Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
We had been dating for a bit. I loved her, and she said she loved me and wanted to be with me the rest of her life. Then she left me because she had to choose between me and another guy. Made me feel unbelievably horrible. That was a few weeks ago. Then just last night I learned that there was no hope remaining and that she was dating the other guy. It wasn't even her that told me, either. It's just like a nightmare come true, because I never even considered doing something similar. I just wanted nothing else in the world but her, but I guess in the end that doesn't matter. Now I'm alone, and I can't help but think that's my fault. I don't know how particularly, but could it really have gone from one extreme of her loving me and wanting me above everyone else to the next of her leaving me for someone else? I ask you guys since you're all a group of like-minded individuals. Do you blame yourself after these kinds of things, normally? How would you cope with it? How would you move on? How do you remain hopeful that another one who you love will come along? And feel the same way? How can you again trust someone when they say they love you, when feelings towards you before have changed seemingly in the blink of an eye? I mean, no one else seems to understand how I've felt lately. Just crushed. You know, it's not like I look for meaningless flings and it's not like I want a lover just for the hell of it. I was committed to her. I may not be perfect, and maybe somehow I did screw it up, but I try. And if there's anything I am it's a good, faithful, caring person. Agh, I don't know. I don't want to be mad at her either. I still do love her. She still wants to be friends. But I feel a little betrayed among...many other feelings. I hate going on about my problems to people, but I wanna know what you guys think, if you'd be so kind. =/
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
780 Posts
Sorry man, that sounds horrible. It stinks because for us, love is the MOST important thing, and it matters more than anything else, and when someone crushes us, we stay hurt for a long time. I have no advice, but to say that I know how hard it is to find true love, then not have it returned. Worst feeling in the world.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
It is. And maybe you're right and maybe it'll take awhile. I still can't really think about anything else. I hardly even want to eat. When I was with her I was happy. And then everything just crashed down. And I think she could have at least handled it better too. But thanks, the fact that you understand at least makes it at little easier.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,514 Posts
dude, same shit happened to me last year! Except I kept getting dragged back into it by her 'wavering'. If she tries to drag you back while she's with other dude, tell her to shove it. Don't sweat it, you probably did nothing wrong.

And I know your pain, you want nothing else in the world, you'd do anything, and you wonder why she isn't going for you.

The good thing about love is that love is flexible. Find someone that can return your feelings and not someone that acts as a black hole of human emotion.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
I think what's really important is to feel the feeling fully, and then process it. The thoughts are what can keep you stuck. She's a b****, she's heartless, etc, etc. None of those are particularly helpful, unless you want to stay stuck in feeling depressed, and helpless. When I was younger, it felt like the end of the world when relationships ended.
But as I've gotten older I realize that I would much rather be in a relationship with someone who loves me and wants to be with me. As opposed to getting fixated on women who don't want to be with me, and not reaching out to another woman. "I might get hurt again, it's scary to take a risk" could all be thoughts that could keep you stuck if you let them. Life is risk, LOVE is risk and it's worth it, so go back out there when you feel ready to meet someone else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Rogue Eagle: Well, I wouldn't call her a black hole of human emotion. She's actually pretty sweet...ah. I mean she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me, I think. Although perhaps that caused her to hurt me more.

And you're absolutely right, that's exactly how I feel. I would do anything, I'd go through the fires of hell for her, but it's like, there's nothing I can do...I've been feeling rather helpless, and because her decision directly corresponds with how I feel, it's like I don't have any control of my own life, as if I'm just a spectator to my own life. I had actually considered just leaving awhile after she told me she was deciding, because I couldn't take it and it was radically affecting my life, and I didn't want to get hurt. But I couldn't do that...for obvious reasons.

And yeah, it's hard to say, but it's all done now. She chose, so I'm not in this situation anymore, it's over.

starwars3869: Thanks. I guess you're right. Just try my hardest to move on, right? Took me a long time to even get to this girl though. Who knows how long it could take to get another. And the odd thing is, I don't feel excessive malice towards her. Maybe I'm upset, but I don't hate her or anything, you know? I'm not sure if I have good reason to or not, but I don't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
205 Posts
I'm probably going to get stoned for this, but I want to give my input. Fact is, I did this myself to a girl not too long ago.:sad:

She was INFP too, and only a few weeks after I had told her that I loved her, I had to reject her for another girl. It was incredibly painful to do, believe me. Part of me was heart-broken about it, because I honestly, truly cared for her. I wanted her to be as happy as possible, and I wanted to be the person who could love her the way she deserved. When I realized I couldn't live up to that role, I took the decision to tell her early. She would only be more hurt if I kept waiting.

I had been seeing these two persons for almost three months when it happened. I fell in love with the first girl quickly, because she was quick to open up to me. She had the most amazing personality, but I wasn't attracted to her physically. I ignored that, because I didn't want to be a shallow person, thinking that it would develop over time.

As time passed, I realized it wouldn't happen. At best, she could only be a platonic love to me. At the same time, the other girl (which I foolishly didn't exclude from my life) had opened up enough for me to see that she had a beautiful personality, too. And she had the physical *spark* that the other lacked. I panicked a bit, because I suddenly knew that I couldn't love the first girl, who I had confessed to, the way she deserved. I knew that I would only think of the other person when we kissed or had sex. So I had to tell her the truth.

My reasoning was this: if I can't love her fully, she deserves someone better than me.

I messed up royally, I know. I don't intend to defend my decision the slightest. I really mistreated this girl. Afterwards, I told her many many times that she was perfect the way she was, that she had done nothing wrong and that I was an asshole who jumped to a promise I couldn't keep. I'm not without emotions, as you can probably guess. My mistake was that I didn't understand my emotions fully, and that I ignored some of them. It was sheer immaturity, I'm willing to admit.

Up until this point, I didn't think it was possible to be in love with two persons at the same time. But it turned out that it is indeed possible, and it leads to big damn trouble.

Joseph, you have all the right in the world to feel betrayed. I don't really have anything to say to ease the pain, but please don't hate us. We really only want you guys to be happy, and the devastating realization we made was that no matter how much we wanted to love you, we couldn't. :/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
301 Posts
I went through my first heartbreak about two years ago. It ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. It took me about three months to feel sorta normal again, but when I did, I felt even BETTER than I did before I started dating my ex. I had an enhanced sense of self esteem, I was truly happy simply being with myself, getting to know myself all over again, and falling in love with life.

I guess when I did have to cope, I had to allow myself to feel the pain fully. I allowed myself to feel angry, to remember the things about him and the relationship that were not good. It's hard to do that at first, but it helped me. I basically just had to let the pain and confusion run its course, and I eventually got stronger, realized that I could find love again, and moved on. Oh, and the thing that helped me the most, probably, was cutting off all contact. Many people will make excuses, like "Oh, it's okay, I can still talk to him/her and be okay. She/he still wants me as a friend." But that is just going to make the pain worse and longer. It's best to stop any contact until you feel like you're truly over it, and then try to be friends. I am now casual friends with my ex and it is fine. I have no feelings of anger, or any attraction either. But that took about two years. I had to delete him from my facebook, stop emailing, stop calling, stop talking online, had to delete all the pictures (save for a few that I kept locked away). After I did that, I truly started getting over it. Less reminders of how much I had loved him, less reminders of our relationship. I could finally start focusing on myself, regaining what I had lost of myself in the relationship. It was wonderful when I had the epipheny that I was over him. It's weird. It just happened one day. He tried to start talking to me again, and he did something hurtful again, and I was just like "Fuck it. I am over this. Why would I need someone who hurts me in my life? It's bull shit." And just like that, I was happy again. I no longer had any love for him.

Anyway, sorry for all that rambling. But it's true what they say, time heals all wounds :p And once again, I highly recommend cutting off contact until you are stronger within yourself! Good luck, I know how much it hurts!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Amanda: Yeah, I guess so. =/ Honestly, this is probably a little better than remaining in that torturous limbo I was in for a few weeks, wondering what she was gonna do. At least I know now.

Oliver: First, I should probably mention that my real name is James. Joseph Barkin is actually an obscure Silent Hill 2 character. And I really understand your dilemma. You really had good intentions, it seems. You did better there than alot of people can do in that sort of situation. There's a bit of this situation I left out though. The guy she left me for was her ex before me. She had me believing way beyond a shadow of a doubt that she wanted me and me solely before we started dating. For awhile prior to us dating she had been coming on to me pretty strongly, but I urged her to focus on her relationship with him and to stop thinking about me. But after she did inevitably break up with him, we got together. And then it kinda developed into all this apparently.

I don't know what to think of that overall, whether to think I was used here, whether to think she lied when she said how much she cared about me, whether I screwed up, whether I wasn't what she expected...or all of those even. I don't hate her, as I said. And your situation overall was pretty difficult. Maybe it's similar. I don't know. I don't really want to think about understanding her perspective.

J Remi: I know precisely what you mean right now, my friend. >_>

Lummex: I have already tried to get rid of alot of the things that I was kinda clinging onto. Pictures of her, stuff I made for her, songs she...liked. <_< Still think about her every minute though. Hope that wears off. I'm not sure if I should embrace everything I'm feeling to try to get past it or try to move on as quickly as I can. Like, exploring my feelings and my thoughts about it or just try not to and just focus on moving forward and going on with life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
233 Posts
I'm probably going to get stoned for this, but I want to give my input. Fact is, I did this myself to a girl not too long ago.:sad:

Joseph, you have all the right in the world to feel betrayed. I don't really have anything to say to ease the pain, but please don't hate us. We really only want you guys to be happy, and the devastating realization we made was that no matter how much we wanted to love you, we couldn't. :/
I think it's very easy to forget how much pain the other side feels in a situation like this. Having just gone through something kinda similar myself I have to say reading what you posted has helped.

Amanda: Yeah, I guess so. =/ Honestly, this is probably a little better than remaining in that torturous limbo I was in for a few weeks, wondering what she was gonna do. At least I know now.
Torturous limbo is right. I felt an emotional wreck in a similar situation, but when the decision was made I felt oddly at peace about things.

Amanda:
I don't know what to think of that overall, whether to think I was used here, whether to think she lied when she said how much she cared about me, whether I screwed up, whether I wasn't what she expected...or all of those even. I don't hate her, as I said.


I've been going through all that lately, and it sucks. Like you said though, you still find it hard to hate them don't you? In my case I was left in limbo for 2 weeks, rejected, took it really well, and was slowly beginning to trust them again. Then I find out a couple of weeks later they are now in a relationship with someone else. I found out indirectly as well, and during the time between we were still talking just about as much as before she rejected me. Fair play to her she even came to apologise for not telling me herself, but considering the fact she said she had started seeing this other guy a few weeks before she rejected me... it just made me start questioning everything she's told me before.

For me it's the fact I feel the trust I placed in the other person has been violated so brazenly that hurts the most. How can someone you care about so much even think about doing something like that? They may have done it out of not wanting to hurt you... but I think that part of things just makes it hurt all the more.

Amanda:
I have already tried to get rid of alot of the things that I was kinda clinging onto. Pictures of her, stuff I made for her, songs she...liked. <_< Still think about her every minute though. Hope that wears off. I'm not sure if I should embrace everything I'm feeling to try to get past it or try to move on as quickly as I can. Like, exploring my feelings and my thoughts about it or just try not to and just focus on moving forward and going on with life.


I've found embracing everything i'm feeling now is helping. I thought about just "driving on", but bottling up pain like this is probably a bad idea in the long run. Thanks for posting this thread though, it really has helped me not feel alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,172 Posts
Oh God.. reading this made me feel like complete and total shit. I did this to my boyfriend. And when I think about it I still want to cry and it was almost a year ago.

My boyfriend and I are in a LDR that's been on the rocks since a little after our one year. He crushed me when I got to visit him for a month and I never recovered. We broke up and got back together afterward, but I still couldn't feel his love (he's ISTP so it's partly his personality, partly cause he's not the greatest communicator). I lost hope and was depressed all the time but I still loved him. And then I met a guy who told me I didn't deserve to feel like that..he was incredible and had the world to offer me.. I was torn in two about it for a month or so. I still loved my boyfriend and felt like I owed it to him to go see him (we'd already planned a trip for me to see him) but I had no hope..and the guy, he was so good. I ended up deciding at the last minute not to go see my boyfriend and to end it. It crushed me so badly. The worst part is after all the time I couldn't feel his love, he fought for me so hard. I can't even imagine the pain I caused him. Just thinking about it hurts. Long story short, me and the guy didn't work out, and I finally felt free to atone for what I did. I went to see my boyfriend to apologize for everything and he still wanted me..so we got back together.
We haven't been able to get our relationship together until just before he is going to Guam..during a period where we are long distance. And again I've already lost hope. Not because of a guy this time, but it feels like I am doing the same time to him again. I love him, but I don't know if I want to be with him..it hurts so bad..and again I am hurting him beyond words. It sucks so bad..

I just want to say one thing. You seem to think it's your fault she left. I doubt it. If you did something to cause her to leave you it would be very clear. It's most likely her. Please don't beat yourself up for it..just push on until you feel yourself again.

Yeah, it's hard to trust someone if you've been hurt like that. I guess the only way you can be sure that "I love you and want to be with you forever" means just that is to tune in also to the relationship itself. There's usually some kind of clue that the relationship isn't doing well, such as one person's unhappiness, etc. Were there any clues at all for you or was it just out of the blue completely?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
My first love and I broke up over 2 years ago, I believe. Nothing is more painful than your first love hurting you, but in the end, you turn stronger. It's an overused saying, but it's true in all forms of ways.

At best, please be careful about dating indecisive people. Usually the warning signs of an indecisive person are extremely easy to catch early in the dating stage, and you must act accordingly when you see them. Remember when you date a new person to keep your mind open to the possibilities that this person may not be right for you or may hurt you. Do a casual background check on them; Do they have a questionable reputation? Do their friends love them but a big group of people despise them? It's for a reason. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and save them for when you are 100% sure that this person is a good catch. Too many people are blinded by love and attraction, and I was a victim of it for a few times.

Next time, be realistic when dating someone. You'll be better off.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,300 Posts
We had been dating for a bit. I loved her, and she said she loved me and wanted to be with me the rest of her life. Then she left me because she had to choose between me and another guy. Made me feel unbelievably horrible. That was a few weeks ago. Then just last night I learned that there was no hope remaining and that she was dating the other guy. It wasn't even her that told me, either. It's just like a nightmare come true, because I never even considered doing something similar. I just wanted nothing else in the world but her, but I guess in the end that doesn't matter. Now I'm alone, and I can't help but think that's my fault. I don't know how particularly, but could it really have gone from one extreme of her loving me and wanting me above everyone else to the next of her leaving me for someone else? I ask you guys since you're all a group of like-minded individuals. Do you blame yourself after these kinds of things, normally? How would you cope with it? How would you move on? How do you remain hopeful that another one who you love will come along? And feel the same way? How can you again trust someone when they say they love you, when feelings towards you before have changed seemingly in the blink of an eye? I mean, no one else seems to understand how I've felt lately. Just crushed. You know, it's not like I look for meaningless flings and it's not like I want a lover just for the hell of it. I was committed to her. I may not be perfect, and maybe somehow I did screw it up, but I try. And if there's anything I am it's a good, faithful, caring person. Agh, I don't know. I don't want to be mad at her either. I still do love her. She still wants to be friends. But I feel a little betrayed among...many other feelings. I hate going on about my problems to people, but I wanna know what you guys think, if you'd be so kind. =/
People suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they all talk of love but to the majority it's a nice, fluffy feeling that's easily picked up and taken with the slightest breeze. They've no idea what it really is or how to do it.

Hopefully you will meet a girl who really does.

I ususally just beat myself up, think the worst of myself for a while; brood, mope and ball my eyes out until I've made myself sufficiently miserable and then I begin to hope again and move on.

As cheesy as it sounds, it's a "process" (gawd I hate that word, but it fits.)
It happens to everyone, try not to feel too bad and know that she and this new guy have about a 0.5% chance of actually working out. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
Ha, I was just going through my user CP and realized this was just posted in yesterday. And after 3 months this is still on my mind all the time. I haven't spoken to her since around shortly after I made this topic. Though it's not because I haven't wanted to, I've been unable to. There's actually still a chance of us still being together...and I still haven't given up on that, entirely. Probably makes me seem a little pathetic. I'm not relying on it, by any means, but I haven't ruled it out entirely...When there's hope it's hard to let go completely, even after this long. Or maybe I'm just weak. >_> I'm 17, by the way, as that information seems partially relevant.

I've been going through all that lately, and it sucks. Like you said though, you still find it hard to hate them don't you? In my case I was left in limbo for 2 weeks, rejected, took it really well, and was slowly beginning to trust them again. Then I find out a couple of weeks later they are now in a relationship with someone else. I found out indirectly as well, and during the time between we were still talking just about as much as before she rejected me. Fair play to her she even came to apologise for not telling me herself, but considering the fact she said she had started seeing this other guy a few weeks before she rejected me... it just made me start questioning everything she's told me before.

For me it's the fact I feel the trust I placed in the other person has been violated so brazenly that hurts the most. How can someone you care about so much even think about doing something like that? They may have done it out of not wanting to hurt you... but I think that part of things just makes it hurt all the more.
I can't hate her. I mean, it's not like she intended to hurt me. Even now, I still love her. And I'm really sorry you had to go through that. But it's not your fault and you gotta treat every situation differently. No matter what she did to you, it doesn't have to affect anything in the future, and it doesn't mean the next person is likely to do the same. I hope you understand that.

I've found embracing everything i'm feeling now is helping. I thought about just "driving on", but bottling up pain like this is probably a bad idea in the long run. Thanks for posting this thread though, it really has helped me not feel alone.
Of course you're not alone; thank YOU. I'm glad I could help you, however much it is worth. And I mean that. You sound like a good guy, it'll go well for you as long as you don't lose hope.

Oh God.. reading this made me feel like complete and total shit. I did this to my boyfriend. And when I think about it I still want to cry and it was almost a year ago.

My boyfriend and I are in a LDR that's been on the rocks since a little after our one year. He crushed me when I got to visit him for a month and I never recovered. We broke up and got back together afterward, but I still couldn't feel his love (he's ISTP so it's partly his personality, partly cause he's not the greatest communicator). I lost hope and was depressed all the time but I still loved him. And then I met a guy who told me I didn't deserve to feel like that..he was incredible and had the world to offer me.. I was torn in two about it for a month or so. I still loved my boyfriend and felt like I owed it to him to go see him (we'd already planned a trip for me to see him) but I had no hope..and the guy, he was so good. I ended up deciding at the last minute not to go see my boyfriend and to end it. It crushed me so badly. The worst part is after all the time I couldn't feel his love, he fought for me so hard. I can't even imagine the pain I caused him. Just thinking about it hurts. Long story short, me and the guy didn't work out, and I finally felt free to atone for what I did. I went to see my boyfriend to apologize for everything and he still wanted me..so we got back together.
We haven't been able to get our relationship together until just before he is going to Guam..during a period where we are long distance. And again I've already lost hope. Not because of a guy this time, but it feels like I am doing the same time to him again. I love him, but I don't know if I want to be with him..it hurts so bad..and again I am hurting him beyond words. It sucks so bad..

I just want to say one thing. You seem to think it's your fault she left. I doubt it. If you did something to cause her to leave you it would be very clear. It's most likely her. Please don't beat yourself up for it..just push on until you feel yourself again.

Yeah, it's hard to trust someone if you've been hurt like that. I guess the only way you can be sure that "I love you and want to be with you forever" means just that is to tune in also to the relationship itself. There's usually some kind of clue that the relationship isn't doing well, such as one person's unhappiness, etc. Were there any clues at all for you or was it just out of the blue completely?
Maybe I'm just...ignorant or something, but it did just blindside me. Everything seemed to be going well. Though, in hindsight, maybe there were some differences that could make her think that perhaps I wasn't right. I think maybe it COULD be because I'm not like the...horny, please-you-sexually kinda guy. And she's kinda...like that. >_> I thought maybe because I lacked that maybe it caused some doubts from her. But just speculation. I mean she said nothing was my fault, or it was nothing with me, but as you said, there's usually some kind of clue. If I was just the perfect guy then she wouldn't have had doubts, so maybe she was holding back some stuff, which she shouldn't do. Gaaaah.

But I guess you are right, maybe it would be obvious if there was a problem...I try not to blame myself, but I don't want to blame her. I don't know.

As for your dilemma, please don't blame yourself for anything. I don't wanna butt my nose in, I mean, I don't know you, and maybe I misunderstood your situation or something too, that's possible...but you need to make a decision that is in the best long term interests of the both of you. And...if you're not confident that it can work out, maybe it's just time to move on and let him move on. But still, it's your life and your business. And I hope things work out for you.

My first love and I broke up over 2 years ago, I believe. Nothing is more painful than your first love hurting you, but in the end, you turn stronger. It's an overused saying, but it's true in all forms of ways.

At best, please be careful about dating indecisive people. Usually the warning signs of an indecisive person are extremely easy to catch early in the dating stage, and you must act accordingly when you see them. Remember when you date a new person to keep your mind open to the possibilities that this person may not be right for you or may hurt you. Do a casual background check on them; Do they have a questionable reputation? Do their friends love them but a big group of people despise them? It's for a reason. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and save them for when you are 100% sure that this person is a good catch. Too many people are blinded by love and attraction, and I was a victim of it for a few times.

Next time, be realistic when dating someone. You'll be better off.
I'm being more realistic when..."evaluating" people as love interests. >_> I have also yet to have another girlfriend, though there is someone I'm kinda interested in. She's taken though, so yeah. But you actually bring up very interesting questions to ask of people you consider. It's hard though because I notice I will basically never admit bad things of people I care about. >_> And it's not because I consciously try not to, I guess I just believe they're good people and everyone makes mistakes or the like.

People suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they all talk of love but to the majority it's a nice, fluffy feeling that's easily picked up and taken with the slightest breeze. They've no idea what it really is or how to do it.

Hopefully you will meet a girl who really does.

I ususally just beat myself up, think the worst of myself for a while; brood, mope and ball my eyes out until I've made myself sufficiently miserable and then I begin to hope again and move on.

As cheesy as it sounds, it's a "process" (gawd I hate that word, but it fits.)
It happens to everyone, try not to feel too bad and know that she and this new guy have about a 0.5% chance of actually working out. ;)
Should I feel bad that that knowledge actually makes me feel better? >_>; And I really appreciate your well-wishings. I feel especially lonely and pessimistic lately. Hopefully I can end up happy.

Thank you all very much for your advice though. As said, I appreciate it. I wouldn't usually ask for help on a public message board because I feel kinda like I seem like I'm clamoring for attention. But there's good people here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
233 Posts
Ha, I was just going through my user CP and realized this was just posted in yesterday. And after 3 months this is still on my mind all the time. I haven't spoken to her since around shortly after I made this topic. Though it's not because I haven't wanted to, I've been unable to. There's actually still a chance of us still being together...and I still haven't given up on that, entirely. Probably makes me seem a little pathetic. I'm not relying on it, by any means, but I haven't ruled it out entirely...When there's hope it's hard to let go completely, even after this long. Or maybe I'm just weak. >_> I'm 17, by the way, as that information seems partially relevant.
I think accepting that nothing was ever going to happen, even if there is a 1 in a million chance of something happening in the future, has been one of the main things that's helped me move on so quickly. Oh don't get me wrong it's still on my mind a bit at the moment, but it's surprised me how quickly things have changed in a week or so.

I don't think it makes you seem pathetic at all! When you care about someone so much, and in your case the chance might be a lot higher than in mine, you are always going to find it hard to let go. The heart wants what the heart wants after all, and when that person was wrapped up in so many of your dreams/hopes for the future again it's incredibly hard to just let go.

I can't hate her. I mean, it's not like she intended to hurt me. Even now, I still love her. And I'm really sorry you had to go through that. But it's not your fault and you gotta treat every situation differently. No matter what she did to you, it doesn't have to affect anything in the future, and it doesn't mean the next person is likely to do the same. I hope you understand that.

Of course you're not alone; thank YOU. I'm glad I could help you, however much it is worth. And I mean that. You sound like a good guy, it'll go well for you as long as you don't lose hope.
Exactly. You could come out of this thinking that everyone would be the same, and then you might miss out on meeting someone truly special as a result. Luckily i've never been one to let go of hope, even at the worst of times :)


Maybe I'm just...ignorant or something, but it did just blindside me. Everything seemed to be going well. Though, in hindsight, maybe there were some differences that could make her think that perhaps I wasn't right. I think maybe it COULD be because I'm not like the...horny, please-you-sexually kinda guy. And she's kinda...like that. >_> I thought maybe because I lacked that maybe it caused some doubts from her. But just speculation. I mean she said nothing was my fault, or it was nothing with me, but as you said, there's usually some kind of clue. If I was just the perfect guy then she wouldn't have had doubts, so maybe she was holding back some stuff, which she shouldn't do. Gaaaah.

But I guess you are right, maybe it would be obvious if there was a problem...I try not to blame myself, but I don't want to blame her. I don't know.
You can really drive yourself nuts thinking about the whole "what ifs" can't you. Especially when things seem to be going so well it's like "whoa where did that come from!?". I think if the other person has more experience in dating maybe they just know more instinctively what they want. In addition it's also the case that there are so many things that one person will see as a "negative" others would see as a "positive" that's just the way it goes! Ultimately some of that is so far outside of your control that worrying about it excessively doesn't help, but when you're into the other person in a big way... yeah it's hard to not spend time doing so.

I'm being more realistic when..."evaluating" people as love interests. >_>
I think that's something I've taken out of all of this too. I mean no-one is perfect, but I've been paying more attention to feelings that "this might not be the right person" in my mind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
244 Posts
The song "Peace, Pain and Regret" by The Anniversary comes to mind...
It's in our nature to hurt and be hurt, what may seem to you to be an insignificant action could be a tragedy to someone else, so accept the pain of the situation, allow it to mature you, and try to move on.
 
  • Like
Reactions: cheezey

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
I'm going through almost the exact same thing, except not quite as rough being that she didn't choose another guy over me. I can only imagine how much worse that would feel.
What's gotten me through it, other than a lot of breakup songs (ex: Fuck it, by Eamon, it makes me feel 10x better) , is the peace of mind knowing that at least it was "nipped in the bud" now, rather than when things got real serious, such as getting married.
Also, at least with me, being that it was a "first love", I always had a part of me that wanted to play the field at least a little before I settled down, even though I'm very picky and and by no means a ladies man.
It's not all bad, I like to think there's someone out there who feels the same about me as I do them. Eventually, with the mindset these girls seem to have, they'll end up getting screwed over by these asshole guys they go after while we'll be sitting pretty.
Best of luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
206 Posts
I hate love I swear I can't do it right, I got messed up after the first time I fell in love and I've swurved it twice since, but I'm still messed up about that first unrequited experience, and that was five years ago.
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Top