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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For example, I did Tai Chi this morning. She watched me, then said, "Why are you even doing this?" because it makes me happy..

I told her I was doing this 30 day diet of purely organic foods. Her response was "You're not going to make it. You're going to order pizza within a week. Why are you doing this? You're already skinny. Is that why?"

She's also said [today] "You are such a klutz." "You ALWAYS forget your bus pass, I never do, but you always do."

me: "Can we mail letters from our dorm?"
her: "How could you NOT remember that when I was dating Andrew I mailed letters to him all the time"

me: Wanna go run later?
her: *blank stare* "You think I can RUN like this? I have strep throat, I have to get my tonsils out"


I don't blame her for being like this because she has all this crap, like her mom and brother died when she was born, and she's a cancer survivor and her friend is on her death bed, so she's taking this stuff out on me to feel better about herself but honestly it's pretty annoying
 

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Charge'n Thru The Night
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honestly she is not being controlling. she is just being a pain in the ass. there is a difference. hopefully it will blow over? this type of things. like you said, she is definitely in some type of stressed out mood to be this nitpicky about things.


you can make them realize they are being a prick

for example, for the tichi thing, just ask them, why shouldnt i do it. make them explain themselves, and they will realize how stupid they were to be critical of you. a lot of time people, especially people under some type of problem will be annoyed for irrational reasons. when you make them explain themselves, it force them to be rational, and make them realize how foolish they were.
 

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There will be asshats in every personality type.

There are two ways of dealing with this:
1. Don't act and keep taking her crap
2. Take action and risk breaking the friendship

The thing is, if I were your friend I'd expect you to be honest with me. If you just say you don't like something, I'll accommodate for that. If you never give a red light signal to her that she is bothering you, she might keep doing this for months without realizing it's frustrating to you.

And if she cannot deal with your honesty, then she is no true friend.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
There will be asshats in every personality type.

There are two ways of dealing with this:
1. Don't act and keep taking her crap
2. Take action and risk breaking the friendship

The thing is, if I were your friend I'd expect you to be honest with me. If you just say you don't like something, I'll accommodate for that. If you never give a red light signal to her that she is bothering you, she might keep doing this for months without realizing it's frustrating to you.

And if she cannot deal with your honesty, then she is no true friend.
you're an INTJ though. you're like.. the opposite
 

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I don't blame her for being like this because she has all this crap, like her mom and brother died when she was born, and she's a cancer survivor and her friend is on her death bed, so she's taking this stuff out on me to feel better about herself but honestly it's pretty annoying
lol wut. No. I have gone through more crap than anybody else you could ever imagine -- including the death of both my parents -- every horrible thing in the universe you could think of, has happened to me. And yet I am the world's most happy, positive, loving person -- because positivity is the only way to get out of situations like that and I knew through it all there was always a light at the end of a tunnel. So don't feed into excuses like pitying her because of things that happened in the past. Your friend is just super negative and I would just tell her that you don't like it when she acts like this. If she can't change her behavior, you need to stop hanging out with her.
 

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I mean this really has nothing to do with Myers Briggs. Your friend is just a jerk. She's not a real friend, sorry.

If my friend told me about Tai Chi, the diet thing, I would say: "Oh cool, I've never done Tai Chi, can you show me? What got you interested in this? That's so awesome you are doing an organic diet. How is it going? What do you hope to accomplish?" etc...
 

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For example, I did Tai Chi this morning. She watched me, then said, "Why are you even doing this?" because it makes me happy..

I told her I was doing this 30 day diet of purely organic foods. Her response was "You're not going to make it. You're going to order pizza within a week. Why are you doing this? You're already skinny. Is that why?"

She's also said [today] "You are such a klutz." "You ALWAYS forget your bus pass, I never do, but you always do."

me: "Can we mail letters from our dorm?"
her: "How could you NOT remember that when I was dating Andrew I mailed letters to him all the time"

me: Wanna go run later?
her: *blank stare* "You think I can RUN like this? I have strep throat, I have to get my tonsils out"


I don't blame her for being like this because she has all this crap, like her mom and brother died when she was born, and she's a cancer survivor and her friend is on her death bed, so she's taking this stuff out on me to feel better about herself but honestly it's pretty annoying
If I know anything about women (and I don't) I would say that she's jealous of you.

My last girl had this friend that treated her exactly like this all the time. Finally the truth came out that it was because she was jealous of her for a whole mess of reasons. Not just the typical "She's prettier than me omg what a skank" type shit. It mostly stemmed from how much she hated her husband and had all this guilt from her past, ect...

Still, that doesn't give someone the right to be a brat like that.

Also, those two I mentioned in my example are no longer friends and now hate each other. *cough*
 
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For example, I did Tai Chi this morning. She watched me, then said, "Why are you even doing this?" because it makes me happy..

I told her I was doing this 30 day diet of purely organic foods. Her response was "You're not going to make it. You're going to order pizza within a week. Why are you doing this? You're already skinny. Is that why?"

She's also said [today] "You are such a klutz." "You ALWAYS forget your bus pass, I never do, but you always do."

me: "Can we mail letters from our dorm?"
her: "How could you NOT remember that when I was dating Andrew I mailed letters to him all the time"

me: Wanna go run later?
her: *blank stare* "You think I can RUN like this? I have strep throat, I have to get my tonsils out"


I don't blame her for being like this because she has all this crap, like her mom and brother died when she was born, and she's a cancer survivor and her friend is on her death bed, so she's taking this stuff out on me to feel better about herself but honestly it's pretty annoying
Just find some time where you'll sit down, make her notice subtly that she was beein a tad negative lately and try to find out why. Ask her if some recent events are beein crushing for her mood, if so well comfort her and tell her gently that you're just livin the way that make you happy and she should just accept it
 

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She's boring. If she's not enjoying herself, why did she even follow you around?
 

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But everyone likes honesty when it comes to their friends right?
No. Thinkers value honesty, Feelers value Compassion. Did you notice how you (a Thinker) came at this thread from a place of "she's being an asshat" while the OP (a Feeler) automatically started discussing how this girl has had a hard life, which has made her how she is, etc.

Actually if the OP tells the friend that she doesn't appreciate her attitude, the friend is probably going to freak out and have a meltdown, judging by what's been written her. Not appreciate the honesty and adjust.
 

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No. Thinkers value honesty, Feelers value Compassion. Did you notice how you (a Thinker) came at this thread from a place of "she's being an asshat" while the OP (a Feeler) automatically started discussing how this girl has had a hard life, which has made her how she is, etc.

Actually if the OP tells the friend that she doesn't appreciate her attitude, the friend is probably going to freak out and have a meltdown, judging by what's been written her. Not appreciate the honesty and adjust.
Point taken. But wouldn't you prefer it if the people you considered your friends were honest with you as opposed to faking?
 

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Charge'n Thru The Night
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Point taken. But wouldn't you prefer it if the people you considered your friends were honest with you as opposed to faking?
i want them to be honest with me, but in a compassionate way :D. for instance, "you have been really on edge recently is there annything wrong?" or "you seem really impatient nowadays, whats up?"
 

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i want them to be honest with me, but in a compassionate way :D. for instance, "you have been really on edge recently is there annything wrong?" or "you seem really impatient nowadays, whats up?"
yeah anything too blunt like "Dude stop your crap!" isn't going to work for this chick :p
being nice like "I want you to know it really hurts my feelings when you _______. I would really like it if you could instead ______. I hope we can be friends because I like being around you."

she honestly probably doesn't even realize she's being negative. most negative people don't realize the vibes they give off.
 
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The OP does need to address the issue with her friend, and with tact. Most ISFJs don't appreciate the abrasive approach, and just don't understand that it is just another way someone else communicates. I don't think this will be a problem for the OP. I just want to state that if she allows it to continue, it will continue. Life lessons involve learning how to relate to others, and perhaps it's time her negativity is addressed. Most likely, she will listen ... she might be embarassed, but she will listen. If she doesn't, it's time for the OP to evaluate if this person in her life is an asset or a liability.

My INTP son is extremely negative, and because of such he finds it very difficult to make friends. I've gone over and over with him about "picking his battles" b/c he is highly opinionated. Negative opinions will scare people away when they are not solicited for their logic.

At the stage where I am in my life, I would rather a friend be direct and not afraid to hurt my feelings. I'm a tough woman, and I also don't have time for b.s. A friend approaching me about negativity is a good thing, she is looking out for my well-being. It is the intent behind the approach that is most important.
 

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I guess I'm the odd one out here, but I don't think the things you listed seem excessively negative. I certainly believe they seem that way to you and I don't want to minimize that, but I just want to give another perspective here, which could be totally wrong.

I believe my mother is an ENFP and our relationship is legitimately difficult, even in the best of times. We just need such different things from each other and neither one of us really knows how to give that. For instance, with the strep throat thing. Was she actually sick or even just not feeling well? If she was, I can say that I've been in that situation before where I felt like crap and my mother will come up to me suggesting all of this "fun" stuff to do that I absolutely wouldn't want to do because I'm sick. In that case she's probably suggesting it because she thinks it'll make me feel better, but what it really makes me feel like is that she cares more about keeping the vibe in the room positive than addressing the fact that I'm sick and not in the mood to play the "cheery friend" role. Or she'll start something new for the kazillionth time and I'll get irritated because I've heard it all before and don't understand why she doesn't realize that she's got a pattern of getting really excited about something and then stopping it 1/3 of the way through. I'll think that by pointing it out to her I'm saving her time and energy, but she'll think that I'm trying to knock her down.

Regardless of her type or my type she's definitely the Queen of Positivity and it gets on my nerves so badly, because I just want her to be serious and remember where she puts things and not always talking about the next thing that she's got going on because there are only so many details that I can absorb and I don't like to listen to something if nothing's going to come of it. Whereas she would really like me to be more enthusiastic, more talkative, more expressive, more positive in general. I experience her as draining, and she experiences me as negative. It's literally been this way for my whole life. The thing is, you can't get something from someone if they don't have it to give.

Of course I don't know your friend, so maybe this is a sudden change for her? I have to agree with the people who've said that you need to talk to her about this since it's bothering you so much, but I also want to add in that this may just be who she is. If that's the case, it'd probably be easier to find new friends who can be positive for you, rather than trying to change someone who can't. Which doesn't mean that you can't be friends with her! Just know what you can get and what you can't from the relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
loll our conversation today
me: I might be going home today instead of tomorrow
her: what?
me: Yeah I think it's the better thing to do
her: I'm gonna be ALL alone on spring break and I don't know ANYONE here.
me: You could meet people
her: EVERYONE's gone.
me: No they're not
her: Plans just don't go up and change
me: Yes they do. Half my life is last-minute.
her: I was kind of relying on you as a friend
me: oh okay yeah, I'm still gonna go though
her: I gtg.
me: Have a good day!
her: *ignores me and walks out*
 

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loll our conversation today
me: I might be going home today instead of tomorrow
her: what?
me: Yeah I think it's the better thing to do
her: I'm gonna be ALL alone on spring break and I don't know ANYONE here.
me: You could meet people
her: EVERYONE's gone.
me: No they're not
her: Plans just don't go up and change
me: Yes they do. Half my life is last-minute.
her: I was kind of relying on you as a friend
me: oh okay yeah, I'm still gonna go though
her: I gtg.
me: Have a good day!
her: *ignores me and walks out*
making changes to your plans at the last minute, such a Perceiving type! haha
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
making changes to your plans at the last minute, such a Perceiving type! haha
I was just laughing :p in highschool I had an ISTJ friend who didn't really understand me and micro-managed me

I know now that I do not do well with that because I almost dropped her as a friend and cut off all contact- but turns out in college she became an ENFJ, or something of the sort, in which case I can actually get along with her now :kitteh:

but yeah this.. I have an ENTJ big brother, and he taught me when to be apathetic- like when I'm being emotionally manipulated and guilt tripped. And it's made my life so much better :tongue:
 
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