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At least it seems like that. I'm ENFP with many introverted traits, she's INFJ. We used to hang out more when we were teenagers (now we are both at our early twenties), but now it's been 5 years since we last met. However, she DOES keep in touch with me, it's just only through phone. I'm not even the only one who starts conversations, it's actually pretty much 50-50.

Sometimes she's even the first one to say "Hey, we should meet some day", but she never wants to actually make a plan for a meeting and stick to it. When I try to suggest a good time and place for that, she just says "Let's see when it's nearer". And after that, she just forgets it all and never talks about it again, and even avoids the topic. It's not nice, because she just keeps me waiting and waiting, once I waited for a month when she said that she will talk about it more "in February". And did she? Well, guess twice.

I have talked about it, but she just keeps saying she's too busy. But she has also told me that she has no work, no school, not many friends, not even family or a relationship. So I don't know what keeps her so busy that she hasn't been able to meet me for 5 years. She's not depressed either, at least that's what she says. And I understand, introverts need time to recharge, but 5 years? Sometimes I've even suggested that I could visit her place if she's not able to go anywhere, but she just refuses and tells me that she'd rather go somewhere with me, because it's easier for her to have a conversation when we're actually doing something fun together.

I don't know, but somehow the combination of this all seems more like she wants to keep our friendship completely as a phone friendship. But I wonder why? Sometimes she tells me how good time she has had "with her best friend". However, she also tells me how her best friend constantly belittles her problems and worries, and that she thinks I'm more trustworthy. Might it be that she doesn't see me as a person who's worth hanging out with, but more as a person who she can talk to about her problems? Or might it be something like, she wants to control when she talks to me, which is not possible in real life? Or is this an introvert thing, which I don't understand? The world of both extreme introverts and extreme extroverts is a very unknown area to me, as an almost 50-50 ambivert..
 

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At least it seems like that. I'm ENFP with many introverted traits, she's INFJ. We used to hang out more when we were teenagers (now we are both at our early twenties), but now it's been 5 years since we last met. However, she DOES keep in touch with me, it's just only through phone. I'm not even the only one who starts conversations, it's actually pretty much 50-50.

Sometimes she's even the first one to say "Hey, we should meet some day", but she never wants to actually make a plan for a meeting and stick to it. When I try to suggest a good time and place for that, she just says "Let's see when it's nearer". And after that, she just forgets it all and never talks about it again, and even avoids the topic. It's not nice, because she just keeps me waiting and waiting, once I waited for a month when she said that she will talk about it more "in February". And did she? Well, guess twice.

I have talked about it, but she just keeps saying she's too busy. But she has also told me that she has no work, no school, not many friends, not even family or a relationship. So I don't know what keeps her so busy that she hasn't been able to meet me for 5 years. She's not depressed either, at least that's what she says. And I understand, introverts need time to recharge, but 5 years? Sometimes I've even suggested that I could visit her place if she's not able to go anywhere, but she just refuses and tells me that she'd rather go somewhere with me, because it's easier for her to have a conversation when we're actually doing something fun together.

I don't know, but somehow the combination of this all seems more like she wants to keep our friendship completely as a phone friendship. But I wonder why? Sometimes she tells me how good time she has had "with her best friend". However, she also tells me how her best friend constantly belittles her problems and worries, and that she thinks I'm more trustworthy. Might it be that she doesn't see me as a person who's worth hanging out with, but more as a person who she can talk to about her problems? Or might it be something like, she wants to control when she talks to me, which is not possible in real life? Or is this an introvert thing, which I don't understand? The world of both extreme introverts and extreme extroverts is a very unknown area to me, as an almost 50-50 ambivert..
Her behavior has nothing to do with being an INFJ.

But it's more related to her attachment style. People tend to display their attachment styles around their family/friends/lover.
She sounds like she has an avoidant attachment style, probably leaning more toward fearful than dismissive since she's still keeping some level of phone contact with you. She's probably the sort who can go decades without seeing her friends in real life though. If you want a good friend who is able to meet up with your regularly, you're better off looking for someone with a secure attachment style or someone with an Anxious Preoccupied attachment style.

As an INFJ with Anxious Preoccupied attachment style, if I have a friend who lives nearby me, I don't mind meeting up with them a few times a month.
I wouldn't go years without seeing a friend, this is absurd. If I have a "friend" who lives in the same country as me but whom I went years without seeing because they are always "too busy" for me, I probably wouldn't consider them as a friend anymore.
 

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INFJ 2w1
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5 years is not cool dude. I probably wouldn't consider them a friend anymore either. I'd start distancing myself and not even answer their phone calls anymore if a friend did that to me. Because would it matter? The friendship is pretty much dead or dying. Might as well cut that last little piece left. But in the end it's about what is acceptable to you in a friendship and what you seek from it.

I have friends that I don't see frequently, but if I had a friend (and I did) that I wanted to hang with frequently and that was our thing that was already established, it has to stay that way unless I understand what's going on. Because I'm gonna wonder what happened. I can understand that life gets busy and people get preoccupied as it happens to me. But 5 years? At least meet up once a month at most if your life is that busy. =/ And no explanation but "I'm busy"?

Sounds like she's keeping secrets and not opening up about why she's not meeting up with you. Not a fan of secrets.

One thing I learned about friendships is treat them as they treat you after you attempt to strengthen the friendship and it doesn't change anything. Friend wants hang out? Sure, let's plan a day that's good for us. Friend just calls every once in a while? Cool. I'll call you when I feel like it.
 

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If I value someone's friendship, I'll make an effort to meet them in person. Sometimes, it does take a while, because some days, I have no good reason to cancel plans or fail to make plans, but I will because I'm just so tired. Sometimes, I do get afraid of feeling obligated. I work past it, typically, because I don't want anyone to think I'm a recluse, but generally, it's never a good time to get together, because I hate getting out of the house. It's never a good time to leave the house haha.
 
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