Personality Cafe banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
I guess...imagine all the negative stereotypes associated with INFPS, then amplify them. that'd be me atm.

Its as if everything in this world is sieved and understood only through my Fi. I can't even spell objaktive.
 
Joined
·
265 Posts
do you feel like you can't be yourself in your surroundings?

I think most problems with me tend to manifest for some reason as " I am not comfortable being myself. ". Though it's often intensely complicated, it all generally comes down to those words. Would you mind giving details?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,070 Posts
I agree with the above. This usually happens when you feel offended by someone or something in some sort of way- or just uncomfortable around your surroundings in general; you're turning to your primary function, which is introverted, and you might even be assessing everything that you may think will not hurt you or be useful to you during a tough time. We will need more details, but it is a hard thing to get through. D;
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
What do you mean when you ask for help? If it is comfort you seek, I can tell you that you will find your way through any confusion you may have, and that neither your nor your Fi is defective, but in a process of refinement. Seriously!

I am presuming that there is some kind of difficulty or confusion in your life right now (whether chronic or acute) that is instigating this Fi flare-up. What often happens with us INFPs and our Fi dominance, is that when our internal self is threatened, vulnerable, or confused, Fi will go into a crisis mode where it becomes like a dictator over the other functions, diminishing the activity of the functions that are less accepted, and controlling the actions of the others.

For instance, Si, when over-reigned by Fi, will take all sensory input and create some link between the sensory input and one's self. If I may create a fictional scenario to illustrate some things, take the example of Thomas, a fictional depressed INFP, who is hanging out with a friend, Judy. Unbeknownst to Thomas, Judy's family has been fighting, and she has lost some sleep. While they are in Thomas' living room Judy sighs, and Thomas immediately thinks to himself, "Judy is bored...I am boring her. She must not like being around me."

So here Fi overruled the consideration of other options, and instead made it personal, and chose a possibility that matched a current self-view. Then as Ne is activated to consider what possibilities of action there may be, Fi will yoke Ne to its own demands again. Instead of Ne teaming up with Te to create a workable idea of how to add fun, flavor, compassion, or whatever is needed, Fi demands from Ne that it follow familiar Fi patterns. If escapism is a familiar pattern, Ne will look for ways of escape.

What this situation needs more of, among other things, is more delegation to Te and Fe. For the sake of following this idea, we will say that Thomas holds himself back from looking at how to end their time together, and instead he asks Judy, "Is everything going alright, Judy? You seem like you might be bothered by something." Judy says, "Well, I didn't really want to burden you with this, it's just that my parents have been fighting with each other so much lately, and there seems to be no peace in our house anymore. It's been wearing me out, and I've been crying about it. I just feel like a mess." Then Thomas says to her, "Oh man, that's terrible...I'm sorry about that. You know, how about we get out of this house and into the sun and go for a walk, and you can share more about it with me. I would be glad to listen. We could walk along the stream." She says, "Thanks...that sounds like just what I need right now. I appreciate that."

Here Thomas used Fe to consider Judy's needs, and to bring them both into an agreeable situation together. Once Fe determined that the confinement of the house would bring too many similar feelings of her parents fighting in the house, Fe and Te worked together to choose a game plan where they would be in the freedom of the outdoors, the light of the sun, and around the forward progress of the water, so that Judy might find more hope and comfort. By resisting Fi's impulse of escape and suppression of Fe and Te, Thomas turned a bad ending into a very good one...one that could in fact change a lot for both he and Judy. Had he not made that choice, he might have suddenly ended their time together, making Judy wonder what was wrong with her, and increasing her feelings of rejection, as well as aggravating Thomas's own issues.

The Point:

Fi, though such a gift to us, can be a curse when it takes over our mind. My suggestion is that when you find yourself in a situation where Fi is leading you into negative thoughts and impulses, stop to consider what cognitive function is needed most at that moment, because your Fi is probably trying to blind you by preventing other functions from giving their assistance. In the fictional Thomas scenario, all Thomas needed was one moment to take the focus off saving his own feelings, and balancing it out with Fe action, and Te's ability to offset the internal chaos.

Hope this helps. Any situation is replete with positive possibilities. Fi just needs to be kept in check.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,070 Posts
Matchbook, couldn't have said it better, myself. ;3
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I think I've pinpointed it: My Fi is pretty immature and has been underutilized and unrefined for quite some time...the values I had I compromised and failed to replace with anything substantial. So, my dominant Fi has simply been malfunctioning horribly. It being my dominant function doesn't really help either.

Think of it as a lack of internal maintenance.

I know what I need to do going forward. Your response was really helpful matchbook, thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,999 Posts
How about, if your Fi is out of control, work on your Te, and let it moderate for you? I find that it helps me when my Fi is coming on strong to sort out what is reasonable, logical, and helpful, and how I can make changes in my attitudes or thoughts so they can become more reasonable, logical, and helpful.
 
  • Like
Reactions: WyldFire777

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
How about, if your Fi is out of control, work on your Te, and let it moderate for you? I find that it helps me when my Fi is coming on strong to sort out what is reasonable, logical, and helpful, and how I can make changes in my attitudes or thoughts so they can become more reasonable, logical, and helpful.
I wouldn't know where to start.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,999 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
I wouldn't know where to start.
What do you mean? Consider the suggestion I just gave:
"My suggestion is that when you find yourself in a situation where Fi is leading you into negative thoughts and impulses, stop to consider what cognitive function is needed most at that moment, because your Fi is probably trying to blind you by preventing other functions from giving their assistance."
You shouldn't underestimate your intelligence. And also, don't underestimate the insistence of your Fi to quickly dissolve possibilities before you have a chance to consider them. When you recognize that your Fi is acting up in any given situation, just stop and honestly assess what would be the BEST course of action, completely aside from your feelings. In such a case, you will undoubtedly have Fi crawling up your back, whispering in your ear to deviate you from following the guidance of other functions, because usually Te is abrasive to Fi. Like the fictional situation I gave before, when Fi is determined to escape from an emotionally difficult situation, if Te is creating a model of action to persist in the situation and chart a sensible course through it, Fi is going to try to throw a tantrum, because that is threatening to Fi.

So what I am saying is that when you take a moment of consideration, you can learn what your Te is trying to do for you...and it may often oppose your Fi. But here is another facet to the situation: Your Te may give you a usable course of action, but Te cannot determine whether taking that course is ultimately the best idea. For that, you need Ti, which will analyze the whole pattern and branches of the situation to see what is the best logical action...and it is Te that can then take over and create the plan. When others are involved, which they often are in some respect, Fe used along with Ti is also imperative. Ti is even more abrasive to INFPs than Te, because it tends to intimately reveal Fi's inconsistencies and fallacies when they are there.

This might be confusing, so another scenario is in order to show these things put into practice. Something simple:

Gary is an alcoholic INFP, but has been clean for 3 weeks. He is married, has a child, and does not have a good hold of his life. He has been having difficulty at work getting along with his boss, and he is in emotional turmoil. On his way home he spots his favorite bar, and is swept away with feelings of what it would be like to go in there and have a few drinks. These 3 weeks weren't SO bad, he could probably get right back to where he is now soon enough...why not just do this? His Fi is blowing his circuits. He thinks of calling his wife and telling her that his boss wanted him to meet with a client. He stops his car on the side of the road and holds the phone in his hand, staring at it. But then he decides to take a moment to think about it. He realizes that he needs to use his Ti here. Gary looks over his past actions and tendencies and recognizes that this kind of mindset has always swept him back into addiction again. The last time he was in this position he ended up losing his job.

As he considers these and other factors, he recognizes that to go into that bar would certainly lead to his downfall at this point. But then he thinks to himself, "I don't really care right now. I don't mind dealing with this if I can at least have some alcohol again." His Ti calls out to Fe, "Hey, Fe, need your help here! Gary isn't listening to this logic, but I have determined that consideration of his wife and child lead to greater positive influence." Fe joins Ti and Gary thinks to himself, "Well, I might not really care about myself at this moment, but risking addiction through this decision would certainly mean my wife would be devastated, maybe even leave me, and how could I create that dysfunction for my child? (Fi joins with Fe) I want him to have what I didn't get to have in my childhood." So as healthier Fi is brought out with the help of Ti and Fe, Gary decides to head home. But he will probably end up in this situation again, he realizes, so what should he do? Ti helps him see that his emotional insecurities are being inflamed by his feeling of incompetency at work, and that to correct misunderstanding between he and his boss would solve a great deal. Fi, hating confrontation, resists, but Gary decides to plan (through Te here) to discuss things with his boss. His boss has been upset about his lateness and mistakes at work. Much of this is due to staying up too late. Gary decides to stick to an earlier bedtime, and calls his boss and sets up a time to meet the next day so that he can apologize for his mistakes and state his goals.

...Of course this scenario would have more complexities in real life, but it demonstrates the process that is utilized to recognize which cognitive functions to use and when. The hardest part, but the most important part is to use one's will power to resist misbehaving Fi for just a moment to let other functions have their "say". With Fi temporarily silenced, the other functions can help to create balance AND to bring out healthier Fi, like in the scenario.

It comes down to will power.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
What do you mean? Consider the suggestion I just gave:


You shouldn't underestimate your intelligence. And also, don't underestimate the insistence of your Fi to quickly dissolve possibilities before you have a chance to consider them. When you recognize that your Fi is acting up in any given situation, just stop and honestly assess what would be the BEST course of action, completely aside from your feelings. In such a case, you will undoubtedly have Fi crawling up your back, whispering in your ear to deviate you from following the guidance of other functions, because usually Te is abrasive to Fi. Like the fictional situation I gave before, when Fi is determined to escape from an emotionally difficult situation, if Te is creating a model of action to persist in the situation and chart a sensible course through it, Fi is going to try to throw a tantrum, because that is threatening to Fi.

So what I am saying is that when you take a moment of consideration, you can learn what your Te is trying to do for you...and it may often oppose your Fi. But here is another facet to the situation: Your Te may give you a usable course of action, but Te cannot determine whether taking that course is ultimately the best idea. For that, you need Ti, which will analyze the whole pattern and branches of the situation to see what is the best logical action...and it is Te that can then take over and create the plan. When others are involved, which they often are in some respect, Fe used along with Ti is also imperative. Ti is even more abrasive to INFPs than Te, because it tends to intimately reveal Fi's inconsistencies and fallacies when they are there.

This might be confusing, so another scenario is in order to show these things put into practice. Something simple:

Gary is an alcoholic INFP, but has been clean for 3 weeks. He is married, has a child, and does not have a good hold of his life. He has been having difficulty at work getting along with his boss, and he is in emotional turmoil. On his way home he spots his favorite bar, and is swept away with feelings of what it would be like to go in there and have a few drinks. These 3 weeks weren't SO bad, he could probably get right back to where he is now soon enough...why not just do this? His Fi is blowing his circuits. He thinks of calling his wife and telling her that his boss wanted him to meet with a client. He stops his car on the side of the road and holds the phone in his hand, staring at it. But then he decides to take a moment to think about it. He realizes that he needs to use his Ti here. Gary looks over his past actions and tendencies and recognizes that this kind of mindset has always swept him back into addiction again. The last time he was in this position he ended up losing his job.

As he considers these and other factors, he recognizes that to go into that bar would certainly lead to his downfall at this point. But then he thinks to himself, "I don't really care right now. I don't mind dealing with this if I can at least have some alcohol again." His Ti calls out to Fe, "Hey, Fe, need your help here! Gary isn't listening to this logic, but I have determined that consideration of his wife and child lead to greater positive influence." Fe joins Ti and Gary thinks to himself, "Well, I might not really care about myself at this moment, but risking addiction through this decision would certainly mean my wife would be devastated, maybe even leave me, and how could I create that dysfunction for my child? (Fi joins with Fe) I want him to have what I didn't get to have in my childhood." So as healthier Fi is brought out with the help of Ti and Fe, Gary decides to head home. But he will probably end up in this situation again, he realizes, so what should he do? Ti helps him see that his emotional insecurities are being inflamed by his feeling of incompetency at work, and that to correct misunderstanding between he and his boss would solve a great deal. Fi, hating confrontation, resists, but Gary decides to plan (through Te here) to discuss things with his boss. His boss has been upset about his lateness and mistakes at work. Much of this is due to staying up too late. Gary decides to stick to an earlier bedtime, and calls his boss and sets up a time to meet the next day so that he can apologize for his mistakes and state his goals.

...Of course this scenario would have more complexities in real life, but it demonstrates the process that is utilized to recognize which cognitive functions to use and when. The hardest part, but the most important part is to use one's will power to resist misbehaving Fi for just a moment to let other functions have their "say". With Fi temporarily silenced, the other functions can help to create balance AND to bring out healthier Fi, like in the scenario.

It comes down to will power.
thank you, I absolutely believe that it comes down to will power.

I just meant that I feel so helplessly drowned in Fi during certain (most) situations that pausing and objectively thinking through the situation seemed impossible-of course its not and I just need practice and determination.

I've been working toward developing my Te lately & I've made some pretty awesome progress. It feels very foreign and weak but I can't deny how necessary its development is.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top