this regularly if it bothers you and here you are blaming yourself for all this. Something may still be wrong with you I wouldn't know but I do know that what you've mentioned is not unreasonable. You should probably not make a hissy fit over what he has for dinner but suggesting alternatives and cooking healthy is not a bad way of going about this.
This also reminds me of my mom. She controled me a lot.
Mothers do that. However, if a healthy romantic relationship is what you're after you have to treat your partner like an adult, don't fall into the trap of mothering a man child. Compromise. Be with someone who doesn't smoke, I would lose my shit if I were you. Do you know what the smoke does to surfaces? It leaves a sticky yellow residue EVERYWHERE and it STINKS.

And this is just me parroting the ideas of a good relationship that have been floating around because I haven't actually ever been in a relationship and I must tell you all of them gay guys smoke, a disproportionate majority of them smoke. What is it with this continent everyone smokes here oh my god get me out of here
Wellll, I was already freaking out about stuff like apple juice. ;D
That's the level of control I'm talking about here.
 

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Wellll, I was already freaking out about stuff like apple juice. ;D
That's the level of control I'm talking about here.
But you've grown past that? Have like a mantra that you repeat back to yourself whenever you feel this anxiety resulting from the actions of others. It's gonna be ok, this is ok. He's just practically drinking melted sugar with pesticides and just a hint of apple, the world won't burn down because of it. It might help to associate stepping back with something positive. Have you ever witnessed a bad situation resolve itself without your input?

Of course this probably requires a great deal of restraint on your part, but considering that you just admitted to having dealt with that already I think you can pull through and grow out of this anxiety, I believe it should go away with the help of good intentions and a good therapist.
 

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I have a fetish. I'm going to use a symbol for my fetish here, because I am too ashamed to talk about it all open. The symbol is good enough Repräsentation.

My fetish has always been a problem in this relationship. I just love very tight shirts. When we first met he always was wearing them naturally. I also quickly told him about my fetish. To clarify: it's between a fetish and a kink. Sometimes I need the tight shirts to get sexual, sometimes I also like "normal" sexuality.

After a while, my boyfriend started wearing more and more wider shirts and started feeling insecure about wearing them and so. For me he kept wearing them sometimes... then less and less. He felt forced. I was pushing it. He wanted to make me happy, but slowly and passively abandoned the tight shirts. We keep trying to find a compromise. But it doesn't really work. There are many hidden layers here that he is barely aware of. He feels like I don't like him without the tight shirts. He feels like I would leave him. I would never do that. I rarely compliment his appearance when he is not wearing the shirts. At this point the whole topic just feels so broken and tensioned.

We tried: tight shirts on the weekend. Doesn't work, because he doesn't like them.
We tried: tight shirts after work. Doesn't work, because he is too tired
We tried tight shirts whenever he feels like it. Doesn't work. Because he feels pressured, undesirable without and forced.
We will try a compromise between tight and wide. Tight enough to activate my fetish, but wide enough for him to feel comfy.

I just want to delete this fetish from my mind, but it doesn't work that way.
We also have sex without the shirts, it's not that. He usually wants less sex anyways.

I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have an idea?
Sadly only online-content regarding that is very unsatisfying.

I also know that there is some unhealthy pattern regarding my fetish. I have always had some kind of fetish. It changed about 3-4 times in the last few years. It's always something very popular, a trend that will fade. Very connected to my past. I always push, my partner is overwhelmed. My fetish also not to satisfy. It always wants more. One of my ex boyfriends was wearing tight shirts nearly all the time. Was I happy then? No. I always feared the moment he would not wear one. It's connected to my past trauma. The people who bullied me were always wearing tight shirts and the other things I developed a fetish out of. I was also in love with my bullies. I started to become like them and to dress/look/act like them. These things then became my fetish. Whatever is the most likely thing to see in current trends is what will become my fetish. My current one is the most stable one yet though, maybe also because I get older. My fetish makes me feel safe. Comfortable. It feels like it binds my partner to me. I get anxiety when my partner meets friends and wears a wide shirt. "He is just like them.", "He will leave me.".

While I see those unhealthy corelation, I don't know if I can heal a fetish. The thing I usually hear is that I have to integrate it, somehow. But how do I integrate something that wants to go against my partners needs, wants to stop any change and always wants more?
if you cant get turned on unless he's wearing a tight shirt, sounds to me like more of an unhealthy fixation than like a natural fetish. i saw somewhere briefly that it might be linked to an experience you had? maybe you need to explore that experience more in order to resolve this issue. also, is there anything else about your partner that turns you on that you can think of? i just think it'd be sad to let a complex of sorts ruin an otherwise good relationship.
 

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Kudos to you for being open about this and understanding that change needs to be made.

I highly recommend therapy, and once you get to the root of this fetish, you can try couples therapy and see what you can do.
 

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Find someone who likes tight shirts.
Life is easier like that.
If you're trying to change your partner you've already lost.
 
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