I have a girlfriend that does subtle little things that irritate me and make me feel sort of jealous. For example, my friend commented on her facebook status saying " oh my native language and I can't speak it," and she responded "oh i'll teach you!". This made me feel weird because I always joked around with her teaching me the language to me, and she told me its to hard and such. This sort of thing happens all the time, and I was thinking it might be an extrovert thing. To be kinda flirty with everyone and give off more of your personality. As an Infp, I only act a certain way with those that I like a lot, or those I deeply respect. Its hard for me to see my girlfriend acting the way towards others as she does to me. These feelings also happen with my best friend and others. Do you INFP's often feel this way, or is it just a insecurity issue?
My friends seem to flirty, is this an infp thing?
[INFP]
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This reminds me of something I posted on an ENFJ thread:
I always think there is an exclusivity to special people in my life. I don't treat everyone the same way. Somebody who is important to me gets the a different kind of treatment, and flirting is difficult as it is.
But there are some personality types who are kind of natural at flirting, it's kind of second-nature to them. Even if they feel nothing for this person, they don't realize that what they're doing is already flirting, since they're very affectionate and subconsciously want to make people feel good about themselves.
Your girlfriend probably thinks nothing of it, but since it's not normal behavior to you, you might be a little jealous and insecure a bit. I would be, too, but I have to think about how my SO usuallly expresses himself. Since right now you're comparing your girlfriend's behavior relative to yourself. Definitely INFPs approach this whole being too friendly thing differently from extroverts.
You'd also want to see OrangeAppled's take on this "ENFJ's and flirting". There's a number of INFP inputs on it.There is just something torturous about thinking "oh hugging is normal" when it's not normal to us. Sometimes I do see it as playing with emotions, even if ENFJ's are not aware that they're doing so. It's just them being their loving giving selves.Which just counters the INFP value of treating somebody special because he is special, and wanting to be treated the same way. For me, there is always a distinction between my behavior towards people I genuinely care about vs people I don't.
I used to tell my ENFJ friend who gave me a hard time about being snobbish to other people, "Don't you think it's ultimately better when I treat you specially?? Because you know it's only YOU who gets it." I think there's something flattering about that, versus the behavior of spreading yourself too evenly. Of being nice to everybody.
I always think there is an exclusivity to special people in my life. I don't treat everyone the same way. Somebody who is important to me gets the a different kind of treatment, and flirting is difficult as it is.
But there are some personality types who are kind of natural at flirting, it's kind of second-nature to them. Even if they feel nothing for this person, they don't realize that what they're doing is already flirting, since they're very affectionate and subconsciously want to make people feel good about themselves.
Your girlfriend probably thinks nothing of it, but since it's not normal behavior to you, you might be a little jealous and insecure a bit. I would be, too, but I have to think about how my SO usuallly expresses himself. Since right now you're comparing your girlfriend's behavior relative to yourself. Definitely INFPs approach this whole being too friendly thing differently from extroverts.
Personally, I get on better with introverts. I don't think I can be with somebody who flirts for flirting's sake, I'd be hovering between annoyed and jealous all of the time. But I think she may be one of those unconscious flirters (some extroverts are), and if you think this person's really special, take time to understand her behavior and where it stems from, and explain to her how you feel. Like you said, she isn't aware of the differences in your behavior at all.
Um for me there's no best match. I think INFP's can get along well with extroverts or introverts, it's just a matter of working around it. If it still kind of makes you uncomfortable after explaining it, and after you've tried every possible solution to understand, then maybe that's when you should reconsider.
Um for me there's no best match. I think INFP's can get along well with extroverts or introverts, it's just a matter of working around it. If it still kind of makes you uncomfortable after explaining it, and after you've tried every possible solution to understand, then maybe that's when you should reconsider.
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Even being an INFP, I've been told I flirt a lot with my guy friends. I'm so comfortable with them that I never consider it flirting, just friendly ribbing and a race for witty comebacks. But then again, just where is the line between conversations between two sexes and flirting? Giving directions with a smile is considered flirting...
As for introvert vs. extravert, I'd say that two introverts would likely be more compatible (an understanding of need for space, not all silences are awkward) but an introvert is more likely to date an extravert simply because which which introvert is going to ask the other introvert out?
As for introvert vs. extravert, I'd say that two introverts would likely be more compatible (an understanding of need for space, not all silences are awkward) but an introvert is more likely to date an extravert simply because which which introvert is going to ask the other introvert out?
It's really a trust issue. My wife (INTJ) goes out with her friends and gets hit on by guys. She tells me and I find it cute. I don't care. It's a nice boost to her ego. Many of my friends are women and I get compliments when I'm out dancing. I tell her and it doesn't bother her. I don't flirt with other women though because I don't see the point. However, I do flirt with my wife, constantly and shamelessly.
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I have to admit that I'm flirty..it just comes naturally :blushed:
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This isn't something that is specific to any one personality type, like you say it is just an issue of security. The less insecure you become the more you can do it, I was once like you and be like 'what the hell?', though as I've gotten older and more secure, Ido stuff like that all the time. It's a way of getting people together and having a laugh with people. If I were even in a relationship then I would still do it, yet there is a kind of line. If me or your girlfriend or anyone is doing it in a joking way, which 'I'll teach you!' lol... clearly sounds like, then that's fine. If it was 'I'll teach you', in a serious manner, than maybe speak to her.
I wouldn't worry, it's clearly a bunch of fun she is having. Actually she will respect you more, if you just allow her the freedom to do as she wishes, because at the end of the day you don't control her or the decisions she makes, and if she really cares about you she will know where the line is too. So don't worry, hell even lighten up a bit and try doing some yourself *winks*:wink:
All the best. CF.
I wouldn't worry, it's clearly a bunch of fun she is having. Actually she will respect you more, if you just allow her the freedom to do as she wishes, because at the end of the day you don't control her or the decisions she makes, and if she really cares about you she will know where the line is too. So don't worry, hell even lighten up a bit and try doing some yourself *winks*:wink:
All the best. CF.
I think that's adorable. I love married couples that still act like they're in love and and don't just put on an act in front of their friends.
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