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For our final project for a university course, one of my close friends asked me to be in a group with her and this was the biggest mistake I've done. Please let me know if I'm overreacting.

So we're supposed to produce a short film. In the beginning, she wanted to use her friend's script (which isn't in our group) and I personally didn't like it. She's the lazy type of person who just wants to depend on others. So I told her I want to write my own script, and I'll do this project solo.

Then she tried to convince me that there is no time to write a script and her friend's script is good.

At the end, her friend decided not wanting us to use her script. So I ended up writing it.

After working really hard on the script and finally finalizing it. "My friend" told me she wants to be the screenwriter and she was trying to add some parts to my script which made no sense at all. I tried to be nice to her and include the parts she wants (which are random stuff)

She ended up telling everyone that she wrote the script and is asking me to credit her.

During filming, she is not doing anything at all and at the end she ends up complaining about the other members in our group.

Her role in the group is editing. And she actually wants me to do it. I agreed because I'm good at editing and I don't want her to do it cause it will end up looking shitty

But now I'm realizing that editing takes so much time and it is her task to do it. Even if she don't know how to she must learn just like how I'm learning. Plus, now that we added a lot of pointless parts to the film I'm not motivated to edit.

Do you think I should confront her and let her edit or I should do the editing since I promised?
 

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She's playing you, and you're letting her!

So far this arrangement is working great for her. She rightly assumed you would let her get away with this, and this is why she asked you to join the group.

First off...she's no friend.

If you want honest advice, I would end the friendship immediately, and walk away.

I would also make it known to everyone how little she has actually done. Do not allow her to take credit for your work.

You're letting yourself be treated like a doormat. If you don't like that, and don't want to it to continue, then put a stop to it. You have the power to do that.
 

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She's playing you, and you're letting her!

So far this arrangement is working great for her. She rightly assumed you would let her get away with this, and this is why she asked you to join the group.

First off...she's no friend.

If you want honest advice, I would end the friendship immediately, and walk away.

I would also make it known to everyone how little she has actually done. Do not allow her to take credit for your work.

You're letting yourself be treated like a doormat. If you don't like that, and don't want to it to continue, then put a stop to it. You have the power to do that.
I realized that! But honestly, she's a really childish type of person so that's why I'm trying to be sympathetic towards her. Like she even lets me cook for her everyday. She wants me to do her home-works. I don't feel I'm benefiting from this friendship anymore

Yesterday, she made me feel bad. I was saying I will work individually for the next assignment (research paper) and she was just trying to convince me that I'm not good at writing and I should be with her in a group. And I just find it funny cause I'm one of the top students in writing.
 

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Why are you being sympathetic toward someone who is manipulating you and abusing you? Why on earth are you cooking for her?

Like I said, this is a great arrangement for her. As long as you keep her in your life, she will continue to abuse you.

Either stop speaking to her completely, and cut all ties, or learn to enjoy being taken advantage of in every way possible!

When it comes to someone like that, there is no in between. Either you cut them out of your life completely, or let them walk all over you.
 

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For a college final project, you do what you need to do to get the grade you want.

Your teacher probably doesn't care who did the work. If the result sucks, it sucks, and your grade will reflect that. The end. Your professor has heard the sob stories of bad group workers a million times, but your professor can't give positive marks to work that doesn't exist. You must make good work exist.

It doesn't matter if she gets a good grade because of you, even though she's a bad person. Do what you need to do to do a good job. You don't need to be thanked for it. Doing the right thing is often a thankless job. There are people who do bad in the world, but you have to keep doing good anyway. So what if you accidentally help a bad person?

If a mosquito is sucking my blood, I can't stop pumping blood to it out of spite. No, I have to keep living and keeping myself healthy. I can use mosquito repellant in the future, but in the meantime, parasites happen. You soothe the itching, treat any diseases, and move on.

After the project, you can talk to/email your professor about it. The point of the communication is not to beg for a better grade or to be petty. In full acceptance of the results you achieved, you can let the professor know that your partner didn't pull her weight and that you had to do the project yourself. Don't expect anything good to happen to you or anything bad to happen to her. The only thing you're doing is sowing the seeds that your partner is not skilled at working with others or doing her job, and you're sowing the seed that you can can work hard enough to carry a group on your shoulders and that you are in calm control of yourself, no matter how many parasites are sucking your blood. These perspectives you show your professor may spread throughout your field of study and benefit you in the long run. And maybe your professor will take some present action, but don't expect them to.

It's okay to be upset at your loser "friend," but remember that you still have a job to do. Your project in class is not about friendships or relationships, so take that out of the professional equation.
 
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This reminds me of a year end uni project I did in engineering. Some of the members in my group did not get along because of a similar difficult person issue. I had the same issue come up. I felt it was better to have all of the interpersonal confrontation early to clear up all of the issues. I knew we were going to get bad grades if we kept having an inefficient organization. I had a confrontation with the difficult person, and he started shouting in class in front of the professor, who ignored us. I publicly chastised him for being slow, inefficient and illogical. He stormed out of the room crying. Later, the difficult guy apologized and we patched things up. He agreed that I would have authority over the project in exchange for me managing and doing more of the work. In the end, I earned his respect due to our exceptional team performance.

So you should have the confrontation as early as possible. That way you ensure that the workflow is not compromised, so then everyone gets an A. We confront because we care, even though it hurts peoples feelings in the short term. If you are a good friend to your group mates, you would want the best result for everyone irregardless of their feelings because school is like a job where success is important and measured by grades. If you are a good friend, you want your friend to improve, grow and mature even if her feelings are hurt.

Sometimes you need to have assertive confrontation to take charge, guide people, and be a leader. Group projects are organized as such for that purpose, to draw out and develop those nascent leadership skills. Being a leader allows us to leave a legacy of excellence for the short lives that we live.
 

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This reminds me of a year end uni project I did in engineering. Some of the members in my group did not get along because of a similar difficult person issue. I had the same issue come up. I felt it was better to have all of the interpersonal confrontation early to clear up all of the issues. I knew we were going to get bad grades if we kept having an inefficient organization. I had a confrontation with the difficult person, and he started shouting in class in front of the professor, who ignored us. I publicly chastised him for being slow, inefficient and illogical. He stormed out of the room crying. Later, the difficult guy apologized and we patched things up. He agreed that I would have authority over the project in exchange for me managing and doing more of the work. In the end, I earned his respect due to our exceptional team performance.

So you should have the confrontation as early as possible. That way you ensure that the workflow is not compromised, so then everyone gets an A. We confront because we care, even though it hurts peoples feelings in the short term. If you are a good friend to your group mates, you would want the best result for everyone irregardless of their feelings because school is like a job where success is important and measured by grades. If you are a good friend, you want your friend to improve, grow and mature even if her feelings are hurt.

Sometimes you need to have assertive confrontation to take charge, guide people, and be a leader. Group projects are organized as such for that purpose, to draw out and develop those nascent leadership skills. Being a leader allows us to leave a legacy of excellence for the short lives that we live.
You publicly humiliated your teammate? There's more tactful ways to get the message across. How would you feel if someone said to you, "You're slow, illogical and inefficient"? Judging just makes people feel bad and get defensive. Clearly your classmate was able to deal with your harsh way of confronting him and come back to the team, but trust me when I say there are better ways to confront a person. Instead of saying, "you're slow" the group can talk about and agree on deadlines for everyone's part and you can even straight up say, "Hey last time you missed the deadline. If you miss this next one, not only will you be letting us all down but I'll have to tell the professor that you weren't doing your share of the work and you don't deserve the same grade as the rest of us." Instead of "you're illogical" which is an insult, you can say "Oh ok thanks for those ideas and input, but what about __? I think maybe __would be good for x, y, and z reasons. What do you guys think?" If you address the topic at hand rather than calling people illogical, it allows everyone to save face and keeps everyone on track.

IMO, you're totally right and it's way better to have confrontation upfront, but tactfulness is important. IME the truly amazing teams have tactful, considerate leaders who take into account the feelings of their teammates while also focusing on the bottom line and tasks of the group.

and @Suzziexo sorry about your friend slacking and stealing credit. That sounds pretty annoying. It really is up to you to decide what you want to do. Although I wonder if she'd actually edit if you asked her to. I feel like if it were me personally, I'd just edit because I'd trust myself more to do a better job but then I'd make sure to not do anymore group projects with this friend anymore. You said she's childish and you feel for her, that's kind of you. :) But it does look like she could be just using you and taking advantage of you. If it were me, and I wanted to continue being friends with her, I'd start asserting boundaries more and not letting her take advantage. I'd also consider ending the friendship.

edit: I should really pay more attention to when threads were created.
 

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Yes. Tact is really important and every situation is different. I knew my friend could take it and be ok with it so everything turned out well. Usually the hard approach would backfire and tact would have been better. It hard to tell though. Sometimes a group project friendship develops into a parent child kind of relationship and the parent needs to tell the child to grow up. This conflict is normal and healthy.
 

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Friends and work don't mix.
They get too comfortable.
You should tell them :
While we're working, we're not friends.
We're team mates.
Let's be professional.
 

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I realized that! But honestly, she's a really childish type of person so that's why I'm trying to be sympathetic towards her. Like she even lets me cook for her everyday. She wants me to do her home-works. I don't feel I'm benefiting from this friendship anymore

Yesterday, she made me feel bad. I was saying I will work individually for the next assignment (research paper) and she was just trying to convince me that I'm not good at writing and I should be with her in a group. And I just find it funny cause I'm one of the top students in writing.
Unless, she's paying you big bucks for this; stop it.
 
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