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I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with her.

Granted, she's a *very* unhealthy example of an ISFP, really, but she is driving me absolutely up the fucking wall. I'm only here for 1 night (I need to do something), and I'm already remembering why I minimise the time I spend with her. I don't know how to deal with her, talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. If she doesn't want to hear something, she'll just refuse to engage with you.

On the other hand, she is hyper-critical and constantly making fights out of tiny details, like what I wear to bed, what I do and say, what I'm eating or drinking, what I'm interested in. Same goes for the rest of my family. It's like she feels the need to take issue with every aspect of our loves she personally doesn't like and try to correct it. I think deep down, she means well, but JESUS CHRIST leave me alone.

I... I can't deal with her. Like I say, I'm only here for one night and I already feel like screaming. She never has *anything* positive to say. She expects everything to work exactly the way she wants it, and she flips out when people don't act exactly according to her will. She picks up on minute, unimportant fucking details and turns it into a roaring argument.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhh

There. That's a tiny bit better.
 

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Sure your mother is ISFP? won't she be ISFJ?
damn, today you all are speaking about my family. My ISTJ father and my ISFx mother...
Well, what my mother tells me is that she gets that heavy because she wants me to be great, and look nice, and go to the best I can go.
But that doesn't change the fact she's very heavy with me.
 

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Nah, she definitely tested as ISFP - and it does make sense, despite her prescriptiveness in some ways. She's extremely flaky and impractical, I don't think she has an orderly J bone in her body :crazy:
 

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Mother in law from Hell

I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with her.

Granted, she's a *very* unhealthy example of an ISFP, really, but she is driving me absolutely up the fucking wall. I'm only here for 1 night (I need to do something), and I'm already remembering why I minimise the time I spend with her. I don't know how to deal with her, talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. If she doesn't want to hear something, she'll just refuse to engage with you.

On the other hand, she is hyper-critical and constantly making fights out of tiny details, like what I wear to bed, what I do and say, what I'm eating or drinking, what I'm interested in. Same goes for the rest of my family. It's like she feels the need to take issue with every aspect of our loves she personally doesn't like and try to correct it. I think deep down, she means well, but JESUS CHRIST leave me alone.

I... I can't deal with her. Like I say, I'm only here for one night and I already feel like screaming. She never has *anything* positive to say. She expects everything to work exactly the way she wants it, and she flips out when people don't act exactly according to her will. She picks up on minute, unimportant fucking details and turns it into a roaring argument.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhh

There. That's a tiny bit better.
Me ex MIL was very similar Gracie.In the beginning of the marriage,(divorced now)
she started showing her true colors.We would go yearly to their cottage for some of our vacation and she would worry about every little detail,Constantly be moody,depressed,critical and also show violent bouts of rage.I would argue with her constantly when we were together.She would attack me about everything!We would always threaten to leave the cottage,then she would say,"i'm a bad person,show tears.(manipulation)and we would forgive her and stay...Same pattern yearly..About 7 or 8 years into the marriage i started to ignore her.I learned why the fuck argue?She NEVER hears 1 word i say.I would also refuse to forgive her when we were as usual packing up to leave.I found her behavior changed...but only for awhile.These types are out of control...Can't argue with insanity G...
 

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I'm not sure if my mom is ISFP or ISFJ. She has traits of both. She's not as off the wall as some of the descriptions above, but she does have a hard time listening. I'll be going on about something really fascinating (to me only apparently), and she'll notice a fly, or get preoccupied with nagging my kids or something. Yes, maddening. She also tends to be the wet blanket any time I have an idea about where I want my life to go or what career to choose. There's always some reason it would be a bad idea. Well, not always, but that's the tendency. She just seems to live in a rather small world. She does read, but mostly cookbooks or fiction. She's suspicious of all new ideas.

Anyway, I'll stop complaining now. But, yes, it can get frustrating.
 

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No, no!! It's good to know that other people experience the same thing. My biggest issue with my mom a lot of the time is that, despite knowing me literally since the day I was born, I still feel like she doesn't *know* me at all.

It's quite sad really... :bored:
 

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Sure your mother is ISFP? won't she be ISFJ?
damn, today you all are speaking about my family. My ISTJ father and my ISFx mother...
Well, what my mother tells me is that she gets that heavy because she wants me to be great, and look nice, and go to the best I can go.
But that doesn't change the fact she's very heavy with me.
I was going to say that as well because the description you gave sounds a lot like my ISFJ mother. ISFJs would be more focused on the details. I dated an ISFP and can think of a few more examples of them... they are more laidback and "live in the moment". I'd see an ISFP criticize you sooner for not following one of their values or planning too much rather than be picky about scheduling or how your hair is done.

But I don't know... I don't think I have any ISFP mother comparisons. :unsure:
 

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I'm not sure if my mom is ISFP or ISFJ. She has traits of both. She's not as off the wall as some of the descriptions above, but she does have a hard time listening. I'll be going on about something really fascinating (to me only apparently), and she'll notice a fly, or get preoccupied with nagging my kids or something. Yes, maddening. She also tends to be the wet blanket any time I have an idea about where I want my life to go or what career to choose. There's always some reason it would be a bad idea. Well, not always, but that's the tendency. She just seems to live in a rather small world. She does read, but mostly cookbooks or fiction. She's suspicious of all new ideas.
Oh wow, you just summed up a lot of my experience with my mom. For many years when she did this, I'd think of a reason I would behave in such a way and made the assumption that it was the reason she was doing it. So I allowed WAY too much and had no boundaries set between her and me. I wanted to save her from herself. And then one day, in my late 20s, a bunch of things happened that forced me to have to separate from her 100% (Zero contact) to remember, figure out who I was separate from her.

I know that my mom *use* to be a very artistic type (it's still hidden somewhere in there). Played Cello all through school, drawing (beautiful), writing, painting. Beautiful, unbelievably skills (saw some). But she says my grandma drilled into her that she needed to go into school for something practical, so she could support herself & not *need* a man. Like Business school. So, eventually, down the road she put herself through 8 years of pharmacy school.

My mom felt compelled to go against her own nature, & from a lifetime of it, I can see why she behaves towards me like she does. And that's why it was so impossible for me to stop trying to *wake* her up. I'd continue to try to get her to remember what it was like to dream, and she'd continue to try to get me to remember that we lived in the real world (which is all too much of a reality to me...did not need her help thank you very much). Except I know deep down in her, there is a dreamer. I see it in alllll of her childhood pictures. She's a dreamer with a capital "D"!

Point being, I think the more I exhibited those parts of her she stuffed away, the more hypercritical and practical she would get with me. I wondered if my mom's "sudden" distractions in the middle of me saying something very important to me was because I was about to break through to a part of her that she locked away a long time ago and she just couldn't "go" there.

Do you guys happen to know how your mom/MIL were when they were younger? Do you think any of their reactions to you are based on how you remind them of something painful? I'm really curious about this. I still can't tolerate being around my mom more than a few hours before she triggers all kinds of chaos and screaming in my head - so I still wonder if I haven't completely tricked myself into believing that she is a dreamer and that I can wake her up - and that she isn't just such a different person from me that I can't accept it.
 
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My mom felt compelled to go against her own nature, & from a lifetime of it, I can see why she behaves towards me like she does. And that's why it was so impossible for me to stop trying to *wake* her up. I'd continue to try to get her to remember what it was like to dream, and she'd continue to try to get me to remember that we lived in the real world (which is all too much of a reality to me...did not need her help thank you very much). Except I know deep down in her, there is a dreamer. I see it in alllll of her childhood pictures. She's a dreamer with a capital "D"!

Point being, I think the more I exhibited those parts of her she stuffed away, the more hypercritical and practical she would get with me. I wondered if my mom's "sudden" distractions in the middle of me saying something very important to me was because I was about to break through to a part of her that she locked away a long time ago and she just couldn't "go" there.

Do you guys happen to know how your mom/MIL were when they were younger? Do you think any of their reactions to you are based on how you remind them of something painful? I'm really curious about this. I still can't tolerate being around my mom more than a few hours before she triggers all kinds of chaos and screaming in my head - so I still wonder if I haven't completely tricked myself into believing that she is a dreamer and that I can wake her up - and that she isn't just such a different person from me that I can't accept it.
This all sounds very much like my mom. She had to squelch her own desires in order to support us when my dad became ill. She became a housekeeper. That is what she does to this day. But I know there are things she would much rather be doing: pottery, be a flower farmer, run a goat dairy. Every time I suggest to her that she try to break away from housekeeping and do one of the things she's really interested in, she comes up with all kinds of practical reasons why it's impossible. I think that's why she found it hard to approve of my ideas for my own life.

I have to say though, that in recent years she has changed somewhat. She is actually encouraging me to follow my chosen career path. And she has recently begun to do some volunteer work that she really enjoys. It makes me really happy for her. As for the easy distraction, she does it to everyone. She just has a hard time focusing on anything abstract, a trait very common to sensors. My husband does it too.

I hope you mom is somehow able to get in touch with what she really wants in life! What a shame to give up on your dreams!
 
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I have to say though, that in recent years she has changed somewhat. She is actually encouraging me to follow my chosen career path. And she has recently begun to do some volunteer work that she really enjoys. It makes me really happy for her. As for the easy distraction, she does it to everyone. She just has a hard time focusing on anything abstract, a trait very common to sensors. My husband does it too.

I hope you mom is somehow able to get in touch with what she really wants in life! What a shame to give up on your dreams!
Thank you very much for this. It was most helpful for me to hear.
 
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